RE: The Worst Year Ever (Full Version)

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iwannapullurhair -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/9/2007 6:15:10 PM)

My year has sucked very badly since Christmas. Nobody died, but my entire family died financially. My uncle lost all of our money. He was managing the money for my mom and uncles and I also lived on the money.

It started at Christmas. Supposedly my uncles put all the eggs in one basket and was swindled. He lost the money for my entire family. After years of not working, I am searching for a job. My mom can't retire-ever. My other Uncle stroked out. I don't know if he'll live. He can't work anymore.

I spend most of my time stressed out. Sick to my stomach, maybe getting an ulcer. I went to some temp agency with a friend applying for a factory job. I tried their Data Entry test, but I was never a fast typer and I'm rusty. I was a little slower than the average. I have an associates degree in Liberal arts and I'm book smart. I know all sorts of almost worthless garbage-I could probably teach a class in History, but I don't have a teaching certificate. So the future looks dim.

I've always been a thinker and that is what I do with my free time-I always enjoyed, just pondering and thinking. Now I can't enjoy that anymore. All my thoughts turn to my dilema and I just stress. Sometimes the stress is broken for an hour or two, watching a movie like the 300 or a CSI episode or talking to a friend, but this has been a terrible year for me. Right after I found out the money was gone, I got dumped. Right when I needed some companionship so badly.




ownedgirlie -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/9/2007 6:23:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite
Yes, the yucky process. Good ol' Kubler-Ross doesn't prepare one for the reality of it all, either. You can go through all 5 stages in the course of an hour. You can be stuck at one stage for a while, skip another, then find yourself back at square one.



That's really it, too.  In the midst of a very decent day you might break out into sobs for about 30 seconds and then be fine again.  Some days it's 30 minutes.  Some days you wonder if it will stop.  But it does.

If you don't mind, I want to share something that happened to me 2 weeks ago.  See, my Dad was a Naval Officer who grew up in San Francisco.  His two favorite places in the world were SF and the Pacific (well, Seville was a 3rd but it doesn't come into play here, heh).  When he died, I had his ashes dropped by plane outside the Golden Gate.  My family & I stood on the ledge of a cliff in the Marin Headlands, and watched him go.  Just a couple weeks ago I went back there to visit.  It's such a beautiful place.  It was a gorgeous sunny day - blue skies and barely a breeze in the air.  I drove up the hill, got out of my car, and walked to the edge of that cliff (there is a guard rail, lol).   I smiled and said "Hi Dad!" and out of nowhere a gust of wind blew so hard it knocked me backwards, and continued blowing for nearly a minute straight.  I threw my arms out and laughed and cried and thanked him for the hug and then the wind died down and I went home :)

I recommend going to places that help you feel close to him.  Embrace him.  Embrace his memory.  Thank him for having existed.  I know some days the pain is so great you don't know where to put it.   But think of it this way - how lucky were we, to have such beautiful people in our lives? 

Sending you hugs and warmth,
og.




Griswold -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/9/2007 6:34:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite
Yes, the yucky process. Good ol' Kubler-Ross doesn't prepare one for the reality of it all, either. You can go through all 5 stages in the course of an hour. You can be stuck at one stage for a while, skip another, then find yourself back at square one.



That's really it, too.  In the midst of a very decent day you might break out into sobs for about 30 seconds and then be fine again.  Some days it's 30 minutes.  Some days you wonder if it will stop.  But it does.

If you don't mind, I want to share something that happened to me 2 weeks ago.  See, my Dad was a Naval Officer who grew up in San Francisco.  His two favorite places in the world were SF and the Pacific (well, Seville was a 3rd but it doesn't come into play here, heh).  When he died, I had his ashes dropped by plane outside the Golden Gate.  My family & I stood on the ledge of a cliff in the Marin Headlands, and watched him go.  Just a couple weeks ago I went back there to visit.  It's such a beautiful place.  It was a gorgeous sunny day - blue skies and barely a breeze in the air.  I drove up the hill, got out of my car, and walked to the edge of that cliff (there is a guard rail, lol).   I smiled and said "Hi Dad!" and out of nowhere a gust of wind blew so hard it knocked me backwards, and continued blowing for nearly a minute straight.  I threw my arms out and laughed and cried and thanked him for the hug and then the wind died down and I went home :)

I recommend going to places that help you feel close to him.  Embrace him.  Embrace his memory.  Thank him for having existed.  I know some days the pain is so great you don't know where to put it.   But think of it this way - how lucky were we, to have such beautiful people in our lives? 

Sending you hugs and warmth,
og.


:)

(Nice).




SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/9/2007 6:43:04 PM)

quote:

If you don't mind, I want to share something that happened to me 2 weeks ago.  See, my Dad was a Naval Officer who grew up in San Francisco.  His two favorite places in the world were SF and the Pacific (well, Seville was a 3rd but it doesn't come into play here, heh).  When he died, I had his ashes dropped by plane outside the Golden Gate.  My family & I stood on the ledge of a cliff in the Marin Headlands, and watched him go.  Just a couple weeks ago I went back there to visit.  It's such a beautiful place.  It was a gorgeous sunny day - blue skies and barely a breeze in the air.  I drove up the hill, got out of my car, and walked to the edge of that cliff (there is a guard rail, lol).   I smiled and said "Hi Dad!" and out of nowhere a gust of wind blew so hard it knocked me backwards, and continued blowing for nearly a minute straight.  I threw my arms out and laughed and cried and thanked him for the hug and then the wind died down and I went home :)


I recently went through one of those anniversaries where the pain of loss was near unbearable. I just needed to know that he was ok. So I asked for a sign.

The next day on my commutte the CD player was acting up and I popped out the disc. On the radio (Mine tells me what song is playing) I heard Like Heaven by The Cure. I laughed so hard I startled the guy next to me. Next song comes up and it's Arms of an Angel, then the 3rd song Blue Eyes by Elton John..which was "our song".

I finally just looked up and said...Okay Okay I get it! Just to drive the point home (and totally his sense of humor) I find myself surrounded by trucks for Kenny's Plumbing. ( his name was Kenny). I guess I got my sign and then some.




ownedgirlie -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/9/2007 7:21:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

The next day on my commutte the CD player was acting up and I popped out the disc. On the radio (Mine tells me what song is playing) I heard Like Heaven by The Cure. I laughed so hard I startled the guy next to me. Next song comes up and it's Arms of an Angel, then the 3rd song Blue Eyes by Elton John..which was "our song".

I finally just looked up and said...Okay Okay I get it! Just to drive the point home (and totally his sense of humor) I find myself surrounded by trucks for Kenny's Plumbing. ( his name was Kenny). I guess I got my sign and then some.



Awesome story!!  Made me laugh and smile big!!




SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/9/2007 10:50:16 PM)

Me too. I laughed so hard I started crying and had to pull over. It's still a great feeling. Just as I know that big hug from your Dad made it feel like he was right there giving it. It would be interesting to see how many people this has happened to. Care to start a thread on it so we aren't hijacking Stella's lovely and moving tribute to her beloved Evan?

Stella, thank you for telling us about your brother Evan. Thank you for reminding so many of us of those we have loved and lost. It will get better. I promise. If you need to talk, I would love to hear your stories about Evan. Please feel free to message me on the other side.




wandersalone -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/10/2007 4:14:57 AM)

Last christmas my family lit a candle that was kept lit throughout the day as a way of including my brother in the day.  We have been doing this since then for family occasions and again at easter. I found it comforting to look at the flame and remember that he is still with us.  The first's are awful and to be honest I am up to the 7th's of everything and still find it so sad however it really is true that those we love are always with us.





adoracat -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/10/2007 4:34:18 PM)

two years ago dec 18, my otherlove and Master james died at home, in my arms.  sudden heart attack.

last year on dec 25th, my Lord Fallcon lost his battle with cancer.

sunday my grandmother passed away.  easter.

some days i'm glad i'm not christian, all the signifigant holidays have been tainted to my eyes.

it hurts.  all of them.  there's always a first whatever, and the special anniversaries, and the memories that smack you right between the running lights out of nowhere.

and there's the memories that bring comfort in the middle of empty nights, and the faint whisper of a scent in the air....and you are reminded of their love.

kitten, who grieves yet still loves.




StellaByStarlite -> RE: The Worst Year Ever (4/12/2007 8:52:19 AM)

Hello. =)

Sorry it took me a few days to respond... I wanted to take some time and think about it all.

Ownedgirlie, Sinergy, and the rest.... thank you so much for offering your thoughs and support.. =)  I'm not very good at the typed word, but know that everybody's replies lifted my spirits a bit.

You know... underneath all my aching sense of loss is anger. Frustration. My brother was on the brink of becoming a good man. He had focus, he had motivation, he had love. It's so damn unfair.

I'd love to say that his death brought me and my parents closer, but it hasn't. I'm watching them drift away, and there's nothing I can do about it. They were separated before he died, my mother lived in Florida. She moved back up here in January to live with my stepdad. Two people who were unhappy together to begin with... now joined together in grief. A real train wreck waiting to happen.

I'm not anywhere near to acceptance yet. It's still too fresh, too raw. I took so many chances at 19 with my life, you know? A real hell-raiser who caused the 'rents nothing but trouble. He would have made them proud.

It almost feels like I've lost a child. There were 15 years between us. He was really my first baby. My family is in ruins.. we lost our past, present, and future. I'm trying to honor his life but my god, his life barely had a chance to take off.

Stella




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