RE: S&M without M/s or D/s

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: S&M without M/s or D/s

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/20/2007 11:55:47 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

LOL did you ask him how he suggested he should try giving birth? Or having a bone marrow transplant? All those wannabe doms out there who never tried that...

No but I DID ask him if he'd ever engaged in suspended knife play and how many times he'd set his submissive on fire during fireplay. He said "no" to the first and "I don't do fireplay" to the second and I made the comment that I guessed HE would never be a full master then, either...and moved on to another area of the party.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/20/2007 4:23:13 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Yes, you can absolutely do SM without d/s or m/s. It can be great fun. You can even do SM in which the person getting hurt isn't the person obeying requests. If you get a chance, check out Midori's class, "Beyond Twisted," or some of her essays on power as distinct from sensation.

Is it a minority thing? It's not, in my experience, atypical to enjoy SM play without a context of a d/s relationship. It's somewhat uncommon to enjoy "egalitarian" SM play--to do SM play *without* engaging in some temporary power inequality "in scene"--in other words, a lot of bottoms who focus on the SM sensations are into a little bit of submissive roleplay in scenes. It's certainly uncommon to do SM in which the bottom runs the scene and the top accedes to the bottom's requests. In general, I've come to feel like more people on online forums are interested in full-time d/s relationships to the exclusion of other things. While people active in my local community certainly enjoy d/s relationships, including full-time or ongoing ones, casual dalliance is also embraced.

In any event, though, you can certainly do uncommon or less-common things, and it's not horribly difficult to find a partner with similar enough tastes. I wish you great enjoyment in them.

(in reply to ShellyD)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/21/2007 5:58:02 AM

ShellyD

Posts: 207
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

Thankyou LadyHugs and PairofDimes, as well as all who responded,
Both interesting views, and both provided me with my answer in differing ways. This is what I believed all along, but was advised constantly by my exMaster that what I wanted to try was unachievable, to the extent it destroyed the relationship, cos I am not a submissive person in general only in scenes or sexually. Now to find my other....

(in reply to PairOfDimes)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/21/2007 7:10:22 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

Original: ShellyD
My post comes from the perspective of having some difficulty in finding people who have a stronger interest in the S&M side of BDSM than the D/s form. This comes from having developed an aversion of the inbalance of power and rights within a D/s, M/s type relationship. I support and am happy for those who do have this as an integral part of their lives, it is just not for me.

I recognise the part that an assumption of role/behaviours in a scene adds the key ingredient in developing the headspace that is the goal, for me at least. I wonder if it is possible to achieve when not in a Power Exchange Relationship.

On the other hand, the chemical cocktail of endorphins from a long drawn out session of pain, sex and love is what keeps me in the lifestyle, albeit non-practicing at present.

I also seem to be in a minority, the profiles I read and comments on the message boards here, seem to reflect power exchange ideals. I am very interested to get feedback from others as it has been a pondering of mine for a while now.

What a lovey, thought provoking post! Thank you...and welcome to the Boards.

It is so odd to read some of the stuff in this thread. I discovered BDSM (which for me includes B/d, D/s and S/m) about four years ago. Lucky for me when I discovered it through a Match.com date, I was able to research it a bit online and move on to local Yahoo Groups and Alt and then onto meeting people, attending munches and discussion-groups and meeting more people; and finally to clubs and private play parties where I play with friends. I have also found that going once is silly…dynamics change every time I go to one of these events. By my way of thinking…this is a smart and responsible way to discover the joys of nearly anything; getting my feet wet.

I am regularly chastised for a couple things:

Playing with and experiencing things with someone who is not my ‘One’
Insisting I can enjoy BDSM without f*cking everyone with whom I play

Apparently I confuse people that: "No, I will not first meet you at a motel, but yes…we can go to a local club and play at WIITWD". To me it makes perfect sense.

In many ways it seems sad now that I have a fair amount of pretty edgy play (which I discovered I thoroughly enjoy) there are very experienced Doms out there who I’d enjoy …but they seem to put the cart before the horse. They tell me that, for them, BDSM doesn’t ring true unless it includes ‘intimacy’ (read that ‘fucking’). Well, I agree most things are more fun if you’re very close to someone and can include all the sexual-bits…but it takes getting to know someone first, before I can go there. Color me odd. And there are some very new Doms out there who I’d enjoy, but they seem to think that somehow I’m too slutty for them because they’ve seen me play with several people in public (public = no sex, btw). Color me confused. I just sort it all out in my mind by realizing I don’t wanna spend time with closed-minded people anyway.

Personally, I am a tire-kicker. How on earth can one decide if horseback riding is an activity they’d be interested in pursuing if they don’t get ON a horse? Everything is relative in my book; one need not be filleted to discover the joys of floggers and whips…one need not be beaten bloody to discover what it feels like to be caned…one need not be collared to feel the dynamics of TPE, either.

It is my contention that getting feet wet is how we learn. I would advise everybody to get out there, meet people with like minds, take what you like and leave the rest, understand as you grow your interests may change (so be careful of ‘hard limits’ and chastising others!)…and PICK YOUR FRIENDS!

While everybody doesn’t have to be your best friend, nor do things exactly the way you’d do them…people are interesting and you will learn a lot from different people (again, try not to be a BDSM-bigot!)

So these days, like so many others here; I just go about my merry way…bottoming to people I like for the experience of it; Topping other people I like for the experience of it; meeting more and more people; putting myself out there and staying open to possibilities…and always keeping in mind that everything is relative, people are different; it’s okay to keep the parts I like and leave the rest!

beverly

_____________________________

Click here for GREAT discussion on living this real-time.

How to use Code on Collarme

(in reply to ShellyD)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/21/2007 7:52:45 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear ShellyD, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I wonder out loud, if the boiling pot of which all the ingredients that all of us (in general terms) have had to contend with has boiled out some key ingredients as to S&M as it's own culture.

Because in BDSM in general, the elements of S&M are recognized and often times elements of bondage are required as S&M at times causes the masochist to move about prior to impact(s) and other techniques. I have seen some swap the D for Discipline as obedience to mean D for Discipline as 'training/skill.'

I also proffer, that in my personal situation with Topping the masochist; because he is primary in most relationships the Top but, extremely picky to bottom/masochist/scene with; that knowing the need to be fed from being a Top himself he knows how to feed me without 'submission' as a formality. He does 'submit' to the authority of the scene from a management point of view and shelf the 'need to be in charge'-- I submit for consideration, in this case-- that we come together as equals, enter the scene with our roles and the associated duties and once the scene is concluded and after care is concluded; we end as equals. I also belive that being respectful can be mistaken as submission and or 'being submissive' from the outside. It is really easy to confuse being respectful and acknowledge someone as being in the D/s framework. Doing things for others--not due to D/s but, just being good to another person and showing appreciation for their role(s) in a pleasant exchange.

I do submit again, to the readers of this thread; that S&M in my mind's eyes requires skill, knowledge and training. It requires the disciplines of accuracy and understanding the body and most of all--listening to the masochist as they provide the 'keys' to each level in their pursuits in reaching subspace and of flying. Some S&M is very dangerous and both parties involved need to communicate the risks, how to handle the 'what ifs.' I will also say, that masochists have been 'good sports' to those learning the art and skills of whips and canes. Feed back has be great as far as my dealings have been and students of mine benefit greatly learning on masochists. Because it has all to mutual benefits of increasing skill, knowledge and understanding--masochists play an important role in the larger community.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ShellyD)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/21/2007 8:02:27 AM

sweetcherry07

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/19/2007
Status: offline

Yes you can have S/M without D/s or M/s or B/d. its ver possible, but i do agree with alot of what others have said on here, that its hard not to have S/M relations without involving M/s or D/s. I myself enjoy S/M very much, and have been into S/M relationships. but i have found that starting out in an S/M relationship usually involves some sort of D/s and or M/s also. i am a massochist and i love to feel the whip of a sadist. i have found that if i start my relationships off on D/s first then they dont work ast well as starting them off on S/M and M/s first. but to each his/her own. and i wish you luch in finding what you need. and you can email me on the site and we can talk more about it.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/21/2007 8:03:35 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear chellekitty, Ladies and Gentlemen;

You asked, what is wrong being a "Service Top."

For me, I would like to have unpacked the 5 gym bags worth of equipment and a whip box that is 4x4 and 4'6" long; spent anywhere from 3 to 6 hours on my arthritic feet and knees, working with whips, canes, single tails, floggers, quirts and other sensation tools; so that person could get their giggles and grins from my labors, to at least thank me. It is even nicer to help reload the equipment back into the trunk and to get a bottle of water or a soda for me. To most, it is polite and or the right thing to do. To some, its all about their jollies and they're off to play with others in the same manner.

Those who wander off without so much as a thank you, are treating me as a "Service Top." It only happens once. [Grins]

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to chellekitty)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: S&M without M/s or D/s - 7/21/2007 9:11:20 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

i guess my point in this would be keep it simple... Do what ever be what ever have what ever you diesire.. it ok just have balance.. by this i mean what ever type of xyz relationship your in make sure you have your pdqs in a row. make good choices if takes from you and does not give back on anylevel its not the right one. your right about myths of online rt. what two people make a relationship is theirs only not the worlds. One of my biggest pet peves is respect that means of your partner. their wishes should come before someone elses opionions wither it be M./s D/s Nilla or other learn to love honestly and openly but with the one your with always. people are so stupid in this area they forget that bonding is a normal process of two being one they keep wanting to rewrite things that are healthy and make them unhealthy or not balanced. if you want just sm then state it if you want just ds then say so do not manipulate someone into your way of thinking bad bad bad wake up

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Profile

Post #: 48