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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 3:26:45 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartofakajira

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

"Let me tell you a little story 'bout a man named Jed....."


LOL popeye!!



I wonder if he was any good in the sack?
(Enquiring minds want to know!)

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 3:30:07 PM   
heartofakajira


Posts: 139
Joined: 3/15/2007
Status: offline 		And how would I know something like that, popeye? *eyes Him*

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 3:34:45 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartofakajira

And how would I know something like that, popeye? *eyes Him*


Be patient, maybe we'll find out!

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 3:36:44 PM   
heartofakajira


Posts: 139
Joined: 3/15/2007
Status: offline 		LOL!!

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 4:32:24 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I don't have a sister (and, despite having a brother, I'm straight), so I can't claim to understand the brother/sister tabboo.  Nonetheless, if your brother loved you- in a romantic fashion- what's wrong with that?  I mean, sure, I imagine it makes you feel weird, but that doesn't make your brother/sister relationship and less valuable.

Some of the others gave good advice.  I'm just offering encouragement in the way of.. I don't think you should see him as sick.  Misplaced, maybe, or confused?  That's up to you- but I don't think you should feel badly about him if he had such feelings.

(in reply to mons)
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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 4:38:36 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

"Let me tell you a little story 'bout a man named Jed....."


Oh! That was cruel!

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Black Water Dragon

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 4:42:42 PM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		whether you agree or disagree, i think it is just plain mean and rotten to make fun. if it makes people feel better to vent let them....if you don't like it don't read it. just keep the meanness to yourselves!

< Message edited by eroticangel -- 7/27/2007 4:43:22 PM >

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 4:44:12 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

I don't have a sister (and, despite having a brother, I'm straight), so I can't claim to understand the brother/sister tabboo.  Nonetheless, if your brother loved you- in a romantic fashion- what's wrong with that? 
<snipped>


In that manglish of the OP's original post, there was this:
" i feel sick to my tummy. then he was the one who molested me and again when i was 20 ."

As for the brother/sister/sibling taboo - it is akin, to me, of the boss/underling or any position-of-power/subordinate consideration.

Just my opinion.

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Black Water Dragon

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 4:55:40 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Love and sexual intercourse are often confused. Sexual intercourse does not imply sexual love between a man and a woman. The love your brother felt for you most likely was not sexual love. He probably felt sibling love only. He also saw that you were desirable and / or available and consequently abused you. He probably felt bad about this from the first moment and all his later life. This guilt in fact may have been the spiritual cause of his death. He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation.
 
The thing for you to do is to understand him and to forgive him. Not for his sake only, but for your sake especially. It is only by forgiving that spiritually damaged people heal themselves. Forgive yourself as well.

(in reply to mons)
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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 4:59:09 PM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		I'm taking bets that none of the above will be here in a week or so.

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∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to Rule)
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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 5:07:30 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		In the vein of your post, I offer this platitude:

from a seriously Imperfect sage (likely she plagarised &/or para-phrased)

Hate is like acid. 
It can damage the vessel in which it is stored
  as well as
     destroy the object on which it is poured.
~ Ann Landers

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Black Water Dragon

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 5:40:26 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 
It sounds to me as if the OP was traumatized by her brother for a certain length of time.  I have met people who had similar situations with family members, and their feelings about their abuser are often deeply conflicted.

Then we go with the abuser.  Does something in the throes of sick passion to somebody in their life and then come to the conclusion later on how much they have hurt the person they loved.  Guilt sets in.   Self-torment.

I would imagine that the brother put mons as his beneficiary as a way of expiating his guilt about what he has done to her.  Actually opening a dialogue about it is probably not something the abuser is capable of doing.  Perhaps he is taking the cowards way of showing he is sorry.

But the money comes at the death of the one that the abusee is conflicted about.  Happiness the person is dead. Guilt at being happy the person is dead.  Gratitude for the financial windfall.  Hatred of the person for leaving a legacy in the person he abused's heart.  All of these emotions come wrapped up like a package of flaming dogshit and roses with a ribbon and a bow.

I agree with the other posters, mons.  Going to see a counselor might be helpful for you to understand your feelings and figure out a workable solution.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

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(in reply to kiyari)
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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 6:20:10 PM   
CuriousLord


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Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

I don't have a sister (and, despite having a brother, I'm straight), so I can't claim to understand the brother/sister tabboo.  Nonetheless, if your brother loved you- in a romantic fashion- what's wrong with that? 
<snipped>


In that manglish of the OP's original post, there was this:
" i feel sick to my tummy. then he was the one who molested me and again when i was 20 ."

As for the brother/sister/sibling taboo - it is akin, to me, of the boss/underling or any position-of-power/subordinate consideration.

Just my opinion.


Yeah... I was kind of curious about that.  Is she assuming that she was molested..?  How does she not know who did it when she was already well into her fully adult years?  So things I'm confused on.

I think, too, that some people can molest someone that they care about- who they desire- not realizing the harm it'll do.  He may've actually wished her quite well, and felt only good for her- which him leaving his estate to her seems to suggest- though, if he might've been a less-than-considerate individual, despite how he feels about her.. well, I'm not saying molestation is excusable, but I'd hope people can understand those who wrong them, especially when it's someone who mutually cares about them, you know?

(in reply to kiyari)
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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 7:10:36 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation.




I apologize in advance, Rule, but this kind of stumped me. How much knowledge of masturbation does someone need? I thought it was something that was just sort of easily at hand; you know, anyone could pick it up at a minute's notice, not hard to come by; maybe even an idea that could rub off on you. Most people have this kind of thing well in hand by their teens, I thought.


_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 7:19:39 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline 		Quite so, I am in complete concurrence.

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Black Water Dragon

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RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 7:23:01 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nyrisa


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation.




I apologize in advance, Rule, but this kind of stumped me. How much knowledge of masturbation does someone need? I thought it was something that was just sort of easily at hand; you know, anyone could pick it up at a minute's notice, not hard to come by; maybe even an idea that could rub off on you. Most people have this kind of thing well in hand by their teens, I thought.



Nyrisa, and then there was Clinton's Surgeon General who said masturbation should be taught in schools!
Too bad she didn't give him a few "masturbation lessons" maybe he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble.
None of us is ever 100% perfect as regards masturbation, therefor, "practice, practice, practice!"

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 7:35:26 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Nyrisa, and then there was Clinton's Surgeon General who said masturbation should be taught in schools!
Too bad she didn't give him a few "masturbation lessons" maybe he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble.
None of us is ever 100% perfect as regards masturbation, therefor, "practice, practice, practice!"


IMO, Monica was a stalker... Just my opinion, of course

Clinton had awful taste in bimbos...
didn't derail his being re-elected, oddly enough...

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Black Water Dragon

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: brother was in love with me - 7/27/2007 7:35:41 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

quote:

ORIGINAL: nyrisa


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation.




I apologize in advance, Rule, but this kind of stumped me. How much knowledge of masturbation does someone need? I thought it was something that was just sort of easily at hand; you know, anyone could pick it up at a minute's notice, not hard to come by; maybe even an idea that could rub off on you. Most people have this kind of thing well in hand by their teens, I thought.



Nyrisa, and then there was Clinton's Surgeon General who said masturbation should be taught in schools!
Too bad she didn't give him a few "masturbation lessons" maybe he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble.
None of us is ever 100% perfect as regards masturbation, therefor, "practice, practice, practice!"



But you could bet your ass that would have been one class no one would cut. *grins* Can you imagine if your Dad was reading your report card, and you got a poor grade?
"For heaven's sake, a "D"??? How could you make a D? You study 2 hours every night!"


_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 38
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