RE: part time Masters

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MistressMelissa -> RE: part time Masters (4/23/2007 9:33:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rubyleu What i mean by part time Master, is One who cannot be with his slave more than once or twice a month. Its physically part time, mainly because of long distance. Thank you all for your answers. Your Master is your Master no matter where he might physically be. That does not make him part time if he is absent for a trip or something. If you Master owns you, you are owned and that is not a part time relationship. If you behave and perform according to your masters desires and wishes you are "on". As someone who has been gone for long periods of time I understand this is very difficult. A pair of cell phones with free calling time between them can go a long way to keeping the lines of communication open. I would have my girl call me when she left the house and when she returned home so I knew she was safe. It also kept me involved in her daily life and if anything came up I was only a speed dial away. Any ritual or act that maintain communication and contact between you is important. Personally I find it very difficult to maintain control of my house while on the road and made the personal choice to change my employment to ensure I'm home where I belong. I realize not everyone has this option but it's one that was available to me. On the other hand. If the relationship is restricted to a night of kink or the only time he has control over you is when he's with you, aka part time, then we are back to tops and bottoms. Unless you are talking Leather, then the terms have different meanings. When this lifestyle can agree upon what the terms of this lifestyle mean. Then we can have an intelligent conversation.

MistressMelissa -> RE: part time Masters (4/23/2007 9:40:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra Your post came AFTER rubyleu's in which she further described her relationship and why she was asking about what to do. Perhaps you should go back and read it. My second post to her came after that and was distinctly different from the first. And actually, I didn't ask...but thanks for sharing your views. You know...by my definition and all...honey seemed to work...just as top did for you. juliet I did miss rubyleu's second post. You will note I referenced the first and not her second post. There is a difference between "part time" and someone just being gone. A relationship is stretched by distance, it does not end unless those involved allow it.

MistressMelissa -> RE: part time Masters (4/23/2007 10:16:14 PM)
Thank you unsung you make a valid point. The Leather community defines terms in one manner. The greater BDSM community for lack of a better description, another way. The Goreans have yet another set of terms and definitions. Perhaps the BDSM community needs it's own Noah Webster to clear up this confusion. When Noah Webster (1758-1843) was 43, he started writing the first American dictionary. He did this because Americans in different parts of the country spelled, pronounced and used words differently. He thought that all Americans should speak the same way. It took him over 27 years to write his book. When finished in 1828, at the age of 70, Noah's dictionary had 70,000 words in it.

SimplyMichael -> RE: part time Masters (4/23/2007 10:52:00 PM)
quote: Your Master is your Master no matter where he might physically be. That does not make him part time if he is absent for a trip or something. If you Master owns you, you are owned and that is not a part time relationship. ... On the other hand. If the relationship is restricted to a night of kink or the only time he has control over you is when he's with you, aka part time, then we are back to tops and bottoms. Unless you are talking Leather, then the terms have different meanings. Now I understand, if you say "master" or "leather" everything is much cooler and more intense. Poor kinky het people, they get any of the cool kids labels...looks like the bullshit and rationalizations just keep getting deeper.

mnottertail -> RE: part time Masters (4/23/2007 11:39:24 PM)
part time master; low rent rendevouz............... I've never done this kinda thing before; have you? edited because----------------LOL

julietsierra -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 2:11:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra Your post came AFTER rubyleu's in which she further described her relationship and why she was asking about what to do. Perhaps you should go back and read it. My second post to her came after that and was distinctly different from the first. And actually, I didn't ask...but thanks for sharing your views. You know...by my definition and all...honey seemed to work...just as top did for you. juliet I did miss rubyleu's second post. You will note I referenced the first and not her second post. There is a difference between "part time" and someone just being gone. A relationship is stretched by distance, it does not end unless those involved allow it. Exactly the point I was trying to make... thanks.... Ma'am... (ok, I never said that...I'll never admit it... damn! It's in type!) juliet

HalloweenWhite -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 4:31:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u so do..some don't.. some can..some can't..some will..some won't.. different dynamics for different folks. but yeah on the personal side.. i've ran both tides. And part time always felt like... game time.. for him.. and sometimes afterwards leaving me to feel... ( want to say used.. but some would say that's they way I should feel..but that's not quite it)..It was actually worse than used. So I decided to give that up...and figured one day again, i'll be owned full time, not part time or play time. Hope I don't hijack the thread and turn it on it's head, but there's a flip-side to this problem which I'm trying to get out of right now. That is the "part-time Dom" or "Long distance-Dom"; neither of which I'm personally comfortable with, but because of health problems making working difficult, very little money because of the job situation, and there fore no nice, big 4 bed house to bring any prospective slave/sub. to that's all I get to be, there maybe a lot of us out there. I started working for Myself a while ago so I may get somewhere in time. I just wonder about what slaves/subs. look for as a priority.

adoracat -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 5:18:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite Hope I don't hijack the thread and turn it on it's head, but there's a flip-side to this problem which I'm trying to get out of right now. That is the "part-time Dom" or "Long distance-Dom"; neither of which I'm personally comfortable with, but because of health problems making working difficult, very little money because of the job situation, and there fore no nice, big 4 bed house to bring any prospective slave/sub. to that's all I get to be, there maybe a lot of us out there. I started working for Myself a while ago so I may get somewhere in time. I just wonder about what slaves/subs. look for as a priority. sometimes its the way it works out. when i started looking, i was going from a 24/7 situation where Lord Fallcon lived in the household to i-didnt-know-what-i-would-find. i didnt wish to have someone long distance, mainly because i know how i am. Sir is a couple of hours away, we dont always get to see one another as we would wish, and i hate those bits of this. i have health issues which make our time together difficult sometimes. but we talk to one another every day, he IS my Master constantly no matter that i dont get to see him constantly, and that doesnt change how i feel about being owned by him. kitten, whose Sir understands the capitolization issues because of a long ago unset broken wrist...damn my ex.

MellowSir -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 6:25:26 AM)
It's all "part time", after all, how many dominants practice it 24/7? very few.....who's got the time for that on either side lol.

MellowSir -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 6:27:24 AM)
Even in a "24/7" relationship, still gotta work, still gotta leave to do vanilla things, maybe if you got locked up together it'd be true 24/7 lol.....or just keep the sub in a cage while gone, I have seen that.....

Asraii -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 6:28:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MellowSir It's all "part time", after all, how many dominants practice it 24/7? very few.....who's got the time for that on either side lol. Actually, I know quite a few who are dominant personalities; therefore; always dominant. It all comes down to the people involved and how they interpert their own relationships.

MellowSir -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 6:34:14 AM)
I agree that the personality can always be dominant, just not the actions, after all, we all serve someone, whether dominant or sub.....try being dominant with the boss at work, NOT a good idea lol

MistressMelissa -> RE: part time Masters (4/24/2007 8:38:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MellowSir I agree that the personality can always be dominant, just not the actions, after all, we all serve someone, whether dominant or sub.....try being dominant with the boss at work, NOT a good idea lol What is a dominant action? No, you can't play 24/7, but I can be in control of myself, my house and my property at all times. I can even be a dominant whether or not I have someone in my collar. Look up dominant in the dictionary. 1 a : commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others <the dominant culture> b : very important, powerful, or successful <a dominant theme> <a dominant industry> If I take my property out to dinner and order her dinner for her, I am exerting my dominance over her by making these choices for her. So while eating dinner might be vanilla, I am still exerting my dominance by ordering what she will be allowed to eat. Thus by controlling these vanilla aspects of my properties life, I make this a lifestyle. Look up lifestyle in the dictionary: the typical way of life of an individual, group, or culture If I'm in control of myself, I can influence and control how others react around me. While I might have a boss at work, I'm still in control of my house and my property. We all submit to someone. Whether is be a parent or a boss. How we conduct ourself and where we set our personal limits gives us control. Why do we work? I work to have money to pay for what matters most to me, my "house". Since my house is my priority, not the job, I set the boundries of what I'll do. While some people become slaves of thier jobs due to poor financial control, I have ensured I don't fall into that trap. When you work for someone and they understand you don't need them as bad as they need you. That gives you control. While you can't make a lifestyle out of the kink, you can make a lifestyle and thus 24/7 of dominance and submission aka Ds.

julietsierra -> RE: part time Masters (4/25/2007 3:36:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MellowSir Even in a "24/7" relationship, still gotta work, still gotta leave to do vanilla things, maybe if you got locked up together it'd be true 24/7 lol.....or just keep the sub in a cage while gone, I have seen that..... See, I have issues with this whole compartmentalization stuff. I'm a mom. I'm a mom whether my kids are at their father's, at their friends or home. I'm a lom whether I'm upset with them or we're all happily doing family stuff. Their presence or lack thereof does not make me any less a mom. Why in the world would the presence or absense of my Master make me any less submissive? Why would my presence or lack thereof make him any less dominant, any less my Master? You use the "at work" thing...but guess what... he's the boss at work, and he is very much in charge there. Yes, of course he too has a boss, but that's the way of things. When we play, no matter how sadistic he gets (and he IS sadistic), he is still privy to the laws of this country, to whether or not he is doing irreparable damage to me or not. Simply because a dominant does have rules to follow does not make him less dominant. In my world the person in charge has an even greater responsibility to follow the rules than the people they are in charge of. After all, they are looked to as an example/role model in life. If my Master didn't have integrity, what could he say when demanding it of me? And here's the thing... just because we go out to dinner, sit on the river fishing, or visit with friends and family, does not make him any less my Master. It does not make him any less dominant. In fact, when people start differentiating between what's vanilla and what's dominance, I wonder just how that works. It just does not click for me. I can't wrap my head around the entire concept. I had a group of ladies over to my house to play pokeno last week. Pokeno is a VERY vanilla game. We did such vanilla things as laugh, joke about someone setting the deck, eat too many sweets and enjoy the evening. But I, and each and every one of us, were either submissives and/or slaves. Just because we weren't running hither and yon, bowing and fetching or sucking someone off at their demand did not then, nor would it ever change the fact that we were all submissive. And I don't see, nor are you ever going to be able to convince me that dominants drop their dominance when doing vanilla things either. First of all, I've watched my Master with his friends and that whole idea just doesn't happen like that. He is still the one making the decisions, making sure people are taken care of, etc.. He just does it with a subtlety that his friends of many years just presume to be "him" - not him taking control. Secondly, The entire logic of this just does not make any sense whatsoever. People are who they are unless they're playing a game (in either direction - either they're playing at being a dominant or they're playing at not being dominant, and THAT just doesn't ring true either) And finally, to get back to and tie this into the original thread, I believe this misplaced notion of people being able to clap-on/clap-off their dominance and submission to accommodate "vanilla" life is at the heart of dilemmas such as the OP was discussing. It's why people in relationships that temporarily change have such difficulty. I believe that when we focus on "doing D/s" now vs then, or in the evening vs during the day, we actually lose focus regarding the D/s that we're doing. And when relationships temporarily change, what we're left with is this gaping hole that we have no clue how to fill.(and I'm not talking about the understandable "I miss him" issues - those are normal when things change.) I believe that when we change our mindset to the idea that D/s is never really part-time, we begin to be able to fill the time that our dominant or submissive is absent with worthwhile things to do in our lives. When we do that, D/s takes its proper place within our lives. It's not something "special" that we do on Monday's Wednesdays Thursdays after 5 and every Saturday except one during the month, but something that IS our lives - yes, 24/7 - whether we live with our mates or not; whether we see them once a day, once a week or once a month, whether they live next door, an hour away, three hours away or three states away. When we live our lives understanding that D/s is how we live our lives, we tend (or I tend, to keep it personal and not generalize) to live very full lives - even when he can't get here more often. And even when he can't, and even though we don't live together... I am STILL living this D/s life I love 24/7 - in service to him. juliet

SlyStone -> RE: part time Masters (4/25/2007 7:08:39 AM)
I am curious to know from submissives or slaves who are owned by part time Masters, how they handle it, how do they make up for it. Part time to me is meeting about once or twice a month real time or even less. Personally I cannot imagine being fulfilled, beyond kink that is, by seeing someone once or twice a month, talking on the phone just doesn't cut for me. I have read this thread and I am sorry but it sounds a lot like rationalizing and settling because people are saying that this part time relationship is their primary one and that they consider themselves owned and fulfilled by someone they see only on occasion. I understand if there is no choice, where one partner has to leave the country for a time or one partner is ill etc, but in general I cannot see this as something to aspire to or even something to settle for in the long term. I guess what people are saying here is that their need for fulfillment in terms of bdsm is so powerful that they would rather have a distant relationship with a master than a full time intimate relationship with a vanilla partner which is understandable. But I think the answer is somewhere in the middle and is based on the acceptance and the realization that 24/7 d/s is almost impossible to sustain without compromise and redefining. In other words I think it is possible that peoples unwillingness to compromise their needs, and we all compromise our needs, may in the end be a vicious circle that still brings them back to compromise, in this case compromising their need for a 24/7 intimate relationship, unless of course they prefer to spend the majority of their time alone, and I do realize that some people desire that and that is perfectly fine, if that is what you want. But for those who do want and need more time with a partner and yet settle for long distance or part time, no matter how you gift wrap it, it is compromise and settling none the less. In my opinion of course.

rubyleu -> RE: part time Masters (4/25/2007 8:56:54 AM)
Very well said Sly. it is compromise, and sacrifice possibly. but to some, it is also not settling for just anyone because of distance. i would rather have a Master who suits me, who takes care of my needs the way i like it, and see Him less often, than being with a partner who is not 100% compatible with my needs. it is freedom of choice also i guess. but the goal of this question was basically to get ideas from other subs/slaves on how do they handle the separation from their Masters/Doms. thank you all for your answers.

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