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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/24/2007 5:17:08 PM

daddysliloneds

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so he took some quotes from castlerealm, mixed them in with his own personal belief system, and even went as far as saying in order to be a good dominant/top, you have to start as a bottom/submissive...

well, i know who doesn't have the power

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/24/2007 6:39:44 PM

TigressFL

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It "sounds" to me as if the person that gave you that information learned everything online first before going to real life (if he even did) because every bit of it is what I have seen spouted online but not in the real life community (unless the person came from online). Of course he can subscribe to anything he wishes, to each their own and all that jazz but personally for me I do not subscribe to anything said there lolol

Tigress~FL

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/24/2007 6:44:00 PM

RavenMuse

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This old chestnut again.

she has the 'power' to end it and walk away... so do *I*.... the rest is MINE.

Where is the power in the relationship? With Me. That is what she submitted to walking into this, if she can't handle that, can't DO that and we can't get her over the problems stopping her from doing so then at some point it ends at her hand or Mine. If she can then We build a future together as Master and slave.

To be a good Dom... it has to be in you from the start. You do NOT have to have been a sub, that is Old guard protocol, nothing more and certainly not something born out from looking at those respected, by subs and fellow Dominant peers alike. Some traveled that route, others did not.

No you can NOT teach someone to be a Dominant. If it isn't in them they may make a good Top, but they will only wear the mask, play the role, they will never BE. You can teach them to draw it out, express it, be confident in it... but ONLY if it is there inside them to start with.

YMMV that is My PoV

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/24/2007 9:32:42 PM

amiciaN

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(using fast reply)

I have not given up my power... but I have given my Master the authority to control it. By doing so, I have come further than I ever dreamed.

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/24/2007 9:53:39 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

I dont want to be equal to my partner. I dont want my partner to be equal to me. I want us to be a team where both sides bring to the equation what is needed to make the equation work.

Sinergy

Take ANY mathematical equation, or take a judicial balance......
Ab = Ba .... enough salt can = enough enough lime.............
either way, a balance in equality stands.

You can take a set of scales and put two different objects on it that weigh the same. Their weight is equal, but that does not make them the same object... balance has little to do with equity, as any artist could tell you, balance just "is"

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/24/2007 10:09:12 PM

littlesarbonn

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When I'm in a bdsm relationship, I give all the power to my dominant. It's why I don't have a lot of relationships, but the ones that I do have generally end up being long term ones. I don't ever feel that I'm the one calling the shots, and my safe words that I've tended to use over the years are a little different than the standard. They aren't "stop this now" safewords, but "there's something wrong with where we are in this relationship, so we need to stop and communicate that" safewords. I've only ever had to use that safeword once. And all the ridiculous "but what if she's crazy" rhetoric is just rhetoric. A forward thinking submissive doesn't get involved with a nutcase. And if he or she does, that's when that relationship safeword comes in, and quite often the relationship may have to end.

Now, having said that, it's AMAZING how many people need to go off half cocked and talk about how what I just mentioned isn't "power" to the dominant. It's like people live to deconstruct everyone else's relationship, even though they aren't experts at their own, or happen to be in one lucky one and somehow think that translates to how all relationships should be.

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 4:37:42 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

When I'm in a bdsm relationship, I give all the power to my dominant.

At the risk of "going off half cocked" (lol), and expanding on my first contribution to this thread, I regard a submissive's power as being that of her desirability - that's something I'd never want her to give over. What my girl gives up is control over her choices....

Not looking for an argument here, merely adding to the general duscussion. Besides, I don't think we have major philosophical differences so much as the "language" we each choose....

Focus.

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 4:55:53 AM

darkinshadows

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marylynn

The words printed are owned by another. You should not post them without the authors permission. You only need google some of the words together, or google submissives creed and it will come up.

Using it in any other way is plagerism.(And also against CM TOS)

Other than that - its not how I work or believe. The submissive does not have all the power. Dominants do not have to have been submissive to be anything. People just are themselves.

Safe words are pointless.

The creed is crass.

Other than that - it is just romantic bluff that some people use to woo submissives who feel they are 'good'.

Anything else?

Peace and Rapture

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 4:59:44 AM

darkinshadows

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Mr Merc...

I have been contemplating and looking into this very thing (zero sum) the last couple of days. It suddenly struck me how relationships reflect this even more than the whole 'yin/yang' equasion. It is really interesting. So it was good to see someone mention it here...

Peace and Rapture

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 5:09:29 AM

DiurnalVampire

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I have the power when Angel gives it to me. When we are together, I am in completely control and the power is mine. When we are apart, he is master of his own actions (which we both get a good laugh out of the terminology) becasue he can be trusted not to have to be under lock and key all the time. We both always have the power to walk away.
Unfortunately in our situation, school holds the most power over us both, since it can change his availability on a whim, my work schedule bcasue it has sway over the coworkers i have and it does have to come first.
DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 5:28:34 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I have the power when Angel gives it to me. When we are together, I am in completely control and the power is mine. When we are apart, he is master of his own actions (which we both get a good laugh out of the terminology) becasue he can be trusted not to have to be under lock and key all the time. We both always have the power to walk away.
Unfortunately in our situation, school holds the most power over us both, since it can change his availability on a whim, my work schedule bcasue it has sway over the coworkers i have and it does have to come first.
DV

Not ment as a "My way is right, your way is wrong" but simply to contrast the diffrent styles, attitudes and ways the dynamic works between that relationship and Mine.

I saw what I wanted, I reached out My hand and asked her if she trusted Me. She placed all that she is and all that she could be in My hand. she gave up that power to Me, that is where it says for as long as the relationship remains wether We are together or apart, My Ownership of her remains. The decisions she needs to make in order to cope with life are answerable to Me. I am at the back of her mind the whole time and when in doubt she will choose the decision she believes I will agree with.

I need not have her under lock and key, the chains round her heart are FAR stronger. If she ever truely lost trust in who I am she does have one choise, a choise *I* set outside My control, the one choise she MUST retain in order for this to work with consent. she can, as I can, chose to end this..... I trust in her that she would only ever do so if I broke her trust, she trusts I would never do so.

Real life imposes itself, creates barriers and limitations, is frustrating at times.... When I took ALL of her I also took on responcibility for her responcibilitys. Fullfilling those obligations is also answerable to Me, if she failed then not only would she face the normal consequences but also face Me to explain WHY she had let ME down over them when I make efforts to make it easier for her to meet them (she doesn't LIKE having a bedtime on work nights, tough, it isn't her choise and I saw she needed one!)

The way she faces that real life is also under My control and care. The 'power' is MINE.

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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 6:44:20 AM

BlackWolfSwitch

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Power in a relationship, specific upon lifetime or scening occasionally.. is quite different.
Power within D/s.. which one has the power? The Dominant can shape the submissive, while the submissive can take the willingness away.
Balance can come from equality or from two sides of inequal depth or strength (depending on the type) contributing to one another, complimenting one another, or being enough to come to an equal end or conclusion. Give and take, strength and weakness, pleasure and pain (the kind that actually gives no erotic feeling).

The Submissive's Creed listed is nice, but to agree with some here.. there are things within that list that I too do not agree with, nor would ask a submissive of mine to agree to. It is a personal base of truth, that is all it is. Given, there are lists such as the Ten Commandments of a Submissive or the Ten Commandments of the Dominant... or what have you. They are fair, truthful, and written to encompass eachother as well as spell out a base of understanding and what one should always remember as said side of the coin.

Without one, you cannot have the other, this is very true. For one to command, there must be someone that will follow, period. A leader is nothing without his flock. You cannot explore one side of things more deeply without someone of the opposing side to show, guide, or teach.

I am a switch, it is my nature to have both sides. I dominante, and I submit.. it is all a matter of my craving at the time, or what someone of one side may push me to do about the other side. As such, I have an understanding that to have one, there must be another.

And here's how it works. All answers are true as we all are different, except where selfishness lies.
We compliment eachother, we both have power, and each one has a stronger power than the other in many differences.
When it comes to the point that someone is hurt though.. whomever did the hurting just lost their power.

Cheers.

< Message edited by BlackWolfSwitch -- 4/26/2007 6:51:12 AM >

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 7:28:09 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I don't subscribe to a lot of what is written, but it may well apply to some D/s relationships.

My Master has the power, authority and control in our relationship;
I am sometimes a doormat to him, and grateful to be so;
I do not have safewords;
My Master was never, nor will ever be a submissive (and oh he understands my mind quite well!);
My "creed" is basically "I will obey my Master." His rules fall under that. Several of them are in the creed you posted, though.

I very much liked what Sinergy said about the yin and yang. That is something my Master and I have talked about before. We are not equals, but we compliment each other.

And kyra, your post made me laugh out loud. But you forgot ≠, ≤, and ≥

~runs shrieking into the morning~ NOT math....PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE not math...

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 7:34:49 AM

MellowSir

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Well in a d/s relaionship, let's hope the dom has the power lol. Certainly in the vanilla world, men tend to have the most power money-wise, and the women have the sexual power(you don't get it unless you give me something). There are so many variations of having power, and only the most extreme can expect to have power over another's thoughts, the physical side of things is relatively easy.

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RE: Power - who has it.. - 4/26/2007 7:43:26 AM

CreativeDominant

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I have found much of interest iin the replies on these threads.

Though I do not want a master/slave relationship such as mercnbeth's, what he says about the "power" residing within the relationship rather than within the dominant himself or the submissive herself. The relationship, once defined and agreed to by the individuals, is what becomes the defining character of the couple's interactions. That does not stop the fact that once she agrees to what is stated in the relationship boundaries, it is ME she is submitting to and she who I am dominating.

I do not believe that we are equal and yet I do not believe we are not equals...we are complementary. I like the sense of the phrase "Equality found and satisfied through inequality" to define the complexity of the interactions that take place. Yes, she has the choice at any time to walk away...as do I. As I have stated before, I like a submissive who will not just follow any order that strikes her as idiotic and baseless but I don't want a submissive that looks at every command I give and continuously processes it through the "is that the best way to dominate me in my viewpoint" filter. She agreed to submit...I agreed to dominate...and all that is her views and that are mine are being taken into account each time I make a decision.

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