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S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 1:49:19 AM

ShellyD

Posts: 207
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

Hello everyone,

My post comes from the perspective of having some difficulty in finding people who have a stronger interest in the S&M side of BDSM than the D/s form. This comes from having developed an aversion of the inbalance of power and rights within a D/s, M/s type relationship. I support and am happy for those who do have this as an integral part of their lives, it is just not for me.

I recognise the part that an assumption of role/behaviours in a scene adds the key ingredient in developing the headspace that is the goal, for me at least. I wonder if it is possible to achieve when not in a Power Exchange Relationship.

On the other hand, the chemical cocktail of endorphins from a long drawn out session of pain, sex and love is what keeps me in the lifestyle, albeit non-practicing at present.

I also seem to be in a minority, the profiles I read and comments on the message boards here, seem to reflect power exchange ideals. I am very interested to get feedback from others as it has been a pondering of mine for a while now.

Post #: 1

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 1:55:54 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I think it's self perception. I know Ds couples who feel as though they are in the minority and that most clubs/sites/munches are geared or contain people interested in play or S&M.

To me, I would identify the dynamic your speaking about more as a top/bottom role - although that said there are of course tops and bottoms who engage in power exchanges. I think in any scene(or relationship) there is an exchange of power - just not a continuous one that runs outside of play.

If that makes an sense

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to ShellyD)

Post #: 2

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 2:10:12 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Hi

i myself is a D/s submissive but i am also a sadist. Now i in that is just out for the SM activities, i have no wish to be the boss of anyone, just to swing the whip, while i in a D/s sense want the power dynamic. Many pepole want pure S & M and not control, slavery and other D/s stuff.

i wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to ShellyD)

Post #: 3

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 2:31:22 AM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

In my limited off line interaction, I found there is a majority S&M at play parties, and very little D/s or M/s focus, so I didn't fall in love with play parties for that reason. You, on the other hand, may have a fantastic time in joining groups and attending play parties with your outlook/desire. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to ShellyD)

Post #: 4

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 3:51:12 AM

salilus

Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

That's different - most of the people I run into around here are or seem to be in it for the sex and kink and not for anything even resembling an m/s or d/s relationship. Even the ones who walk around saying, "my master this" and "my master that" are not relinquishing any authority or control, for the most part... they're usually running the show.

Which is fine for them... but they look at me funny when I talk about the relationship I'm in with Daddy. It's like they can't even imagine having to ask permission for things. I even had a 'slave' once "hint" that Daddy was abusive because I had to ask to visit the ladies room.

I suppose it's like everything else: it's all in who you talk to and know that creates your perspective. I'm in a D/s relationship and I feel awfully lonely at times. Kinky people are awesome and wonderful, but... it's hard to have to hear about how 'abused' I am all the time (and because I know how touchy people can be, I am not saying I'm better or worse than people NOT in D/s relationships... I'm just saying that we can't ever seem to relate to each other).

< Message edited by salilus -- 7/19/2007 3:53:54 AM >

(in reply to ShellyD)

Post #: 5

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 3:52:40 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Just another example of how online does not reflect the realities of real time. The vast majority of those in the lifestyle are engaged in B/D S/M. My own guesstimate is that 75 % of lifestylers are into B/D S/M, and only 25 % into power exchange relationships.

You'll find that the real time world is very oriented towards S/M, which is the historical root of all BDSM.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to ShellyD)

Post #: 6

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 4:12:08 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Hi

i would think that to that it is far more pepole that are interested in kinky sex and the whole tory of O romance for fun than it is pepole that are interested in living in a power exhange dynamic. i however also find quite a few that do not know the differance. i for exsample do not call myself a switch, i am all out submissive, but i can top but not be a Dominant, and very many do not know the differance of the two. So i think there is often some problems whit comunication in the lifestyle.

i wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 7

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 4:15:23 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Good point.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 8

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 4:24:50 AM

yaqeta

Posts: 59
Status: offline

I suspect that, on this kind of site, people who are more into B/D or S/M are likely to word their profiles in a way that suggests a D/S dynamic because, as you said, thats the roleplay that a lot of people slot into when they play, whether its part of the relationship or not. And when people are trying to attract the attention of someone to fulfill their fantasy, they talk in the context of that fantasy - whether they want to experience it full time or in a limited scene.

xxx
yaq

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 9

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 7:10:49 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

There are indeed tons of people I wish would drop the need to blanket everything over in the sheen of Ms or Ds and just admit they want to get beaten or fucked or beaten and fucked without painfully trying to fit into a relationship that doesn't suit them.

But it's their choice to live as painfully as they want.

However, I think you'll find in the right circles, kinksters are welcomed and embraced just as much as Dsers or Msers and there sincerely is no sense of "heirarchy"- a slave is not thought of as cooler than a masochist.

But you should talk to some Msers around, ask them just how often THEY feel castigated by the scene.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to yaqeta)

Post #: 10

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 7:36:29 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

But you should talk to some Msers around, ask them just how often THEY feel castigated by the scene.

All the damned time. The one group in our area (that I ran, btw) that focused on Master/slave is now inactive (because I'm not running it).

To the OP, like others have said, head out to your local groups and munches. Let it be known that you're a bottom and not looking for a Ds or Ms relationship and you like it that way. Believe me, there will be plenty of people to play with.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 7:40:11 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

I have problems with my local group for this very reason. It seems geared towards the couples who really enjoy this just for the play. Which I have no problems with because I enjoy getting beated just as much as the next person...but sometimes its hard to talk to them on any other level because I am more into D/s or even M/s and would rather have the power dynamics behind my play. I have many friends who are just into it for the sceneing, they are some wonderful people....then there are a few of us locally who I know think on things the same as I do....we just try and keep to the shadows....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 7:48:34 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I would suggest exploring the CPers aka "spankos" ... people who are into Corporal Punishment generally without the power exchange overtones. Some may use role play during a scene to enhance the atmosphere but they have quite a different mindset from D/s or M/s types. Others just "drop the drawers" and get a thoroughly good spanking or caning with little to no preamble! Many of them seem to be into both giving and receiving but they don't think of themselves as switches. They might be just the right people for the OP to play with and the ones I have met are good people!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 13

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 7:57:41 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Scening for me without the M/s in the S&M is muck like masturbating through saran wrap for me or something.
It's like I can feel it, but it does not reach me or stimulate me near as much as when there's no barrier between me and them.
I have enjoyed scenes where I was not partnered to Doms, but even then I needed, wanted, and enjoyed them having control.
While I indeed consider myself a sensation nymph, I'd really rather not have it if the D/s, M/s isn't what's the root of the journey we take in sensation together.
suzanne

(in reply to ShellyD)

Post #: 14

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 8:14:21 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

But you should talk to some Msers around, ask them just how often THEY feel castigated by the scene.

It would be nice if there wasnt some....wonderful publications like the Acid Test....marking me off as a control freak solely because I dont talk about floggers and paddles constantly.

I enjoy S/M and like to become a more skilled sadist, but its just not where my desire lies at all.

I stopped going to the local munches here where I live because I am all alone in my own personal lifestyle and philosophies toward M/S and got tired of the "Um...thats nice...*rolling of eyes*" from people who view power exchange solely in terms of who holds the cane.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 7/19/2007 8:18:38 AM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 8:17:23 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i am one of those people who want SM without the D/s or M/s...and as for real life groups...yea you can find people to play with but not people to get in relationships with...at least around here...then again we have a fairly closeted scene...the people that come to the parties and munches and stuff are 24/7 open to the world kind of people...if i did a search of people in san antonio that have been on CM in the past month i could probably count on my digits the number of people i know in person and have a whole bunch of names of people that "can't do public" and then a few that are honest and "won't do public"...cause if you're at least 18, there are several groups you can go to...only 1 group i know of that you have to be 21...possibly 1 or 2 more...but there are no less than 6 groups in the area...but...my point, there are a whole bunch of kinky sex/SM people out there in the city but you couldn't find them in public without a sadomasochist decoder ring and well....i haven't figured out where to get one of those yet...

edited to add: oh yea, and maybe we just can't find who we're looking for so those people out there must be the oppisite of us?

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 7/19/2007 8:19:35 AM >

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 16

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 8:21:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

"Is anyone in the mainstream?"- Rent

It's amazing how we're all so put upon- Msers feel negated, kinksters feel negated, switches are negated, subs are constantly told they are too demanding while simultaneously being told they need to be strong, doms are constantly told they aren't demanding enough or abusive, we're all a really fucked up group of people when it comes to tolerance and acceptance.

Which makes sense really- but it is funny when you start to think and realize that EVERYONE is getting told that they suck by SOMEONE in the scene.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 17

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 8:25:57 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

Lol

I met a few people I can really relate to in a nearby city that had more of a Leather M/S population in their group.

Even then...I STILL got told I sucked by one of them because I didnt have enough experience, wasnt enlightened in the true ways of Leather M/S, and hadnt collected as many merit badges as her.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 8:26:42 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

yea, but i suck good...swallow even

chelle who, when in HS, could always get those horrible boys to shut up...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/19/2007 8:27:47 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

merit badges?

oh shit i am screwed...i thought when i graduated i got out of the running for girl scouts....

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 20

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