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Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:12:51 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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It is absolutely amazing to me that I am going to ask this question, seeing how I am the queen of over analyzing things, but sometimes I think we all just question things too much.. like what makes us submissive or dominant, or why we have a certain fetish, or whether or not someone who has a certain fetish is emotionally healthy.

I was thinking about this today in reading a thread in which this person had obviously done a great deal of introspection about what made them a bottom type person... I have done this myself, but today I had this thought cross my mind... does it matter why I am the way I am? Will it change it? Do I want to change it? If I am happy, shouldn't I just be who I am and love myself for it? Is it even "knowable" as to why I am the way I am?

Same things with fetishes, after a certain amount of time I quit asking myself why I am a masochist... I used to ask this question. I used to wonder why I was "weird", if it was "healthy"... I don't anymore. I think it is because I do not think I will ever have an answer as to "why", and I am happy and satisfied... even though I am not "normal" (whatever that means).

It just seems like there is this psychoanalysis of why people enjoy humiliation, sadism, masochism... D/s itself, but at the end of the day is it all just mental masturbation? Do we really know what is motivating ourselves on an individual level, much less other people and why they do what they do?

I do not mean this to be insulting to others, and I am probably over analyzing myself analyzing...lol. This is as much pointed at myself as it is anyone else.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:24:05 PM

litleone8620

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I stopped analyzing everything when I realized I was never going to learn why I am the way I am. So now, instead of worrying if I'm doing something right/wrong/normal/crazy/weird, whatever; I just do what makes me happy, and couldn't care less if that squicks other people.

There does seem to be a psychoanalysis of wiitwd. Especially with the 'abuse' threads. I grew up in suburbia heaven (hell). Had a good childhood, no abuse of any kind. Yet here I am. What does that tell you? Why does it matter how I came to be what/who I am? All that matters is who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.

Analyzing everything just takes the fun out of things. And there is no fun in that.

_____________________________

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We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:25:44 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I came from the same sort of background, and I cannot explain why I am the way I am either... nor do I think of it as being inherently unhealthy.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 3

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:31:38 PM

daddysblondie

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You know, I have a terrible habit of overanalyzing things, even to the point where I've been questioning some things that seemed really big to me lately. I wont go into detail, but in talking to a friend of mine about my questions, she helped me to see that the answers don't make a difference. I'm learning that sometimes, having the answers to questions doesn't hcange the outcome.
So in a broader sense, I suppose that means that knowing WHY we are the way we are doesn't change the fact that we ARE this way.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:43:59 PM

becca333

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How do you know if you're right or left handed? You just know.

Maybe we should be as accepting about other parts of our makeup, too.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:46:05 PM

earthycouple

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It is human nature to want to figure out why we do the things we do. Even moreso to try and figure out why others do what they do when what they do isn't what we do. (damn I hope that read easier than it typed)

I don't often wonder what made me who I am because I know what made me who I am today. Hardwiring and everything I've lived up to this point. Good, Bad, Fun, Miserable, Ugly, Beautiful....I could go on all night. Once we realize our own hardwiring and learn to capitalize on it in a positive way the rest is left up to every moment we live.

In my opinion the people who need retrospect are not those of us who are happy with who we are and live our lives not harming (harm and hurt are two entirely different things) others. Retrospect is for those who feel as if their lives are not lived to their potential, who take pleasure or some other emotion in harming or for those who simply can't seem to "make life work".

I spend little to no time regretting or wondering what if because I know I work hard to do the best and be the best that I can. When I screw up and boy do I screw up sometimes I use it as a tool to learn; not a way to beat myself up or "wonder" if I need to be more or fundamentally different.

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:50:43 PM

mistoferin

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julia, I think that sometimes we question far too much...and other times not nearly enough. Myself, I am one like you who also questions. The trick is to find a healthy balance. It can be as detrimental to over analyze as it is to float through life like flotsam and jetsam....both extremes can be paralyzing.

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~erin~

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"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 10:59:51 PM

domiguy

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I was just recently discussing this very topic with a sub off of this site....She was the one who brought it up....She seemed to be under the belief that everyone suffered through some type of serious dysfunction in their life that would bring them to this point....I proceeded to argue that although I'm sure it has been a contributing factor to some that there are others who simply "are."

If it's the case that wiitwd is bringing you more harm or distress than I would definitely think it might be wise to do a little bit more analysis to find the root of what is causing you anguish....For others just take care and find your right match.

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 11:00:49 PM

Lordandmaster

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Eh, I'm not so sure. Usually when people make a lot of noise about "overanalyzing," they're the sort who go through life making the same mistakes over and over again because they refuse to look at themselves and reflect on who they are and why they do the things they do. As long as we have brains, I think it makes sense to use them.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 9

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 11:13:34 PM

SimplyMichael

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Do you really think we ask too many questions?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 11:14:00 PM

robertolapiedra

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Hello juliaoceania.

-People who have fun, tend to not over analyse "why" they are having fun.
-People who help others, tend to not over analyse "why" they help others.
-People who do what they love, tend to not over analyse "why" they do what they love.

People who have a great curiosity about life, tend not to over analyse if they accept discovery, wonderment, mystery and the unfathomable. Acceptance is the key to balance.

When I find that I over "do" something (or the contrary), I always check first if there is something I cannot "accept". You just can't change everything, sometimes this concerns parts of yourself, in reaction to others and the universe. You don't over analyse what you "can" change, I find. Just musing. RL.

Edit: bad grammar

< Message edited by robertolapiedra -- 6/15/2007 11:29:16 PM >

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 11:32:42 PM

robertolapiedra

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Hello SimplyMichael. No? RL.

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 11:36:15 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Do you really think we ask too many questions?

Everyone else...No.

You.................Yes.

Godnight all......Oh, and everyone on this site does got themselves one of them bad brains.

_____________________________

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/15/2007 11:38:53 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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let me think about this some more. I'll get back to you guys with my post.

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 1:23:42 AM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
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Juliaoceania,

Great post and rather relevant to me right now. I was just having an ummm...discussion with a friend over this very thing 2 nights ago. he's a bit twisted up about why he is the way he is. why he likes the things he likes and felt there had to be some defining moment that brought it all into focus as to why he was the way he was etc...why why why why why.

I don't understand that personally and the point I attempted to make to him was Why is the "why" of it all so important? Is knowing "why" going to change things? Will understanding and knowing why make you suddenly not enjoy/desire the things that you do? Of course it won't. Although he seemed to feel that knowing why may make him more comfortable with his proclivities.

I admit that when I was much younger (childhood to teen years) I questioned why I was "different" and felt a bit abnormal in regard to my enjoyment of certain activities. It was more like "Why do I get a squishy feeling down there when I tie Jimmy up to a tree and torture him? Is there something wrong with me?" But at that age who doesn't question themselves to quite an extent? As I grew older I simply accepted and embraced who and what I was without really delving into the why of it all. It didn't really matter to me. I am what I am. This is who I am. It isn't going to change. The "why" of it really isn't of any relevant importance to me personally. I don't quite understand what it's relevance is to anyone really. It is what it is.

I admit the psychological aspect of it all fascinates me. But it's more of a "how" stand point than a "why" stand point. Much more of a "when I do x, will they respond with z reaction or w or q?" than why. If that makes sense. I may be more guilty of psychoanalysis of it from that aspect more than any other.

Great post and much appreciated.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 2:02:06 AM

charmdpetKeira

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I do/ have done the, analyzing things to extremes, thing, and while I recognize, at times, it can be a hindrance; I also realize, it has a very useful purpose as well.

A true story:

As a kid, I feared my mother. I was brought up on the concept “fear is respect”; an idea, even as a kid, I knew to be pure BS. One of the big problems with this notion, especially when applied to kids is, eventually they get bigger, and if they haven’t been completely crushed by it, will eventually rebel.

As a teen, I hated my mother. I wanted out of the situation, but couldn’t figure out a way for me to make that happen. Taking the matter into my own hands, so to speak, was out of the question, so I started praying she just wouldn’t come home. Not in a violent way, just out of my way. Eventually I managed to find a way out, but my resentment toward her, for all she had put me through, was still very much an issue for me, which continued to effect many areas of my life.

Fast forward about 17 yrs; I am in the middle, of yet another, tour through “hell” and decide, if I’m going to make it stop, I have to figure out why it keeps happening; so commences the “Great analyzing”, (in a more productive manner then previously).

One of the first things I learned from doing this; I don’t actually hate my mother, I strongly dislike what she put me through. I also realized, the results of her actions were not what she had intend, and to this very day, I suspect, she has no idea what the actual effects were on me.

While I am still somewhat estranged from my mother, this realization has enabled me to see her for what she really is, and despite her actions; I can honestly say I have sincere respect, and care deeply, for her.

Analyzing things to great extent has not changed the way I am; knowing why I respond to certain situations, has pointed me in a direction to figure out how to change those responses. It has helped me in understanding what I need, for me to be happy, and has given me a good idea on what direction I need to go, to make it happen.

Mental masturbation for me, would be any type of puzzle I choose to do for fun.

Masturbating to the point of giving one’s self a headache and making them sick to their stomach, I would consider to be counter productive; regardless of what type of masturbation it was.

Sincerely,

k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 6/16/2007 2:04:01 AM >

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 3:14:52 AM

sleazybutterfly

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I think at first I did the same thing. I pretty much now have come to accept that I am this way and nothing will change it. I have never been more comfortable in my own skin, nor felt I could be more "me".

I have the habit of analyzing things to death, so for me to finally just "be" with anything is a big deal.

I think that things changed when I found M. I love him, and I know that he will always treat me with respect no matter my position with him. Having someone that I can trust in every single aspect of my life allows me peace just living everyday content in being his slave. Why question something that gave me everything I was looking for?

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 4:07:59 AM

julietsierra

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

It is absolutely amazing to me that I am going to ask this question, seeing how I am the queen of over analyzing things, but sometimes I think we all just question things too much.. like what makes us submissive or dominant, or why we have a certain fetish, or whether or not someone who has a certain fetish is emotionally healthy.

julieoceania:

I got this far in your post and the FIRST thought that came to mind was an article by Dave Berry (I looked for it, but couldn't find it for you).

He wrote this article about the differences between men and women. They were in a car having a conversation. I can't remember all of it, but I believe it ends where she'll take the next six weeks to take apart every comment he made and discuss with her girlfriends every nuance of what was said, looking for "what he really meant."

He'll get the oil changed.

Now, I know that both men and women tend to overanalyze things from time to time, but that's just what came to mind.

Oh yea... I did finish reading your post.

Unfortunately, just when I started to analyze what you had to say, along with everyone else's thoughts and comments, I came across this little quote from domiguy:

quote:

:domiguy

Godnight all......Oh, and everyone on this site does got themselves one of them bad brains.

And that immediately brought to mind

Frederick: I won't be angry... just tell me who's brain is it?
Igor: Abby
Frederick: Abby... good, now we're getting somewhere. Abby ... Who?
Igor: Abby.... Normal

Suffice to say, I don't think I'm doing very well this morning in terms of analysis of much of anything.

juliet

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 4:31:24 AM

eyesopened

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From: Tampa, FL
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i tend to think that if people didn't worry overmuch about how or what other people are doing and work on making their own lives balanced we would live in a much more balanced world. On the other hand when people make a public display they should know ahead of time that they are subject to public opinion. i have never understood why it is automatically bad to stay in the closet.

When we post on these boards, for example, we can't complain when we get flamed... we put our opinions out for public scrutiny. If a person wants a forum where all they get is agreement then they should join a support group.

Life is kind of like a restaurant where there are going to be things on the menu we don't like. Doesn't mean we have to eat those things even if they are put on our plate. We don't have to stop going to that restaurant just because they have things on the menu we don't like. The menu allows us to choose. If we make a bad choice, we don't stop going to the restaurant we make a better choice next time. Now, how's that for over-analyzing?

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 5:01:58 AM

MadRabbit

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If we can categorize it, label it, or answer the question of "Why?", then we can understand it.

I think everyone wants to have a sense of truth about things or some solid ground that they can rest their feet on to ensure that they are in fact "righteous" or "doing the right thing" or "Its ok".

However, everytime I think I have an understanding as to "Who we are?" or "Why we do what we do?", another question or anomaly arises, some quirk that doesnt fall into the great logical model of how things work.

Amazingly, at the end, the only thing I can really conclude is that people are simply people who are seeking to fulfill some desire in some way thats never as simple as "People are Dominants because they are hard wired like this..." or "People want to be humilated for X, Y, and Z".

Personally, my inquisition rarely ever leaves this message board and the constant questions about things that constantly roll threw my mind rarely ever get voiced in real time. Outside of the forums, with the people I meet in everyday life, I just simply try and have a good time with and dont try and psychoanalyze or label.

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