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Introduction, also need advice - 4/28/2007 10:45:10 PM

greycap

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Joined: 4/15/2007
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Hello there. I am extremely new to this side of myself. I'm almost 26 and the general strategy I've used whenever anything remotely 'deviant' or even 'sexual' reared its head in my mind was to supress it. I'm at a stage in my life where I realise, I'm not happy with my current circumstances. I've never been in a relationship that was anything but strictly.. Victorian (no touching, no suggestion of anything dirty, it actually still happens these days amazingly).

I have always known about my desires in this sphere of things, and shoved them to the background. One of my problems currently is that a part of me still seems to believe what I'm interested in is deviant or evil when my waking mind tells me very clearly it is not. It's a feeling I can't seem to shake no matter how irrational. And it interferes with me. After any time I think about or attempt to explore this side of myself, I feel intense pangs of guilt and shame, and I do not understand it. I have never cared what society thinks of my tastes in any issue, so I can only assume that some part of myself is ashamed of what I'm doing.

My other issue is that I feel bewildered and have no idea where to start. I even looked at a checklist of interests and gasped several times to myself 'people do that?' Most of my life has been spent in reckless pursuit of school and work, I haven't left much time for more important things before, although I intend to change that.

So there's my neurotic introduction :P

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RE: Introduction, also need advice - 4/28/2007 10:52:42 PM

IrishMist

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Hello greycap and welcome to the forums

Look around, do some back searches, and jump right in. We don't bite too badly

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RE: Introduction, also need advice - 4/28/2007 11:18:07 PM

imthatacheyouhav

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greycap Hello and welcome to the Forums
i think i can identify wih what you are saying.... from when i was in my early teens, until i was in my very early fourties(43 now), i had no idea that what had been in my head for all these years had a name. not only a name but a community! i was FLOORED......i also remember the 1st time i saw a checklist on a different site...(it was just this past Nov)..... i did the samething you did...i was like WHAT in the WORLD!! i had never heard of "scat" or "rimming"(thought this one had something to do with basketball LOL) i was LOST...and getting no less then 50 e-mails every could of days....so i did what any red blooded american woman would do......i went to the "girls"....because i know that where ever there are communities there are the "girls" ...the ones that have been there done that...and are willing to share. it SAVED my ass......so welcome to the site...and you are in the right place....PLEASE do not wait until you are my age to work this out in your mind and heart and soul....PLEASE!!!...because now i feel like i'm playing beat the clock and i'm LOSING......so stay...ask...learn....listen....get mad...get embarrassed...STAY....listen more....and become ALIVE......

< Message edited by imthatacheyouhav -- 4/28/2007 11:19:30 PM >

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RE: Introduction, also need advice - 4/29/2007 8:00:07 PM

greycap

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Thanks for the welcome. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's had anxieties. Suddenly jumping into this from a completely different lifestyle is a little strange.

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RE: Introduction, also need advice - 4/29/2007 8:04:05 PM

imthatacheyouhav

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i know...i do...

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*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
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RE: Introduction, also need advice - 4/30/2007 1:03:30 AM

m0rgan

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ah, anxiety! i worry about that all the time!! welcome, you will have to kiss a lot of frogs!

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RE: Introduction, also need advice - 4/30/2007 4:23:22 AM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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Hey, HackerDork. ;) Welcome to these forums.

Don't worry about being afraid of sex and such. It's a good thing. Participating in a BDSM-esque activity is basically being assured an eternity of torment in the eternal flames of Hell. Well, if you're a hardcore masochist with a good sadist, anyhow.

This lifestyle is, for many, a pursuit to understand self. We humans are such foolish wretches- if you've taken your studies far in any hard science, I'm sure you're aware of the inverted infinitesimal proportion that stands representative of stupidity. Still, I would argue that it is the most noble prospect, for even those of our condition, to seek truth, so fear no fractally inverted misobservation of morality as reason to desist in breaking from the Victorian abstinence.

Oh! And your profile says you live in Port St. Lucie. I lived in my namesake town, Stuart, Florida!

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