RE: Debriefing....after scene negotiations

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RE: Debriefing....after scene negotiations - 5/27/2007 10:34:10 AM

meticulousgirl

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I've never journaled or had after scene talks...it's just always when it's over it's over, I have never been asked to talk about my feelings afterwords with anyone I've ever been with who is lifestyle oriented....

Interesting subject.

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RE: Debriefing....after scene negotiations - 5/27/2007 10:56:57 AM

spanklette

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Joined: 2/22/2005
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Well, we rarely have pre-scene negotiations or any negotiations at all...it's just basically what He feels like doing. Every once in a while, we will have a carefully and meticulously planned out scene, but for the most part it's all spontaneous.

We do talk about what went on during the scene after a few days, but I have found that His adjustments will actually take place mid-scene. Of course, that's because He knows me well enough to catch my positive and negative responses to certain activities.

In general, I haven't found it necessary with Daddy. But, when just playing casually (which I don't do anymore, per His intstructions) I do need negotiation before, during, and after. I'm not just talking about after care, but actual negotiations. We would talk about what went right and what went wrong.

I have also found, in my previous life, that the after-scene negotiations were an important part of being a reference for someone. If someone contacted me about a particular person that I had played with, I'd likely bring up the propensity to be able to negotiate or not. Generally, I'd fall on those after scene negotiations and talks to give my best opinion of their play style and whether or not they were really listening to feedback.

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"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Debriefing....after scene negotiations - 5/27/2007 11:10:58 AM

juliaoceania

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The term "negotiate"

intransitive verb : to confer with another so as to arrive at the settlement of some matter
transitive verb
1 a : to deal with (some matter or affair that requires ability for its successful handling) : MANAGE b : to arrange for or bring about through conference, discussion, and compromise <negotiate a treaty>

contrasted with "communicate"

1 archaic : SHARE
2 a : to convey knowledge of or information about : make known <communicate a story> b : to reveal by clear signs <his fear communicated itself to his friends>
3 : to cause to pass from one to another <some diseases are easily communicated>
intransitive verb
1 : to receive Communion
2 : to transmit information, thought, or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood <two sides failing to communicate with each other>
3 : to open into each other : CONNECT <the rooms communicate>

I would call what happens between us communication, not negotiation, after we play. I understand your point of using the terminology in the OP, and I guess it is like the term "safeword" and how people use it differently. For me it is any form of communication that stops a scene because I am in trouble. For others it has another meaning altogether. I use the words negotiation and debriefing differently than they are being used here. I do not compromise before, during, nor after we play anymore. I kinda see the time for negotiation long past after we have played as the deeds are done so to speak. I do not debrief him either, we just communicate..and sometimes we don't if it I am overwhelmed.

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RE: Debriefing....after scene negotiations - 5/28/2007 2:32:38 AM

MaamJay

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Pre, during and post play communication are all equally important to me as both Domme and sub. Most times as a sub i can communicate something, in the times i have been in very deep, i journal about it all afterwards. Master reads it and then W/we talk about it. Similarly, if W/we have a disagreement, W/we usually talk about it at the time, but i also journal about it afterwards and add any further insights that come to me then. W/we both value that greatly as it helps U/us to grow as M/s. As a Domme, the cuddly time and gentle chat are one of My highlights of play time as I feel so connected to My sub. But if he's unable to process much at the time, then I do press him to write about it later or talk if he's anti-writing. I very much want to know about his thoughts and his feelings, not always easy for males to express.

I'm kinda shattered to read that some here have NEVER been asked about their thoughts and feelings ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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