Playing in your own league

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imthatacheyouhav -> Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 8:16:39 PM)
Hello, I sincerely hope i do not offend anyone with this but i am curious.... there are many people of different shapes and sizes on this website. I like that i think its cool. as I have browsed profiles (they pop up on you) i notice peoples pics and description and i think ...yeah he would NEVER want me does anyone else do this?....in my youth i could have perhaps not worried about rejection because of my physical looks . but that was 20 some years and MUCH life ago....LOL i guess what i'm saying is ..does anyone else automatically disqualify themselves because they dont think they "look" good enough?

juliaoceania -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 8:22:01 PM)
That is interesting. When I was younger I thought looks were more crucial than now that I am older. I see people of all sorts of different physical descriptions out enjoying their life and their love. Sometimes people that are less than average have better than average relationships... just look around and think of the people that you know and respect as far as their relationships go... who is happy and who is not? I really think that it is not about looks, it is about compatibility.

GeekyGirl -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 8:23:06 PM)
Depends on what the profile says. If he specifically talks about not liking heavy girls, seeking someone HWP, looking for someone "athletic" "fit" "trim" etc, then I figure he won't like my looks and I pass him on by. I don't loose any sleep over it though...I figure "different strokes for different folks." I also generally avoid people who talk a lot about what THEY look like, what sports they play, how athletic they are because I assume that A)they wouldn't enjoy hanging out with me because I don't share their interests and B) they probably place a stronger emphasis on physical fitness than I do and we would hence not be compatable.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 8:28:26 PM)
i agree ...looks are indeed sencondary to compatibility. I do not have an "ahtletic"built and neither does my Master....LOL i guess my self image has suffered alittle over the years....LOL

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 8:55:53 PM)
To the OP: Don't DQ yourself! Not everyone will prefer you, nor will you prefer some of them. A good self-image is healthy. Enjoy one!

FatDomDaddy -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 9:00:17 PM)
I think everyone hope they end up with some one who is at least one step on the "dating scale" then themselves. I think it also keeps a lot of people lonely.

darchChylde -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 9:05:17 PM)
no one is perfect, well no one but me in all seriousness, unless there is something in their profile or posts that shows a specific taste, don't disqualify yourself... you'll be doing yourself and others a disservice; just imagine, that one who you thought couldn't be interested could have been the one if you don't appreciate yourself, no one else will... you are beautiful

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 9:10:51 PM)
I think it's low self esteem trying to convince you there's such a thing as "your own league". There's no league for looks, unless you're competing for a job as a model. Yes, my current partner had already pre-disqualified himself for my wanting him, when I wrote to him (I'm young and thin, he's older and fat). It was really weird and sad to think someone would imagine I don't want them for some idealized version of looks, and I'm not even attracted to what you'd call standard appearances.

UtopianRanger -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 9:48:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout I think it's low self esteem trying to convince you there's such a thing as "your own league". There's no league for looks, unless you're competing for a job as a model. Yes, my current partner had already pre-disqualified himself for my wanting him, when I wrote to him (I'm young and thin, he's older and fat). It was really weird and sad to think someone would imagine I don't want them for some idealized version of looks, and I'm not even attracted to what you'd call standard appearances. Heh....this ''own league'' stuff is vastly overrated. Nowadays I tend to evaluate possible compatibility based on not whether she has a perfect bubble-ass in jeans, but rather how many minutes I'll nod off on a two hour road trip while she's driving ; } - R

SusanofO -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 9:57:10 PM)
Yes, I don't think you're being necessarily fair to yourself, either. From what I hear people say, many are seeking things like intellectual compatibility and emotional compatibility, over looks, in the long run. Also, who hasn't ever seen some super-hunky guy with an "average-looking" female, and vice-versa? It happens. But I do understand why you'd do this, I think many people probably do it, and almost unconsciously, too, to not risk possible rejection, or maybe based on past experiences of rejection. I mean, if someone has written "No BBWs" in their profile, or something, then I think it would be wise to take them at their word, regardless of agreeing with it, or be certainly disappointed. Aside from that, I say give yourself a chance. - Susan

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 10:01:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav Hello, I sincerely hope i do not offend anyone with this but i am curious.... there are many people of different shapes and sizes on this website. I like that i think its cool. as I have browsed profiles (they pop up on you) i notice peoples pics and description and i think ...yeah he would NEVER want me does anyone else do this?....in my youth i could have perhaps not worried about rejection because of my physical looks . but that was 20 some years and MUCH life ago....LOL i guess what i'm saying is ..does anyone else automatically disqualify themselves because they dont think they "look" good enough? Yep. No matter how attractive people actually are, they will always find someone they think is "too" good looking for them. OK, most people anyway. I've found that a healthy dose of humility and self-realization mixed with an equally healthy dose of confidence and self-esteem is a balance not to be scoffed at. Should people think they're great? Of course! Should people think they're everything? Of course not!

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 10:06:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout I think it's low self esteem trying to convince you there's such a thing as "your own league". There's no league for looks, unless you're competing for a job as a model. Yes, my current partner had already pre-disqualified himself for my wanting him, when I wrote to him (I'm young and thin, he's older and fat). It was really weird and sad to think someone would imagine I don't want them for some idealized version of looks, and I'm not even attracted to what you'd call standard appearances. I agree to a certain extent. There really are no such thing as leagues. However, I think a majority (maybe not an overwhelming one, but a majority nonetheless) tend to seek someone with some combination of similar values, looks, ideas, ethnicity, or interests. There has to be something striking a similar chord... something to draw time together from. It doesn't have to be looks, but in many cases it is. That makes it their loss. Looks fade. Edited to add: FatDomDaddy, you're about half right. Some people want a step up. However, some people date a few, or many, steps down on the looks gradient to ensure they have their partners undivided attention. It's warped, but I do understand it. I used to do it until I began to grow up. Now I'm drawn to those similar to myself, but it is never based solely on looks. Attraction for me is 75% mental. I couldn't handle a drop-dead gorgeous brainless man. Whatever would we talk about?

Owned1 -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/18/2007 10:50:54 PM)
For most compatiblity changes with age. When we were young our "list" was far different than it is today ~for those of us not 20somthing~~ There is far more to compatibility than looks and I have found in this wonderful world o kink that is more true than anywhere else. We are looking for one who has similar kinks, which are far and varied. That is not to say however there does need to be that physical omygodwetmypants thought. I know I am not "all that" however to Master I am all that and more. Ae he is for me. That is all that matters. Owned

LotusSong -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/19/2007 9:00:38 AM)
No... because there IS no one in MY league :)

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/19/2007 9:05:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong No... because there IS no one in MY league :) OMG...LOVE that....LOVE IT....right on even.....

selfbnd411 -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/19/2007 11:40:57 AM)
Rejection is my biggest fear, and probably it's up there for a lot of other people. It's not such a big deal for me on collarme, though, because it's the internet. I'm just completely honest with the person, and if they're not interested, it's not like I walked up to them in person and they shut me down hardcore. If it works, then great--you know that they definitely are interested. If it doesn't work, then that's OK too--you might not even get a reply, and if you do, it's easy to just delete it and move on. I figure I'd rather be rejected and know I tried than just assume that I will be rejected and always wonder if maybe I missed my shot.

ApollyonLoosed -> RE: Playing in your own league (4/22/2007 8:39:58 PM)
I automatically do that. "Why try? I'm that guy Holden Caulfield from 'Catcher in the Rye'." Words to live by. It is a sad fact that appearance matters. Take me for example. If a see a girl who looks beautiful, happy, secure in her life, I don't even bother to approach, since I realize that I am strange and do not fit the mold of what 99.9% of women are looking for. And, to be really cold about it, since there are only three possibilities for what kind of personality she could have: A) 49.95% probable: She's shallow and looking for someone equally shallow. B) Also 49.95% probable: She has insanely high and unreasonable standards. Basically, she has believed every idiotic romance novel she has ever read. C) 0.10 % She's a decent human being and worth getting to know. That 0.10% chance just isn't worth it. I know that sounds cruel on my part, but it is true. Appearances matter because they are usually a key to personality. And of course, because we all are physically attracted to the beautiful; sad ingrained part of human nature.

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