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mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:03:18 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

What most women want tends to be someone who will act mean and act nice depending on what will turn her on at that particular time :)

What if the Master in a mood to act mean, while the sub wants her Master to act nicely? Or the Master wants to act nice, while his sub wants him to act mean?

Who makes the decision?

Edited to add:

For me it is the Master.... but when the Master never care for his sub's wants or need then it is a red flag. But we have to keep in mind the idea of "topping from bottom"; a sub should expect that her mood isn't the same of her Master's all the time.

I want to ask too... should all the subs/slave enjoy doing things their Owners want, even if the subs/slaves don't want to do it (except limits)? If a sub doesn't enjoy it, does that makes her/him less submissive?

< Message edited by Master96 -- 5/19/2007 3:14:36 AM >

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

Post #: 1

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:18:40 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

In reality as far as I can see, it's a combination of both peoples' needs at the time. Even if the Master keeps acting the way he wants to without any regard for his sub's mood, then he's not going to get the feedback from her that promotes his fun. She'll be irritable or uncomfortable with him even if she says nothing about it, so that in turn will influence how he feels about what he's doing. It's one of those "moot point when you come right down to it" questions about whether the Master decides or the sub decides, since they are in reality interacting with each other and not acting alone in a vacuum.

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 2

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:19:45 AM

Lordskitten

Posts: 66
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

Hmmm, i'm going through a very simular stage with my Daddy. We've been together for almost 4 years now but only about 3 weeks into our exploration of D/s (We've done it off and on, but this is the first solid attempt by him). I find it very annoying and frustrating when he's "nice" to me when all i want him to do is be forceful and dominate me. When he is forceful and dominates me i want him to be "nice" lol. I think its just a matter of getting to be comfortable in your rolls with eachother, then the "nice and mean" factor just naturally fits.

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 3

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:22:35 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
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Thanks NakedGirlScout :)

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 4

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:25:40 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordskitten

Hmmm, i'm going through a very simular stage with my Daddy. We've been together for almost 4 years now but only about 3 weeks into our exploration of D/s (We've done it off and on, but this is the first solid attempt by him). I find it very annoying and frustrating when he's "nice" to me when all i want him to do is be forceful and dominate me. When he is forceful and dominates me i want him to be "nice" lol. I think its just a matter of getting to be comfortable in your rolls with eachother, then the "nice and mean" factor just naturally fits.

Not having the control of the mood. Don't you enjoy it as part of your submission? Does it make you less submissive if not?

< Message edited by Master96 -- 5/19/2007 3:28:34 AM >

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to Lordskitten)

Post #: 5

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:32:35 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

the decision is the Master's obviously

... what influences the Master's decision will be things like -the sub's mood, Master's mood, sub's needs. Masters need's, previous outcomes of similar situations, the relationship dynamic, Master's plans for the scene, wind direction etc etc etc

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 6

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:36:44 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

the decision is the Master's obviously

... what influences the Master's decision will be things like -the sub's mood, Master's mood, sub's needs. Masters need's, previous outcomes of similar situations, the relationship dynamic, Master's plans for the scene, wind direction etc etc etc

wind direction? hummm..... how about wind's speed?

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 7

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 3:56:54 AM

Lordskitten

Posts: 66
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

Not having the control of the mood. Don't you enjoy it as part of your submission? Does it make you less submissive if not?

Good question. For me, yes, i love not having control of the situtation, giving it over entirely to my Daddys hands. Which is one of the reasons i'm getting so annoyed when he's nice or vice versa. Since he's so very new to this, i still feel like most of the time his attitude is very much "Is it ok if i do...?" He's still fearful of all the rules society set apon him growing up and is slowly letting go of those things. I want him to let go of all that NOW and just some how fit perfectly into the role which i know is silly and will never happen.

For me the mean/nice factor is entirely up to him, so long as it doesnt reach the point of neglect or abuse. Babysteps toward our goal, then one day...it will just come naturally. He can be "mean" or as nice as he see's fit and i will eat every second of it up! :)

On a side note, i dont really like to call it being MEAN. To me, "Mean" is the school yard bully stuffing a straw up your nose and squirting milk into your sinuses, while sitting on your back and stealing your lunch money. LOL switch the stealing lunch money with a spanking and that might be a fun scene tho ;p in a healthy D/s relationship, the D should never be mean....Forceful and Dominating? Ohh yess pleaseee! *drool*

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 8

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 4:21:18 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

What most women want tends to be someone who will act mean and act nice depending on what will turn her on at that particular time :)

What if the Master in a mood to act mean, while the sub wants her Master to act nicely? Or the Master wants to act nice, while his sub wants him to act mean?

Who makes the decision?

Edited to add:

For me it is the Master.... but when the Master never care for his sub's wants or need then it is a red flag. But we have to keep in mind the idea of "topping from bottom"; a sub should expect that her mood isn't the same of her Master's all the time.

I want to ask too... should all the subs/slave enjoy doing things their Owners want, even if the subs/slaves don't want to do it (except limits)? If a sub doesn't enjoy it, does that makes her/him less submissive?

Any good Dominant will guage the needs of both parties involved before saying things like "strip it's time to pull out the rope and wand". If the moods aren't congruent enough then playtime doesn't happen.

If the Dom doesn't care about congruency and the moods are THAT different then yes, red flag city. If the incongruency is fairly insignificant then hopefully the moods will meld as things unfold.

This comes down to how in tune with each other you are. One of the things that makes the relationship I have with my slave so perfect is that even in type written communication I can "hear" what he says to me and vice versa. We are in tune with each other.

For the record, even when I'm mean, I'm nice. *EG* I'm not so sure that any mood is as "cut and dry" as you suggest it to be.

Even if it is, what do you mean "the sub wants"? If the sub wants something contrary to what I want then said sub has option to respectfully petition for something different but when it is all said and done, I do what I choose. (changed mind or not).

Asking for what you want or would like as a sub, when asked respectfully and when able to accept the answer for what it is... is NOT topping from the bottom. I see topping from the bottom as a manipulitive attempt at changing, creating or halting something; a sub does this covertly and with subterfuge.

As far as enjoyment goes: I know my slave enjoys seeing me happy and with a smile on my face. His enjoyment increases exponentially for every smile HE personally creates. If, let's just say in some alternative gor world, that I decided I want to do XYZ to my sub who is feeling under the weather and he is in no mood for XYZ and really would just prefer to snuggle. If I still choose my selfish *and in my opinion this would be very selfish* want to do XYZ I know my slave would comply and be happy to please me. That doesn't mean at that moment he is actually enjoying the physical act of XYZ and if he's not he is by no means less of a sub.

Chores have to be done by someone... My slave doesn't enjoy certain house chores but he does them because it pleases me; pleasing me, thrills him; the world is in balance and life goes on. This can be said for many many things...

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 9

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 4:26:25 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordskitten

Hmmm, i'm going through a very simular stage with my Daddy. We've been together for almost 4 years now but only about 3 weeks into our exploration of D/s (We've done it off and on, but this is the first solid attempt by him). I find it very annoying and frustrating when he's "nice" to me when all i want him to do is be forceful and dominate me. When he is forceful and dominates me i want him to be "nice" lol. I think its just a matter of getting to be comfortable in your rolls with eachother, then the "nice and mean" factor just naturally fits.

Not having the control of the mood. Don't you enjoy it as part of your submission? Does it make you less submissive if not?

No one can control our moods for us, no matter how submissive one is. How you feel is how you feel. You can choose to be influenced by another or not. This is just like saying you can only be offended if you allow yourself to be offended. Not liking or wanting something the exact same time as your dominant does not mean you are "less submissive". It means your moods are different.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 10

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 5:15:49 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

What if the Master in a mood to act mean, while the sub wants her Master to act nicely? Or the Master wants to act nice, while his sub wants him to act mean?

Who makes the decision?

personally it depends on what Daddy, i and/or both crave and how we feel. there are certain times when i want to feel the softer side of Daddy and then there are others when it's the rougher side. interestingly enough He does too. i'm not "topping from the bottom" to control the mood - it's like He knows what i want before even asking Him. on the other hand, Daddy tells me what He wants as well. so both of us share the "mood" of our relationship.

quote:

I want to ask too... should all the subs/slave enjoy doing things their Owners want, even if the subs/slaves don't want to do it (except limits)? If a sub doesn't enjoy it, does that makes her/him less submissive?

again, Daddy and i communicate our likes and dislikes which happens (surprisingly) to be the same. if it's something new, He'll suggest and then say only if i want to - but that tiny phrase alone might seem undomly however He knows my limits as well as my hard limits because there are certain things i will not absolutely do and He respects that. He also knows i have a curious nature and might like to try it once yet it doesn't mean i will again.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 11

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 5:46:37 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

What most women want tends to be someone who will act mean and act nice depending on what will turn her on at that particular time :)

First of all I do not agree with this statement by LA. She and I are wired differently is all.

What if the Master in a mood to act mean, while the sub wants her Master to act nicely? Or the Master wants to act nice, while his sub wants him to act mean?

Secondly, I do not, cannot in my mind, find my frame of reference to understand this? Why should we want to act mean to each other?

Who makes the decision?

Edited to add:

For me it is the Master.... but when the Master never care for his sub's wants or need then it is a red flag. But we have to keep in mind the idea of "topping from bottom"; a sub should expect that her mood isn't the same of her Master's all the time.

I want to ask too... should all the subs/slave enjoy doing things their Owners want, even if the subs/slaves don't want to do it (except limits)? If a sub doesn't enjoy it, does that makes her/him less submissive?

Sir has spoken at length with me about this. It is who he is to know me and why I submit to him. There are nonsexual things he would never require of me.... for example, clean his small apartment. I would love to do so on occasion. I am there enough and I have asked, but he says it is not my place..... at the this time.

Three thimes I have been disciplined and each time I knew it would be tough to get through but mean? No. Did I "feel" more submissive? No. I felt he cared enough about me to want me to not do "it" again.

There is nothing I wouldnt do for him sexually, he has told me he knows this of me and "treasures" me for it. Would he be mean and make me do something difficult? No tis not who he is. Would he push my boundaries? yes

Maybe I am extremely lucky, I am the moody one and he handles my baggage well, patiently and gently but with a strict controlling hand.
I can tell when Sir is dispondent and I say nothing but he knows I am there for him and he has told me he appreciates my empathetic silence for his situation.... right now, he is going through a job search after being downsized out of his job.
I guess empathy in this situation is not a hard task and I allow him the space he demands without bugging him. Maybe that is why things go smoothly with us? I am not an attention whore. I dont demand for myself but he gives willingly all the time.

This is a dynamic that is a 180 degree diff from my last owner.

When do I "feel" submissive to him? Always...even now as I wait for his call. If our relationship were based on feelings, it wouldnt be much of a relationship. It is based on my obedience and his control.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 12

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 6:02:30 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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I don't ever want him to act mean. I'm not sure I would respond well to him acting nice either. I just want him to be who he is when not overstressed, a natural and confidant leader. That's what I respond to.

Do our moods sometimes clash? Sure, no relationship, however happy is always in perfect sync. He could have any number of plans involving rope, paddles, etc but if I'm sick with a bad cold then those plans just have to wait till I can respond appropriately. At the same time, I could be desperate to be tied up and used but it isn't going to happen right then if his allergies are making his life miserable.

But we're adults, we talk about it and move on and we get those needs/wants met as soon as we can.

(in reply to shyinini)

Post #: 13

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 6:33:28 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

It is a mutual relationship. If everything is one sided all the time, then poor communication develops and the relationship starts to fail. Feeling are not the same as needs. I can be in one mood but I know better than to act foul to Master if I am in down mood. In play or just everyday Master goes by my body language to determine if he is getting the response he desires or wants from me. However as his slave his needs and desires are met before mine. It doesn't mean I am less important it is how our dynamic works and it is what has and does work for us.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 5/19/2007 6:51:21 AM >

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 14

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 6:46:01 AM

MasterMataeo

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
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a time to be fair and just ,, and a time to cuddle,,
ummm yeah , but it depends on my mood mainly ,, but as a Master, I need to beable to read my slave and her emotional needs,by looking at her,, and if not i'll ask,, and even though I'm the Master, and she is the slave ,, we have found that we both need to be aware of the mood the other is in and adjust accordingly,, kinda like any other symbiotic relationship

~Mataeo
"Try anything once, twice if you like it, three times to make sure, and well four makes it a habit"

_____________________________

remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 15

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 6:46:37 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

For me it is the Master.... but when the Master never care for his sub's wants or need then it is a red flag. But we have to keep in mind the idea of "topping from bottom"; a sub should expect that her mood isn't the same of her Master's all the time.

I want to ask too... should all the subs/slave enjoy doing things their Owners want, even if the subs/slaves don't want to do it (except limits)? If a sub doesn't enjoy it, does that makes her/him less submissive?

I get the impression (perhaps wrongly) that there is much concern about topping from the bottom. I do not know how big of a problem this really is. It has not seemed to be a problem in my neck of the woods, but it seems to be a very big concern here. Some even seem to think that a submissive wanting to do X Y or Z is somehow topping from the bottom...

It is rather simple for us. I state what I want, what I am in the mood for, if I am in the mood for something... but mostly I just like going along with what he wants. I do not expect that we will do what I want, but if he asks me what I want, he usually intends to give it to me...smiles.

I do not think I should enjoy all the things that my Daddy wants. He usually wants me to enjoy it though.

When it comes to sex, sometimes it is just sex. The Ds portion of what we are together is all the time, but sometimes when we are being sexual we just go with the flow. I never think about whether I am topping from the bottom at times like these, in fact I never worry about topping from the bottom...isn't that odd?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Master96)

Post #: 16

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 6:49:45 AM

MasterMataeo

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
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i might add that she is better at reading my moods than i hers,,
but such is how it is

~Master Mataeo
" Try anything once, twice if you like it ,, three times to make sure , and four makes it a habit"

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 6:51:51 AM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

Why can't you have both? I know that seems simplistic, but it's easy enough to do- a rough full-out intensely "mean" time followed by a loving, easy one or the other way around. Both needs are satisfied, and if you aren't feeling one as strongly as the other, there's no harm in that.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 18

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 7:15:54 AM

MasterMataeo

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline

nothing wrong with it at all,, i even like to cuddle up with my slave after a session,
for us their is nothing better that the cuddling after,, it brings us closer,,
but then again my slave is my wife , and we share a Very Special bond, deeper than marriage, or so we both feel

~MasterMataeo

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 19

RE: mood.... sub's or Master's ?! - 5/19/2007 7:48:44 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

When my mentor is in a bad mood, i am silent. i work at whatever tasks need to be accomplished without disturbing him. When he is in a good mood, which is by far most of the time, we get along great. When i am having a bad day, he will give me tasks - usually cleaning the pool - that allow me to mindlessly work out what ever issue has me upset.

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to MasterMataeo)

Post #: 20

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