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Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 7:06:48 AM

littleonyx

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Okay...I've got a question that I want to know your opinions on. Let's say that you and your partner were trying to conceive naturally, and for whatever reason you were having problems. You'd been trying and trying, and it just wasn't happening. So you decided to adopt. During the proceedings, you find out that there is a baby on the way.

Do you:

A) Stop the proceedings altogether since you have your own little on the way?
B) Keep the process going with the understanding that you will just have an additional child to your own?

Or would you say that it depends on how far you were in the adoption proceedings (like if you were just starting out, or had seen the child, had the child in your home in a foster-to-adopt setting, etc.)?

I suppose this could've been moved to the poll threads, but this is something I'd rather hear full discussions about...

little onyx

edited to add this: I probably should've put in where I stand on the matter. Sorry about that. *smiles* Me, I'd proceed. Someone asked me this question once. They said, "So what would you do if you were going through the process and you found out you were pregnant?" Without hesitating, or looking up from what I was doing, I simply replied, "Then I guess I'd have two kids then, wouldn't I?"

< Message edited by littleonyx -- 4/21/2007 7:17:31 AM >

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 7:11:12 AM

Rule

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The Divine rewarded the willingness to adopt - and thus the demonstration of civilization - by enabling to conceive. My recommendation is to proceed with the adoption. This is meant to be.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 7:12:48 AM

untamedshysub

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children are not like shoes or a dress you can change your mind about, if you have chosen the child then you should complete the process, if you have just begun the process and you are not committed or attached in anyway then you can back out.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 8:10:23 AM

goodlittlegirl28

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i would continue without a moment's hesitation. but that's me. two babies could be more than some would like to handle. adoption is often a second choice, and if the first choice pans out it gets scratched. i understand that individuals like to have their own flesh and blood, as i would like to. but there has always been a place in my heart for adoption, and see it as a viable and likely option instead of as a runner up alternative. i would much rather have both children. but again, that's me.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 8:41:07 AM

SunNMoon

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Depending on how far along I was in the adoption process, I’d continue without a doubt. Otherwise if I was just starting the adoption process, like looking into where to adopt from, I’d put it on pause. But since from the little I’ve looked into adoption it can take over two years, I would just keep going.

I’ve actually thought about adoption being my first choice. I guess since I’m not at this stage in my life yet, I’m not sure of what my reaction would really be. I would hope that I would proceed with welcoming any child as my child into my home. But I’m a big believer in adoption, and I know that it isn’t for everyone.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 8:46:40 AM

StellaByStarlite

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It really depends on the child you're planning to adopt. If you're bringing a special needs or behaviorally disruptive kid into the household, then it might not be a good idea to proceed if there will be a newborn baby added.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 8:50:02 AM

enslavemenightly

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In my opinion there is more to this than just doing the 'right thing' and continuing with the adoption. Firstly you would have to be sure that you would not treat either child differently. Secondly there is a possibility that when you were accepted for adoption the agency / society may have only taken into account that you would have one child in your household (the adopted child) and they may decide that your household / situation is not suitable for two children. Thirdly, financially is two children instead of one viable? House space, have you room for two children instead of one?

I know that in an ideal word the answer would be 'of course i will still adopt the child', but in reality there is far more to consider than doing what you feel is right.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 9:22:56 AM

StellaByStarlite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: enslavemenightly

I know that in an ideal word the answer would be 'of course i will still adopt the child', but in reality there is far more to consider than doing what you feel is right.

Yup yup. In Ohio, children under the age of two are adopted fairly quickly. The kids that *really* need homes are unfortunately the ones nobody else wants. The 16 year olds, the damaged, the abused. It's a harsh reality, but many of these children really shouldn't be in a home with a baby.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 9:36:39 AM

Arpig

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To be honest, I would stop the proceedings. Why? simple, 2 kids is a lot of friggin work (I have 3 so I know whereof I speak)

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 1:01:48 PM

windchymes

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If it were me, I would stop the adoption proceedings immediately, and I'll tell you why.

Because, there are a lot of other people out there unable to have children of their own, trying to adopt, and there aren't always a lot of babies available for adoption, which is why it sometimes takes years. If I was suddenly fortunate enough to conceive one of my own, then I would withdraw to let another set of parents not as fortunate as I am to have the chance to love a child, too.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 4:19:27 PM

Griswold

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleonyx

Okay...I've got a question that I want to know your opinions on. Let's say that you and your partner were trying to conceive naturally, and for whatever reason you were having problems. You'd been trying and trying, and it just wasn't happening. So you decided to adopt. During the proceedings, you find out that there is a baby on the way.

Do you:

A) Stop the proceedings altogether since you have your own little on the way?
B) Keep the process going with the understanding that you will just have an additional child to your own?

Or would you say that it depends on how far you were in the adoption proceedings (like if you were just starting out, or had seen the child, had the child in your home in a foster-to-adopt setting, etc.)?

I suppose this could've been moved to the poll threads, but this is something I'd rather hear full discussions about...

little onyx

edited to add this: I probably should've put in where I stand on the matter. Sorry about that. *smiles* Me, I'd proceed. Someone asked me this question once. They said, "So what would you do if you were going through the process and you found out you were pregnant?" Without hesitating, or looking up from what I was doing, I simply replied, "Then I guess I'd have two kids then, wouldn't I?"

C) You'd call me in (I'm here to help).

(in reply to littleonyx)

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 5:49:42 PM

Wildfleurs

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From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

If it were me, I would stop the adoption proceedings immediately, and I'll tell you why.

Because, there are a lot of other people out there unable to have children of their own, trying to adopt, and there aren't always a lot of babies available for adoption, which is why it sometimes takes years. If I was suddenly fortunate enough to conceive one of my own, then I would withdraw to let another set of parents not as fortunate as I am to have the chance to love a child, too.

In america, there are to many children then there are families available to adopt. * The reason why the process takes years is because its a long screening process including multiple site/house vists (my brother was adopted, I remember the process).

C~

See: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/afcars/tar/report13.htm

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 6:08:25 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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we would choose option B.

the guy i'm currently dating and i already have discussed the "what if" situation like this one because we would like to try. it took me 8yrs to get pregnant with my 2nd UM after doctors told me i had a 70% chance of never having another one when i delivered my 1st UM (she was a very difficult labor).

there might be a 40-60 chance i can have another one however i probably would be under supervised care since both of my UMs were born premature (2 to 3months) and i have chronic bronchitis & HPV.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 7:46:36 PM

Devilslilsister

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the more the merrier

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 7:56:50 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite

It really depends on the child you're planning to adopt. If you're bringing a special needs or behaviorally disruptive kid into the household, then it might not be a good idea to proceed if there will be a newborn baby added.

I have an old friend who had two children with no handicaps. Then they had a Down's syndrome baby.

In order to avoid having the Down's syndrome baby feel different, they adopted 2 more Down's syndrome babies.

I would proceed. I would be more than happy to adopt a bunch of kids and care for them. My life just didnt work out as I had planned.

There is still time, I suppose...

Sinergy

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 8:03:46 PM

NakedOnMyChain

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I would certainly proceed. Adoption means more than just getting some kid out of the process. There has to be a connection, otherwise it's still just some kid, not your child. If I loved a child enough to adopt him or her (which is different than loving all children) I would love him/her enough to continue the process despite the one I love equally growing in my body.

Edited to add: I have two very good friends, a couple in their mid-thirties, who adopted two brothers (one now 13 the other 10, and adopted at 10 and 7) whose mother had done meth and crack while she was pregnant. Both children have severe learning disabilities among other problems. They now have a two year old. Let me tell you, they love those kids, all three of them, more than life. They are fantastic parents. They had a choice to let those children go to another home when they found the news about their impending pregnancy, but they loved those kids and there was no way they were letting them go. That's the thing about parenting: If you're a good parent, there's enough love to go around, no matter how difficult it is.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 4/21/2007 8:11:10 PM >

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/21/2007 10:08:50 PM

littleonyx

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From: Austin
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold
C) You'd call me in (I'm here to help).

Fantastic, Griswold...I would most definitely call on you for help. You could cook, clean, and take care of the house...and then help me watch the kiddos. Of course, you'd get diaper duty when it came to the poopy ones. And...keep the house maintained. Don't forget about the grass...and you know, it wouldn't hurt to keep the cars cleaned at all times...oh, and the oil changed, and the tires rotated, and...um...well, I'm kinda out of things for the moment.

*grins* I'm just kidding.

onyx

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/22/2007 8:29:53 AM

Griswold

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleonyx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold
C) You'd call me in (I'm here to help).

Fantastic, Griswold...I would most definitely call on you for help. You could cook, clean, and take care of the house...and then help me watch the kiddos. Of course, you'd get diaper duty when it came to the poopy ones. And...keep the house maintained. Don't forget about the grass...and you know, it wouldn't hurt to keep the cars cleaned at all times...oh, and the oil changed, and the tires rotated, and...um...well, I'm kinda out of things for the moment.

*grins* I'm just kidding.

onyx

(Hmmmm...I was considering a completely different skill set I had to offer).

(in reply to littleonyx)

Post #: 18

RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/22/2007 1:10:11 PM

littleonyx

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From: Austin
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold
(Hmmmm...I was considering a completely different skill set I had to offer).

I'm all ears.

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RE: Natural Conception vs. Adoption - 4/22/2007 1:11:41 PM

littleonyx

Posts: 657
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From: Austin
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold
(Hmmmm...I was considering a completely different skill set I had to offer).

I'm all ears.

Wait a minute...you couldn't mean...*gasp* YES!! I absolutely love the idea! You could go to work...and earn money...and help buy pampers and wipes...

That is what you were going to say, isn't it?

< Message edited by littleonyx -- 4/22/2007 1:12:05 PM >

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