RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism

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Focus50 -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 4:30:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: SireKane Also, tell them don't date anyone who does not have a verifiable resume to back up their lifestyle reputation And what if the person doesn't go to munches and lifestyle events or any kind of public play. Many people are extremely private. Your request for a resume is very limiting. Lol, had numerous heated exchanges (both here and other Boards) with the "true" lifestylers - you know, the ones who belong to dungeons; play publically and/or with strangers and (a personal favourite) have references! I guess "resume" is another for the list.... I'm one of those "extremely private" people you speak of, who confines his BDSM to the dynamic by which my personal/intimate/private relationships are orientated. Of course, "private" also means (apparently) I'm not to be trusted, don't ya know.... lol Focus.

VeryMercurial -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 4:44:14 AM)
I agree, they need to be protected from the big bad wolves.

earthycouple -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 4:52:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion quote: ORIGINAL: SireKane Also, tell them don't date anyone who does not have a verifiable resume to back up their lifestyle reputation, Explain first... how the heck anyone can produce such a thing & then explain to me how someone would know is was valid if they were handed one? Oh come on, MstrssPassion, you mean you don't have a list of subs to verify you? Damn.....want half of my 80 pages worth? Oh wait....wouldn't that mean I really suck at being Dominant if I have a huge list of past boys because they all ran screaming after they all found out what a big loser fake I am?

earthycouple -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 4:55:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: SireKane Also, tell them don't date anyone who does not have a verifiable resume to back up their lifestyle reputation And what if the person doesn't go to munches and lifestyle events or any kind of public play. Many people are extremely private. Your request for a resume is very limiting. Lol, had numerous heated exchanges (both here and other Boards) with the "true" lifestylers - you know, the ones who belong to dungeons; play publically and/or with strangers and (a personal favourite) have references! I guess "resume" is another for the list.... I'm one of those "extremely private" people you speak of, who confines his BDSM to the dynamic by which my personal/intimate/private relationships are orientated. Of course, "private" also means (apparently) I'm not to be trusted, don't ya know.... lol Focus. Oh and that's my favorite....playing with strangers. Why do people think this is ok? SSC it is not. RACK....how can some thing be risk aware when you aren't aware of your "partners" beyond "hi my name is Master" scratches head

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 7:14:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple Oh and that's my favorite....playing with strangers. Why do people think this is ok? SSC it is not. RACK....how can some thing be risk aware when you aren't aware of your "partners" beyond "hi my name is Master" scratches head Yeah, as Boymeat said the other day "I'm not SSC or RACK, I'm WTF?" People play with strangers all the time, specially at large kink events. In fact it's part of the occasion for a lot of people. I do it because I trust my judgement and intuition, because I'm open to the experience, a good communicator, take responsibility for me own scenes, and likely because the not so good experiences I've had weren't that bad and hardly ever due to the fault of a particular person.

MstrssPassion -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 8:32:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion quote: ORIGINAL: SireKane Also, tell them don't date anyone who does not have a verifiable resume to back up their lifestyle reputation, Explain first... how the heck anyone can produce such a thing & then explain to me how someone would know is was valid if they were handed one? Oh come on, MstrssPassion, you mean you don't have a list of subs to verify you? Damn.....want half of my 80 pages worth? Oh wait....wouldn't that mean I really suck at being Dominant if I have a huge list of past boys because they all ran screaming after they all found out what a big loser fake I am? My logic is this... if you don't know me & you are trying verify I am whatever it is you want to verify, then how is handing you a whole list of names of even more complete strangers.... or should I hand you the resume of every person I am using as a reference.. & so on & so on & so on FUCK!! Have a cup of coffee with me & let me, my actions, my energy be what you need to verify having what..... another friggin cup of coffee with me somewhere down the road? I'm not going to hand over private information of anyone I know to anyone I don't know... who's to say this person that feels I need to verify my validity to isn't the insane ax murderer & I just linked them to every decent friend I've ever had. all of this screams HIGH MAINTENANCE & scarred mouse to me & these are two things I would rather not have to deal with. side note: giggles at the offer of the 40 pages of your previous exploits... but seeing that they are just that... I'll trust your screening process that they would just be added to my previous exploits list

domiguy -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 9:01:23 AM)
Domiguy applying for the position of your Dom. Interests: I am a very sociable individual who has a vast array of hobbies and interests. I love the outdoors, sports, family and friends, I am an avid reader, who loves to travel...I also get a kick out of anal, fisting, hair pulling, bondage, toys, anal, sensory deprivation, anal, subs who can deep throat, humiliation anal and anal. Dom History: Graduated cumaonyoua from WaC(Whips and Chains) Universirty '86 to '95... Dated mostly vanilla ...But let me tell you those vanilla gals can be pretty damn freaky...Most are just looking to be kinked out. '96 to '97.... Kept the company of several subs....multiple threesomes, spankings, they performed 69's under my scrutiny, and I went fishing. '98..... Got into a rather serious relationship with a very attractive sub....Very cool and kinky...Unfortunately she turned out to be a "cutter" and lets just say things somehow went awry. '99 to '05....Incarcerated. No fishing '05 to '06....Just honing my skills and techniques...And went fishing '06 to Current....Joined Cm. References available on request if they are still alive.

ennaozzie -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 9:06:45 AM)
MrRodgers Sound advice is always good, but not everyone is going to take it, such is life, but we do learn one would hope by our own mistakes, if we dont then i guess they have to keep making them. beanie

m0rgan -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 9:30:43 AM)
umm, where do all these subs that post "meet me today" hang out, and am i somehow screening them out with my search criteria (mine are "must have a vagina"/18-99)? i would probably meet an axe-murderer sub, if she announced it in advance, for coffee!

MstrssPassion -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 9:50:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: m0rgan i would probably meet an axe-murderer sub, if she announced it in advance, for coffee! Same here... freak like me I'd be like, OH GOODY... KNIFE PLAY & she/he brought their own toys

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 9:57:59 AM)
I would like to think that your heart was in the write place. I do however agree with some of the posted replies to this thread though. Advice not sought out, is usually unwelcomed. just my 2 cents.

Celeste43 -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/15/2007 12:00:13 PM)
Relationships are relationships, vanilla, chocolate or tutti-frutti. New to the boards, new to actively seeking a BDSM partner, none of this means they are new to life. The same skills they have learned in the real world work here. Now if you're talking about sub frenzy, again there are people in real life who go overboard whenever they discover something new. By now they should be aware of their patterns and if not, no random email will make them wake up. Besides in my experience, any non ulterior motive email from a dom to a sub that is not in response to a forum post usually winds up with a come-on down the line. You may indeed be the one in a hundred that isn't hoping to spark a conversation and have it turn into something, but the odds are against you. And giving someone permission not to answer back? That's weird, they already have it.

Focus50 -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 3:08:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple Oh and that's my favorite....playing with strangers. Why do people think this is ok? SSC it is not. RACK....how can some thing be risk aware when you aren't aware of your "partners" beyond "hi my name is Master" scratches head Yeah, as Boymeat said the other day "I'm not SSC or RACK, I'm WTF?" People play with strangers all the time, specially at large kink events. In fact it's part of the occasion for a lot of people. I do it because I trust my judgement and intuition, because I'm open to the experience, a good communicator, take responsibility for me own scenes, and likely because the not so good experiences I've had weren't that bad and hardly ever due to the fault of a particular person. I'll just chime back in here and say that I don't actually have any problem with those into community, public play or getting it on with strangers etc in the least. What consistently gets me fired up, even (gasp) defensive, is when those self-same community hacks then turn it back on private individuals such as myself for not wanting that in MY life. The perpetual insinuation from the majority of them is that the practitioners of BDSM as solely a personal/private relationship dynamic are untrustworthy; we're hiding something they feel should be public record blah blah.... Play with strangers all you want; get/give references, attend communal functions; hell, even compile a play resume - I've got NO problem with any of it. Because I'm not the one whose actions indicate a hypocritical "one true way" philosophy. BTW, this was not directed at you personally LA, merely that your post came in on the back of a previous post of mine.... Wayyyy off topic, too, but it seems this thread is running out of puff anyway. Focus.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 5:49:52 AM)
Focus, I hate to break this to you but either you have ex partners or you have no experience. If nobody in your past will say a kind word about you that speaks volumes, in the scene or out. While I don't go posting a resume if I fall head over heals for someone, I can and do allow them to talk to a few of my ex partners. And while I am a biggers slut than some, I am actually quite monogamous by the standards of the scene and the opportunities that present themselves to me.

smcontrol -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 6:02:03 AM)
Don't worry little girl you can trust me. I'm not like the others.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 7:44:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 BTW, this was not directed at you personally LA, merely that your post came in on the back of a previous post of mine.... Wayyyy off topic, too, but it seems this thread is running out of puff anyway. Focus. That's just cuz you're weird and scary- being all secure and successful and together and smart as you are. Surely someone who has all that and doesn't get into the public scene MUST be hiding something really bad.

juliaoceania -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 7:45:33 AM)
quote: I'll just chime back in here and say that I don't actually have any problem with those into community, public play or getting it on with strangers etc in the least. What consistently gets me fired up, even (gasp) defensive, is when those self-same community hacks then turn it back on private individuals such as myself for not wanting that in MY life. The perpetual insinuation from the majority of them is that the practitioners of BDSM as solely a personal/private relationship dynamic are untrustworthy; we're hiding something they feel should be public record blah blah.... Play with strangers all you want; get/give references, attend communal functions; hell, even compile a play resume - I've got NO problem with any of it. Because I'm not the one whose actions indicate a hypocritical "one true way" philosophy. BTW, this was not directed at you personally LA, merely that your post came in on the back of a previous post of mine.... Wayyyy off topic, too, but it seems this thread is running out of puff anyway. Focus. I never much understood the reference thing. It is a little like someone getting a job and listing their personal references. No one is going to give the person that had a bad experience with them as a reference. I am a private person too, and I would not even call ex girlfriends/submissives for the low down on someone I was interested in. I would rather meet their friend's and family. I would rather trust my gut about someone. I would rather that my dominant not be overly involved in any lifestyle community. Daddy even says, it is nice to meet other kinky people, but how does one spend the rest of their time? I am more interested in the "rest of the time" when I am getting to know someone on the level of exchanging power with them. I do understand the draw to public play, and it would probably be a fun scene to take part in for a while I suppose, but I would never reject a nice person to build something lasting with because he was not involved in any community groups

KatyLied -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 7:50:56 AM)
It can be good to have friends in the lifestyle. It saved me from meeting a dom who was cheating on his sub. He was actively looking and she had no clue. Evidently he's no stranger to this behavior. He told me he was single and not in a relationship. When I described him to friends of mine, they knew him, even worse, they knew his sub. They confirmed that she did not know he was looking, and that they were still a "couple", he denied all of it. Thank goodness I didn't meet him. I do not go to munches or events, so getting references from lifestylers in that respect would not mean anything to me.

juliaoceania -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 8:00:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied It can be good to have friends in the lifestyle. It saved me from meeting a dom who was cheating on his sub. He was actively looking and she had no clue. Evidently he's no stranger to this behavior. He told me he was single and not in a relationship. When I described him to friends of mine, they knew him, even worse, they knew his sub. They confirmed that she did not know he was looking, and that they were still a "couple", he denied all of it. Thank goodness I didn't meet him. I do not go to munches or events, so getting references from lifestylers in that respect would not mean anything to me. That is what I mean, meeting friends and family makes it hard to hide things like a long term relationship. Your story reminds me of growing up in a small town, people get reputations, either good ones or bad ones. It made it fairly easy to avoid people who were trouble

KatyLied -> RE: Prejudices & Presumptions = cynicism (5/16/2007 8:03:13 AM)
quote: It made it fairly easy to avoid people who were trouble Yep. I have to admit that the guy in question was smart and charming and accomplished, and had what I considered potential. I felt bad that it turned into a drama and his sub had to find out about it. But it was also nice knowing that although I didn't know a lot of lifestyle people, some of the people I know knew a lot of them as they had been active for many years at events and munches.

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