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divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 4:57:58 PM   
lilfemme23


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		my Master seems to want me to know what is expected of me with out telling me what i should or should not do. He tells me i am not a suitable sub/slave because i have not learned to anticipate His needs, He has to get drunk to tell me that i am or am not doing things which i should/ shouldn't do. I want to please Him but i do not know how to figure out what things He wants with out Him telling me. i appologise for my ignorance. 
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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:00:01 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		How long have you been with him?  He has to get drunk before he talks to you?  What's wrong with this picture?

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:02:03 PM   
sweetpetie


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think you need to apologise for your ignorance lilfemme, he needs to apologise for his. This man does not sound dominant to me, he sounds abusive. Please tread carefully.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:04:44 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		While anticipating the needs of a Dominant is a very admirable goal, there is absolutely nothing about the scenario you describe that is attractive.

Although it probably doesn't require much insight to mix another cocktail.  (He probably just wants the bottle.)

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:20:44 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		hi hon
with the others on this one. Please be careful, you are not ignorant and have no need to apoligise. If he needs to be drunk to communicate with you then there are other issues here.
take care
c

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:31:41 PM   
ThudBaby


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/16/2007
Status: offline 		Please be careful... I've had a couple bdsm sessions go very bad, VERY quick when alcohol was involved.  And you are not being ignorant - you are following your instincts because as multiple people on this thread have confirmed for you - there is something dangerous about the situation.  You both have to play to each other's comfort level.  If your comfort level is no alcohol (or not that much alcohol) and he won't respect that boundary, find yourself another Dom who cares enough about you to respect it.


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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:36:39 PM   
lilfemme23


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Yes the relationship is more likely than not an unhealthy one, i was his girlfriend for almost a year before i became his slave he has emotional issues and i broke up with him because i was feeling neglected. i am trying to make the slave thing work because i have never found a dom that wanted the same things as i did. now he is beggining to tell me that he wants things that i am so far uncomfortable with. i am trying to overcome my jealousy and selfishness but when i think of some of the things he wants to do although i am aroused i also feel a lot of bad feelings. i want to become a better person and submissive but that is becomming difficult because he wants me to think for myself and obey him at the same time, it don't seem like that would be difficult but i have recieved a lot of commands that contradict each other and when i am aroused i am much more easily confused.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:38:02 PM   
lilfemme23


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		another thing is that he won't punish me when he drinks, that is just the only time he feels comfortable... opening up?

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:41:41 PM   
wickedredhead4u


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with the others here. Please be careful. It sounds like he has issues and the drinking only serves to magnify them. If he has to be drinking to tell you what he wants well id be very leery of that .It can become abusive in a blink of an eye. best wishes to you.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:52:11 PM   
southernstyle


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		lilfemme23..

I was married to a man similar to your Dominant.  Alcohol is his crutch.  He gets his courage from a bottle or a can. Your's has an issue that he needs to handle before he attempts to dominate anyone, and you have no reason to apologize or feel ignorant, or make excuses for him. By doing so, you are becoming the enabler.  Your submission is not what is in question.  What he is going to do about his problem is the question.  His problem is not one you can help him with, no matter how passive or submissive you are.  Only he can help himself.  What you must do is be strong enough to back away from him completely until he has admitted his problem and gotten the proper help.  If he doesn't think he has a problem, or isn't strong enough to seek help on his own, then that should tell you he is not the right Dominant for you, no matter how you feel about him.

I am sure there are people who might disagree with me, but until you have actually lived with someone like that, it's difficult to really understand the emotional damage that is done.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:52:48 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I'd like to point out something I learned early on.

Drunks speak sober words.

This means that whatever he may say when he's drunk - that's what he feels but does NOT say sober. They ARE his actual feelings even if he may never tell you this when he's not drinking.

So, if drunk, you are "not suitable" but are when he's sober... no matter what he says - you're not.

I don't know one person who's ever been involved with someone who drinks like that express anything differently - even though they've wished to believe otherwise.

When someone doesn't give you any idea of what you're supposed to do but reprimands you when you don't do what you don't know, the advice given to me was from a book called The Buddah's Guide to Dating. I loved it and have found it helps no matter what your relationship style is.

The advice:
We all have pails of shit we must carry through our lives. The trick is to find the best way to carry our pails. The other trick is to make sure that in our pails we never carry someone else's shit.

In other words, own what are your actions and behaviors and don't accept what are someone else's. If he's not told you what you need to do and then uses that to tell you how wrong you are, that's his shit. If you are doing the best you can with the knowledge you have, then whatever you feel from that is yours. Know the difference. Don't accept his. Don't give him yours.

In other words, personal responsibility is a good thing - but taking ownership of someone else's opportunities to put you down is just plain unnecessary. It helps keep confusion at a minimum - no matter what the situation.

Good luck

juliet

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:53:38 PM   
lilfemme23


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Something else i don't want to have to start a new thread for would be is it normal to feel kind of lost when i'm not given direction and purpose? 

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 5:58:46 PM   
daddyscherry


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilfemme23

Something else i don't want to have to start a new thread for would be is it normal to feel kind of lost when i'm not given direction and purpose? 


Not at all, that's totally normal. i could say alot of other things, but the relationship doesn't sound healthy to begin with so i think i'll leave it at that.

Don't take it into yourself...there are larger issues at hand.



_____________________________

~cherry
a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 6:00:32 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline
So was I southern and you are spot on.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 6:00:59 PM   
southernstyle


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		If you don't have direction or purpose, then where are you? 

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 6:03:44 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i think this is something that is more individual and not a straight across the board kind of thing.  There are some here who must be given direction or they feel lost.  There are also those who do not wish to be micromanaged and are strong, independent people that do just fine without being directed.

There are even a few here that would find nothing at all wrong with the drinking and simply say if that is his wish, sobeit, he is the great and powerful Dom/Master.  Those i think are in the minority; however.  i personally go with what others have told you.  In a word, run.  :)

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 6:03:45 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Another thing to consider, hun, is that none of us -- subs/slaves or Masters/Doms, and even plain old vanilla -- are mind readers.  It's a complaint i hear often, both here on the boards and in person, and is also a good argument for safe words, at least in the beginning, although that's another thread or a dozen..lol. 

i do agree with the others who counsel you to be cautious and to be sure that what ever you do consent to is "informed consent" to a Dom/Master who is, first and foremost, someone who knows who he is, as well as what he wants and has plan for how to get there from here, and most important can tell you all of those things without getting drunk to say it.

Good luck and huggles...
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 6:04:01 PM   
southernstyle


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		thank you bandit25.  In a way I am happy to be able to share my experience with lilfemme, but in another way I wish it had never happened.  Several years of my life wasted while I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do because I would not listen to people who could see what was happening.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 6:05:56 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		You don't see it when you are living it.  I don't consider it wasted tho.  I have two GREAT UMs that I wouldn't otherwise have.

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RE: divine, anticipate, intuition - 7/20/2007 6:11:52 PM   
mythi


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilfemme23

my Master seems to want me to know what is expected of me with out telling me what i should or should not do. He tells me i am not a suitable sub/slave because i have not learned to anticipate His needs, He has to get drunk to tell me that i am or am not doing things which i should/ shouldn't do. I want to please Him but i do not know how to figure out what things He wants with out Him telling me. i appologise for my ignorance. 


What you're too close to the situation to see is that you'll NEVER please him.  Not because of any failing on your part, but because he simply can not be pleased.  He's unhappy and dissatisfied with himself and no amount of submission or serving will ever be able to reach that empty place inside him.  He has to fill it himself.

Now the question becomes, how much of your life will you waste in a relationship that's doomed to fail in the end anyway? 

_____________________________

“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor

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