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married sub - 2/10/2006 3:53:56 PM

pearlandsub

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/10/2006
Status: offline

Question: I'm married and want to serve a fem/dom without my wife's knowledge. Wrong or not?

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 4:01:15 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 1767
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Sorry but...if you are doing this without your wife's knowledge...nothing more than cheating in my opinion.

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 4:03:34 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 414
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

Wrong...
Openness and total transparancy in my opinion is MAJOR requirement of any submissive.
To repay that in kind from the Dom standpoint insures it is from both directions and creates a total trust environment.

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 4:05:33 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Right!

As most will tell you here.........

Wrong!

Think about why that may be so............

Ron
added:

Tell the old lady the gizmo right now....work it out..........

If that don't get it; the divorce is sooner rather than later is all........

Cause that's what it will come down to.

Know thyself. Be thyself. Don't fuck with people that don't need fuckin' with on the way up or down.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 2/10/2006 4:08:26 PM >

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 4:20:26 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 681
Joined: 1/23/2006
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You already know the answer. You have just shot yourself in the foot as far as any self respecting Domme is concerned. If you are going to lie to your primary partner, then you will lie to any mistress that took you on. You frankly can't be trusted in any way, shape or form.

(in reply to pearlandsub)

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 4:21:13 PM

ShivaTS

Posts: 72
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline

very wrong. Trust cant be there without honesty

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 4:22:57 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 1931
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Ethically wrong, but you really knew that and were hoping someone would give you a twig to grasp.

To make this more significant: I want you to look at it this way. What are you going to do when your wife finds out. Not if; when. Such things have a bad habit of getting addictive and extending through time until, eventually, something happens and the wife finds out.

What do you think she will do to you?

What do you think your actions will do to her? Remember, this is the woman you've promised to love and protect. Is this how you show your love and protection?

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 5:19:50 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 1466
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Is there a reason why you can't just serve your wife?

Just out of curiosity, how stupid is your wife? What makes you think you can keep it a secret and for how long? If you want to be with someone else because of some kink factors, then you should have thought of that before you married. Get a divorce if you can't work this out and then go find a domme. It's that simple. Sneaking around on your wife and then getting caught will not turn her into the domme you want. Instead, it'll hurt her more than you would ever want to be. Do you really want to do this to her and your family?

Other than that, how do you intend on serving a Fem Dom when you're still putting your wife first. A real Domme is not going to play by your rules nor be second to you. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You'll end up having to choose which one you want to be with.

< Message edited by FangsNfeet -- 2/10/2006 5:26:59 PM >

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 6:03:40 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 361
Joined: 9/4/2004
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I've got to say you've been clear enough on your profile, so no one can claim to be misled... ...other than your wife, of course...

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"Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths." - Joseph Campbell

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 6:15:44 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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How would you feel if you found you wife we submitting to me behind your back?????????

edited to add:

The two Ladies (Dommes) who are part of House Iron Bear have just passed judgement.. Each would remove one testicle and both would jointly present the removed testicles to your wife......With the greatest sympathy for her having married you.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/10/2006 6:19:46 PM >

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Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 6:19:13 PM

stef

Posts: 1603
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline

Sure, lie away! All the cool kids are doing it these days. Besides, if you play your cards right, you could end up an old lonely man living in a van.

Reach for the stars!

~stef

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 6:26:58 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2245
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

My thought is that it's your right to do whatever makes you happy, but it's also your wifes right to be safe and happy.

The way I look at it, you're welcome to serve anyone, but as a decent human you should present your choice to your wife. THat is, you've been able to make the choice to serve a dominant woman/man, your wife has the right to decide if that's something she's ok with.

I believe that one should respect one's partner enough to give him/her the option of deciding if something like this is acceptable. (that is, if she still wants to be with you when you're with someone else )If you don't respect them enough to give them the choice, why are you together?

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 6:27:45 PM

proudsub

Posts: 3896
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Been there, done that, not worth it. I was lucky that Hubby forgave me and agreed to learn to be my Master. Feel free to email me if you want more details. There have been a lot of threads on this. If you click search at the top, then put in "married" then change the search to topics and subjects you will get 2 pages of threads.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 8:38:32 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 292
Joined: 1/1/2004
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wrong

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 9:11:01 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 1850
Joined: 9/26/2004
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If you have to ask, I question your values at the start.

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RE: married sub - 2/10/2006 11:15:51 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/14/2005
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My dominant side wouldn't touch you with someone else's whip, for the simple fact that not only would it be wrong for YOU to do this without your wife's knowledge; but it would then put ME in a position of conspiring to deceive your wife, and that's something no ethical woman should do.

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RE: married sub - 2/11/2006 6:34:12 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 350
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Wrong. Next bleedin question.

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RE: married sub - 2/11/2006 1:47:16 PM

krikket

Posts: 380
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

And to take John's excellent POV a step further....

....just as important -- how would you feel if your wife/partner did that to you? Would you feel lied to, cheated on, betrayed?

Speaking as someone who's been on your wife's side -- and yes, i believe that on-line hottie relationships are cheating too -- it WILL destroy any love, respect or honor you might have in her eyes.

To put it simply: cheating is cheating. <--period!!!! It doesn't matter if it's physical sex, an emotional connection or cyber sex..lying is wrong, and sex with someone else that your current partner doesn't know about is both lying and cheating!!

As a sub who's been fooled a time or two in my journey, i will also tell you that my point of view is this: if you lie to someone you still live with (i.e., care, love, etc.) then you most likely won't feel any qualms or guilt about lying to someone you only have a physical relationship with.

Nothing really all that complicated, i don't think.

However, i also think it doesn't matter worth a hill of beans what any of us say here to you, except for those who might agree with you of course, you'll find some justification for what you want to do, and just do it...

(pushing my lil soap box back into it's corner..shutting her mouth..er, for now anyway..lol)

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RE: married sub - 2/11/2006 1:58:22 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 541
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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I find it hilarious that this is posted in the "Ask a Master" forum.

Think about why you posted this here and not in the "Ask a Mistress" forum...

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"If a woman has to tell you that she's a lady, chances are, she isn't."

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RE: married sub - 2/11/2006 2:35:19 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1199
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
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Down by the river???

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