RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism

RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (Full Version)

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Focus50 -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 3:47:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Focus, If nobody in your past will say a kind word about you that speaks volumes, in the scene or out. Never said they wouldn't (most probably would), merely that I don't offer OR SEEK referees. Kinda like how mature adult vanillas do the dating thing with someone new.... quote: While I don't go posting a resume if I fall head over heals for someone, I can and do allow them to talk to a few of my ex partners. And I don't - but thanks for breaking the news to me. quote: And while I am a biggers slut than some, I am actually quite monogamous by the standards of the scene and the opportunities that present themselves to me. Whoa, principles - with a sliding scale of degree.... Sorry, but I refuse to be part of the "one true way" that is continuosly espoused by the pro community lobby. Yet still I'm fine if that's their BDSM.... Focus.

DocTSH -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 3:59:08 AM)
Everyone has to have a starting point. I am sure that there is not a soul on these posts that have come into the lifestyle with an all knowing knowledge. I learn something everyday, and I'm leary of those that ae closed mined and are self assured they have learned all they will ever need to know. It is the same in vanilla life...otherwise there would be no unplaned pregancies, rapes, molestations, and due to the level of understanding, no hate.

Focus50 -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 4:06:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 BTW, this was not directed at you personally LA, merely that your post came in on the back of a previous post of mine.... Wayyyy off topic, too, but it seems this thread is running out of puff anyway. Focus. That's just cuz you're weird and scary- being all secure and successful and together and smart as you are. Hmmm, scarey when a stranger reads me so absolutely spot on.... quote: Surely someone who has all that and doesn't get into the public scene MUST be hiding something really bad. Even when you're saying I have "all that", not I? Interesting the shift in philosophy of "natural" justice in the US.... Seems everyone is now guilty till proven innocent, esp us BDSMers who abhor references and <gasp> prefer the past be left in the past. Focus.

MadRabbit -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 4:15:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrRodgers I think very possibly having new members show up on a list breeds cynicism among the young and unititiated and maybe not so young. With this list...they get burried in mail. I warn them to take their time and keep their options open etc. among other things suggesting that they just be themselves and they can be all the sub or slave they wish to be and allow it to evolve. Iam sitt'n here with the worst pinched nerve of my life where it is painfull 24/7 and extremely so to move about and thought I'd watch some racing and write some advice. It truly amazes me that without prompt, about 7 of 10 believe what I send is c & p or designed as subterfuge to lure them into my lair. If I write anymore such advice...and don't know that I will...it will be copy & paste that I do not seek a response or maybe I should just let them fall into one of the real traps of the kinkosphere. That will cement their cyncism and they will leave with all of the wrong answers to their questions of this 'lifestyle' and BDSM in general. They become the losers. I wonder if you take such active measures to protect the average vanilla woman from drunk abusive boyfriends and all the hundreds of "predators" in the local bars who are just looking for a drunken one night stand. Personally, if someone sends me a message saying they are new and want to get to know me, my usual advice is to find a local community as you stand to gain a better education in a safe enviroment then deciphering all the pseudo crap online. The difference between my advice and others is that mine would be detrimental to my online dating adventures. As such, it rarely ever receives the cyncism you speak of. But I dont email new submisisves warning them about the dangers of evil and horrible men online anymore then I bang on the door of a women who has just moved into the city and tell her to be careful because there is evil men in the local bars who just want her panties. The notion that there is online predators is as widely publicized as the notion that there is men in bars who just want sex. In fact, the only difference between the Internet and a bar in many cases is the man doesnt have to fork up cash for the drinks. This mentality of protecting the fem subs is one only keen to datings sites like this and non existant on some place like EHarmony.com. My general take on the whole "protector" thing in the community atmosphere is a selfish way to grab a BDSM virgin and cutting off anyone else besides themselves of providing them with all their "new" experiences.

Focus50 -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 4:27:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied It can be good to have friends in the lifestyle. It saved me from meeting a dom who was cheating on his sub. He was actively looking and she had no clue. Evidently he's no stranger to this behavior. He told me he was single and not in a relationship. When I described him to friends of mine, they knew him, even worse, they knew his sub. They confirmed that she did not know he was looking, and that they were still a "couple", he denied all of it. Thank goodness I didn't meet him. I do not go to munches or events, so getting references from lifestylers in that respect would not mean anything to me. *Yes - friends* - even I have those in the lifestyle.... lol And getting back to what julia said, I always found references for anything rather pointless - and absolutely farcical where prospective intimate relationships are concerned. I'm a mature adult and I'm only interested in getting up close and personal with another mature adult. The opinions of strangers are not sought or welcomed.... Yet the fact is (again) that this is one area within the lifestyle (incl this Board) where your right to choose what's best for yourself is not acceptible to the greater community protagonists. But such outrageous hypocrisy and even paranoia is amusing to behold.... lol Focus.**

MadRabbit -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 4:42:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 And getting back to what julia said, I always found references for anything rather pointless - and absolutely farcical where prospective intimate relationships are concerned. I tend to agree. Anyone who I am considering as a partner is going, in a very short time, meet my friends, roommates, and if occasion arises by chance, my family. These people will provide more than enough support for my character. Even so, its not something I worry about, no more than I go to special lengths to prove my trustworthiness to someone. Majority of people who meet me regardless of context are quite comfortable, at ease, and trusting. My own intentions, character, and energy will speak for itself over time and I dont feal the need to go above and beyond simply being myself. As far as ex partners, I am on a loose friends basis with a few ex partners, but I say "loose" for a good reason. Past emotions flare up neutrically all the time and even when you leave someone on non malicous terms, it amazes me how after a few months apart, the affection that once was there has a way of turning into contempt and passive aggression. I'm not always trusting of the perspectives of things they will share.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 7:24:28 AM)
It's not that surprising if you think about it. Most subs are pumped full of paranoia by their second week of "discovery" and create all sorts of trappings and inventions they feel will help stave off the fiendish dominant animals who must be kept in strict control or else they will eat you up! Add in the social pressure of the scene which forces people to feel they msut agree and get along and, again, protect against the evil bad guys, well you're already fighting a real losing battle. What's really funny is when when of their OWN blatantly disregards or calls out against such stupidity, they are immediately put on the "dangerous" list as well and castigated. Despite the fact that during this whole time, most of the group is off fucking and playing on first dates, getting collared willy-nilly, thinking safe words will save them from everything, and the ones you see coming back every few months with a heartbreak on their hands. But they've got their references!!!!!

MadRabbit -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/17/2007 9:19:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It's not that surprising if you think about it. Most subs are pumped full of paranoia by their second week of "discovery" and create all sorts of trappings and inventions they feel will help stave off the fiendish dominant animals who must be kept in strict control or else they will eat you up! Add in the social pressure of the scene which forces people to feel they msut agree and get along and, again, protect against the evil bad guys, well you're already fighting a real losing battle. What's really funny is when when of their OWN blatantly disregards or calls out against such stupidity, they are immediately put on the "dangerous" list as well and castigated. Despite the fact that during this whole time, most of the group is off fucking and playing on first dates, getting collared willy-nilly, thinking safe words will save them from everything, and the ones you see coming back every few months with a heartbreak on their hands. But they've got their references!!!!! In my short times with the local scene, I have to say my own observations were very much similar.

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