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forsakengrace -> I am filled with rage! (5/2/2007 7:15:53 AM)
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This has probably all been said before but I'm going to say it anyway.
In the face of yet another campus shooting I find myself almost numb at the thought of it all. As a girl who was pulled from public schooling at the age of 13 due to the sort of abuse suffered by the shooter and also having a younger brother who was arrested and charged with making terrorist threats for another possible school shooting, I feel like I should have more to say on the matter than, "Oh, thats terrible."
My heart goes out to the families of those who were killed. I ache for those who's lives will never be the same. And I cannot forget the shooter himself or his own family and how they must feel in the aftermath of his rage. It *was* terrible and it *is* terrible that this kind of thing happens.
I remember Columbine and the utter shock and horror that myself and everyone I knew felt when we heard the news and saw the images. It just wasn't the kind of thing we'd ever even considered ... But now, come on people, we know this kind of thing happens. Why are we all so shocked? Why haven't we done something more signifigant to prevent it? Obviously what we *have* been doing isn't working so well.
I'm angry ... I am angry at parents who raise their children to hate. I am angry at teachers who turn away and ignore the pain thats right before thier eyes. I am angry at the shooters who choose to turn their rage on others. I am angry at all the people out there who act like sheep and don't bother to really do a single thing about it.
I am filled with rage!
So much for being numb.
My brother is a grown man now with a daughter of his own and another on the way. A few years ago, when he was in high school, he was tormented every single day. He was different. He wasn't a sheep, he wasn't the same as everyone else and for that he was singled out and tortured. I do not believe that he actually made the threats he was accused of making. I do, however, believe that he is filled with pain and rage from years of physical and psychological torture.
When I was 13 years old, I was pulled out of public school. My parents knew about the constant cruelty of some of the children. It was funny because in one group of kids I was happy and funny and had lots of friends and in another group I was tortured and my friends were nowhere to be found. I can't blame them now ... Had they tried to do anything for me they would have gotten the same or worse.
I do blame the teachers though. The bus drivers and the principals who simply couldn't be bothered. At one point we had to have a lot of the high school kids stay for about an hour in our school yard waiting for buses to take them home. Once that final bell rang the teachers turned a blind eye to what these older, bigger kids were doing to the little ones. Those of us in junior high would get the worst of it for defending our little brothers and sisters. I remember once when a group of high school kids had a first grader screaming for a teacher to come help and she just turned away and walked back into her classroom and closed the door.
What my parents did not know is that I was raped shortly before I was taken out of school forever. We had just moved to a new state, new school and I was intially pursued by the older guys and once they realized I wasn't interested, pursuit turned into all out chase. It wasn't about dating me, it was about taking possession of me.
I will never forget how it felt to come home after school that day. I hurt all over. I felt dirty and disgusting and horrible. I didn't want to go back to that awful place. The teachers didn't care. I didn't have anyone I could tell. That was actually the first time I ever cut myself. I'd started out wanting to commit suicide and chickened out after I saw blood. The pain itself and the sight of the wound gave me something else to focus on so I didn't have to think about what was really hurting me.
Our schools aren't safe anymore. This makes me frightened for my little sister. She'll be starting school herself in a few years. What will happen to her? Will she be one of the lucky ones with lots of friends who doesn't get tortured? It makes me frightened for my own children. Fortunately, though, I plan to homeschool them from the start. I wish I could do the same for my sister.
We have to do something about this, you know. We can't just be sad for a few weeks or even a few months and then forget about it like we have in the past. The president started this war on terrorism and he's sent soldiers to far away places that some of us can't even pronounce. What about the terrorism right here in our own schools? When is anyone going to do something about that?
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