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RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 7:47:44 AM   
onestandingstill


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

 although i have yet to be used by a woman who was anywhere near as sadistic with me as men are.  i don't know if they are afraid of hurting me, or if they just don't want to hurt me, but they have all been pretty mild with me.   
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."



Well Joy,
I had just the opposite experience.
I do play pretty heavy with men and am quite a masochist.
I submitted to a woman Dom friend for the evening about a month ago for the first time.
It was WAY intense and very different from when I submit to a man.
She was just plain evil in where she placed clothes pins & she did a LOT of punching play (which I'd never done before) on top of heavy pinching.
Oh my gosh I think this woman top had a much bigger evil stick in her approach than most of the men I've encountered.
She was way more taunting in her verbiage, so the mind fuck was pretty intense too.
I've also watched presentations by Dommes.
I think lots of them seem like they go straight to mean and wicked in their words when they play.
It's like the cat that caught the mouse and is taunting it I see as a common female approach.
I know they don't do equally hard impact play so much on average, but man they go for the little places that just light you on fire IMO!
suzanne

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 8:34:27 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

...although i have yet to be used by a woman who was anywhere near as sadistic with me as men are.  i don't know if they are afraid of hurting me, or if they just don't want to hurt me, but they have all been pretty mild with me.  



LOL!!

If that's not a blatant attempt at topping from the bottom, I don't know what is...

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 8:58:16 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
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The only MDom who *really* pushed my buttons, and got me to do things I'd never considered likely --in public no less, is/was self-proclaimed "gay as a goose." Evil enough that stretching my D/s orientation was enough to get him to overlook the fact that I am a "boy without a winkle."

Edited to add, ok, maybe not the ONLY but by far the hottest. My only experience to date with "oh shit I REALLY hope he's pleased with me..."


< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 7/18/2007 9:01:45 AM >

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 9:05:05 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
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Please tell me, how is stating that none of the women who have used me have been anywhere near as sadistic with me as the men have been "a blantant attempt at topping from the bottom"?  i really don't know.  It was up to them how they chose to use me.  i didn't have anything to say about it, at all.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

...although i have yet to be used by a woman who was anywhere near as sadistic with me as men are.  i don't know if they are afraid of hurting me, or if they just don't want to hurt me, but they have all been pretty mild with me.  



LOL!!

If that's not a blatant attempt at topping from the bottom, I don't know what is...

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 9:10:23 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Please tell me, how is stating that none of the women who have used me have been anywhere near as sadistic with me as the men have been "a blantant attempt at topping from the bottom"?  i really don't know.  It was up to them how they chose to use me.  i didn't have anything to say about it, at all.

 



I think the distaff side is supposed to get really upset about this. I have to say that when given someone else's property I tend to be really careful with it and guarded. I think a lot of men maybe get in competitive brainset and want to leave an impression or several. Just a hunch, could be baseless.

< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 7/18/2007 9:12:31 AM >

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 9:16:58 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
I might agree with grlwithboy, on the few occasions I have played with someone elses subs I have never been quite as intense as I am with my own. My reasoning, though, is becasue Ido not have the connection necessary to get into my space and enjoy it quite as much with borrowed property. I will never have the same sadistic streak with someone elses pet as I do with Kitten, even though it isnt particularly cruel. Even if the other owner asks me to abuse the hell out of their girl or boy. It has nothing to do with their gender, since I am fully openly bisexual. It does, however, have to do with my headspace with someone not owned by me.

A slightly different twist, I suppose.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 9:25:24 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

this question is less for the bisexual folks here and more for the hetero- or homo-sexual crowd

do you play with people of the oppisate gender than you are attracted too?

When I first entered the lifestyle I refused to play with men at all. One night it came down to being beaten by a man or not at all. I still consider the beating i took that night to be one of the better i have received. Do I still have a preference? yes. Do I base who I will top or be topped by on the person's sex? no.

Just being curious

Phin



Sexual preference just doesn't come into play when I'm scening with someone. I've played with people I would never be sexually attracted to and I've played with people I am sexually attracted to.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 10:14:54 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
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Oh, i understand this and agree completely.  The only thing that i'm not clear on is how my stating the fact that the women haven't been as sadistic with me as the men have been is, in any way, considered to be topping from the bottom.  i wish someone could explain that one to me, since i just don't get it.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."


quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Please tell me, how is stating that none of the women who have used me have been anywhere near as sadistic with me as the men have been "a blantant attempt at topping from the bottom"?  i really don't know.  It was up to them how they chose to use me.  i didn't have anything to say about it, at all.

 

I think the distaff side is supposed to get really upset about this. I have to say that when given someone else's property I tend to be really careful with it and guarded. I think a lot of men maybe get in competitive brainset and want to leave an impression or several. Just a hunch, could be baseless.

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 10:18:25 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Oh, i understand this and agree completely.  The only thing that i'm not clear on is how my stating the fact that the women haven't been as sadistic with me as the men have been is, in any way, considered to be topping from the bottom.  i wish someone could explain that one to me, since i just don't get it.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."




If it makes you feel better, I don't get it either.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 10:34:21 AM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
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An interesting OP. I an share some of what has happened for me over the decades with my bdsm and sexuality and hope that provides some folks with a little insight into what is going on for them.

I see myself as basically straight, or did when I started in bdsm. I would never want vanilla sex with a man (well not with a woman anymore). Over time I came to be comfortable with bdsm with any gendered submissive, eventually that lead to fucking submissives of any gender as a part of bdsm. I suppose I still prefer female slaves, but now see myself as having a sexual orientation of Dominant and certainly prefer a male sub to a vanilla female.

I don't know if everyone goes through these sorts of evolution in bdsm, or if they end up as extreme as I have. I started with a visit to a pro dungeon 40 years ago and have been growing and learning ever since, I hope that contiues for the rest of my life.

Bill



_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 10:58:20 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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It's more about the vibe I get from the person than their gender.  If the chemistry was there with another woman and my Dominant gave it an okay, I would consider being topped by another woman.


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 11:00:28 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

this question is less for the bisexual folks here and more for the hetero- or homo-sexual crowd

do you play with people of the oppisate gender than you are attracted too?

When I first entered the lifestyle I refused to play with men at all. One night it came down to being beaten by a man or not at all. I still consider the beating i took that night to be one of the better i have received. Do I still have a preference? yes. Do I base who I will top or be topped by on the person's sex? no.

Just being curious

Phin



I consider myself scene bisexual for this reason.

I can and do look at men twice, I can even be baseline attracted to a man without the Ds but it won't get beyond that.

I never look at women twice and am not interested in them expect as Ds partners.

That said a submissive man or woman who is sincere and matching us well on several levels is almost equally attractive in my eyes.

I have trained a few women but never owned one. I think finding someone who would be a great assistant, with or without sex is negotiable if we both feel ok with that) who would then top my husband and play with my slave, Fox, would be ideal in the household.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 11:14:06 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
Thank you, AquaticSub.  It does make me feel better to know that it's not just me who's confused about this.  i was kinda worried that i might really be totally "clueless" about what topping from the bottom actually is.  Thank you for reassuring me that, at least on this topic, i might not be clueless, after all.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Oh, i understand this and agree completely.  The only thing that i'm not clear on is how my stating the fact that the women haven't been as sadistic with me as the men have been is, in any way, considered to be topping from the bottom.  i wish someone could explain that one to me, since i just don't get it.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."




If it makes you feel better, I don't get it either.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 12:49:29 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Please tell me, how is stating that none of the women who have used me have been anywhere near as sadistic with me as the men have been "a blantant attempt at topping from the bottom"?  i really don't know.  It was up to them how they chose to use me.  i didn't have anything to say about it, at all.


I'm not an advocate of being offended on behalf of somebody else, but I suspect that there are a few who might read your comments that you find male doms to be more sadistic, and the suggestion that females might be afraid or unwilling to equal them, as an unfavorable comparison, or even an implicit challenge.

A challenge from a sub to a Dom to do it 'like 'Master X did it' is considered in some circles to be TFTb.

Or you could pay attenton to the smilies and not worry about it.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 1:21:30 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
Please, reread what i wrote.  Please don't take what i wrote to be anything more than a statement about my own personal experience.  All i said was that, from my experience, i have found the females that have used me to be less sadistic with me than the males (that have used me).  i never said anything about  "females might be afraid or unwilling to equal them."  i just said that "i don't know if they were afraid of hurting me."
 
i simply stated what i have experienced.  Nothing more.  i made no broad-based generalization about Dommes v Doms.  Perhaps these particular women, who i have encountered, were simply not all that sadistic.  Not everyone, male or female, are equally sadistic.  Also, like others have said here, when someone is playing with the property of another (as these women were, in my case) there may be a general tendency to proceed with some caution.
 
Just to be clear, here is what i said:


It's always my Master's choice, as to who uses His slave.  It's His decision.  He always chooses women to use me.  i enjoy being used by women, as well as men, although i have yet to be used by a woman who was anywhere near as sadistic with me as men arei don't know if they are afraid of hurting me, or if they just don't want to hurt me, but they have all been pretty mild with me
 
If it were my choice, i would choose both a man and a woman.   It's a totally different experience with a woman than with a man and i like the contrast.  

slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Please tell me, how is stating that none of the women who have used me have been anywhere near as sadistic with me as the men have been "a blantant attempt at topping from the bottom"?  i really don't know.  It was up to them how they chose to use me.  i didn't have anything to say about it, at all.


I'm not an advocate of being offended on behalf of somebody else, but I suspect that there are a few who might read your comments that you find male doms to be more sadistic, and the suggestion that females might be afraid or unwilling to equal them, as an unfavorable comparison, or even an implicit challenge.

A challenge from a sub to a Dom to do it 'like 'Master X did it' is considered in some circles to be TFTb.

Or you could pay attenton to the smilies and not worry about it.

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 1:36:03 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
Or, you could pay attention to the smilies, and not take it so fricking personally.

Clearer?

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 1:57:03 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline
To the OP:  Excellent question

I am straight, my only attraction is to males, women just don't do it for me.  

BUT, and there's always a but..lol   Since entering this lifestyle when I was around twenty, I've had thoughts and attitudes change constantly....I'm more open and tolerent of things, in the lifestyle, and it's even carried over into vanilla.

In the "olden" days I would definitely have said "no"  I will not have anything to do with a women....now....I would consider topping a woman.  No longer a newbie, I learned through the years that topping doesn't have to have anything to do with sexual attraction. 

Actually, I think I would be more sadistic with a woman than a man....only basing this on some thoughts I've had....so don't quote me...lol

also, had to rethink my attitude on having more than one slave....considering that as well

just goes to show, no matter how old you get, you can still keep evolving.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 2:05:16 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
Bondage to me is intensely sexual. I only play with someone who I am in a sexual relationship with. For me, casual, public play is worse than no play at all.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 3:04:42 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
I love genitalia torture, I get doing C&BT on men as much as PT on women so I do play with men.

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sexual preference vs. BDSM preference - 7/18/2007 6:52:31 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
I play casually with females, nothing intense and usually in an "off the cuff" kind of way.  I have not played with a female on a one-on-one basis.
The more intense play for me has too much of a sexual overtone as just about anything I do lands up being tease & denial to some extent, so in this form I have only played with males.
Oh, I mainly identify as heterosexual  as I gravitate towards men sexually,  but I do not utter the word NEVER when it comes to my sexuality.

~Psy

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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