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RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 12:39:26 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		When one is overwhelmed by many symptoms and what needs to be done for each one... and then one symptom complicating the other and six medications for this and two for that and then four for the other... add life... one can lose track of all sorts of things.  I have forgotten a medication I dropped under the bed and couldn't get without help for a month... and many strokes later... it finally hit me.  Am I irresponsible?  wish to die or get attention?  not taking care of myself?  No... I am ill.  Some of the illnesses cause memory problems.  When in pain or sick constantly you tend to shut things out and in a way walk blindly through the day, not seeing... not feeling... because it is too painful to do and you are trying to handle pain by forgetting.  It is a double edged sword at times.

If someone constantly forgets something they need that is something they must have to save their life... I feel something is going on that is so overwhelming that they cannot remember and they just need a bit of assistance.  Call it what you will, but unless you live it and are typically honest with yourself and have a good self image and have covered those aspects of things... it is simply something forgotten no matter how important it is. When really ill you are trying to be strong and trying to not focus on it all so you can get on with life and sometimes in the process you lose things.

Deserve punishment... no... structure and support would be more like it.  Could some use it wrongly and seek attention... sure... but that's why I added the honest with yourself and good self image part.  Sometimes it is a part of the illness itself and sometimes even the medication, to forget... to punish at that point would be like punishing someone for having a bowel movement.  It is natural and a part of the big picture in some illnesses and with some meds.

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 1:06:59 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		cjenny....i'm not going to quote your journal repost cause it made me cry.  that IS my life, right down to the dog, except i have two of them.

some days its being driven crazy, slowly.  and i wish you didnt have to do it, too.

i have meds listed on sticky notes and posted on the bathroom mirror....and i still forget some days.

kitten who misses who she used to be....

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 3:44:28 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

I take pills on a regular basis, as a preventitive for migraines. I've been taking them for years, during times I was collared and times I was on my own. I have always felt it is my own responsibility to make sure I take them, and to come up with a system that works for me to make sure I remember them. My last Sir, decided that what would help me the most was for him to take over making sure I took them, and that was fine. In that relationship, he made the decision to take on that responsibility. Truthfully, it was still technically my responsibiliity, but in that instant I had given control of that over to him. Now, in my current relationship, it is up to me to remember to take them. Sometimes in the evening, I will get asked, "did you remember to take your pills today?" Thats not him telling me to do it, its a gentle reminder...and I dont get punished if I forget, but the dissapointment is bad enough....I very rarely forget...the pain of a migraine is reminder enough to want to take them...but occasionaly, if the kids are sick, or im in town all day and dont get home in time...it happens...

ghita amati


i understand that-he wanted to assure you took them......that is a kind, wonderful thing for a man to do and it made me smile reading it.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 3:46:11 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		ahhhhh jenny {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 3:48:31 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny


For the record I wish I hadn't made the above post. It was an impulsive move to try and have others see an alternative view but I think it just made me look vulnerable & not viable.

Which is not true . Usually.


putting on my domme hat(hahahahaha) and ordering you to never apologize for who you are.....i find your writings on here absolutely adorable.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 3:57:01 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		thanks to all of you who have responded and i wish you well.......

i wanted to clarify that i too have had to take meds and forgotten them......i fought panic attacks when i was married for a few years, and all i got from my ex was "get tha fuck over it already!"

after reading these stories about your lives, i realize i would have loved to have had someone around who cared enough to remind me of it..........i still see it as my personal responsibility-and my personal "oh shit" if i forget.........

i think the loving dom who wants to help his sub because he cares is awesome.........just the ordering to remember and it being his/her fault if she forgot makes no sense to me......but if no shame or punishment was attached to it, it would be part of a loving relationship in this or any other kind of dynamic.

thanks for making me think.......

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 4:23:09 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear SeeksOnlyOne, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I do agree that people must be adult about things, being responsible for themselves and their own health, happiness and or long term goals.
 
However, I can freely say; that there are some individuals that want other people to be responsible for them and their behavior, attitude and or [insert list of things here].  The laps of memory and or forgetting have their places under circumstances; e.g. age, distractions, multi-tasking, learning new skills that require focus, medicines that affect memory, mental illness and or mental health; e.g. tumors, stroke, Alzheimer's, etc.  However, a lot have become 'enabled' to forget when another is over controlling, as to cause lapses in responsibilities to their own 'self.'  Some have caused the other party to be 'responsible' do to their irresponsiblity and or immaturity and or manipulations and controlling techniques.  Shifting blame becomes a habit and it becomes normal.  In groups--it becomes a society and culture.
 
Speaking for myself, when a slave approaches me and wishes me to control every aspect of their lives--I pass over them.  I am not their baby-sitter, a prison guard and or in such a dire need to micro-manage another person.  In my mind's eyes--a slave enhances a Dominant's life with mature participation and not regress into a juvenile - parent relationship dynamic.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 4:53:13 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual

   That being said..to me, if you're an adult and can't manage to find some way to take your meds on a day to day basis consistantly without having a Dom/me remind you about it, you shouldn't be in a relationship, particularly in wiiwd.

 
Some disorders do make it hard to remember your meds.  I'm bipolar, and try as I might I miss a dose of my meds once a week.  The nature of the disorder and being stable at hypomanic will do that to you.  I have a post it on my um's door that says "take your meds!"  It helps a lot, but the order helps, too.  It doesn't make me irresponsible; it does say that I have a hard time creating a consistent enough lifestyle to remember meds because I'm dealing with a chronically ill um and successfully remembering all of her meds.  Sometimes more important things are on your mind. 
 
Basically, as far as having trouble remembering medications go, it's a very minor reason to avoid wiitwd.  There are far more serious ones out there.

(in reply to sublimelysensual)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 5:00:07 PM   
SweetCaleigh


Posts: 59
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		cjenny, do you have fibromyalsia by any chance?
 
*sweet caleigh*

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 6:56:05 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		You know, sometimes my dog "forgets" his house training. No matter if it's disobedience or just a brain fart. The steamer is on the carpet. The mistake is made, and I become deeply disappointed in his behavior. It pleases me to know he does what I require of him, and REALLY displeases me when I have to take responsibility for him when he "forgets." So, I discipline him until he remembers his training. It's a pain in the ass (for both of us) , but in the long run, he'll be a better dog for it.

We're talking about dogs, right? Right.
Funny how often the topics seem to overlap.

Oh, and BTW.. it goes both ways. In my BDSM relationships (not with my dog) my subs are often charged with reminding me of taking my metformin. What can I say? I'm distracted by a sub dressed in pretty much nothing... but that's the nature of the relationship, as I see it: they are there to serve my needs. The only way they can do that, is to be responsible for themselves first.

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 7:14:43 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't get a LOT of stuff.  But then again, I don't worry about what I don't get.  What works for others, well, that's between them.  Incidentally, I happen to agree with you...some things fall squarely on one's shoulders...taking meds is one.  I guess if her dom wants to "remind" her or whatever, well, if it works....

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/27/2007 7:29:02 PM   
sublimelysensual


Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smilingjaguar

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual

   That being said..to me, if you're an adult and can't manage to find some way to take your meds on a day to day basis consistantly without having a Dom/me remind you about it, you shouldn't be in a relationship, particularly in wiiwd.

 
Some disorders do make it hard to remember your meds.  I'm bipolar, and try as I might I miss a dose of my meds once a week.  The nature of the disorder and being stable at hypomanic will do that to you.  I have a post it on my um's door that says "take your meds!"  It helps a lot, but the order helps, too.  It doesn't make me irresponsible; it does say that I have a hard time creating a consistent enough lifestyle to remember meds because I'm dealing with a chronically ill um and successfully remembering all of her meds.  Sometimes more important things are on your mind. 
 
Basically, as far as having trouble remembering medications go, it's a very minor reason to avoid wiitwd.  There are far more serious ones out there.


I bolded part of your response because that's what I wanted to address. Please know I'm not trying to attack you, or what you're going through, personally.
 
   I believe that caring for one's health is very much a personal responsibility, and that not doing so is irresponsible. As I also stated in the first post, I can understand occasionally forgetting. There's a big difference between forgetting once or twice a month, and forgetting on a consistant basis. I agree that a consistant lifestyle helps, but to me, if you don't have that, you need to create it. If the note on your um's door isn't doing the trick, put another note on the bathroom mirror. Put a note on the back of the door so you see it before you leave. In short, do what you have to do. I have a um with a terminal illness. She takes 2-4 hrs of medical treatments daily. It would be very easy for me to use that as justification for forgetting to do things. I think that's a slippery slope, and one I choose to not go down.
  
  I do think that not taking personal responsibility for meds, particularly ones related to psychological disorders, is very much a reason to avoid wiiwd, and relationships in general. I have a Dom friend whose girl is bipolar. I hear from both her and Him about how much harder it makes the relationship when she forgets to do her meds, or has decided not to do them. If you're making the effort to do meds correctly, fine. If your Dom/me knows you have issues with this and decides it's something they want to deal with, fine. But when a person won't take that responsibility for their health, they shouldn't expect someone else to do it for them, or complain when someone else does do it for them, and then become irritated with the consequences.
 
I wish you all the best with your & your um's health...
 
-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/28/2007 5:35:48 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCaleigh

cjenny, do you have fibromyalsia by any chance?
 
*sweet caleigh*


Yuppers SweetCaleigh I do, it is all written on my profile. I want to thank all of those that gave me support and understanding on this thread.
Thank you.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to SweetCaleigh)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/28/2007 5:51:31 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

You know, sometimes my dog "forgets" his house training. No matter if it's disobedience or just a brain fart. The steamer is on the carpet. The mistake is made, and I become deeply disappointed in his behavior. It pleases me to know he does what I require of him, and REALLY displeases me when I have to take responsibility for him when he "forgets." So, I discipline him until he remembers his training. It's a pain in the ass (for both of us) , but in the long run, he'll be a better dog for it.


OK....after my Sir and I first met, and we werent actually living together but he would occasional spend the night at my house...my dog HATED him...would pee all over his clothes if he left them on the floor. Peed on HIM one night. Some reason Sir made me build a fence and turn Rambo into an outside dog..still cant understand why! Anyway, until that point, Rambo had never "forgotten" his house training. ( I love comparing subs to dogs..so fun occasionally..anyway) OK..so....to make my point. When something doesnt get done...or gets done that shouldnt have been done.....whether or not its willful disobediance often depends on the circumstances, and the relationship. Two people can look at the same act (oh no, fido peed in the corner) can call it two different things, because only they know the circumstances behind it.

PS...I am not advocating for subs to begin peeing in the corner...unless of course you and your master are into that sort of thing.

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: forgetting=disobeying? part 2 - 6/29/2007 10:10:51 AM   
WolfSpirt


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		You must remember that a real dom who  truly cares about the health and welfare of his submissive,and I  can speak for myself and I can assure you that if my sub is taking meds that I ask every day, DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS, DID YOU CHECK YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE OR BLOOD SUGAR. This has to do with your life and staying alive, so if you forget or if my sub would forget she would be reminded in a strong manner that there is no excuse for forgetting. This mean he cares he wants you to stay alive to be healthy . So I hope all doms will insure there subs take their meds when they are suppose to.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 35
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