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I just need some ears to listen and a little help to understand


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I just need some ears to listen and a little help to un... - 6/25/2007 8:37:03 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		A few months back, I began to wet my feet in all of this, for real... abandoning the strictly online conversation, and really taking in every breath of what it might be like to meet someone with these same interests in real time.  I had, at that point, ventured into several very faulty long distance relationships... none with any potential to move forward... so I let that go, and decided to converse with men who were closer to my area... providing a much more likely chance for it to evolve. 

I met a stunning man whos interests I shared, virtually entirely... We connected on all sorts of levels, and almost immedeately began conversation off of the site and on instant messaging.  We talked for quite some time... realized how well we connected, and he became very much mine.  Still, we agreed to take the relationship slowly... to really get to know eachother and watch the power exchange evolve, rather than exist from the first moment.

At that point, both of our schedules got very busy, so we resorted to emails back and forth, when chatting wasn't quite as easy.  Then, one day I sent him a message and never heard back. 

I watched his profile change.  The text that was once there perfectly describing who he was and what he wanted, vanished... He was still logging on and had read every message I had sent him, but he never bothered to respond. 

I contacted him via instant messenger and we actually connected by accident just the other day... I asked him what had happened, and he offered up the truth... which in my experience, from a man, is rare. 

He stated that he had met another woman, who had desired to control him right away.  She made it very clear to him that he wasn't "THE ONE" but that she wished to have control over him anyway, while she looked for another submissive to take his place.  She told him that he wasn't to communicate with any other woman who wasn't either her or his mother, and in addition to this, that she believed the contents of his profile probably represented him incorrectly and that he should "delete it until it's proven to be truth"

I believe that its pointless to create a relationship with someone who you don't see it going somewhere with.  If someone told me that they knew i wasn't the one but they wanted to be with me until they found someone better, my response would be an emphatic "fuck you"... I think as humans, we all deserve better than that... sub, slave, or otherwise. 

So, I struggle with the concept of him disrespecting me and our relationship... not even having the decency to tell me that we weren't going to speak any more... and yet giving me this lecture about how he could never tell her no... he has to obey her and respect her because thats who she is to him. 

Does this happen often? Why would someone give up something that was what they wanted, for something thats temporary and doesn't fulfill any of those same needs?

When I contacted him, he mentioned how much he now realized that he wanted to be with me... was it wrong for me to share my distaste for his realization? Even then he was still rambling on about how he wanted to be with me, but he would have to make sure it was ok with her first...

I'm just absolutely floored by the whole situation... and now i detest this man who i once adored...
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 8:45:15 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		The one attribute he lacked was the patience to wait for something better to come along and he went for the immediate gratification this other woman offered. In short, he thought with the little head in his pants...Unfortunately much of our society is like that. Everything is about having it all now and not being content to wait for a relationship to develop. I'm sorry this happened to you, but it's not as uncommon as you might hope. Still there ARE people who want something more than a casual relationship and if that's what you want, don't settle for less, and don't expect less from those you come into contact with.

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 6/25/2007 8:46:50 PM >

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 8:53:32 PM   
ITGirl68


Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		That says it all. I hope you will hold out for someone who deserves you.

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 8:58:08 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a little puzzled as to why this is bothering you so much. I looked at your profile, and from your Journal entries it appears that you are now happy with someone else. Is it even worth wasting time agonising over? You said that you had previous net relationships and that this man was closer so it was different. But was it really? If it never got to real time, wasn't it just another internet based fiasco? I'm not being critical or judgmental, just trying to understand what this is about, and trying to point out that maybe you're blowing it out of proportion. It seems to me like yet another case of someone who didn't walk his talk, but if you've now found someone who does, why sweat the small stuff...?
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 9:00:06 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		because its the issue at hand...

i wanted to poste about it to get some response and to get it off my chest so that my new relationship can be healithier and happier. 

i am very happy with who i am with now, but i didnt want this issue dragging me down. 



(in reply to LadyHeart)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 9:19:55 PM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

When I contacted him, he mentioned how much he now realized that he wanted to be with me... was it wrong for me to share my distaste for his realization?

I don't think so.

quote:

Even then he was still rambling on about how he wanted to be with me, but he would have to make sure it was ok with her first...

You're kidding, right?

quote:

I'm just absolutely floored by the whole situation... and now i detest this man who i once adored...

I don't know this man or anything about him, but judging on action alone his behavior is sorely a disappointment. His character appears to be quite weak and as was said above, he seems unable to delay gratification in order to have something more meaningful. A bird in the hand is worth more than..well you know that old saying.

If he's already showing you and the potential relationship you offered him this kind of disrespect, I would be cautious about a future with him. I realize you said you're feeling like you detest him but I also sense the opposite of detesting between the lines of what you're saying. You're hurt, disgusted, and rightfully so but I sense that you still care. You became emotionally invested and that can't just turn on and off like some switch.

If you do give this guy another chance, he's got an awful lot of making up to do and perhaps even some punishment coming for excercising such poor judgment. As for the other domme he initially chose to submit to...lol. He better be prepared to walk and kick her to the curb, yesterday. At least that would be my take on the matter if he wanted me.

Best wishes with the situation.


(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 9:25:12 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		He sounds very needy and uncertain of who he is or where he wants to go.  i don't have anything more then a gut feeling to back this up but his story sounds fishy to me.  Maybe you caught him off guard and he made up this crazy story because he had to tell you something?  i don't blame you for loosing total respect for him, i would have too. He's not worth another thought - you moved on, just enjoy your new relationship and forget about him.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 9:28:47 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

i am very happy with who i am with now, but i didnt want this issue dragging me down. 


By thinking about it and starting a thread about it, you are giving this old relationship a lot of power over you.  I wonder why you are doing this.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 9:50:13 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		It seems like you wanted closure, which you now have. However, I wonder if you expected some other response from him? Did you want him to tell you how stupid he was? Beg to come back to you?

People some times believe that they have an intimacy with someone although the depth of the conversations are online. Sure, you can care about him but you don't really know anyone until you spend 2 or more years with them.

Some people are content to be dominated by anyone. Some people believe if they make another happy enough that they can become "the one". Who knows what his motives are? It sounds like you had every right to tell him what you thought.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/25/2007 10:51:07 PM   
LadyPaige


Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds like he's so desperate to be owned that he's willing to be whatever is necessary to make it happen.  If she had him delete his text because it didn't seem to represent him, perhaps it didn't.  I'd lay bets that the profile was designed more to attract a Domme than to be an honest representation of himself.  You fell for a character he developed on-line, and you're better off without the reality, which you know for a fact is at the very least weak and rude.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 3:20:48 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I've actually gone through this twice now online, where things were at cetain level and I was in deeply serious mindset about it.  Hell, I went so far to kill my account, dumb ass mistake as it was, one time.

The last time I got burned online, she was anything and everything I could ask for.. then poof she killed off her AOL mail, stopped calling me, no more IM's and was not answering phone.  No explaination to WTF was going on.  Just Poof!  She was running 100% full speed with things and then dropped off the face of the world. Perhaps one day, I'll hear from her again, perhaps not.   Not a pleasent emotional experience to go through. 

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 4:15:43 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28


So, I struggle with the concept of him disrespecting me and our relationship... not even having the decency to tell me that we weren't going to speak any more... and yet giving me this lecture about how he could never tell her no... he has to obey her and respect her because thats who she is to him. 


I've read and reread your post and no where in it (perhaps it's just my error in how I read it?) does it say the two of you have met and interacted in any way other than online. While you may have thought that he was very much yours, I'd say that his actions speak differently about his state of mind regarding this. So, considering you've never met (as far as I can tell), and he's chosen (for whatever reasons he had) to be with someone else in real time, just what is it that you feel he's done to disrespect you and your relationship of simply chatting?

juliet

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 4:44:44 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		good luck to you......if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.....

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 4:45:24 AM   
instynctive


Posts: 2726
Status: offline 		He could have also been pretty much "brow beaten" into submitting to this other woman.

I hope you find the peace and closure you seek and deserve.

-J

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 8:25:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I can't really talk, my most common way of ending a relationship is just letting it go and not communicating.  Of course, this is usually after months of awkwardness and we're both pretty clear it's not going foward.

However, while I can understand your pain, you guys hadn't made any real commitment to eachother or established a serious relationship.  Yes, it would have been best if he'd just come out and said he wanted someone else- but such is life and people suck in lots of ways. 

He might also just have been vulnerable at that moment and was trying to tell you the best version of the story that he could- rather than jhurt your feelings.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to instynctive)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 8:47:35 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Sometimes people are so desperate to get what they want that when instant gratification comes around, they will ditch the relationship that would be healthy for them for the one that is the "right now" instead of "right". If he doesn't have enough stamina to wait, then you now know he probably wasn't a match for you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 9:09:52 AM   
DerMeister


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear you had such a miserable experience. To those who answered anything related to "instant gratification" right on! We humans are a strange species and it's apparent to me that we're kinda' f*cked up in RL as well as in our D/s relations.

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Don't cry because it's over...



Smile because it happened!

-Dr. Seuss

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 9:37:49 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		A lot of wimps are that way, they can't say no to a female dominant no matter who She is.  His need for humiliation (knowing he wasn't good enough but Her wanting to control him anyway) outdid his common sense.



_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to DerMeister)
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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 9:51:33 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I have a set of rules that I adhere to strictly which seems to alleviate the majority of problems that people tend to "air" out here....It is pretty damn simple, no more than a few conversations then it is a mandatory face to face.  This way there is no building up of any rediculous expectations and when the topic comes up of a face to face and you start to feel resistance to this idea....Then this is a red flag and the person should be disregarded altogether.....Admittedly, this is a rather cold approach but I am not willing to place worth or value onto someone that I am unable to lay eyes upon or enjoy their company in person.

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RE: I just need some ears to listen and a little help t... - 6/26/2007 1:53:42 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		water seeks its own level.

and the truth is

people do too.

this fellow chose a relationship where he would not be valued, over one where he would be, he chose it because it how he internally values himself, it has nothing to do with you whatsoever.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to domiguy)
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