The kind Domme?

The kind Domme? (Full Version)

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Halley -> The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:19:38 PM)
Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant? What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home? I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would. I would love to hear any thoughts on this.

minnetar -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:21:01 PM)
As a Master doesn't need to be a sadist i see nothing wrong with a Mistress being kind. minnetar

TigressFL -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:23:56 PM)
Absolutely you can and the costume does not a dominant make though many would not agree I am sure lol Tigress~FL

Samwhiplash -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:24:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Halley ""Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? "" ""Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant?"" ......I am kind and loving and Dominant. The people I hold close around me adore me, that animals love me and look to me for comfort and love, and my friends are protective - all of this is encompassing my Dominance - not regardless of it :)

thetammyjo -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:26:50 PM)
I hope I am this kind of dominant. I try to lead by love and with realistic but enforced rules and rituals. I check in on everyone's well-being and in turn they seem to sincerely care about me. That isn't just how I lead in Ds either. It is how I am as a teacher too or a group leader or a storyteller/DM. I don't have to be this way but I choose to be this way because I find the peace, love, and harmony to be more fulfilling for me.

BeatMeDaily -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:26:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Halley Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? absolutely. It's the love that makes the bdsm better.

MercilessMarcy -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:28:34 PM)
I prefer to be cheerful and kind. I prefer that I am served because I am adored. I prefer to spank because it turns him on and gives him what he needs, not out of anger or punishment.

LotusSong -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:46:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Halley Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant? What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home? I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would. I would love to hear any thoughts on this. I've observed that what the guys PAY for is a female doing the impersonation of what men think a strong woman is and they measure strength against what they know as strength in the male world. I am myself. What you say about the "something that comes off you" is true. I have NEVER met a male that didn't realize I was a strong (dominant) personality. I'm not loud, mouthy, aggressive or demanding yet men seem to "do for me" because they respect me for me. My biggest "net" is my smile and sense of humor. I also know how to listen. It doesn't matter what I wear. I present myself with FEMALE strength and that is scary enough to the males :) I always say that if you have to TELL someone you are a dominant.. you aren't.. I am amazed at how the femsubs think the Dommes are just hell on wheels with their boys.. with the assumptions that we constantly deny them orgasms or humiliate them. I know that a male will play the game in the begining..but those activities get old reeeeeeeal fast. If we were all about that all the time we'd be going through subs one after another. Just be YOU. That's all anyone can be anyhow :)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 2:50:48 PM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_856653/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#857014 too nice http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969 Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom? http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829 Can a dom be a gentleman? http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760 what makes a 'real' dom? http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760 dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630 Does gentle master mean weak? http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733 Too polite? http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668 Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman? http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966 Master...in slaves' eyes! http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513 dom vs gentleman http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288 the gentleman dom with feelings Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron? Gentlemen vs nice guy

windchymes -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:00:00 PM)
A Loving Dominant? Wow, someone should write a book about that. [;)]

MasterFireMaam -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:11:53 PM)
All of these traits are traits of a peaceful human being. They have nothing to do with role and everything to do with individual personality...so anyone can have these traits, even Dominants. Master Fire

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:13:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes A Loving Dominant? Wow, someone should write a book about that. ROFL Best answer EVAR to this question!!!!! You would think that would settle the debate for once and for all, yes?

HutchGarahl -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:31:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Halley Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant? What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home? I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would. I would love to hear any thoughts on this. Of course you can. I was once told I couldn't be a true dom because I had a caring heart. But I never believed that. If a person wants peace between themself and their sub or slave...then you have to care somewhere.

MariaB -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:51:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes A Loving Dominant? Wow, someone should write a book about that. ROFL Best answer EVAR to this question!!!!! You would think that would settle the debate for once and for all, yes? I don’t think people ever want to stop debating. If we all read the book then Im sure that many people would wish to debate it! Sorry but I’ve not been here long enough to see the same old topic going round and round and round! But if and when I see that happen and I feel I already have the t-shirt then I will just move on and leave it to those that have not yet debated the subject. Some good things have been said on this thread so far. I personally feel that to be a good dominant you need to have that combination of kind and fair, strict and firm, loving and nurturing, praising but expectful, calm but demanding and sometimes cruel attributes about you. The whole thing is interlinked. Im told I smile a lot but my smile is sometimes perhaps a little formidable for I can do many a cruel thing when I smile! I also laugh a lot. I never raise my voice, I don’t need to and I never walk around looking sour or severe because neither of those things would be the true me. The subs that pay for a Mistress, do so because they need a quick fix. Of course the Mistress is more often than not, expected to dress up and play her part for the one or two hours that the client is paying her fees. When I have worked as a professional Mistress I am very different than I would be with ‘my’ submissive. I dress up a lot because I go out a lot to places where they expect you to dress up. I have to admit that the club environment with lots of Mistresses all dressed up in there finery and waiting for some victim (oops I mean sub) to fall into their honey trap is somewhat hedonistic and as an exhibitionist I enjoy that side of things. On a one to one basis I am just as comfortable to dominate someone in my jeans and a t-shirt.

FukinTroll -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:54:01 PM)
reflects on muh name Beats me.

Stranger1 -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:54:27 PM)
Kindness is a strength-never doubt that. The ability to showing loving structure and a resolute determination in the face of adversity IS what Dominance is about. I view other kinds as "role playing"-and not a terribly good sort.

DawnFire -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 3:56:39 PM)
Kindness is good. You seem perfectly dominant to me.

aldompdx -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 4:03:00 PM)
Relationships between people are about sharing the intimacy of an open and loving heart. The most satisfying relationships are TWO WAY. D/s is a dance of polarization which always starts from a place of balance and equality. Both control and surrender exist within both partners. The dance is when they be themselves, with open hearts, at their natural "set point" on the continuum between control and surrender. The TWO way relationship is based upon sharing the love which exists in your own heart -- the only place you can ever feel it, and its true source. A ONE way relationship involves a narcissistic dominant or a co-dependent submissive. Both together is a ZERO WAY relationship, since both are trying to take from the other what neither has to share. Follow the bliss of love which arises in your own heart, and only expands with sharing. Like a story that only grows with the telling, it can neither be taken or given, but only shared.

LadyPact -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 4:11:31 PM)
Timing is everything, isn't it? Answers...... yes, yes, yes, and ummmm.... yes. Where did people ever get the concept that all Domme's are mean, vicious, cruel people to anyone and everyone they encounter in life? I have no intention of treating people at the grocery store the same way as I treat My boy during a scene. I'm not just mean spirited person who behaves badly toward others. In general, I treat people with kindness and respect until a situation warrents otherwise (chuckle). Oh, and on the comment from LotusSong...... The part about if you have to tell people you are a Dominant, then you aren't..... I can't say that's perfectly true. For a while now, there have been some people at My job that have "suspected" My private life for some time. So, while we were sitting together earlier this week, one person dropped a hint, and I came out and told them. Could be looked at as confirming, could be looked at as telling, as one person in the room had no clue. The reason I'm relating that point here is, after the news was out, one of the first comments/questions was..... "Sweet little you?". This just goes to show that yes, a Domme is a person.... Not just a Domme.

LotusSong -> RE: The kind Domme? (4/13/2007 4:25:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Oh, and on the comment from LotusSong...... The part about if you have to tell people you are a Dominant, then you aren't..... I can't say that's perfectly true. For a while now, there have been some people at My job that have "suspected" My private life for some time. So, while we were sitting together earlier this week, one person dropped a hint, and I came out and told them. Could be looked at as confirming, could be looked at as telling, as one person in the room had no clue. The reason I'm relating that point here is, after the news was out, one of the first comments/questions was..... "Sweet little you?". This just goes to show that yes, a Domme is a person.... Not just a Domme. I was speaking in regards to a lifestyle group/setting. I've alsways been addressed as Ma'am :)

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