do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (Full Version)

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longtimemuse -> do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 5:02:14 PM)

I sometimes struggle with myself about the D/s lifestyle and my submission within it. I wish that I could slide easily into it like I see so many here seemingly do. I envy them that ease. I have to work for it, battle my own Very strong will, and think every time I choose to submit. Each submissive gesture is a concious choice for me...not a simple reaction. I have to pull it out and force it kicking and screaming onto the table sometimes....but when I do... I am utterly full, completely whole....

And its a good thing that I enjoy a challenging life because I am 24/7....I have never wanted something (or someone) more than submission to my Master

How many of you have or do struggle with your submission ? Even when you want it badly, is it ever an internal fight to make it ok for yourself  to want it ?



kyraofMists -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 5:25:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: longtimemuse

I sometimes struggle with myself about the D/s lifestyle and my submission within it. I wish that I could slide easily into it like I see so many here seemingly do. I envy them that ease. I have to work for it, battle my own Very strong will, and think every time I choose to submit. Each submissive gesture is a concious choice for me...not a simple reaction. I have to pull it out and force it kicking and screaming onto the table sometimes....but when I do... I am utterly full, completely whole....


The key word in that bolded sentence is "seemingly".  I think it would be very inaccurate to assume that others do not struggle in submitting.  There may be some who did not struggle with submission, but I think the vast majority have had to submit to things and it is extremely hard for them to do it.

quote:


How many of you have or do struggle with your submission ? Even when you want it badly, is it ever an internal fight to make it ok for yourself  to want it ?


I struggle with things at times.  I struggle less now than I did two years ago and I imagine that as time goes by the struggle will get even less.  I am a very independent person and becoming part of an interdependent relationship was a challenge.  It gets easier; each time I make the step forward the path gets a little easier. 

Sometimes I end up taking steps backwards like I have the past couple of days.  The difference now is that I know I will move forward again and things will work themselves out.

Knight's kyra



ThinkingKitten -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 5:29:25 PM)

I don't think there's a hard and fast answer. I am a total rookie, so take what I say with a very large pinch of salt - but I don't believe there is any cookie-cutter format to submission. It's different for each and every one - an opinion I have formed from reading many of the posts on these forums. To reach deeply and pull out a sub gesture when all else about you is screaming "no!" is an achievement, I think, and you should feel pleased with yourself. I suspect there is a power to be felt too, if you pay attention to it, to subjugating your will to someone's elses through conscious choice. That however, is pure conjecture on my part.
 
Why do some folks climb mountains? Because they are there, and they can. Darned hard work it is at times, but the satisfaction at the top? Priceless.
Why do some submit? Because they want to, and they can. Ditto for the rest!
And then there are those who just *do*. They are what they are.




MasterGremlin -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 5:35:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: longtimemuse

I sometimes struggle with myself about the D/s lifestyle and my submission within it. I wish that I could slide easily into it like I see so many here seemingly do. I envy them that ease. I have to work for it, battle my own Very strong will, and think every time I choose to submit. Each submissive gesture is a concious choice for me...not a simple reaction. I have to pull it out and force it kicking and screaming onto the table sometimes....but when I do... I am utterly full, completely whole....

And its a good thing that I enjoy a challenging life because I am 24/7....I have never wanted something (or someone) more than submission to my Master

How many of you have or do struggle with your submission ? Even when you want it badly, is it ever an internal fight to make it ok for yourself  to want it ?


There are parts that come natural to me, but there are many more that do not.  Alot of it (for me) has to do with the rules society places on us as far as what is right  and wrong as well as the roles that men and women play in relationships.  There is always some part that is a challenge (even after 9 years) when living it 24/7 and we all have our "off" days  on top of that. 

I do find that even through the toughest time, or maybe it's because it is the toughest time, that it is always more rewarding and fulfilling.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Sincerely,
minxy [:)]



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 5:46:43 PM)

When I started I had more trouble with accepting myself and knowing enjoying the things I did were ok. It takes time to become comfortable and not everyone does it the same way. I dont fight things I talk to Master about things that cocern me and that makes everyday easier. I know what works for me and what is expected and that helps make it better.



slaveish -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 5:54:47 PM)

I don't struggle with wanting to submit but I do struggle, at times, at not letting my emotions (and mouth) overcome me.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 6:10:47 PM)

Relationships are work and life is a struggle.  Stop comparing- all those relationships which SEEM so effortless?  I'd say about 30% might last past 5 years.

Doesn't mean they aren't strong and worthwhile for what they are, but don't beat yourself up because it's difficult.  Over time things will become old hat for you- only to present you with NEW challenges.



LostDreamer -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 6:26:50 PM)

Hello everyone
Hello longtimemuse,

I myself have shot myself in the foot on countless occasions because of my own inner struggle. There is a deep craving inside myself to submit, to bend to the will of a man. Is it easy? Never. Not once in all the times I've tried has it ever been anything but a raging battle every step of the way. Do I get angry at myself? Every day it seems. Every day I have this inner arguement between the part of me that is a strong idependent woman of the world sneering and dripping with sarcasm and the part of me that is nearly writhing with the need to lay myself down at the feet of a strong man and beg to be found pleasing in his sight.

It is not something I have ever been able to overcome. It is something that I do not know if I will ever overcome.

I hope my words have in someway contributed to the topic.

Best wishes,

Dreamer



longtimemuse -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 6:39:07 PM)

Thank God (or insert diety or political affiliation here [;)])

I here so many people talking , (at Munches, at parties, on forums) about how they just automatically kneel or obey a command instantly, no fuss no muss....  perhaps those who do struggle (with the internal conflict) just tend to keep those struggles undercover. Thanks to all for the shared insight...





sexyone4you -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 7:37:38 PM)

Hun, I think that most struggle with pieces of their submission.  I was raised to be a "strong, independent woman" so it's been hard for me to be able to give my submission to the Master I serve. 

Think of it like learning anything relatively new.  At first it is forced, but slowly it becomes habit.



selfbnd411 -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 7:53:29 PM)

I wouldn't say angry.  I am what I am.  It would probably be easier in the vanilla world if I were more aggressive, but I'm not.  I'm sure Dominants get the same charge out of what they do that I get out of submitting, but I wouldn't give up being a submissive.  I can't imagine any other way.



SimplySubmissive -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 7:59:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: longtimemuse

Thank God (or insert diety or political affiliation here [;)])

I here so many people talking , (at Munches, at parties, on forums) about how they just automatically kneel or obey a command instantly, no fuss no muss....  perhaps those who do struggle (with the internal conflict) just tend to keep those struggles undercover. Thanks to all for the shared insight...





well, for me, sometimes it comes automatically, no fuss no muss, but certainly not all the time. I find it hard to beleive that it is that way for anyone. Some things become automatic, rituals and the like, but that doesn't mean everything always comes easy.  Besides if it was always easy, anyone could do it...;)



curiouspet55 -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 8:16:42 PM)

I also "struggle" with myself sometimes. I want to submit, it completes me. But, it is VERY hard for me.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 8:29:46 PM)

Have you read my signature line Muse?



juliaoceania -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 8:30:16 PM)

quote:

How many of you have or do struggle with your submission ? Even when you want it badly, is it ever an internal fight to make it ok for yourself  to want it ?


I have been exploring my submissiveness for about 4 years. I had embraced this about myself before he came into my life. It is not a stretch for me to accept my submissiveness or an internal fight to make it "ok" anymore. I am pretty "ok" with it... but I still struggle with my submissiveness in other ways.

There are all sorts of ways to stumble and struggle with one's submission. Everytime I change something about myself, such as a habit, it is a struggle. I have been doing something daily that he told me to do as part of my submission to him that for some reason has been incredibly hard, and at times I get anger well up inside of me over it because it is a frustrating thing...but I do it because I trust he has his reasons for having me do it. In fact I know the reasons are valid, but that does not make it easier for me. It is not something I have to do forever, it is something that others here would swoon over if they were told to do it, but it is a hard thing for me. Does it make us less submissive because of our struggles? I don't know to be honest. Perhaps it makes us more so.




opensoul -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 8:38:17 PM)

Submission for me has been a long road, I was in the military and had to fight and be strong ,but under it all i looked for the Master to give my submission to. All I found were men I would never submit to , so I had to hide this for so long and now I fight to let go. I was so strong ,I had to be, now each day I have to look and say yes this is what I have wanted and looked for. Lucky for me I have found someone I can stand toe to toewith and know I can and will submit to him! He has the power and I feel safe to summit and let go knowing, my Master is in control!! 



Elorin -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 8:40:19 PM)

I can't tell you how many, but it is often an internal struggle to accept things and submit rather than saying "no, I don't WANT to do X, I want to do Y" or be nasty or snarky or smarmy or just sleep all day instead of getting the hard water stains out of the bathtub.

I never have problems with it being ok in my head to want it. I just have problems doing it. I know why I want it - I have had those moments when it was supremely fulfilling, and I know that is what I am seeking.  I want it because it brings me a lot of peace, joy, and satisfaction, and I want that in my life.

But man, it's not easy.

I do, however, get angry at myself for wanting to make him so happy when I feel like I'm not fulfilled. I sometimes feel like I'm pathetic that even though I'm not happy and we both know it, I would suck his cock or go do dishes in lingerie, or kiss his feet and roll over like a kitten when he called me good girl.

~E



Casie -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 8:41:35 PM)

I also have have to force it sometimes. But as time goes by things become more of a habit and more natural. I think everyone struffles with parts of their submission.



Donnalee -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 8:42:01 PM)

I think you've got to be careful when comparing your insides to another's outsides....you've got so much more data on your inner thoughts, and you know your own secrets!  If you had the same intel on them I bet things would seem more similar.
...just my two pennies...



calicowgirl -> RE: do you ever get angry at yourself for wanting submission? (4/16/2007 10:44:35 PM)

I constantly struggle and no one is harder on me than me but my anger is not geared toward wanting submission, more for my inability to let go even when I crave nothing more.

cali



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