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RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 7:20:52 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		Im a very picky person.....its my life I get to live it the way I want. I prefer my men to be older than me. Somtimes only a few years, sometimes quite a bit more. I happened to be born the year my husband graduated high school. Quite a bit of an age difference but the truth is, when I first asked him out for dinner, I didnt really know he was that much older, I thought he was about 10 years younger than he really is...looks alot younger than he is. Could be cause he shaves his head so you dont see the grey..anyway...lol... I didnt ask him out cause of his age, I asked him out because he was alot of fun to talk to at work and I enjoyed his company....but I dont think things would have gone farther than pleasant conversation or even casual sex if he had been close to my age or even younger.

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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
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(in reply to MasterMagnus321)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 7:29:13 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Sure we can be picky.

I freely admit that I'm shallow. I wanted a man taller than me, about my age, stronger/heavier than me. I also wanted him to be college educated but with significant experience in the practicalities of life (example being that last night he came home from work and fixed both the slow draining tubs). By knowing what I needed, what I best respond to - I didn't waste the time of anyone who wasn't what I needed.

If we aren't supposed to differentiate on any level then I guess the op shouldn't insist on looking for a sub. After all, deciding that's what he wants is being picky too.

(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 7:43:00 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Picky is fine ... though sometimes the criteria change in the face of the meeting! I didn't set out to look for a Master that was 15 years younger than me ... He likes to remind me that W/we started school together ... He went to primary school and i began teaching high school! Previously, despite being a BBW myself, i wasn't particularly attracted to larger men ... which i felt in myself was a bit hypocritical! However, the real criteria that mattered to me were those characters and values on the inside, the heart and mind of a Master ... and that's what i initially fell in love with. All of a sudden the age gap didn't seem to matter especially as the practicalities (i can't have kids and He didn't want them anyway) were worked through ... and i now really love His "buddha"! So my take home message is be sure you know what's worth being picky about ... then don't get offended if you don't make someone else's "pick"!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 8:05:27 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		For what ever reason, in my life the most important men have been slightly younger than I.  Five years seems to be doable for me.  I have dated older men but so far I haven't cared for the attitude of superiority that they show me.  It is almost like they assume that older means they know more, have experienced more, or are somehow wiser by the mere fact of age.  I find it unsettling that someone assumes a number decides reason. 
I think we all should be picky.  There is no reason to accept someone simply because they want to play.  Heck, if they aren't looking at the whole person then you might as well be a warm apple pie, something to stick it in.  I want to know there are more things than just kink.  Intelligence, creativity, common sense, and logic are what attact me to a man.  It has just been my luck that those men were a tad younger.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 8:34:15 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Feel free to be as picky as you like. You're the one who has to live with your choices, so might as well make them count and mean something to you. That shoe does fit on another foot though, so don't get disgruntled if you don't meet the criteria that someone else has set. 


YUP!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
Of course we can be picky.  Just this morning i had an exchange with a male switch who lives roughly 3500 miles away and is 19 year my junior.  When i said sorry a switch does not appeal to me and the age difference is greater than my preference and the distance is a problem for me.... i was told i have a bad attitude. 


WHY is that?  I get it too...and am so tired of being berated for my polite response of 'not interested', that I just quit responding to those who have OBVIOUSLY not read my profile!  Who the heck writes to someone (most often asking for sex, btw) whom they know NOTHING about?  gggrrrrrrrrrrr!!!   You do NOT have a bad attitude, EO!

For me?  Distance is a huge deal.  I am overly tired of guys trying to 'dom' me from another country (or for MsBearlee, trying to submit from a million miles away!).  While I am the least bigoted person I know, I also would prefer to partner with someone who looks 'kinda' like me; if you know what I mean.  I have been seriously drawn to people of other colors/races/whatever...but I do not have the political stamina to fight the war.  Yanno?  And regarding age...I'm old enough to finally realize it is a state of mind.  I've enjoyed dating men (including both dominants and submissives) as much as 20 years younger and 20 years older (though that WAS awhile ago!  LOL ).
 
beverly

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(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 10:12:44 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		You get mail from subs from outer space?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

I am overly tired of guys trying to 'dom' me from another country (or for MsBearlee, trying to submit from a million miles away!).

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 10:17:34 AM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		um....... I was in agreement with the whole picky thing

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(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 10:24:57 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		From experience I have found that I am much more likely to find the spark, chemistry and dynamic I seek in someone younger than I. Doesn't seem to matter wether they are 2 years younger or two decades younger that spark is far more prevelent that way round. I don't rule out finding it in someone older, I haven't done so for the last 16 years (Last time I had an older girl) and doubt I am likely to.

In general, given the vast majority of successful long term D/s relationships I know, I am inclinde to see this in line with My personal relationship experience as it being more likely to work with an older D/ younger s.... thats only probabilitys and doesn't rule out any particular instance of it working the other way round.


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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 2:50:06 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with Bita...I don't think it could have been stated any better than what she said.


(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 3:59:09 PM   
PrincessEllie


Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline 		I think we can and will be picky. But when it all comes down to it, we will chose our partner based on parameters other than age. 

_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

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--Discreet BDSM day clothes--

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 4:02:42 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline
I'm picky ... but I always thought I preferred a Dom older than myself (I am 29) ... so tickle me surprised when I met, fell in love with and married a 19 year old.  And I have learned that his age (or my age) doesn't matter ... as I love his personality (most of the time(.


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(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 4:10:55 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'm glad that worked out for the both of you....but there is a HUGE divide between a 29 yo marrying and 19 yo and a 44 yo marrying one....LOL

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...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to BabyNyla)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/19/2007 4:40:12 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Can we be picky when it comes to choosing or having our partner(s) based on age, race, etc. or does it really matter at all?
Sure you can be "picky" as long as you appreciate that the item or issue you are "picky" with is not static or absolute. It may also not reflect the attitude, ambition, or energy level of your preconceived expectation.

If you are seeking a relationship, what "matters" is what happens beyond the age/race/gender of the potential partner. Casting the widest net based on emotional, mental, and compatibility of desires regardless of any criteria would give you the highest percentage of success.

Beauty is transitory, age is relative, and race - well baring any prejudice - shouldn't matter. Importance should be assigned to the determination if the person has complimentary desires and compatible personality traits. Finding a person within this 'lifestyle' is a difficult endeavor. The more exclusionary criteria you put up to sift potential candidates for contact, the smaller your pool of potential partners.

Starting with a pyramid with a broad base regarding age, will make the point less sharp when you get to the top. Including more people with a wider range within the criteria and, if nothing else, you'll meet many more people. Considering all the practical items that need to be in place; location, availability, family, visibility, discovery; its a wonder anyone finds anyone. It may also be a reason why so many just give up and "settle" the first time someone the "right" age, gender, or race, has any interest.

(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/20/2007 10:04:36 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
You get mail from subs from outer space?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
I am overly tired of guys trying to 'dom' me from another country (or for MsBearlee, trying to submit from a million miles away!).



Awwwwwwww... okay, I'm geographically challenged!  Still...they might as well have been!  LOL


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(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/20/2007 10:35:53 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Of course we can be picky, but I get tickled at the profiles that read like they are ordering from www.buildyourperfectslave.com  <------ gah, I hope that isn't a real site! 

There is a profile of a dominant that describes the slave he is seeking as being between 27-33.  She will be 5'3 - 5'6 and weigh no more than 140lbs.  She will have long blonde hair and blue eyes.  I get this visual of a big warehouse of submissive/slaves and some guy coming out with a clipboard.... walking up and down the aisles until he finds model # Sbb-28-55-130, sticking a UPS label on her ass and sending her on her way to her new dominant.  

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/20/2007 4:34:58 PM   
Carrianna


Posts: 273
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix
My question is this: Can we be picky when it comes to choosing or having our partner(s) based on age, race, etc. or does it really matter at all?


Yes of course I am picky, yes it does matter, if I am not happy with the person I am with, I dont feel happy playing... 

Then again this is just my own personal view...  If people where not picky then everyone would be with the first person they ever had feelings for.

Night all!!!

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/20/2007 7:07:12 PM   
johnsteed2


Posts: 27
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		When I was younger, I found it hot to have an older domme. She was more experienced than me and used that to control me, a young impressionable, controllable male.
 
Now that I'm older (44), interestingly, I find younger dommes hot. Me being an experienced, successful professional, with a management job where I'm in control -- and yet she is able to use her intellect, femininity and cunning to take control, wind her way inside my mind, and make me completely hers. To be more experienced and yet taken, broken, controlled makes me feel she is such a superior female.

(in reply to Carrianna)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Older sub/Younger Dom vs. Older Dom/Younger sub - 7/20/2007 7:11:26 PM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline 		Of course we are picky in chosing our bdsm partners and/or our life partners. The secret is being picky on the things that matter in the long run and not being sidetracked by things like age, race, body type etc...

It took me a long time to recognize that long legs and a tight ass do not really guarantee a good submissive.  Learning what is important and cannot be compromised and what is not really important and should not be deciding factors is hard work that it seems few of us do.

_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to Carrianna)
Profile   Post #: 38
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