Elorin
Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004 From: San Antonio, TX Status: offline
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Celeste: I'm not taking control, I'm taking responsibility. Sir has not said my reaction was ok, not ok, or anything. We haven't discussed it at length. I did, however, do three things that as his sub he has asked me not to do - I swore at him, I raised my voice at him, and I ordered him to do something. Since these values are already established in our relationship, by taking responsibility and telling him that I recognized that I did them, I am giving Sir the knowledge that I realized what happened. Is it ok that it happened? Yeah, probly, since Sir giggled. Will I be punished? Nah, probly not. Was my reaction understandable - indubitably. Had Sir actually said "there is no need to apologize" I would not be trying to form an apology, I would simply be trying to form a way of saying "I did this, and now I recognize that it went against X, Y, Z" and asking for help and his opinion. SimplyMichael I asked Sir permission to check something on the PC, and he granted it. I could easily have done other things but was waiting on an e-mail, and he knew it, so he gave me the 3 minutes while finished putting the bench together. Next time, I won't make that choice. ~LOL~ Sir did not think he wasn't a priority, and he knew why I asked for time with the PC. LuckyAlbatross: It was inappropriate because, as I said above, I am not supposed to raise my voice to Sir, swear at Sir, or order him to do things, per his prior instruction. spanklette: Sir took them off, and our dynamic is what it is. Had he not wanted to, he'd have laughed, untangled my hair, and they'd have stayed on - or I would have used my safeword. I accept that. I'm awfully glad he took them off though. ~LOL~ An apology isn't necessary - however it is my personality and a conscious effort to let him know that I am trying to be submissive. Devilslilsister Sir and I are very honest with one another. I've said I've hated him before, and always regretted it b/c it hurts him deeply. Calling him a bastard, asshole, evil sadist or anything else doesn't hurt him, it makes him grin. Telling him how I wanted to react to him always makes him laugh - I volunteer the information he needs to torture me needlessly. ~laughs~ However, it isn't just how he feels that matters. How I feel matters also. I'm not sorry for losing control - in fact, that's the goal of our relationship, that I give control to him, especially during scenes. He wants my honest, unfettered reactions, not my controlled reactions. I'm sorry that I swore at him and raised my voice to him. Raising my voice and swearing is actually fine, but directing it to him isn't, and that is the source of my regret. All I expect out of apologizing is a discussion between he and I about what happened. I'm actually amused by the reactions here. I am not beating myself up about this, I do not feel horrible, I don't feel really guilty. I do, however, recognize that in my oh shit ow ow ow ow kinda moment, I crossed some lines. I'm just willing to own up to them whether he's upset about them or not. Mostly, 99%, it was just funny as hell to me that had I gotten a hair clip before we played, none of it would have happened. Ya get what you earn! ~E
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