How you doin'?

How you doin'? (Full Version)

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KeirasSecret -> How you doin'? (5/11/2007 4:37:47 PM)
This post is somewhat of a distraction post, but something I have wondered for sometime. Are you one of those people who when crossing paths with someone asks, “How are you?” If you are, do you really want to know? It became evident to me some time ago, most who ask that, don’t really care. As a matter of fact, many will start walking off while the person they asked is answering. So I ask; why? Why does anyone ask this question if they don’t want to know the answer and don’t need to know the answer? Is it supposed to be an act of politeness? If so, consider this: As soon as you’ve asked the question, you have probably triggered the persons mind to consider how they are; unless of course they are wired to automatically respond with “great…. You?” If this person is having a hard time, they now get to dwell on that a bit. If they actually do start to tell you and you walk off; how polite is that? Also, I’m thinking in such a situation the person is now left standing there feeling like an idiot because that actually started to say, and thinking to themselves, “Oh great, one more person who doesn’t really care!” If you are someone who doesn’t understand this ritual either; have you ever wanted to just start unloading on the person who asks? Something like: Ya know, it’s all shit. Been considering throwing in the towel, but damned if I ain’t too stubborn…. Or chicken shit; not sure witch. How you doin’?” Even if it isn’t true? Just curious, be well,

subfever -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 5:18:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret So I ask; why? Why does anyone ask this question if they don’t want to know the answer and don’t need to know the answer? IMO... These days, "How ya doin'?" means nothing more than "Hi."

Sinergy -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 5:36:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret Are you one of those people who when crossing paths with someone asks, “How are you?” I have a throwaway answer I use. It is not because I think the person does/does not care how I am doing, it is because the number of people I let in to my world tends to be rather small most of the time. I think it is rude to tell the person "Dont tell me what kind of day to have" or something similar. quote: If you are, do you really want to know? I ask people "how are you doing?" all the time. Usually I want to know how they are doing because I generally like people. The answer I generally get back is a dissertation on what a person is doing, which is not the question I asked. Go figure. Japanese culture tends to frown on personal questions. A Japanese person raised in Japan would generally consider somebody asking a direct personal question to be extremely rude. The greetings in this language generally revolve around comments about reality. Such as "It is morning." Not even a "good morning" which assumes the person is having a good morning, wants to have a good morning, or whatever. So the statement of extant and verifiable reality exists as the greeting. On the other hand, I am a Californian, and the culture I was raised in is to ask insincerely (or not) wish a person well. The land where "Have a nice day" can mean "Have a nice day" or "Fuck off and die" and the person is often never truly sure which meaning is actually being used. Sinergy

KeirasSecret -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 5:41:39 PM)
Yea, you’re right, and I personally do not start to adlib unless it is someone I know really wants to know, or at least I try not to. :) I have a generic response of “freakin’ awesome!” for those I am acquainted with; people I don’t know, I use something more like “fine, thank you”, or I prepare myself to listen to what they have to say. Not saying that happens a lot. I think I will start saying, “fine thank you. I hope your day is going well” Or something like that, especially with certain people who have a hard time noticing I’m trying to work and their ‘blockin’” Thanks for helping my cause, be well,

LadyEllen -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 5:51:24 PM)
The best answer is "fine, thanks - and you?" Even if youre dying at that moment, physically or emotionally or whatever, youre "fine, thanks". Unless its someone who really should hear your problems, youre wasting your breath in unloading them. On top of that, youre displaying weakness by reeling off problems, which most casual acquaintances and even some closer acquaintances in this world will take advantage of, or else think less of you for having problems. Neither is it wise to tell the person how amazingly great things are going for you right at the moment. Even if you just won the lottery, married into royalty and found a genie secreted inside an old lantern that day, youre "fine thanks". Unless its one of those rare people who will truly rejoice at your good fortune, youre going to cause resentment and anger in anyone who hears how wonderful your life is, jealousy and a will to undermine you at the earliest convenience or find some way to share in your bounty. Having said that, my life is totally fucked up people, though I am going to be rich so its not all bad. E

minnetar -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 5:54:49 PM)
When people ask that they basically do not care they are just being polite. Now i have known people who have mental issues will answer honestly and people are uncomfortable with it lol. minnetar

KeirasSecret -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 6:23:20 PM)
quote: I think it is rude to tell the person "Dont tell me what kind of day to have" or something similar. I agree, but I’ve I got to say, I laughed when I read that. :) quote: Japanese culture tends to frown on personal questions. A Japanese person raised in Japan would generally consider somebody asking a direct personal question to be extremely rude. The greetings in this language generally revolve around comments about reality. Such as "It is morning." Not even a "good morning" which assumes the person is having a good morning, wants to have a good morning, or whatever. So the statement of extant and verifiable reality exists as the greeting. I hadn’t really thought about it that deeply; it is interesting that we do that. I had heard that about Japanese culture though, "business communications" class. I don’t get out of smallsville much though, so I’m not sure how useful such information is to me, but ya never know! What you said about the statement assumeing, brings to mind something else I have been thinking about. I once thought, it was never wise to assume, but then I started thinking, that can’t be right. After all, if I walk by a dog and it bites me; it seems it would be stupid of me to not assume there’s a good chance walking by the dog get me bit again. Wouldn’t it? So, to assume, or not to assume? I was thinking it has something with the amount of potential danger involved if one does not assume, and something about frequency and or, number of occurrences? quote: The land where "Have a nice day" can mean "Have a nice day" or "Fuck off and die" and the person is often never truly sure which meaning is actually being used. LOL…. Same here, well no, maybe most here are straight forward “Fuck off and die”, scratches head, but perhaps that is because there is often more “out of staters” here then actual residents. shrugs Thank you for contributing, be well,… well, how ever you want.

subfever -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 6:34:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret Yea, you’re right, and I personally do not start to adlib unless it is someone I know really wants to know, or at least I try not to. :) I have a generic response of “freakin’ awesome!” for those I am acquainted with; people I don’t know, I use something more like “fine, thank you”, or I prepare myself to listen to what they have to say. Not saying that happens a lot. I think I will start saying, “fine thank you. I hope your day is going well” Or something like that, especially with certain people who have a hard time noticing I’m trying to work and their ‘blockin’” Wanna keep 'em guessing? Just respond "Unbelievable!"

KeirasSecret -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 6:56:54 PM)
quote: Even if youre dying at that moment, physically or emotionally or whatever, youre "fine, thanks". LOL…. And sometimes…. smiles quote: Unless its someone who really should hear your problems, youre wasting your breath in unloading them. On top of that, youre displaying weakness by reeling off problems, which most casual acquaintances and even some closer acquaintances in this world will take advantage of, or else think less of you for having problems. I agree, which is why I don’t ask those who I know will do that when, hey, to be honest, I don’t care. Not to say I have never been a little too forthcoming with information, but I believe I have it under control. quote: Even if you just won the lottery, married into royalty and found a genie secreted inside an old lantern that day, youre "fine thanks". :) I usually leave it at “freakin’ awesome (with those I do say that to). Sometimes, if I’m in a really good mood, I’ll say it to a stranger, with a big smile, and have gotten very positive results; sometimes they just look at me with a confused expression, that’s a rare occurance. quote: Unless its one of those rare people who will truly rejoice at your good fortune, youre going to cause resentment and anger in anyone who hears how wonderful your life is, jealousy and a will to undermine you at the earliest convenience or find some way to share in your bounty. Now see, that’s something else I don’t understand. I don’t look at it that way. If someone tells me they are buying a house, I may be a little bummed that I still don’t have one, but I am not going to be mad at them or think they shouldn’t have one because I don’t. Of course if they had to lie, cheat and, steel to do it, then…… Of coures if things are really in the toilet, i don't know how much rejoicing i'd be doing, but that has nothing to do with someone having something i want. quote: Having said that, my life is totally fucked up people, though I am going to be rich so its not all bad. That’s great!!!…. Ever consider adoption? ;) quote: When people ask that they basically do not care they are just being polite. Now i have known people who have mental issues will answer honestly and people are uncomfortable with it lol. I can think of one person I wouldn’t mind saying my example to, as a joke of course, he knows me fairly well and would know how to take it. I think the look on his face after I said all of that, would be priceless. ;) Peace,

KeirasSecret -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 7:00:19 PM)
quote: Wanna keep 'em guessing? Just respond "Unbelievable!" A big grin and a nod works well too. [:)]

curiousexplorer -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 7:07:19 PM)
KeirasSecret, What I find even more annoying is the check out people who ask it. Not only do they not care, but they don't even ask if there is anything they can help you with, which seems a much more important question for the customer? Especially at the doctors or chemist where you are not well and need help. "If you are someone who doesn’t understand this ritual either; have you ever wanted to just start unloading on the person who asks?" I have on occasions asked the person if they really cared. When they say they don't really care my response is either, "In that case I'm fine" or "Then why did you ask a question you didn't want an answer to?". Since this is usually reserved for register operators I follow up with "Why not ask a question the customer would find helpful instead of just one which eases your boredom like, "Is there anything I can help you with" or "Have you got everything you need". It is amazing that people have lost the ability to simply say hi, hello, or ask a relevant question. "When people ask that they basically do not care they are just being polite." They are being lazy, disinterested, offhand, but not polite. Being polite would be only asking the question when you wanted to know the answer. The ones being polite are the ones who say Hi or Hello. They are offering a greeting without the insincere appearance of caring. How are you lets people do a little bit without actually doing anything, the illusion of caring to make themsleves feel like they are as good as they would like to be. You know the catchphrase, every little bit helps. It's a guilt thing, not a caring thing. "I once thought, it was never wise to assume, but then I started thinking, that can’t be right. After all, if I walk by a dog and it bites me; it seems it would be stupid of me to not assume there’s a good chance walking by the dog get me bit again. Wouldn’t it? So, to assume, or not to assume? " It's the same as fear. No fear equals absolute stupidity and a short lifespan, we correctly fear danger. Same with assumptions. We assume things based on our knowledge and experiences. The trick with both is overcoming them when necessary, and using knowledge and wisdom as a base for them.

KeirasSecret -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 7:47:23 PM)
quote: What I find even more annoying is the check out people who ask it. Not only do they not care, but they don't even ask if there is anything they can help you with, which seems a much more important question for the customer? Especially at the doctors or chemist where you are not well and need help. Yes, in my experience, common courtesy and customer service do both seem to be lacking, but then, I tend to be an "I'll do it myself" (cause I can) kind of person. quote: I have on occasions asked the person if they really cared. When they say they don't really care my response is either, "In that case I'm fine" or "Then why did you ask a question you didn't want an answer to?". Since this is usually reserved for register operators I follow up with "Why not ask a question the customer would find helpful instead of just one which eases your boredom like, "Is there anything I can help you with" or "Have you got everything you need". Good point. I’m curious, what do they say? quote: It's a guilt thing, not a caring thing. Another good point quote: It's the same as fear. No fear equals absolute stupidity and a short lifespan, we correctly fear danger. Same with assumptions. We assume things based on our knowledge and experiences. The trick with both is overcoming them when necessary, and using knowledge and wisdom as a base for them. Ok, to narrow that down; when an assumption is based on a fear or bad experience is there a way to know when your assumptions are right, or you are over reacting? Thank you for your help, k

swtnsparkling -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 7:47:49 PM)
How you doing? sparkling, thank you because of that friends told me I should use it in my nick

KeirasSecret -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 7:51:37 PM)
quote: sparkling, thank you Your welcome, glad to hear it! quote: because of that friends told me I should use it in my nick Makes sence. :)

curiousexplorer -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 8:15:28 PM)
"but then, I tend to be an "I'll do it myself" (cause I can) kind of person." I tend to do it myself as well, because I can and because I'm usually more competent than the available help. But I would still prefer to hear "Is there anything else you need", "Have you got everything you need" instead of "How are you(don't tell me I don't really care)". A friend asks how you are because they care, a service provider asks what they can do for you because it's their job. "Good point. I’m curious, what do they say? " They usually mumble something about it's what they are told to say. I either leave it there or tell them they are allowed to pass on customer advice to their employer, and that genuine customer service is much more valuable to their employer than reading a standard greeting off a card with absolutely no thought for the customers needs. It's not really fair though, most are not capable of following the concept of customer service or thinking for themselves. The ones who are capable, they throw away the company spiel and usually end up valued employees. In the low skill jobs I've had (servo's, barstaff, telemarketing) ignoring the spiel in favour of interest in the customer worked very well and pleased my employers (and customers) more than following the spiel ever could. "Ok, to narrow that down; when an assumption is based on a fear or bad experience is there a way to know when your assumptions are right, or you are over reacting? " If you were bitten by a dog once when you were young but never since even though you have enocuntered other dogs, then it would be wrong to assume every dog will bite you. The assumption is based on the childhood fear, not the knowledge of dogs behaviour in general, or even the individuals greater experience. However, if most dogs you've encountered have bitten or tried to bite, then it is better to assume all dogs will bite. In this case the assumption is built on the knowledge of repeated or continual experience. We have to make assumptions, we can't have all the variables and knowledge for everything we do. But we must base our assumptions on knowledge, not fear or ignorance, and be willing to adjust them when more information becomes available or the assumptions clearly don't match the situation. If I see a snakelike stick in the bush, it is safer to assume it is a snake. However, once I see it is a stick, then the assumption must be abandoned as it doesn't fit the situation.

adoracat -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 9:08:40 PM)
F.I.N.E.....Fuckedup, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. ;) me, i stick to "still breathing, dammit" some days...."woke up still breathing" other days. "good" days are rare, but i do water down the other responses by smiling as i deliver them. kitten who is silly like that, and only answers "how are you doing" honestly to about 3 people.

popeye1250 -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 9:09:46 PM)
How you doin? I usually say; You don't want to know!" or; "Do you have about two hours?" But, I'm retired so when I ask someone else I don't mind listening. Especially to older people, I like the old storys.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 9:11:20 PM)
So few people even actually acknowledge what youve said, even if you do say "How are you doing" most people dont pay enough attention to know what was asked. I had mentioned this in anotehr thread, you might even get completely nonsequitor answers. DV

HopeLost -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 9:12:38 PM)
i always say "im alive" answer enough and yes when i ask it i do hope to have a bit of a conversation

Dauric -> RE: How you doin'? (5/11/2007 9:56:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adoracat F.I.N.E.....Fuckedup, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. ;) I have got to remember that one. My usual response depends. If it's a casual encounter on the street, I'm usually moving too fast to say anything other than one word "Good", "Fine", whatever. If it's something like my boss asking when I come in to work, I poke myself to check my own existance and reply "I am." $0.02, Dauric.

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