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ORIGINAL: Griswold

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ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

Have you ever 'faked' the safe word ?

Yes, I did.

My safe word was "Red"....and what I said was (my mistake)..."YOU fucking CUNT!!!!! I HATE you!!!!! Why did I ever allow you in to my HOME!!!!  I swear to GAWWWWD if you don't let me go...I'll kill you, you fucking whore!!!!!"

(Needless to say, we broke up shortly thereafter).

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ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1
does that make me a fake and a phoney?? or just wise enough to see a waste of time and energy for what it really is??

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ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

Have you ever 'faked' the safe word ? I mean--you are into a scene, and for whatever reason, you really don't feel unsafe, you just want out of the scene?? I have, twice now actually...both times it was the end of the relationship...but both times the relationship was basically over, and the 'one last scene' I just couldn't go through with...does that make me a fake and a phoney?? or just wise enough to see a waste of time and energy for what it really is??

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ORIGINAL: Griswold
Yes, I did.

My safe word was "Red"....and what I said was (my mistake)..."YOU fucking CUNT!!!!! I HATE you!!!!! Why did I ever allow you in to my HOME!!!!  I swear to GAWWWWD if you don't let me go...I'll kill you, you fucking whore!!!!!"

(Needless to say, we broke up shortly thereafter).

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ORIGINAL: Laura

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ORIGINAL: Griswold
Yes, I did.

My safe word was "Red"....and what I said was (my mistake)..."YOU fucking CUNT!!!!! I HATE you!!!!! Why did I ever allow you in to my HOME!!!!  I swear to GAWWWWD if you don't let me go...I'll kill you, you fucking whore!!!!!"

(Needless to say, we broke up shortly thereafter).

How did she handle that at the time? That would be a nightmare. One of the reasons I am not interested in trying anything extreme is how it can be turned back on myself in a case such as that. Did she leave you tied up and just have someone come over later? Geez, I wouldn't be taking a threat like that lightly.

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ORIGINAL: missturbation

***Warning....Really Politically Incorrect Moment Here****
To me, it smacks of those girls who who lead/are led into the bedroom...remove/get their clothes removed...begin having sex and then, once the guy is about halfway there or almost all the way there, she decides she doesn't want to do this.  So...she says "NO".  At that point, no matter where they are in the act, he must stop.  Must ... stop.  I am not sure about other states but in Colorado...if the male does not, he can now be charged with "date rape".  There is no denying that there should always be some sort of control in place that you can stop, if you have to...for whatever reason.  But personally...to get that far and have someone say "Stop right this minute" makes it seem to me like she never should have said "yes" in the first place...along with really screwing up her chances to see this guy again.***

I don't think that statement is politically incorrect. I do think however the line between consenting and genuinely changing your mind and consenting and changing your mind for the hell of it is a very thin one.
I believe everyone has the right to say no at any point but i also think that past a certain point you cant say no without expecting some consequence.
 
As far as using a safe word for any other reason than being in distress etc then i think no it should not be used.

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ORIGINAL: Smythe

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ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

Have you ever 'faked' the safe word ? I mean--you are into a scene, and for whatever reason, you really don't feel unsafe, you just want out of the scene?? I have, twice now actually...both times it was the end of the relationship...but both times the relationship was basically over, and the 'one last scene' I just couldn't go through with...does that make me a fake and a phoney?? or just wise enough to see a waste of time and energy for what it really is??

I guess I have a slightly different perspective. If you have a safe word, that means that you are in a situation where you have relinquished your power and control. You are given the word as your one means of exerting control, if you feel you need it, whenever you feel you need it. It is your word and your judgment.

I pretty much agree that you shouldn't have been playing in the first place, and/or should have talked about your feelings. But I don't believe that there is such thing as "faking" a safe word. There are a hundred reasons why someone might want out of a scene, and not all of them literally have to do with feeling unsafe.

Smythe

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ORIGINAL: daniL

I would wonder then, if the safeword can't be used for a mental state, what out does a sub have then, for that situation? While I don't think she used the safeword  in the best way, she needs to be able to have an exit if necessary. In my current relationship, we've got two safewords, actually, one for my girl and one for me, actually-- I'm fairly new to a lot of my kinks, and sometimes in the middle of a scene I need to say 'this is emotionally too much for me to handle right now and I need to step out of role', but since we do a lot of 'victimesque' scenes, my girl can't always tell by my words that I want out of the scene. I think that maybe couples sometimes need, if they don't want their safeword to be for anything other than severe physical/emotional trauma, then they need a word sometimes for 'we need to stop just to talk about this because this might be a bad space for me, or this may not be what is good for us right now'. This isn't good for every couple, but maybe if she would have had another word, she wouldn't feel as if she had faked her word.

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ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I think from what you said you've used your safe word when indeed you were taking your submission back due to not wanting to continue with that Dom.
How do you find that's faking it?
It may not have been you were at a physical safe word point, but there's also mental safe word points.
I think weather it's mental or physical to use your safe word when you feel things are just not right is not a bad thing or fake.
I too have had Dom's tell me if I safe word in things they'll never talk to me again.
I think if you basically have a proposed agreement you're allowed one, but only a terminal one it is just a sign of insecurity and control in incorrect avenues of the Dom IMO any way and drops my respect level down toward them a fair bit.
I mean how egocentric and overbearing would they have to be?

I fortunately have not safe worded yet, but most of my play is in the Crucible our public dungeon here, lol when I do play.
LOL I've begged & pleaded with the best of them though.
I think lots of things are safer and more toned down there in the dungeon. I'm not really pushed to the edge of my limits in public out of respect for the crowd not being well adapted to more edgy stuff.

There indeed are subs who safe word because they use it as a control mechanism when they don't feel like playing or for leverage.
I think that's wrong and a perversion of the supposed submission.

I think being you were ending the relationship your mentality was not one of play manipulation or control, rather your decision to walk away.
Good Luck,
suzanne

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ORIGINAL: daniL

I agree that this wasn't the best use of the safeword, but sometimes it honestly doesn't register that things are wrong or ending at an appropriate moment. I've realized that a relationship was over during sex before. It was a very emotionally upsetting moment for me, even though the relationship didn't officially end for another week, two weeks after that incident. If you were in a relationship where you felt comfortable 'faking' the safeword, it obviously was a relationship that wasn't working out at the moment. At the same time, in some ways, maybe you were trying to safeword out of more than the scene-- the relationship wasn't working and you realized it at what was, unfortunately, a really crappy moment. While you probably shouldn't have been playing at all, it's better that you safeworded out then continued the scene with someone you didn't want to be with.