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Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a Vanil... - 5/12/2007 11:18:53 AM

SingleBDSMguy

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline

Okay, I know what a lot of you are thinking. Its either your into BDSM or your vanilla. That may be so, but there are some people that are a little of both. Like myself, I have the attention span of a nat, and I like so many things and hobbies that I couldnt stick with one hobby which makes my mind wonder to other things sometimes even during BDSM play. Anyways, what I am trying to get to here is what does everyone think of this? Is there a perfect blend between BDSM and Vanilla activities,relationships, whatever? What is your idea of the perfect real world/realistic in today's society BDSM relationship?

Post #: 1

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 11:28:17 AM

haysup

Posts: 35
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline

If you're into a blend then I'm curious why you called yourself SingleBDSMguy and not just SingleBDVanilla guy or something

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 2

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 11:33:57 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleBDSMguy

Okay, I know what a lot of you are thinking. Its either your into BDSM or your vanilla. That may be so, but there are some people that are a little of both. Like myself, I have the attention span of a nat, and I like so many things and hobbies that I couldnt stick with one hobby which makes my mind wonder to other things sometimes even during BDSM play. Anyways, what I am trying to get to here is what does everyone think of this? Is there a perfect blend between BDSM and Vanilla activities,relationships, whatever? What is your idea of the perfect real world/realistic in today's society BDSM relationship?

Oh I don't think it is 'either or' whatsoever. I think all of us are a mix unless somehow someone is able to completely submerge into the BDSM world.
I mean.. most of us work in a nilla setting or for nilla people at some level. We all interact with nillas every day. Heck I eat nilla icecream sometimes.
The balance IMO comes from within. Just like any sort of life a person just.. lives. I'm sorry that isn't very clear but I'm trying.
Assuming that everyone else but you lives only BDSM kinda prevents you from enjoying life, instead you worry that the balance isn't right.
The balance is right when you are happy with your general life.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 3

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 11:34:48 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Sure, there's a perfect blend...we haven't been arrested yet, have we?

It just depends on your personal dynamic. We have the perfect blend for us, but it wouldn't work for everyone else...and we don't try to put it on other people. Do what makes you comfortable, otherwise you're just trying to keep up with the Jones'.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 4

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 11:36:11 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

Do you believe that a person is either BDSM or vanilla with no in-between?

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to haysup)

Post #: 5

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 11:45:48 AM

szobras

Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

My life and what it consists of is an integration of many things to different degrees. No one area is seen as altogether separate or complete by itself, just a part of the whole.

< Message edited by szobras -- 5/12/2007 11:46:48 AM >

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 6

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 11:48:51 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleBDSMguy

Okay, I know what a lot of you are thinking. Its either your into BDSM or your vanilla. That may be so, but there are some people that are a little of both. Like myself, I have the attention span of a nat, and I like so many things and hobbies that I couldnt stick with one hobby which makes my mind wonder to other things sometimes even during BDSM play. Anyways, what I am trying to get to here is what does everyone think of this? Is there a perfect blend between BDSM and Vanilla activities,relationships, whatever? What is your idea of the perfect real world/realistic in today's society BDSM relationship?

I've never known of anyone who is just straight BDSM. I know I get tons of email from guys that want to be locked in my home 24/7 and do nothing but "serve", but that is not very logical...not in my world any way. There are always over tones throughout the day, but I don't know of anyone that goes to the grocery store in leather, stillettos, a whip and a slave on a leash (who knows, sure someone out that in the big old world has...lol)

I have interests on the outside, friends on the outside and I'm not going to give them up. On the other hand you put BDSM as a "hobby", it's not a hobby for me, it's a way I choose to live my life. You might want to reseach things a bit more. I know a lot of people new to this have that "fantasy" of what they think BDSM is, they come here and find out we are basically "regular" people with "regular" lives, we just have an added feature, and they are disappointed....lol

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 7

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 11:50:35 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleBDSMguy

Okay, I know what a lot of you are thinking. Its either your into BDSM or your vanilla. That may be so, but there are some people that are a little of both. Like myself, I have the attention span of a nat, and I like so many things and hobbies that I couldnt stick with one hobby which makes my mind wonder to other things sometimes even during BDSM play. Anyways, what I am trying to get to here is what does everyone think of this? Is there a perfect blend between BDSM and Vanilla activities,relationships, whatever? What is your idea of the perfect real world/realistic in today's society BDSM relationship?

The only *perfect* is what suits you. I just live my life, I haven't even thought about how it's blended. It's all a right old mish mash of things, just as it was before I ever knew what D/s or bdsm was.

agirl

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 8

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 12:39:33 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleBDSMguy

Okay, I know what a lot of you are thinking. Its either your into BDSM or your vanilla. That may be so, but there are some people that are a little of both. Like myself, I have the attention span of a nat, and I like so many things and hobbies that I couldnt stick with one hobby which makes my mind wonder to other things sometimes even during BDSM play. Anyways, what I am trying to get to here is what does everyone think of this? Is there a perfect blend between BDSM and Vanilla activities,relationships, whatever? What is your idea of the perfect real world/realistic in today's society BDSM relationship?

Hello SingleBDSMMguy. Sure! It's called BDSMV. I have a question just for you my confusing friend, define Vanilla? Do they do BDSM? RL.

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 9

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 12:59:10 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleBDSMguy

Anyways, what I am trying to get to here is what does everyone think of this? Is there a perfect blend between BDSM and Vanilla activities,relationships, whatever? What is your idea of the perfect real world/realistic in today's society BDSM relationship?

Actually, Master and I call this "real life". We have jobs, we do errands, we shop, we go to restaurants, we have vanilla friends and go to vanilla events. We come across as having a traditional, if somewhat quirky, marriage.

Our household is run similar to a 1950's marriage with aD/s and BDSM undercurrent.

I don't think anyone can live 24/7/365 as D/s BDSM unless they have absolutely no contact with the outside world. Real life happens.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 10

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 1:01:18 PM

ICGsteve

Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

I don't do perfect, I am not a God yet. The best mix changes with time, and it is darn hard to know in real time where perfection is. The best I can do is constantly strive for it. Sometimes I am closer than at others. The most irritating thing to me is that often what I think is best for me is opposed to what I think would be best for my relationships. Deciding which to feed in that case is bitch.

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 11

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 1:13:02 PM

gandalf0297

Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

It's not an either you are or either you arn't type of thing. As osidegirl said"real life happens." It's up to the individual's involved as to how much or how little you incorparate into your life. It is not a plug and play kind of thing.

_____________________________

"The best things cannot be said. The second best are misunderstood." (Joseph Campbell.)

(in reply to ICGsteve)

Post #: 12

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 1:20:23 PM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

Maybe i'm a little confused, but i don't think so.
i will try to put it into the right words.

Being part of a M/s couple is what we are...it just always is...all the time. i'm always his slave and he is always my master/Daddy. This doesn't change. EVER.

We engage in normal nilla activities, going to the grocery store, going to the golf course, getting food to bring home from restaurants...NORMAL stuff, vanilla stuff. We hang with family and friends that are vanilla.

During ALL of this stuff we are still M/s. Hell i may be wearing a skirt with no panties at the grocery store because it's the rules, or someone may hear me call him Daddy there...this is because it JUST IS.

We go out to a local BDSM club sometimes, and talk to the ppl there (which in itself isn't BDSM it's more nilla, the whole talking thing)...We also do scenes at these places.At home sometimes Daddy will spank me, sometimes i have to pee in a bowl or something else..

..M/s is what we ARE...D/s is also what we ARE (He Dominates, i submit) S&M is something we DO...B& D is also something we DO.

Is it the perfect blend? Trying to keep it all balanced really isn't a consideration at all. We are what we are and do what we do and it seems to work well for us.

(i don't know if i got the point across right but, oh well, time to go lay in the sun :))

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to ICGsteve)

Post #: 13

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 1:34:53 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

Daddy and i live in both worlds keeping our BDSM activities discrete and private because He's a respected doctor in His area and i'm mostly in the public eye on radio and at local shows. also our other hobbies, interests, and responsibilities on the nilla side keeps us busy so living the DaddyDom/daughter-submissive role 24/7 would be difficult.

me personally i cannot see myself living my submissive role like that since i tend to get bored if something gets to be a mundane routine.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 14

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 1:56:59 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

Submissive is what I am. Kink is what I do.

I also do writing, photography, and enjoy movies and other social events.

Sometimes my writing or photography is kinky. Sometimes it not. Some movies I enjoy are kinky. Others aren't. Same with all the social events in my life.

I don't see BDSM, writing, photography, or seeing movies as hobbies. They are my passions. I think life is in perfect balance when I get a healthy dose of all my passions.

No either/or about it.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 15

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 2:34:39 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

fast reply

um...how can you be either or? can anyone live bdsm 24 hours a day 7 days a week? Their employers must hate them...either they are sappy and need total micromanaging or they piss everyone off with their holier than thou Dominant attitudes....sucks to be those people. Somewhere in the middle is everyone else who lives a normal existence.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 16

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 2:59:54 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

I'm not either or nor do I DO either or. BDSM is part of the whole for me. I do the grocery shopping, and go out with friends and spend time with my family and read and also attend play parties and get togethers and have relationships. My life is a blend of many things. It's life.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 17

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 3:20:36 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Finding our level, was done gradually over time. From bedroom only bdsm play partner, to living together in a D/s relationship that is 24/7.
Making my own decision at the level i need is a selfawareness process. And i find that the easy part.
What i and we find more difficult, is to maintain that level, when life gets in the way!
When your needs fulfillment is dictated by forces outside of your agreed dynamic.
From the simply - my mother is visiting from overseas and staying at our home for a month!!!! to, me being too sick to enjoy it, or provide much service.
Negotiating our personal level was a gradual process. Stepping it up little by little. Finding our comfort zone. Recognising when you are out of sorts because you need x y or Z.
little1

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 18

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 3:20:42 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

hi
Like others have stated we have found the perfect blend.... for us. It would not suit everyone but for us it is our life. He is my Dom and i am His sub and nothing will ever change that. We have grown children, parents, 'vanilla' friends, jobs. We shop, pay bills, build our home. We are an affectionate, loving and kinky couple who plan to grow old together. It was a long search to find each other but as soon as we met, we knew it was right.

c

(in reply to SingleBDSMguy)

Post #: 19

RE: Finding the right blend of a BDSM lifestyle and a V... - 5/12/2007 4:56:02 PM

haysup

Posts: 35
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra

Hello SingleBDSMMguy. Sure! It's called BDSMV. I have a question just for you my confusing friend, define Vanilla? Do they do BDSM? RL.

lol, BDSMV? that reminds me of the DSM-IV- namely, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychological Association, Fourth Edition... I'd read the BDSM-V so fast.... and all four prior editions too! :P

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 20

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