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RE: talking too much - 6/18/2007 4:07:10 PM   
marieToo


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From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Invisible gags that keep them from talking so they just sit there and stare at women instead.


Maybe he's just not a good conversationalist (I think that's a word)

Maybe ask him some questions and get him talking about himself.

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marie.


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RE: talking too much - 6/18/2007 4:10:14 PM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

to all you men out there: How can a woman get you to talk her ear off? 


Finally someone who wants to get to know me for me....Most the time when I meet someone the first thing they say is, "How can I get you to fuck my eyes out?"

Unfortunately most just get to hear my pat answer, as I look them up and down trying not to grimace, "I dunno...Maybe a bottle of Wild Turkey...some porn...Do you have any cute friends?"

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RE: talking too much - 6/18/2007 4:14:10 PM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		One would think that the sound track in my mind when reading Domiguy's post would include at least a little Tupac, but noooooooooooooooooo, all I get is David Cassidy!

love ya' DG ~ fairer


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RE: talking too much - 6/18/2007 4:25:15 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

As some said, silence can be golden. Comfortable silence.


Even uncomfortable silence can be golden. It shows me how much someone likes me if they are at least holding up their end of the conversation. If someone does not make an attempt to converse with me after I ask  a few questions then I tend to shut up and let the silence build until they fill it. Often that is all the prodding the men I have been involved with needed, me keeping my piehole shut. I have been involved with many talkative men, and prefer men that know how to converse easily...if they can't I take that as a sign of incompatibility.

I think that some men get overwhelmed by chatty women so that when their turn to speak comes up they have already bailed out of the conversation mentally and emotionally.

I know my Daddy has told me several times that he hates it when the person he is conversing with is just waiting for their turn to speak and not really listening to him... many women in his life have done this... even me on the occasions when I was adrenalized (upset) by the conversation we were having... I try really hard to do this, but it is hard when one is debating heatedly to remember to actively listen...

Active listening means acknowledging what the other person says, and on occasion repeating it back to them in such a way they know that they were heard... it is something I forget to do because I tend to get quiet when listening... I have to remind myself to do it... good communication is a learned skill.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: talking too much - 6/18/2007 4:39:31 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		So if a man gets tired of silence, he will eventually fill it.. Definitely good to know. I've always had the fear that if  I didn't fill in long gaps of silence, the guy would think I was just sitting there looking stupid, get bored,  and bail. I think I'll try your approach and see what happens.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: talking too much - 6/18/2007 4:59:35 PM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

As some said, silence can be golden. Comfortable silence.


Even uncomfortable silence can be golden. It shows me how much someone likes me if they are at least holding up their end of the conversation. If someone does not make an attempt to converse with me after I ask  a few questions then I tend to shut up and let the silence build until they fill it. Often that is all the prodding the men I have been involved with needed, me keeping my piehole shut. I have been involved with many talkative men, and prefer men that know how to converse easily...if they can't I take that as a sign of incompatibility.

Ummhmm. Yes.

I think that some men get overwhelmed by chatty women so that when their turn to speak comes up they have already bailed out of the conversation mentally and emotionally.

Absolutey, this can happen. *nods and smiles*

I know my Daddy has told me several times that he hates it when the person he is conversing with is just waiting for their turn to speak and not really listening to him... many women in his life have done this... even me on the occasions when I was adrenalized (upset) by the conversation we were having... I try really hard to do this, but it is hard when one is debating heatedly to remember to actively listen...

Yes, that can by annoying, and almost all of us do it, at times, julia. Everyone likes to feel genuinely listened to.

Active listening means acknowledging what the other person says, and on occasion repeating it back to them in such a way they know that they were heard... it is something I forget to do because I tend to get quiet when listening... I have to remind myself to do it... good communication is a learned skill.

Yes it is, I hear you  Teasing aside, I do agree with you; good post.


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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 1:06:44 AM   
Sinergy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

So if a man gets tired of silence, he will eventually fill it..



I wont.

Used to.  Not anymore.

Sinergy

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 1:18:39 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Figure out how you're content acting and find someone who is at ease with it.

Some guys love a talkative girl. Some love a silent girl. There's no right way to be, and you don't have to be middle-of-the-stream on something just to be more normal in hopes of satisfying a sterotype.

Bottom line being.. be yourself, and find someone who likes you for it. Not much different from many other aspects of a relationship.


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RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 1:27:32 AM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Figure out how you're content acting and find someone who is at ease with it.

Some guys love a talkative girl. Some love a silent girl. There's no right way to be, and you don't have to be middle-of-the-stream on something just to be more normal in hopes of satisfying a sterotype.

Bottom line being.. be yourself, and find someone who likes you for it. Not much different from many other aspects of a relationship.


There's the best advice.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 1:37:23 AM   
moose


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/25/2004
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

When I was in teacher training, they taught me to use the phrase "Tell me about...", because it would get the child to open up more than specific questions, and would sometimes be more revealing, opening avenues you wouldn't necessarily think to ask about.

For example,

"Tell me about your work,"
"Tell me about where you grew up,"
"Tell me about when you last [insert name of their favourite hobby, or sport, or interest]"

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RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 4:32:00 AM   
wandersalone


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Joined: 11/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
The only time I don't have this problem is when talking on IM. because men actually make an effort to keep up their end of the conversation.


Hmmm I wonder if the advent of computers and chat programs has lead to a decrease in face to face conversational skills? 

I really enjoy the silences that can spring up when I am with others and I don't even mind if it is an uncomfortable silence vs a comfortable one.  Silences do not always need to be filled in and it is ok to not know what to say next.

If you are worrying about whether about why the other person is being quiet - does he like me, am I boring him, have I got lipstick on my teeth etc etc you may be raising your anxiety levels and ending up more tongue-tied than before or you could be so caught up with the thoughts in your head that you aren't being 'in the moment' and truly hearing him when he talks.  Look at all of the signals you are getting from him- tone of voice when he does talk, posture, eye contact, are you and he mirroring eachother, is he sitting far back or leaning in to you .... some of his quietness may be shyness, boredom, feeling ok with listening to you talk, wondering what's on tele, wondering if you like him, wanting to get the first meeting over with so that you can progress to the second and a million other thoughts.  If you are noticing a significant difference between talking on IM with someone and meeting them don't be afraid to ask them about this. 

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RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 4:40:30 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I find people can discuss any inane thing online, but when challenged to move to the phone or in person, many cannot have any type of intriguing conversation. What I find extremely interesting, is that many men online claim that they cannot connect with women, but after an email or two when I suggest moving to the phone, they say, uhhhh no, lets keep emailing or IMing. It speaks volumes to me if someone avoids talking.

If you just want to write someone and are not able to converse either through banter or on a deeper level, then you are avoiding getting to know someone and my interest is gone.

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 6/19/2007 4:41:19 AM >

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RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 6:09:28 AM   
KnoxFIre


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline 		You know, I was taken back a few years by this topic.  I suppose it's possible for someone to talk so much that one could be moved to employ a gag but I have fond memories of this lovely little lass who had this bubbling, excited, love for life. She could talk on virtually any topic and did so with enthusiasm. As soon as I walked in the door or as soon as the car door closed, we were awash in a soft, warm blanket of communication.

I share this memory only to say that perhaps it's a question of personalities? There are those who are extroverted and communicate verbally - while there are also those who are less prone to do so.

Lots of good pointers here for breaking the ice and encouraging conversation.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 6:51:21 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

So if a man gets tired of silence, he will eventually fill it..



I wont.

Used to.  Not anymore.

Sinergy


But Daddy, you have never relied on me to keep the conversation going either, or replied with one word answers, or anything like that....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 7:59:25 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
There's the best advice.

Hmph and it's exactly the same as what I said in post #4

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 10:14:59 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
There's the best advice.

Hmph and it's exactly the same as what I said in post #4


But your just a switch so no one noticed (I hope you know I am kidding with you)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 10:53:31 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 2:12:43 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		When someone answers in one or two short sentences, and doesn't do anything to keep up their end of the conversation, I usually assume they don't want to talk and they aren't interested in a conversation with me.  If we've only just met, I'll take it as an indicator that they don't like me.  If I've known them for a bit, I'll assume they are preoccupied with something else or have lost interest.  I use the same rules for phone conversations, e-mails and im's.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 4:04:09 PM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And just be yourself- I'm betting some people love your over talking.


Astoundingly, astonishingly fantastic advice, LA.
 


_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: talking too much - 6/19/2007 6:04:31 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I'm often accused of "rambling" "prattling" etc. However, the few good friends I have are naturally quiet and they seem to enjoy the fact that I carry the conversation. One of my exes was like that...rarely said more than 2 sentences about anything...but he loved to hear me talk. We would sit in his apartment and he would work on his hobby (He built models) and I would sit on the floor nearby and just prattle on and on about life, the universe, whatever....he would let me go for hours. I once asked him, "Don't you get sick of me prattling...most other people do." He said, "No, I love it....I live alone and I find it comforting to just sit and listen to you talk...I miss it when you're gone". I think that's one of the main reasons I dated him for as long as I did...it was so nice to meet someone who actually LIKED for me to prattle.

Some men are annoyed by it...and I assume that those men are not good matches for me. But there are some that like it, and those are the guys I look for.

I can enjoy silence with a person, IF we are both engaged in our own pursuits...like he's watching a television program and I'm reading a book or something...but just sitting there and staring at each other makes me uncomfortable, so I'm going to fill that gap.




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"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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