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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/16/2007 11:56:39 PM   
greeneyes1962


Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline 		Most of the time, submitting comes very easily and naturally to me, other times I find myself having to "talk" myself into doing tasks i've been asked to do. Usually those are things i have a strong mental resistance to. I can always convince myself to complete those tasks, but it takes real mental work sometimes.

(in reply to longtimemuse)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 12:15:09 AM   
fogandwine


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		Do I get angry? No! But, I do feel a world of other emotions. I feel mostly frustrated, a bit saddened, maybe even despondent. It's so difficult to tell a woman that you cherisch on so many levels that you really NEED to be dominated. She is naturally dominant but does not know how to take the next step into the kinky world that I need. She suspects it but the idea of coming clean and sharing everything and putting it all on the line is terrifying to the degree that I cannot, yet, risk her reaction.

Fondly,

pet

(in reply to longtimemuse)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 12:18:34 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I never struggle with my submission. Finding someone, well, that's a bit of a struggle.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to longtimemuse)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 2:36:29 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: longtimemuse

How many of you have or do struggle with your submission ? Even when you want it badly, is it ever an internal fight to make it ok for yourself  to want it ?


Greetings longtimemuse,
 
The more I want it...my "soul" focus of enslavement.... the more disappointed I am in myself at times.
 
But I will say, I think we as submissives are harder on ourselves than the Dominant usually is.
 
Generally, when I feel I make huge strides, here comes the two step back syndrome.
 
BUT >>>
 
One glimmer of hope that I have found...on the days that I feel like I struggle the most are the days that i feel less joy and contentment. 
 
So, this is my measuring stick, to *know* that with surrender comes my peace naturally, therefore, that's where I should be.
 
In other words, if I felt comfortable on the bratty days, then I would wonder am I truly material for enslavement....but finding that inner peace through surrender makes me *know* I am home.
 
It's definitely a journey.
 
serve with passion,
~curious~

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


(in reply to longtimemuse)
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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 4:59:57 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		InnerDom and InnerSub often play tug-of-war, but not in the way you're describing. InnerSub will take care of anyone who needs tending to, at the expense of my own well-being. InnerDom tsks gravely and warns that it's not a good idea to put everyone before one's self, it's just not survival positive. InnerDom warns us that some people are bad news, or that the rewards are not great enough to compensate for the trouble involved. InnerSub waits patiently until InnerDom gives the nod that yes, this time it's okay.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to longtimemuse)
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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 6:23:03 PM   
haysup


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline 		I'm lazy and I'm spoiled. I would describe myself as naturally submissive, but those two qualities of mine often get in the way of "perfect submission." I, uh... I whine a lot. My dominant has the patience of a saint and the inventiveness of a devil, though, so what she wants, happens, and despite all my bitching and moaning, in my heart that's exactly how I want it.
So it's not that I get angry at myself for wanting submission, because I can't really imagine myself any other way. I get irritated at myself for being a brat, but hey, my dear Master loves me anyway, so...

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 8:41:54 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I get frustrated when I can't seem to push my ego out of the way.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to haysup)
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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 9:23:32 PM   
lovewithoutfear


Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		"So, this is my measuring stick, to *know* that with surrender comes my peace naturally, therefore, that's where I should be.
 
In other words, if I felt comfortable on the bratty days, then I would wonder am I truly material for enslavement....but finding that inner peace through surrender makes me *know* I am home. "

Like you, I also measure my success in slavehood by my feelings of peace and contentment.  But I don't equate "bratty" days or times with not feeling good about my enslavement.  For me bratty may mean something different than it does for you.  I use that term for wiseass stuff that Sir can enjoy or "change the channel" if he pleases.  I think what you mean by bratty is what I call backlash, i.e. negative rebellious feelings.  I get those too of course, and they set me back a bit.  But angry at myself is a feeling I rarely to never experience.  It all just is what it is, and I realize that just like everyone else I am doing the best I can in each moment. 

Regards
JY

(in reply to curiouslyseeking)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 9:35:00 PM   
temptressofsouls


Posts: 208
Joined: 3/29/2005
From: Toledo, OH
Status: offline 		Angry? No, but sometimes I feel guilty that I want or need certain things relating to submission, because the things I want or need are  not always "convenient;" either Jinx and I are apart at the time and wont see eachother for awhile, or He's under a lot of stress and I dont want to "bother" him with my needs....

But anger really isnt something I personally experience in relation to submission.

(in reply to calicowgirl)
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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/17/2007 10:59:07 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds like you conflicted because life made you stronger and more dominating than your actual core nature. Part of you wants to honor your submissive nature. Your social conditioning to be strong and not submit is reinforced by the occurances in your life that made you successful at being strong. You colide into yourself. It happens to everyone who is faced with submitting to something that challenges them. Surrendering is at the core of who i am and still i struggle with certain issues. It is never an internal fight with myself to make it ok for me to be submissive. i have come to embrace being submissive as my core nature. Having accpeted this about myself, i no longer have this battle, and find myself  focusing instead on finding my personal empowerment in the decision to submit. i look for how my surrender will free me. i look for how my submissiveness will become an expression of my position in our dynamic. There are many focuses you can use as tools in learning the process of embracing your submissive core, but it takes time. Be patient with yourself, and look for the silver lining. Master's dorei

(in reply to calicowgirl)
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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/18/2007 5:19:19 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		No I don't get angry at myself.  But there are so many ways of doing this.  I have found a way which seems natural to me.   Which works for me.  And it's pretty loose.  Not a lot of rules and regs and protocol.  He leads I follow.  Him CEO, me EVP.  Much of the time I don't struggle with following his lead any more than I struggle with following my boss's lead at work.  But his style of management, leadership works for me.  I wasn't looking for a complete me overhaul.  And I was looking for something which naturally fit how I live my life, who I am and how I move through the world.  Which compliments it.  Where the me who has come to be this past 45 years is celebrated.

So yes, there are some struggles.  The struggles of inter-relating with another human being.  And at times the struggle of surrendering to his desire on something specific.  But it isn't an ongoing thing over here.  And I won't beat myself up over it.

I watch a lot of women struggle intensely with a tighter leash.   And often I watch them struggle with what they think they "should" be.  Like a straight jacket they have assumed.  Like a cookie cutter version.  And sometimes those struggles become so overwhelming they want to give it all up.   And they get down on themselves, and are unhappy with their inability to meet the standard they have set for themselves.  And to them I say, try a different version.  Try a different variation on the theme.  Throw out the bathwater, scent it differently, and maybe you can keep the baby.  Be who you are and not who you think you should be -- not your Platonic sub archetype but who you are.  For me my authentic self has to be at the table or I am mismatched.  And unhappy.

And I refuse to be unhappy.



_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to longtimemuse)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/18/2007 5:51:15 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Great post Sunshine, i agree.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/18/2007 5:54:45 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: longtimemuse

I sometimes struggle with myself about the D/s lifestyle and my submission within it. I wish that I could slide easily into it like I see so many here seemingly do. I envy them that ease. I have to work for it, battle my own Very strong will, and think every time I choose to submit. Each submissive gesture is a concious choice for me...not a simple reaction. I have to pull it out and force it kicking and screaming onto the table sometimes....but when I do... I am utterly full, completely whole....

And its a good thing that I enjoy a challenging life because I am 24/7....I have never wanted something (or someone) more than submission to my Master

How many of you have or do struggle with your submission ? Even when you want it badly, is it ever an internal fight to make it ok for yourself  to want it ?


Yes. Always.

My need to submit always wins out in the end, but not before I wrestle with it for a while.  I tend to think it's a matter of social conditioning and beliefs that get in the way.   

I think with longterm submission to the right person,  the internal conflict and struggle falls away after a while--This still remains to be seen for me---But I would imagine, like anything else, the longer you do it, the more natural it will feel and the less "work" there is for every "submissive gesture".   


_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to longtimemuse)
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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/18/2007 7:30:46 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have belonged to my Master nearly 3 years, and the really big struggles seemed to have been laid to rest last Fall, over two years into this.  Giving everything over did not come easily to me, even though I wanted to and needed to.

There have been some great points on this thread, beginning with kyra pointing out that "seemingly" is different than what is truth. As for myself, my heart wanted badly to submit to him, but I clung tight to some of the control, because it felt too frightening to give up at the time.

For me, kneeling before him was easy.  Surrendering to his will in all things was not so easy.  Even still, I struggle at times while I recognize things about him that I still need to conform to.  I was reminded of one of those just the other day in fact.  But in my case, it is no longer a battle against conforming, it is the act of doing so which requires effort.

Curious made a great point about measuring oneself.  This is how I knew I was being true to myself.  When the major angst and struggle went away (other than little struggles here and there), peace and contentment overflowed me.  When I let go of that last bit, I found bliss.  It takes time, and as I grew with him and became more comfortable and secure in my own submission, I had less and less sturggle.

But I agree it would be incorrect to think everyone just slid into our submission easily.  We were either taught as youngsters or taught as adults, but either way, we had to learn to know, accept and embrace what is our true inner nature.

(in reply to longtimemuse)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/18/2007 8:02:39 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		no.  there is no struggle.  this slave embraces it, revels in it, receives joy and pleasure from it.  there is no having to pretend to be dominant, or pretend to desire some sort of control/authority/co-ownership like in relationships that are not structured on the D/s dynamic.
 
it is fulfilling and empowering to be free to submit.  this slave thanks Master every day for the opportunity to submit to Him in all ways, always...to be true to this slave's nature without fear of being labelled mentally ill or abused and without having to incur anyone's anger, conflict or struggle, especially this slave's.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 4/18/2007 8:03:58 AM >

(in reply to longtimemuse)
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RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/18/2007 8:14:02 AM   
marylynn


Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Gods, yes.. I struggle with it every day. Being a mom and submissive is very difficult for me. There's a fine line there, and it's very easy to have it misconstrued.

Submission is supposed to be a gift to One, not a right by All who call themselves Dominant or Sadistic.

It's disgusting how many men (and women) find that JUST because they *are* dominant, you HAVE to submit to them and their whims.

wrong.
it's a gift, a true gift.. something to be cherished and nourished.

hoping you find everything you seek and more

(in reply to longtimemuse)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submi... - 4/18/2007 8:20:05 AM   
slcsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 4/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't get angry per se but I do get tired, frustrated, and depressed. This is because of the lack of an outlet for my submission. Some days it hurts so bad I want to cry. To have the aching need to submit and have no outlet is...agony. (Not the good kind.)

On those days I wish I could just make it (my desire to submit) go away. This is as practical as cutting off my own arm, however.

Sorry, this wasn't a pitty solicitation. It's just something I have to come to terms with. I don't know that I ever will.

- don

(in reply to calicowgirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
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