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What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 4:07:30 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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I was just haveing a conversation with someone who had been talking to someone for a while and they finally shared pictures and she never heard from them again.
While some may say this us a common experience, it sdoes not mean your not suppose to feel something when your rejected.My question deals with what has hurt you in the past or even now?

Post #: 1

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 4:14:36 AM

laineyjade

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

not trying to make light of it, but my opinion is it's best not to dwell on hurt feelings from strangers... that leads to getting jaded and annoyed and finally removing yourself from the site, therefore not finding what you're looking for.

best to look at the people who give you something, teach you something, are there for you... or you will psyche yourself out.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 2

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 4:14:54 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Now that actually doesn't bother me because not everyone is attracted to the same things. Plus my self esteem isn't in the least bit affected by pixels on my laptop. What gets to me is someone who just disappears...someone who doesn't have the balls to say "You're not what I am looking for" or "we have too many differences" or whatever. I wouldn't say it hurts exactly...just pisses me off.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 3

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 4:19:43 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

I was just haveing a conversation with someone who had been talking to someone for a while and they finally shared pictures and she never heard from them again.
While some may say this us a common experience, it sdoes not mean your not suppose to feel something when your rejected.My question deals with what has hurt you in the past or even now?

*sigh* Way back when, I used to go through that too. And then I discovered something quite amazing. I don't HAVE to develop feelings for people I've never met before. I don't HAVE to consider conversations online to be anything more than conversations. Sure, I could enjoy the topics and even think that perhaps the person and I were similar in a lot of ways, but honestly, I could be just as similar to someone else at the grocery store and still not think of them when I went home.

So... when you stop developing intense feelings for people you've never met before; when you recognize that you can indeed like what someone has to say and even be grateful that they've said it, it does not mean that them not talking to you is some sort of grand rejection from which you have to continually recover.

This is why people (or at least I when I was looking) make arrangements to meet pretty soon after beginning conversations online. I came to the conclusion that Starbucks and Applebees just really isn't that all-fired dangerous and so...if more than a couple of weeks go by without making plans to meet face to face...then I'm done with the conversation. Besides, I figure it's a meal or a drink out of my life (yes, I always would go with money to pay my own way) and not as big a deal as I was making it out to be.

What hurts me now? Oh, the list is endless and sadist that he is, he keeps on finding more to be added to that list.

- thank goodness.

juliet

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 4

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 4:37:07 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I really don't hold much to online chats until and unless they have been going on for a time---many people just come and go---most trollers---however, what hurts Me now?

I had some very dear friends, or so I thought that were in the circle of the last slave I brought here for a trial. They helped Me care for him and get him packed and ready for Me to pick him up ( he was in Canada)---we grew very close---or I believed. Things did not work out with the slave but we remain dear dear friends. They proceeded to send him emails, notes, clippings from My journals, profiles etc to try and rub his nose in the fact that we did not make it and I was looking again--they delight in mindfucks----however, I thought they were more decent than this---it just goes to show you---mean people suck.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 5

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 4:44:30 AM

habibi

Posts: 59
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Now that actually doesn't bother me because not everyone is attracted to the same things. Plus my self esteem isn't in the least bit affected by pixels on my laptop. What gets to me is someone who just disappears...someone who doesn't have the balls to say "You're not what I am looking for" or "we have too many differences" or whatever. I wouldn't say it hurts exactly...just pisses me off.

i completely agree. i KNOW i'm not to everyone's physical tastes, everybody can't please everyone, right? but if we've spent time getting to know each other and you just disappear? i'm pissed! how hard is it to put forward the fact that you don't want to date me or what ever, but still keep in touch as one person to another. i talk to ALOT of ppl i'm not going to fall in love with, that doesn't mean i'm wasting my time talking to them. sometimes friendship is better than a "relationship"....and even better...sometimes, when you never thought it could, friendship takes a turn towards love.

but, i guess i've just decided that someone who is willing to just stop talking to me because they don't want to date me is not someone i wanted to know anyway. saves me time in the long run...but man is it harsh!

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 6

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 4:52:41 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Yeah, it can be, but it doesn't have to be. You're cute, young, seems like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. Screw 'em. Their loss, not yours.

(in reply to habibi)

Post #: 7

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 5:27:54 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

It hurts when I feel that I've made a connection with someone and they just stop answering e-mails, but still show up regularly online and never explain what the problem was.
It hurts when I confide to a friend, only to find that when the friendship goes bad they use those confidences against me and to try to turn others against me.
It hurts when I put a lot of effort into organizing something, and no one shows up but they all turn up to a party thrown with one day's notice by someone else.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 8

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 7:29:24 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

I think people can invest their feelings too quickly in the fast paced world of email, IM's and the like. It is easy to sit behind a keyboard and find someone engaging and develop an interest in them.

Relationships seem to spring up overnight in our world where instant gratification beomes the normal state of things. For me it requires the more subtle nuances to become intrigued. The look of a person when they smile, the way they interact with others in a public setting, the way they move across a room.

For me online communications are a way to weed out the obvious barriers to a relationship...but there is nothing to get hurt by until an actual, face to face interaction of some months has occured...maybe I am just jaded but words are easy, actions take a little more effort.

Bright Blessings!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 9

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 8:19:17 AM

dawndewdropbaby

Posts: 37
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

I was just haveing a conversation with someone who had been talking to someone for a while and they finally shared pictures and she never heard from them again.
While some may say this us a common experience, it sdoes not mean your not suppose to feel something when your rejected.My question deals with what has hurt you in the past or even now?

Way back when, I used to go through that too. And then I discovered something quite amazing. I don't HAVE to develop feelings for people I've never met before. I don't HAVE to consider conversations online to be anything more than conversations. Sure, I could enjoy the topics and even think that perhaps the person and I were similar in a lot of ways, but honestly, I could be just as similar to someone else at the grocery store and still not think of them when I went home.

So... when you stop developing intense feelings for people you've never met before; when you recognize that you can indeed like what someone has to say and even be grateful that they've said it, it does not mean that them not talking to you is some sort of grand rejection from which you have to continually recover.

This is why people (or at least I when I was looking) make arrangements to meet pretty soon after beginning conversations online. I came to the conclusion that Starbucks and Applebees just really isn't that all-fired dangerous and so...if more than a couple of weeks go by without making plans to meet face to face...then I'm done with the conversation. Besides, I figure it's a meal or a drink out of my life (yes, I always would go with money to pay my own way) and not as big a deal as I was making it out to be.

I have in the past done the same thing. Finally it hit me in the head that it doesn't have to be that way. Now in the end, I look at it as a good conversation and or maybe a nice cup of coffee. I don't always have to let my emotions come over me.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 10

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 8:36:23 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

FR

Make a new ID - attach a fake pic of a gorgeous woman, contact person who hurt you and when he's drooling tell him - your way to ugly for me go away.

On a more serious note, realize that you're not going to be everyones cup of tea and vice versa. Rude people abound everywhere and to expect manners online is like expecting a virtual ice cream to taste delicous, or a virtual spanking to really hurt lol.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to dawndewdropbaby)

Post #: 11

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 9:04:03 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

It all comes back to preference. I haven't looked in quite some time but I can relate. Physical appearance does mean something at least to most people.

I few months ago I was job hunting, met and talked to an attorney online who was considering hiring me as his paralegal. We met for lunch one day, and after that i never heard from him again. About a week later, i checked his email address, there was his myspace, a Dominant (i had no clue) and was more than likely trying to find a submissive female to play his fantasy out of the secretary....then i typed in his real name found out where he went to H.S. and college, when he graduated, oh and did I mention that the jerk off was married.....

Sometimes things just work out for the best.

~meticulous~

(in reply to dawndewdropbaby)

Post #: 12

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 9:08:10 AM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

It hurts when I feel that I've made a connection with someone and they just stop answering e-mails, but still show up regularly online and never explain what the problem was.
It hurts when I confide to a friend, only to find that when the friendship goes bad they use those confidences against me and to try to turn others against me.
It hurts when I put a lot of effort into organizing something, and no one shows up but they all turn up to a party thrown with one day's notice by someone else.

Your hurts are about the same as mine

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 13

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 10:47:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

My parents probably- though I'll add they were never abusive in any way.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mystique567)

Post #: 14

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 11:01:54 AM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

Rejection always hurts for me, it doesnt matter if I've ive never even met them. Of course the more I have invested the more it hurts. I got a stinger today when I realized someone I had been emailing back and forth with never bothered to read the last email I had sent them, although they had been online. I didn't even realize until today though.... so the point here is, the rejection stings, even if it is rejection from someone I don't even know of give a hoot about.
I could say all those comforting things to myself, his loss, im better off, blah blah blah. But honestly the bottom line is, dating is FULL of REJECTION. It has to be, or we would all just be with that first person we met.. remember them?
I took a major dinger a few months ago when I had corresponded for over a month with a local Dom, we finally met for coffee and the next day he sent me an email explaining that he just was not sexually attracted to me because I was not fit enough. The real bitch there was I had confided in him that I didnt have the level of fitness that he did and i wanted to acheive it, and I had asked his help. Ouch. The lesson I learned from that little ouchie was that rejection happenes, it stings until it doesn't, then you move on. (middle part learned from Sinergy

)
Just my humble opinion as always,
oct

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/14/2007 11:18:07 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

Single tails...definantly...oh wait..you meant mentally didnt you?

I dont know that rejection hurts the way it used to. When I was younger with alot less self-esteem, any small bit of rejection felt like the world was crumbling. But now that Ive learned to live with myself and know that there really are people out there who love me...I couldnt care less about the ones who dont. Screw it, im gonna be myself and if someone doesnt like it they are more than welcome to go sit on something and spin.

I definantly am not really out to score points online with people...

personally, Id say what hurts the most is when I realize Ive offended someone who has already earned my respect. I am an active member of our local leather community, and to hear one of them say I did something that dis-appointed them is a massive blow...

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 16

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/15/2007 1:30:07 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

I generally have a photo in my profile so that before someone contacts me they will have some idea of what I look like. If I don’t have a photo of the other person I ask for one early on as I know that I have definite preferences.

In the past people ceasing contact with me without any warning has hurt me however I have become better at making good decisions about who to talk to, who to meet etc and I remind myself that everyone has a right to make their own choices and decisions…even if I don’t agree with or understand them.

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(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 17

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/15/2007 8:36:47 AM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

I get an old pic out of them and toss as many old glass's as I can at the pic.

The sound of breaking glass is comforting to me (have no clue as to why) and it allows all the energy of the pain, hurt, and anger to find a place to go instead of ignoring it or pretending it isn't there.

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 18

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/15/2007 3:34:50 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

I was speaking with a very dear friend who is a dom in PA. She had a death of a family member.She was very upset and told the sub that she had been seeking exclusively for months that she needed time to deal with her loss .
The sub disappeared after her loss.He saw her as not a goddess, or a strong ,"can't hurt me "woman, but as a real person. She was so hurt..... And he just disapppeared at a time in her life when she needed a good heart to build her back up..

Doms are people too..

(in reply to bliss1)

Post #: 19

RE: What hurts the most out here to you ? - 7/15/2007 5:29:47 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I try to share pics with a potential sub early on. That way as you chat, talk or whatever and get to know each other, you have a good idea what you are getting into. It would hurt far more if you met and then decided she wasn't what you wanted in physical appearance or vice versa. If you are not in the habit of hurting others needlessly, it is very hard to talk your way out of that situation. It happened to me once and I drove around with her for many uncomfortable miles, saying we were getting to know each other and then taking her back and saying we had a nice day getting to know each other.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 20

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