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RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 5:54:59 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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I don't see life glibly. I want to know why I am the way I am because someone will ask me eventually. The "Duh, I dunno- I just am" answers never cut it for me. If they don't know themselves, how am I going to understand them? Do I even want to know a person who never curious enough to evaluate themselves?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 21

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 6:12:52 AM

Bonafied

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

I have few questions I ask of myself, (1) Does it challenge me? (2) Do I enjoy it? (3) Do I possess the qualities to out perform others and can I afford it? Thereafter I simply submerge myself it with gusto.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 22

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 6:20:26 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

julia, I think that sometimes we question far too much...and other times not nearly enough. Myself, I am one like you who also questions. The trick is to find a healthy balance. It can be as detrimental to over analyze as it is to float through life like flotsam and jetsam....both extremes can be paralyzing.

I have been paralyzed by over analyzing in the past. Perhaps I am at last finding the balance... I remember just a year ago Sinergy used to tell me that, perhaps it has finally sunk in my noggin?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 6:22:18 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Do you really think we ask too many questions?

Perhaps we ask the wrong ones?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 24

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 6:56:12 AM

salilus

Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

I don't personally think that asking questions is the issue. I think people have a tendency to over complicate things, sometimes. It can be as simple as, "I really like this," but everyone needs to come up with a better reason than that because someone else had a better answer.

"Someone else does this because X... oooh, perhaps that's why it's supposed to be done! Am I that way? Should I be?"

I over complicate things - it makes my owner batty at times... I've gotten better at just accepting things... most of the time... well, some of the time, anyways.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 25

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 7:03:34 AM

Shantra

Posts: 41
Joined: 3/29/2007
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julia I can't believe that you just happened to post this now. I do not question who I am or why I am doing this that kind of thing, but boy do I over analyze and really want to stop and go with the flow, so if out of this anyone can share a techique of 'how to' I would be really grateful.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 26

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 7:14:42 AM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

What does 'over analysing' really mean? That you spend too much time thinking about something without finding out anything new? I find it hard to believe that too much understanding would be a problem. I think seriously about some of the issues on the boards because they effect my life. I make decisions, for myself and others, and my ethic requires that I have some reasonable level of understanding of the consequences. In my experience, people have kinks, fetishes, paraphilias, whatever you want to call them, for a variety of reasons, and sometimes if you don't understand those reasons you're likely to cause harm or invite unpleasantness by indulging them. I like to understand these things so that I can avoid doing unnecessary harm, and avoid bringing trouble into my life.

(in reply to Shantra)

Post #: 27

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 7:19:07 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

julia, I think that sometimes we question far too much...and other times not nearly enough. Myself, I am one like you who also questions. The trick is to find a healthy balance. It can be as detrimental to over analyze as it is to float through life like flotsam and jetsam....both extremes can be paralyzing.

I have been paralyzed by over analyzing in the past. Perhaps I am at last finding the balance... I remember just a year ago Sinergy used to tell me that, perhaps it has finally sunk in my noggin?

Julia,

I think you might find this sight interesting, http://www.kolbe.com/, if you have not heard of it already.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 28

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 7:21:01 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:Domiguy

She seemed to be under the belief that everyone suffered through some type of serious dysfunction in their life that would bring them to this point...

I think that is part of what I am talking about with over analyzing and then people generalize which leads to stereotyping. Some people tend to view the world the way they are...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Usually when people make a lot of noise about "overanalyzing," they're the sort who go through life making the same mistakes over and over again because they refuse to look at themselves and reflect on who they are and why they do the things they do.

There is a difference between knowing why we do things, and using this as a universal explanatory model for how the universe runs, or using it as an excuse to stay at a certain place in our emotional development. I think some taking stock in ourselves is an important thing. But at the end of the day it is what it is, and if I am not happy with what it is then I need to change that, not the why of it.. I hope that makes sense...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

I don't understand that personally and the point I attempted to make to him was Why is the "why" of it all so important? Is knowing "why" going to change things? Will understanding and knowing why make you suddenly not enjoy/desire the things that you do? Of course it won't.

I went through this when I first discovered my masochism... I picked it apart in so many different ways... but now I just think I am a sensation slut

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

And that immediately brought to mind

Frederick: I won't be angry... just tell me who's brain is it?
Igor: Abby
Frederick: Abby... good, now we're getting somewhere. Abby ... Who?
Igor: Abby.... Normal

Suffice to say, I don't think I'm doing very well this morning in terms of analysis of much of anything.

juliet

That made me chuckle... thanks....

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

I pretty much now have come to accept that I am this way and nothing will change it. I have never been more comfortable in my own skin, nor felt I could be more "me".

I think this is the bottom line of what I am trying to convey, I feel comfortable with "me", and I was not at peace with it for a very long time. I went through therapy and had the shrink tell me I question things more than any other patient he ever had, and he had been in psychotherapy for about 35 years... so that is quite a feat

. As I progress in life, beat anxiety, move forward... the "whys" do not seem as important to me. I definitely do not think being myself (submissive) is something that sprang from an unhealthy unwell place... something that feels so "me" is not something I want to identify as stemming from something negative.

As for the rest of the comments, I have very much enjoyed reading them all.... I am analyzing all of them

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 29

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 12:54:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The problem is really much more one of exclusion.

You can be completely fulfilled in who you are AND still question it and analyze it and pick it apart.

You can be very secure in your relationship AND still change it and turn it around and talk about it for hours.

The problem is most people think you can't have one if you have the other, so they take themselves OUT of the moment when they question.

There is of course a limit to productive introspection- you get yourself lost in the knots of yourself, you stop having fun and just end up a ball of worries. It's important to know how and be able to extricate yourself when it comes time to lay down the worries and issues and just BE.

As well, people use questions to distract from actually dealing with the issues- they are constantly questioning what's this and what does that mean and how do I get over my issues- without actually addressing or changing anything. So they continue recycling that path.

But on the whole, goodness I wish people would question things a gazillion times more than they do now. If only because then they'd stop seeing me as a big meanie.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 30

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 1:10:27 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

If there are things you think you need to change, I don't see how you can go about changing them unless you ask yourself why you do them in the first place.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Usually when people make a lot of noise about "overanalyzing," they're the sort who go through life making the same mistakes over and over again because they refuse to look at themselves and reflect on who they are and why they do the things they do.

There is a difference between knowing why we do things, and using this as a universal explanatory model for how the universe runs, or using it as an excuse to stay at a certain place in our emotional development. I think some taking stock in ourselves is an important thing. But at the end of the day it is what it is, and if I am not happy with what it is then I need to change that, not the why of it.. I hope that makes sense...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 31

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 2:59:16 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

As long as we have brains, I think it makes sense to use them.

I have felt for most of my adult life that people think too much.

Bear with me, please.

The brain has all sorts of ancillary tasks to take care of, and establishes all sorts of connections making a neural net that modern science is only starting to understand. What ends up happening for many people is that they "spin their wheels" on a particular topic, whether this is a positive topic or a negative topic. The brain, in order to increase the efficiency of what it is being used for, builds up the fatty tissue around those specific neurons involved making it easier for that transfer of electrochemical signals.

Additionally, the brain is a filtering mechanism designed to focus from the vast array of inputs down to a point where the consciousness can function. It can do this for negative thoughts. It can do this for positive thoughts. It, in and of itself, filters what it is told to filter.

What ends up happening is that the particular thought pattern becomes ingrained. The particular obsessive thoughts become easier for the person to keep at the forefront of their consciousness than to pull the attention away from them somewhere else.

Spinning one's wheels about a topic, without adding something new to the mix, like reading books, talking to people, getting more viewpoints, gazing at it with an unfocussed eye looking for that which one did not see before, is simply building up the brain's ability to keep a negative concept at the forefront.

Hence my use of the term "think too much."

I prefer to tell people that in order to protect myself as much as possible, I dont think at all.

Which is just me, and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 32

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 5:09:29 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Hence my use of the term "think too much."

You know, that sentence encapsulated what I was trying to convey.. thank you Daddy

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 33

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 5:34:43 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

julia, I think that sometimes we question far too much...and other times not nearly enough. Myself, I am one like you who also questions. The trick is to find a healthy balance. It can be as detrimental to over analyze as it is to float through life like flotsam and jetsam....both extremes can be paralyzing.

I have been paralyzed by over analyzing in the past. Perhaps I am at last finding the balance... I remember just a year ago Sinergy used to tell me that, perhaps it has finally sunk in my noggin?

Julia,

I think you might find this sight interesting, http://www.kolbe.com/, if you have not heard of it already.

Knight's Kyra

I have book marked it... thank you!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 34

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/16/2007 5:40:19 PM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra

Hello juliaoceania.

-People who have fun, tend to not over analyse "why" they are having fun.
-People who help others, tend to not over analyse "why" they help others.
-People who do what they love, tend to not over analyse "why" they do what they love.

People who have a great curiosity about life, tend not to over analyse if they accept discovery, wonderment, mystery and the unfathomable. Acceptance is the key to balance.

When I find that I over "do" something (or the contrary), I always check first if there is something I cannot "accept". You just can't change everything, sometimes this concerns parts of yourself, in reaction to others and the universe. You don't over analyse what you "can" change, I find. Just musing. RL.

Edit: bad grammar

I agree and I will add this.
I have seen a lot of arguing on here and people attempting to change other people minds.
I am not saying that is what you do, but that is the basis of many arguments.
Also, I accept that all people are different and are going to live their lives in ways that I would not.
I don't have to accept or relate to them, and often I don't try too.

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 35

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/17/2007 8:56:10 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Questioning can be a beautiful art, when it brings understanding. It can be tedious, when it doesn't.

So, it depends on the case, as the significance of a question often determines whether it's appropriate or not.

Take a lot into consideration, too. Such as, even the same question, in the same manner, can be appropriate or inappropriate, depending on the audience.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 36

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/17/2007 11:44:09 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Julia,

I think you might find this sight interesting, http://www.kolbe.com/, if you have not heard of it already.

Knight's Kyra

I have book marked it... thank you!

My pleasure. I probably should have written a little bit more yesterday, but your comment reminded me of a slave that I recently met and she is an extreme Fact Finder on the Kolbe A Index. The constant search for more information sometimes limits the ability to actually make things happen in a person's life.

To answer your OP, much like Erin I think we ask too many questions on some things and not enough on others. I am learning to stop asking my self why I am who I am and I am doing it by replacing it with a different question. I ask my self how can I be more fulfilled by who I am and what I am doing. I am learning the aspects of submission that fulfill me and learning how to reinforce those things within my relationship. It is a little different perspective and it is having a big impact on the amount of growth I am doing lately.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 37

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/17/2007 12:38:59 PM

714Lovin

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Joshua
Status: offline

You have to through the questioning stage to get to the acceptance stage. Some will actually find an answer to why they are the way they are that they can live with, others might find that they will never be able to figure it our and just understand that they are just that way. Regardless though, its the journey that got them to some kind of level of acceptances.

As a DOM, I would not want a slave that has not gone through this journey and prepared herself for me. It is the only way to rid herself of doubt about her position in this world. Much like no sub would want a DOM that has not been on his road to self-discovery. I'm sure you can imagine how much of a mess that would be.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 38

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/17/2007 12:39:08 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I was thinking about this today in reading a thread in which this person had obviously done a great deal of introspection about what made them a bottom type person... I have done this myself, but today I had this thought cross my mind... does it matter why I am the way I am? Will it change it? Do I want to change it? If I am happy, shouldn't I just be who I am and love myself for it? Is it even "knowable" as to why I am the way I am?

Same things with fetishes, after a certain amount of time I quit asking myself why I am a masochist... I used to ask this question. I used to wonder why I was "weird", if it was "healthy"... I don't anymore. I think it is because I do not think I will ever have an answer as to "why", and I am happy and satisfied... even though I am not "normal" (whatever that means).

It just seems like there is this psychoanalysis of why people enjoy humiliation, sadism, masochism... D/s itself, but at the end of the day is it all just mental masturbation? Do we really know what is motivating ourselves on an individual level, much less other people and why they do what they do?

When people start asking the questions that indicate to me they've gone into hyperdrive on the self-analysis, I tend to shut down and ignore the thread completely, because I don't want to analyze every detail of why I do what I do. For the majority of my life, when things don't work for me - and even when they do work - I have always given consideration to the what and the how. What is it that turns me on? What makes me who I am? What drives me to do what I do? What motivates me? How can I make sure my needs are met? How can I achieve my goals? How can I become a better person and/or slave? You get the point. I even consider the when and the where, to a lesser degree. But I really don't care about the why. Why doesn't matter, because it's not something I can change. No matter what I do or say, the why will always be there. It's a constant. What does it matter why I feel all warm and fuzzy when I kneel at His feet as He strokes my hair and tells me I'm a good girl? Why I get turned on by having electricity applied to my genitals just doesn't matter when I'm being charged up and the Kaptin's growling threats into my ear. Who the heck cares why in that moment? It feels good, regardless of the reason!

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 39

RE: Do People Question Things Too Much? - 6/17/2007 12:43:56 PM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

I also tend to avoid page long threads filled with analyzations.
Endless analyzation can become boring and mundane, I see a lot
of this online.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 40

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