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How To - 4/9/2007 10:39:58 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i just briefly touched on this on the sheepish thread.  For starters, i didnt realise what "sex" was all about until, well, i met Master.  I started to catch a clue at 22 or 23.  Met Master at 24.  So i spent most of my life not able to fully understand what "turned on" specifically meant to me.  It was not a term i had ever felt.  If you had asked me back then what turned me on, i'd of probably looked at you stupid.  So that gives you a good clue what my sex life was like.  i ended up learning ALOT about the male body and absolutetly zip about mine.  When i met Master and he told me go could for a good long while my first thought was "how am i going to make it through that"?  i dreaded it. 

Fast forward.  So i've learnt alot about myself and i've learnt alot more in general.  i can reasonably say now that i am generally up to par with other average adults in the area.  Of course, i havent learnt everything and in some area's i still need more info.  One of the problems is i have to relearn everything from a completely different angle. 

i'm posting this because i ran into something i really have no clue how to deal with.  i'm just not equipped yet and i really really want to be.  So we heard that like last week or the week before i was going to force celibacy on myself.  It was working GREAT (inner control and all) and yeah i was miserable and yeah i wanted, but i used inner control to shut it up and ignore it.  Wala - no problems.  Until Master started touching me.  (grumbles)  The result was wicked.  Much to his amusement and my distress.  i totally lost the battle and ended up a mess.  Even cuddling with him was hard.. and him touching me....oooooooooooooooo.  As i explained to Master - i felt like i wanted to crawl the walls and at the same time punch them repeatedly. 

i just do NOT know how to deal with that feeling.  What do you do?  How do you control it?  The next day after he so pleasantly enjoyed torturing me and i was buried into my pillows grumbling about the world..... i remembered the movie Far and Away.  Tom Cruise was overly turned on by Nicole kidman changing and went down to the burly Q to fight.  After he punched his first opponent he felt TONS better.  Now, there has got to be something like that for people who cant go around punching things.

What does everyone else do?  How does everyone else control it?  Pleasssssssssssssssseeeeee give me some pointers on how to work through the feeling.

Oh and i did eventually end up doing dishes, laundry, and randomly cleaning until i could get past it.  But that took HOURS. 

thank you for letting me pick your minds.


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 10:43:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Start at the beginning- your self imposed celibacy due to insecurity.  You worked so hard to build up all those walls, you were miserable but they were your walls to be miserable within and you were ok.

Then someone comes along and just tears them all down- and now you are vulnerable and laid bare and have lost everything you worked to keep.

Work on the initial insecurity which caused you to feel you needed to take control and build up walls to start with.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
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RE: How To - 4/9/2007 10:49:01 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You work through the feeling by eliminating the circumstances from which it came...or your acceptance of them. So, you can try to keep the control that you've maintained and refuse your Master OR you can realize that you're being emotionally masochistic and trying to manipulate your way through a situation because you don't want to look at where the discomfort with sex comes from.

Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
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RE: How To - 4/9/2007 10:50:11 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I suggest a punching bag and karate lessons. Sparring helped me a lot when I was in high school and I had no vent for my sexual energy.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 11:21:43 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Um... i didnt have the opportunity to get laid.  ::sigh:: i appreciate the indepth thought out responses, but i dont need them.  Other then dealing with this feeling, i know excatly what i'm doing and why.  i left a few things out for the sake of not humiliating myself and they're going to continue being left out.  i'm not asking about insecurity (and i know where it comes from and blah blah blah), i'm not asking about control or refusing (did you see the part in my post - i totally lost the battle), i'm amazingly enough not manipulating anyone but myself, and suprisingly enough its not an emotional masochistic tendency either.  What i was trying to do was to circumvent the underlying distress - which of course i've havent mentioned. 

Can we get back to the question now please?  Nice suggestion Aquatic, unfortunetly a punching bag and karate lessons are really optional at the moment.  Seems like i might have to look into it if i'm going to make it through the next couple of months.  He'd be able to have his fun torturing me and i'd be able to knock out the misery of it. 

Any other suggestions?


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: How To - 4/9/2007 11:25:39 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Heavy exercise. Go out for a run or a long, fast paced walk.

Long term teasing and denial is tough. Me, I stop sleeping after just a couple of days and sleep deprivation makes me moody as hell. Crying jags and snapping at people and by that time I stop responding to touch. No sex without teasing is okay, I'm a little itchy the first week or two but then I go dormant, rather do a puzzle.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 12:37:46 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Masturbate like hell!!! LOL just kidding...

Nice deep cleansing breaths and relaxation techniques may help.
Playing with your unmentionable or pets may distract you.
A nice cup of tea may calm you down, or maybe just the action of making it will distract you.
Unfortunately in 7 years of a sexless marriage, even with talking to my family Doc & Gyn I never found a way to curb my libido so it wasn't pounding like a big bass drum at me.

The only thing that can curb your urge is your own thoughts or major hormone therapy that my Doc said she'd never recommend to any one.
I guess the best advice I can give is Grin and Bear It.
I know it's not much help, but hang in there missy, you're half way to having that baby so it will be over soon.
Good Luck
suzanne

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 12:47:44 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Resistance is futile and counterproductive, slave girl. Obey and yield to your master.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 12:51:08 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Can you say projection?

I didn't read any of your previous posts and so I am not sure about what LA is refering to but on the few times she has given me advice, the more I hated it the more right she was.  Ignore her at your own risk, she is pretty damn insightful for one so young...

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 1:45:24 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Go find a healthier relationship.
Eventually it turns your brain.
Makes you do things that aren't really in your nature.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 2:22:17 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		One - i'm actually allowed to masterbate.  DOESNT fricken help.  Master suggested i do that and i promptly notified him that if it would have worked... i'd of been right on it.  Unfortunetly its not the whole orgasm thing, i think, its that like my body is literally screaming for him.  ::sigh:: i ran a list down to him about what excatly it was screaming for.  Can YOU believe that he was going to call a FRIEND to fix my "problem".  Humilation 101 - call your friends and let them know the state of your girl.  Evil.. wicked... mean... not that he said anything, but still.  ::sigh:: it was terrible.  i was even reduced to telling him that i was going to have to start raping random men on the street.  He thought that funny as well. 

Celeste, i've been trying to get to where you get.  Been working hard on it and i was doing a damn good job of it.  Then he touched me.  evil... wicked... Gawd, if only i could completely shut it off like it used to be.  ::sigh:: all it does is make me angry. 

Michael, i understand what you think of her advise and i'm glad that works for you.  In my circumstance, she doesnt have all the facts so all that she is doing is assuming.  The facts arent important here as i asked a question.  i asked "how do.........."  Unfortunetly half of you want to read in and are reading in wrong, because most of you cant figure out how to answer a simple question.  Thats all there was too it.  i suppose, i expected too much of this place.  My bad.

i'll try the breathing and doing  pushups -  thanks for the suggestions


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 3:25:30 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Start at the beginning- your self imposed celibacy due to insecurity.  You worked so hard to build up all those walls, you were miserable but they were your walls to be miserable within and you were ok.

Then someone comes along and just tears them all down- and now you are vulnerable and laid bare and have lost everything you worked to keep.

Work on the initial insecurity which caused you to feel you needed to take control and build up walls to start with.


Ditto

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 3:37:24 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I'm not sure there is any solution here, i think you just maybe have to let the feelings flow. Lol hark at me after our recent convo's. Find things maybe to distract you from feeling so completely stir crazy with this. If you are going to practice celibacy for a length of time i think you need to find ways to deal with the emotional side rather than physical. How about meditation or something along those lines?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 4:01:48 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Is the celibacy doctor's orders? And if so, ask if it's no orgasm or no semen. Sometimes you can do the first but not the second.

If it's just him turning you on, take a cold shower. You can't go running when you can't see your feet, plus too much risk of spraining an ankle now that the hormones have your ligaments loosening in preparation of labor. Read a very dull book. Start knitting a baby blanket and use those needles as protection.

And if it's just too rough on you, beg for a break until you're back to normal. Things change so rapidly during pregnancy that you need to renegotiate what you can and can't do weekly.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 5:01:56 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i am oddly in a really bad mood and KoM i just expected so much better of you.  My self imposed celibacy is imposed due to the fact that HE DOESNT WANT TO FUCK ME.  (which really has absolutetly NO relevance) Humiliation 102 - tell everyone on a forum.  Unfortunetly, for you dear fools, i play mind games with myself to help myself deal with shit.  And yes it made me feel TONS better to impose celibacy incase anything should happen.  BECAUSE i know, that he wouldnt be doing it because he wanted too.  He'd be doing it for me.  God how many times do i have to state that?

Since the majority of you dont have the insight and couldnt catch a clue, it Obviously DIDNT WORK.  Hence me stating "i lost the battle".  He touched me, he tortured me and i was left bawling like a little baby.  i was left angry, i was left miserable, i was left begging, i was left in what i TRIED to state above.   Humiliation 103 - state how badly it dropped you on a public forum.

i DONT like being left in that state.  Since it's not really his intention - HENCE he hasnt touched in me in over a month in a half (except for of course yesterday - and the unintentional friday night) - i feel free to fucking fix it myself and i was free to fix it last time.  SINCE my orginal game plan obviously didnt fucking work - i am back at the drawing board HENCE THIS damn post. 

Mist - thanks for reading the post and everyone else that did.  We spent Saturday morning dealing with the emotional side effects.  I didnt cry like a baby by myself.  i think he really understands that its hard for me which is why he had no qualms with my outburst and walking around the house muttering that everyone was a bastard.  i went into abit in the other thread.  i did the best i could, he did as well.. i got through.. but i'd like to make it easier if it happens again.

Celeste -  i'm alittle cranky today, but if you can sort through it above.. you'll see its not doctors orders.  If it happens again, i'll try the cold shower.  God knows i hate the cold so it might work. 

thank you all for teaching me about humiliation 101, 102, 103.  Is there any chance we can get back to the point of this thread now?  i understand i'm asking alot, but if everyone tries really really hard.. it IS possible. 

Now i've heard of guys having blue balls - there must be something they do for it?  Other then of course masterbate.  Although i think the pushups and cold shower might work.  Doubt the reading or mediation would work though.  Its like every cell on my body comes alive and starts to literally scream.  Really hard to ignore something like that and not something i've figured out how to ignore.  Would if i could though.

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 4/9/2007 5:02:21 PM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 7:11:59 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Thrumming. Wanting for touch so badly I can taste it. Nothing I can do. Nothing I can change. What do I do?

I chat in chat rooms about other stuff. I do word puzzles or clean or do crafts. Sometimes something will engage my brain quickly - I'm only tortured for the first 45 minutes or so, and then I manage to distract myself until the next reminder. Sometimes, no matter what I do nothing will make it stop.

Sometimes reading a book helps. Sometimes just crying myself to sleep helps. Sometimes closing my eyes and reveling in memory helps. Sometimes fantasizing helps (sometimes it makes it worse). Reading erotica...writing in a journal about how I feel (much less humiliating than public forum entries)...kegel exercises. Gods I've tried so many things. Crochet, counted cross stitch, video games, origami, TV, movies (DVDs and such). Shopping (WAY bad plan!!)

Controlled breathing is amazing, though it takes a lot of work and dedication to find results. Mail me if you want more information on it.

For all you are going through ~huggggs~ and good luck. I hope at least one suggestion gives you something new to try.

~E

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 7:20:43 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i am oddly in a really bad mood and KoM i just expected so much better of you.  My self imposed celibacy is imposed due to the fact that HE DOESNT WANT TO FUCK ME.  (which really has absolutetly NO relevance) Humiliation 102 - tell everyone on a forum.  Unfortunetly, for you dear fools, i play mind games with myself to help myself deal with shit.  And yes it made me feel TONS better to impose celibacy incase anything should happen.  BECAUSE i know, that he wouldnt be doing it because he wanted too.  He'd be doing it for me.  God how many times do i have to state that?


You want to know how to deal?  Grow up, realize that in an adult relationship the two people compromise for mutual well-being, swallow your pride, and accept the pity sex.  It's better than berating forum members who can't read your mind, raping random men, and driving yourself mad.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 8:15:31 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Elorin - i've tried abit as it is.  i ended up just seperating myself off from everyone and doing laundry.  He actually uses the controlled breathing thing with me.. mostly for when i'm upset and holding my breath or bawling and unable to stop.  i'll take the suggestions i have here.. thanks for the advice. 

Yeah, i'd of not brought it here, except writing in a journal about it wouldnt give me any ideas.  Guess there isnt any cure all like in the movie Far and Away eh?  I'll have to try the various ideas presented.

quote:

Grow up, realize that in an adult relationship the two people compromise for mutual well-being, swallow your pride, and accept the pity sex


::smiles::  why dont you stfu and learn to read? Since you have a hard time reading.. i'm going to be nice and s - p - e - l - l  i t out for you.  Or maybe its just the fact that you can read, but you haven’t a clue how to comprehend what you are reading?  Don’t be ashamed a very large portion of the American population is illiterate.  They have adult classes for it now.  - )  Maybe i shouldnt hold it against you??  Are you ready?  This will be hard, but stick with me, okay?

saturday - 2 days ago
i was reduced to hormonal ball
i would of taken the pity sex
It was not being offered
i wrote this thread to figure out how to deal with the hormonal thing.

Do you feel better now? Are you comprehending?  Spelled out enough? Got any more good advice? 




_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 8:24:36 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

It's better than berating forum members who can't read your mind


har har har.  i guess if the forum members learned to read and not assume i wouldnt have a damn thing to say other then thank you.  Let me try and help, alittle bit more......  See this symbol "?"  its a question mark.  Its usually at the end of a sentence when some one is asking a question.

quote:

What do you do?  How do you control it?  What does everyone else do?  How does everyone else control it?


oh look!  There is 3 "?"!!  Do you know what that means?  i asked 3 questions.  Now an intelligent person would see that no mind reading needed to be done.  They would see that there are 3 questions.  Asking about what "others" would do.  One might even look at how the question is phrased.  Its not "what should i do?"  Do you see the word "I" in any of those questions?  No?  Fabulous!  Take the questions... word for word.. until you can put together a sentence and if you cant figure out what the sentence means... "adults" ask rather then assume. 

Am i really asking too much from these forums?  I'm not berating, i'm trying to help everyone catch up to the point of the thread.  No need to thank me, its just a public service. 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How To - 4/9/2007 8:32:16 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline 		Devil, quite frankly, if I were your Master, I wouldn't want to fuck you either.  I'm sorry, but hormones/horniness as an excuse for a bad attitude only goes so far.  I'm not responding to the rest as your disjointed style of writing and general unhappiness with anybody's response makes any further response a waste of time and a level of masochism even I can't achieve. 

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 20
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