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Mercnbeth -> RE: Relationship Breakdown Week 2007? (7/23/2007 10:13:56 AM)
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quote:
So after reading Earthy's and Magik's threads, and having my own little breakdown this week, AND some other friends coming to me and having some breakdown/serious shifts going on, I have to ask if something is just going on this week or last week?
Is it just getting too hot?
LA,
Sure, outside influences, heat/cold, darkness/light, closeness/distance, can be catalysts but never the cause. I think its a result of many people planing and expecting failure. Once you do so it's easy to recognize and accept it.
Don't think people plan for failure? Take a look around at some of the current threads. People asking for and getting responses on such things as; "should a dominant be allowed to cheat", "should my Master be allowed to share me", (The irony of those two questions is, in and of itself, isn't lost on me.) "should I be allowed to close the door as I pee", "should I be required to serve others". Do the people asking the questions for replies in an open forum, versus the relationship partner or potential partner, have plans for success or have they starting planning an exit strategy for failure? Can a long distance relationship last? Of course it can - long distance, but as soon as one person wants more, its over; but we've planed and/or can expect of failure just waiting for a catalyst. A married partner, UM's, desire for pain, desire for no pain, aftercare, sleeping on the left versus the right side of the bed, sleeping on the bed at all; all the compromises made to get "in" become exit strategies to get "out".
The outside catalysts are always there, they just need a spark to light them. The hills of LA are always dry in the summer. If people planned and got rid of the weeds and overgrowth from around their houses, the houses would be relatively safe. Doing nothing about it and when a spark from a dragging chain lights up the canyon, planning for nothing amounts to planning for failure.
Planning for success doesn't guarantee forever and a day happiness. Sometimes lighting strikes on a clear day and accidents would be called something else if they were expected or planned. Compromises are also a part of life that can't be altered. I had/have no desire to be at the office today but I compromise my desire to leave with my desire to eat and not be homeless. Compromising with your partner should also be expected and routine. However, compromising your taste for sushi for a dinner at a BBQ restaurant shouldn't take on the same weight as adding a second slave to the relationship. Compromising yourself or your core beliefs is a sure way to expect failure down the road.
The reason the trivial can, and does, explode into total disaster, is because the trivial provides the spark for the actual cause of contempt. The rationalization used to compromising into a relationship is often forgotten or discounted on the way out. All it takes is a spark to burn down what used to be 1,000's of acres or land and 100's of homes. I bet many effected rationalized that there has been weeds there for years that were never addressed and they never burned - until the one time they did.
Planning for failure is the surest way to achieve it.
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