RE: Doms cleaning & serving

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Lashra -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 11:51:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MellowSir I clean my own place lol. Problem with the world today is that respect isn't shown women as it once was. Look around and how many men do you see getting the door for the woman? Nowadays guys are just as likely to let the door close in the woman's face before they hold it lol, more's the pity.....it's not serving, it's showing some class. I have to agree with you on this MelloSir. In fact many times I've held doors for men just because I considered it the polite thing to do, particularly if they were carrying something heavy. To OP, I was once married to a male who considered it beneath him to do housework. He was vanilla and had been brought up to believe that men never do housework its demeaning. But a wife should work outside the home and do everything else.[:@] Being a Dominant female this led to many arguments and finally my kicking him out and saying good riddance. My sub and I are going to be moving in together and we sat down and decided who would do what chores. He will be doing the bulk of them since I work long hours. Do I see cleaning as serving? Not as in a servants duties. I see it as having a nice clean home as opposed to a pigsty. ~Lashra

spankmepink11 -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 12:32:08 PM)
I have to admit, that I'm just a little O.C. about clutter, so i would just naturally be "clearing" anyway . It's actually a great way to socialize because you sure can "work" a room that way. I wouldn't go as far as to wash dishes ( I agree thats to be done once the guests are gone), but i do like to keep my own space tidy, so i have no issues doing it elsewhere. As RavenMuse expressed , i consider it enhancing my environment. Any event i've ever attended, while i'm not sure whether it was expected, nothing was really demanded of anyone in regards to cleaning up beyond the expectations of their own dynamics. It just seemed a natural flow for the submissive ladies, ...(in my limited experience not so much the sub males) to handle that aspect. The dominants seemed to flow towards shutting the space down, in regards to play areas etc. It's not so different in the vanilla world, in our families, even though the men could and would,, contribute to "housechores" on occasion, during large family gatherings, the females definitely maintained the environment while the men congregated into another area to smoke...drink etc.

MissDiscipline -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 12:45:39 PM)
What is O.C. Oss Cumulative?? is that like the equivalent to Anal Retaintive---Following a scene, I direct my sub on packing my toys- but that is about it. Other than that the only place I clean is my home.

LadyHugs -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 12:59:11 PM)
Dear Master's dorei, Ladies and Gentlemen; In my mind's eyes I see, that it is a matter of communication between the individuals involved in a M/s and or D/s relationships and-- the matter of perception of what feeds the slave's heart and or the Master's heart. In doing something that is pleasing and as a Master, even if the outside peers would see it as 'slave's duties,' it really is a matter of doing something you enjoy to do and or want to do. Yet, it must be said that when you take a 'task' as a Master, to which a slave manifests their 'love' and their 'slave's heart and spirit in the form of service' it needs to be replaced with some other form slaves can manifest their love, duty and respect for their role in the relationship. There will be times where roles need to be shelved due to the unusual events, such as a huge party and the clean up is more work for the slave that a Master may be uncomfortable in leaving a slave to do alone--by all means--Masters should and or can indeed help and the slave should see this as a shared task together. Of course, there can be a division of labor where the slave can take their time in getting the clean up done. That said, I will also add -- that Masters should not create work for their slave as to keep them busy with the thought this is what slaves want. It would be wonderful if both Master and slaves create a communication as to what fulfills their happiness. The time to talk about the 'what ifs' should be done before it happens, in regard to a Master wanting to be domestic or clean. How other forms of service can be found as to feed both the Master and slaves. Perceptions can lead to assumptions. Assumptions can lead into misunderstandings. Misunderstandings can lead to upsets in the household. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 1:03:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline What is O.C. Oss Cumulative?? is that like the equivalent to Anal Retaintive---Following a scene, I direct my sub on packing my toys- but that is about it. Other than that the only place I clean is my home. Obsessive Compulsive- all of us have things we're weird and anal about, some people have it to the point of interfering with normal life. This is actually part of the reason I do NOT clean up others space or like others cleaning up my space without instruction- way too picky.

hisannabelle -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 2:07:15 PM)
greetings dorei, i cannot speak for all situations, but He generally cleans His own house, and when i am there, He usually cooks and serves the food, etc. He also does a lot of yardwork and other service for older family members. it works for us; He likes cleaning and He feels more comfortable cooking in His kitchen (perhaps because my idea of cooking is a little more elaborate than His), and hey, as long as He's happy, i'm happy. i can't speak to lifestyle functions; He is not a social creature and i am normally not either...the only lifestyle functions i have been to were munches at a local restaurant, and He was not present, and the restaurant staff were serving, so... annabelle.

MasterNdorei -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 10:03:27 PM)
My appologies, i should have made this more clear: the event i mentioned, where the Doms were at another location smoking cigars and drinking while the slaves worked was an event that was planned in advance to be handled that way. i mentioned it only to show the level of influence and dynamics of the members who then attended other events. i am surprised to learn of people who have never seen people clean up at parties, though i think a good point has been made about people who would prefer to do things themselves to make certain they are done "correctly". When i attended parties there were always people assigned to help the host and hostess with maintanence clean up during the party, more intense clean up after the party, and sometimes even clean up crews the next day (though those are the most rare, i worked four or five in my five active years with those groups.) LA i understand where you are comming from in saying that service does not equate with submission, but there are a number of people (myself included) who view service as an outward expression of the submission felt inside. i agree with the rights of people for whom submission is not service based, but i would not seperate it completely either. When i asked how a sub/slave would feel about serving in the presence of a Dom/Master who is not "theirs", it was my intention to ask if a sub feels compelled to "fetch for" or serve One who was unaccompanied by a sub of their own. For me, if i was friends with the Dom, there was a better chance i would step and fetch for Him/Her than an unaccompanied Dom. Because this area seems to be more attuned to this that what i am reading about here, it was not uncommon for Doms/Dommes to arrange for one to attend to them at functions, sort of serve as their sub for the moment. May i ask how common that is? Doms/Masters, have you ever asked one to accompany you for this purpose? subs/slaves, have you ever been asked to accompany One to an event only for the purpose of attending to them? i appreciate all the answers. Everyone's opinions have been great! Master's dorei

juliaoceania -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 10:11:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Suleiman quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: Problem with the world today is that respect isn't shown women as it once was. Look around and how many men do you see getting the door for the woman? My Daddy always opens doors for me. There is a strong hint of gender biased thinking there. Does this woman have no thumbs? Is she physically invalid or mentally incompetent? If I happen to be at the door, I'll open it (or hold it open) for any person I see coming along, man or woman, fit or frail. That's just basic courtesy. I usually get the door for my wife, but I also tend to be a little bit faster on my feet than she is. When she gets to the door first, she holds it for me. He enjoys opening doors for me, I am the sub, he is the dom, and he enjoys that it is his prerogative... I really do not care if people think he is a chauvinist for it..I do not think he cares either. I open doors for people with full arms, old people, sick people, children, or if I walk through before someone else I will make sure that I do not let the door shut in their face.... I have no problem with gender based rituals that cultures have, and they all have them. If you do not respect them or like them.... don't do them, my kink is not your kink, but your kink is ok

LordOfWolves -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 11:16:58 PM)
I tend to set the pace. We have 36 wolves to take care of, so for the most part almost everything requires every available pair of hands. While I also tend to handle to bulk of the labor as far as handling and construction and often cleaning as well, it is good to have hands available to send for materials, tools etc that are needed. Not only does it save me miles of steps, but it gives everyone a chance to be involved. Inside or outside, I tend to be the same way. I believe it is much eaiser to get someone to follow me if I am actually going somewhere. When I was in the military people who were senders always called themselves leaders. In my culture, to be a leader, one must be in front. The formost fron leader, holds the highest place of honor. To fall back is to relenquish that place of honor to another. So by essence of my beliefs, it requires that while I must be in front of my followers, I must also be able to set an example and be willing to show not just tell. I can only speak for me, and each person has their own beliefs adn this too is good. I was confused the first time a girl called me Master. I had no idea what she meant. I did not train to be a Master, I was trained to lead. I was taught to lead with courage, respect,dignity and honor. These things are of utmost importance ot me personally and are not sacrificable for any purpose. In order for these things to be so, sometimes it means that I must do some cleaning in order for everything to be cleaned. In my culture, beaing a warrior means that you do not sleep before all the elders, women and children have a warm place to sleep. You do not eat before the village has been fed. This build loyalty for my village as well as loyalty from my village. A loyalty which means that we will not just ove each other and live with each other, but that each person i nthe village , will give their lives for the others. This is how I look at all things. Weather it be marriage,BDSM, polyamory or any other part of life. It is all part of the circle for me. With Respect to A/all Wolf

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/25/2007 11:48:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse The situation would stop RIGHT THERE. Nobody is in a position to 'put My girl to work' except Me. They can ask her, in which case she'd check if it was OK with Me or they could ask Me in which case I would decide dependent on what it was she was being asked to do. Asking MIGHT get Me to agree, just trying to railroad Me or Mine into a situation and My agreement is MUCH less likely. If that causes whoever it is a problem, so be it. that's so hot!

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/26/2007 12:40:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei When the M/s group i mentioned had just started i was amazed at the amount of work being "assigned" to subs, while Masters waited out front with drinks until the venue was ready. i remember one particular event where slaves worked all day to prepare for the event, the Masters showed up in the evening to attend, and after hours of "entertaining" throughout the event, it was still only the slaves who were expected to break it down and clean up... another 3+ hours of work. (The facility had to be vacated by midnight.) The Masters excused themselves at the end of the event, and left... waiting for the slaves at a nearby location, having drinks & cigars. i have a new question... would it affect You, or (if you are sub/slave) your Dom/Master? Master's dorei That's something I've never seen at any of the events I've been to! Most of the Doms I've met are much too protective or pleased by the company of their subs to go off and wait out of sight for hours and hours while their sub works unsupervised in a fetish venue. My master in particular never allows me out of his sight, ever, unless it's to go to the bathroom. We also both prefer each other's company to that of anyone else. But that said, as you mentioned, this was a prearranged activity and whoever signed up to to this was already willing and happy with it. I can imagine that it could be pleasant for very highly service-oriented subs.

RavenMuse -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/26/2007 4:25:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1 quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse The situation would stop RIGHT THERE. Nobody is in a position to 'put My girl to work' except Me. They can ask her, in which case she'd check if it was OK with Me or they could ask Me in which case I would decide dependent on what it was she was being asked to do. Asking MIGHT get Me to agree, just trying to railroad Me or Mine into a situation and My agreement is MUCH less likely. If that causes whoever it is a problem, so be it. that's so hot! LOL Thank you dear, I think. For Me it is a case of whoever was trying to do the railroading not understanding how the dynamic works. Until a girl submits she owes you NOTHING, you are not in a position to put her to work, you can ask, you can not demand. My girl submits to Me, not them. In this case that is MY property you are trying to 'put to work' without MY permission and that isn't going to happen. It is the height of impoliteness and disrespect, I would consider someone attempting to do so to be rather lacking in manners and further, be rather a dimdom. I get no pleasure in socialising with folks like that and would have absolutely no qualms about taking My girl and leaving there and then. I go to pleanty of events where that kind of crap doesn't happen and I most certainly don't need to put up with it.

spankmepink11 -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/26/2007 6:15:13 AM)
When i referred to "clearing" and not thinking twice about doing it in places other than my home, I simply consider this to be respecting any space i occupy as i would my own home...free of "party debris" abandoned dishes...trash...etc. I wouldn't presume to do anything more than throw away trash...or take dishes to to the kitchen. Another example is when i eat in a restaurant, i prefer not to have trash and dishes strewn around the table so it's my natural inclination to compartmentalize the trash, and stack the excess dishes. Now at large restaurant gatherings...there have been a few sadistic dominant types who purposely create dissaray to see how long i might resist the urge to clear it up...and yes...my compulsion always wins out...much to their enjoyment. They liked watching me squirm. Luckily...the people i love and care about really enjoy my little compulsions....[:)]

RavenMuse -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/26/2007 6:26:37 AM)
Ah now that would backfire on Me if I did that. I hate socialising amid such clutter Myself and once everyone is finished I am likely to catch the matre dees eye and have him clear the empty plates away if We are going to be staying to drink and talk before moving elsewhere. Swift compliance raises the tip, not doing so, quite the opposite and is likely to mean I don't frequent that resteraunt again.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/26/2007 7:49:07 AM)
It is a pet peeve of mine when waiters start to clear plates before everyone's done (and trust me, I'm not the type to sit at a table for hours with nothing but a cup of coffee). I understand their perspective to clear the table efficiently- but I'm a food grazer and myself and my dining companions often enjoy tasting from everyone's plates. And dangit, it's just not proper to take some plates while others are not finished. It's also a pet peeve when people start eating before everyone is served (with some exception of course when your plate will take a half hour longer to cook or you arrived late), but I'm pretty sure that's a battle mostly lost at this point. I think the problem is we tend to stereotype and compartmentalize service. X service is submissive, Y service is dominant. Sometimes (most times) service is just being nice and getting along in the world.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/26/2007 8:27:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: Suleiman quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: Problem with the world today is that respect isn't shown women as it once was. Look around and how many men do you see getting the door for the woman? My Daddy always opens doors for me. There is a strong hint of gender biased thinking there. Does this woman have no thumbs? Is she physically invalid or mentally incompetent? If I happen to be at the door, I'll open it (or hold it open) for any person I see coming along, man or woman, fit or frail. That's just basic courtesy. I usually get the door for my wife, but I also tend to be a little bit faster on my feet than she is. When she gets to the door first, she holds it for me. He enjoys opening doors for me, I am the sub, he is the dom, and he enjoys that it is his prerogative... I really do not care if people think he is a chauvinist for it..I do not think he cares either. I open doors for people with full arms, old people, sick people, children, or if I walk through before someone else I will make sure that I do not let the door shut in their face.... I have no problem with gender based rituals that cultures have, and they all have them. If you do not respect them or like them.... don't do them, my kink is not your kink, but your kink is ok My owner always open doors for me, the car door included, he opens for my son as well. It is a protective thing he does.

mixielicous -> RE: Doms cleaning & serving (4/26/2007 1:34:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse In My household, with My guests, she is My girl and I am the host. I will entratain them whilst My girl clears things away (Actualy washing them up can wait till the guests have left. I'd probably dry and put away whilst she washed them and we talked over the evenings events) this is how it is when we host as well. i wont wash anything per se but i will clear the table and load the dishwasher. people always offer to help and frankly, it perplexes me only b/c i become a bit confused [ i dunno i just wanna do it alone, lol ] The only thing D does is usually cook. all else is on me, EVEN TRASH [unless the barrel is blocked in by cars and i cannot wait around]

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