RE: Mentor or band aid?

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/23/2007 10:45:11 PM

lilfemme23

Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2007
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Thanks for the no snarking thing, I was raised to be a submissive even if that wan't mom's intention. I have a hard time taking care of me because I have always been caught up in taking care of everyone and everything else. I want' raised to think of myself except to watch what I eat. there are probably other things ma did to get me to where I am now but i'm also naturally scatterbrained. I would say there are dozens of factors that led to me being the way I am now like everyone else has a diverse back ground and genetic predisposition that help make them who and what they are.

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/23/2007 11:01:42 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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if you find yourself not being able to effectively communicate in this forum because of whatever reason, i would suggest that you copy and paste what you want to reply to in a word processing program and type out your response there, save it and come back to it and make sure it says what you want it to say, and do this as many times as necessary...then copy and paste what you want to post in the forum back into the normal reply areas...
that is the cool thing about the written word...while once its out there it is there for all to see, but you don't have to put it out there until you're ready to...

being over dependent is not a quality exclusive to submissives or this lifestyle...it is however something you have to recognize and want to change before it will change...you seem to be on the right track...look before you leap, train yourself to do what you have to, to land safely, but eventually you have to leap...

good luck
chelle

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/23/2007 11:25:44 PM

lilfemme23

Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2007
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I really appreciate your idea of how to solve my foot in moouth syndrome Chellekitty thank you. I wrote this out in word ahead of time and I think that I have worded everything in the way that I want. Instead of complaining about my personal problems I think I will have to step away from them and try to come up with solutions for them on my own. I still don't know as much about BDSM as I would like but I suppose that I will find a way to learn about it without constantly posting questions up here. I will if I get stuck, but I figure this is not a newbie q&a board so I should stop treating it like that. I do appreciate the support I have been given from all of you but I think I have been asking questions I should be able to figure out on my own. Thank you for all of your tolerant and well thought out responses.

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/23/2007 11:31:12 PM

chellekitty

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i think that is a great approach to how to use these message boards...i wish more people would do that...
glad to have helped...good luck, and see you around the boards...
chelle

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/24/2007 12:26:56 AM

fadedlace

Posts: 137
Joined: 5/17/2005
From: Louisiana
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To the OP: If it helps any little bit, a wise woman told me something once that saved me a lot of frustrating self-flagellation..."Don't beat yourself up about decisions you made in the past. They were made for the person you were at that point in time." I realize now that any decision I make is a step forward even if I have to take a step backward later because it didn't turn out well, because I actually made the decision in the first place.
I hope things work out well for you, good luck.

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/24/2007 2:15:30 AM

LadyHugs

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear lilfemme23, Ladies and Gentlemen;

If Masters you are finding are not right for you, then I would say that gut instincts are tuned in good enough and you're listening to your soul. If you can understand that you are your own best "master;" and those of us who come into your life is just an extra bonus--then you can see that you are in good shape. Yet, I do understand that it is hard to be alone and without a "Master."

In my situation, I prefer as a Master, to be alone and misearable instead of having a slave that makes me miserable. It can be true with slaves being misearable with Masters they choose because they do so with emotions and out of the feelings of being alone. Yet, choose what is right for you might be hard, it is better than being in a miserable realtionship.

Mentoring is in my mind's eyes, more of a skills and or knowledge base, rather than a relationship base. Because we (in general terms) see glasses as half empty, others see half full; what is right for you isn't always right for me. True, can share my experiences and knowledge with you but, it boils down to you still, having to make your own choices in all things as it relates to you.

I do see you asking for support more than mentoring. I rather use that term rather than mentoring. It is not fun to deal with things alone and sometimes, the need to just have support is just the ticket to hold you over until things look better.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/24/2007 2:32:30 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear lilfemme23, Ladies and Gentlemen,

I saw a response, saying that you can take care of others better than yourself. It is really something that is more common than you'll realize.

It is true, that my blacksmith had all his client's horses well shod and taken care of and, yet when at his barn --his horses needed their care from a blacksmith. But, as a care giver type personality that you may be, I proffer this thought to you -- nobody is going to take good care of a care giver, especially the ones who take the care giver for granted. Only YOU can take care of yourself. If you cannot take care of yourself, you won't be around to take care of others. And, nobody that I have come across; wants to be a care giver to a care giver who is so depleted that they are in a sense taking care of two people. It is easy to go into a self martyr syndrome--suffering and dying inside. There are support groups for care givers. Although not one, perhaps some of their advice may benefit your situations and or look into mental health professional's advice.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/24/2007 9:16:17 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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I can see good signs even within this thread that the OP is starting to get past that initial sea of confusion, good job! While I do have My hands fairly full at the moment, the fact that I am taking a newbie sub through the initial "getting to understand bdsm" means that I have a current version of My reading program up and running. lilfemme23, if you would care to email Me on the "profiles" side of collarme, I would be happy to pass these on to you so you can do some guided reading, which may help out a bit. At least it would get you past the obvious questions that we have all answered many times over here, and onto some more depth questions! And good to see you have received some other practical help here to get you past this hurdle.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Mentor or band aid? - 7/24/2007 9:26:33 PM

MasterNdorei

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i am a huge fan of having a "same sex/same dynamic" mentor. Therefore a male Dom would be mentored by a male Dom, a female slave would be mentored by a female slave, and so on.

i am also a huge fan of having more than one mentor for a "well rounded education".

Good luck to you.

Master's dorei

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