MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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My thoughts entirely! I have seen 2 people, who are so well suited that they obviously think alike on this one, skirting around the L word for weeks before one of them finally cracked. It was hilarious for onlookers who knew them, though I felt a bit sorry that they would let this sort of "rule" prevent them from saying what they were so clearly feeling. It was a relief for everyone when it was finally said! Granted both had been through previous bad relationships so I could understand their reticence a bit ... but reading the body language of each other should have reassured them that this time would be a different reception.
I am quite the opposite in that I am quite willing to tell someone I love them when I do. I don't wait, though I do like to pick the precise moment. But like MasterFireMaam I define what that means in that context. Loving doesn't equate to being in love and I like to make that clear. Perhaps the most amazing time I ever said it was when I told a large class of renegade 16 year old students that I loved them. They were giving me such a hard time and after 14 years of teaching, I had run out of strategies. I shared it with the prayer group I was attending at the time, and while they were praying for me, I had a vision/dream ... of me in the classroom, saying "You think I hate you, but I don't, I love you". Unfortunately that was where the dream ended LOL so I had no idea of what their reaction would be. Next day, things were very tense in the classroom, as we'd recently had a parent-teacher meeting and most of their parents had got a bad report about their behaviour. Some of the students had been grounded etc and were very resentful. Taking my courage in both hands, I said the exact words in my dream. Much to my shock (and relief) they stopped dead, looking at me absolutely gobsmacked. Making the most of the moment of silence, I explained that I was concerned for them, I wanted them to do well in the final exams, I wanted them to achieve their life goals and educational success was necessary for that. And that I was sorry for being so hard on them sometimes, but it was out of love, not hate. A few more moments of silence, then one said, "But Miss, don't take it all on yourself. It's not all your fault, we've been awful to you." And others chimed in, owning up to their part in the whole disaster. We spent the rest of that lesson in open discussion, working out what the problems had been. Some I had to own, like comparing them unfavourably to my other class, and I apologised for that. But a lot they owned too and we reached an agreement about how we wanted things to go in future. That was the last lesson that term, and I confess, after 2 weeks holiday, I wondered if the changes would take effect. But when I walked into the first lesson in the next term, some students had moved places as they'd suggested, they ALL had their books out (miracle!) and were attentive and ready to work. It was awesome and we worked so hard those next 2 terms to make up a lot of lost ground.
What that taught me is that the words "I love you" can have a powerful, lifechanging effect. And that I shouldn't hesitate to say them when it is truth. I may not always be so fortunate to see so obviously the positive effect it may have on someone, but I believe it has that effect nonetheless. And why should I rob someone of that (and the effect it has on me to actually say it) for some "rule"?
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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RE: On saying the "L" word... - 
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You have no idea how much I envy those with the time and opportunity to do so. I've quite literally never been in the place required to say "I love you", that being in romantic relationship, either D/s or vanilla. Prior to a few days ago, I was strongly convinced that I never would be in one, that I would never be able to call myself boyfriend, fiance, husband, father. A thread here on this board lead me into a new place adn eventually to a book by a psychologist that dealt specifically with the reasons why I would never be able to have a relationship. I started a thread in the Health and Safety forum ( love-shyness ) about it if anyone is interested in reading it. 
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