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onestandingstill -> RE: Consistancy? (4/9/2007 8:30:17 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: myservicetoyou
How important to you is consistency? Personally I find it very important that a potential be consistent in that they call when they say they will, do what they say they will and mean what they say and say what they mean, this also tells me a lot about a person in general. Someone who does not call when they say they will (repeatedly), someone who says one thing over and over yet has no follow through, to me this is part of trust and without that I can not submit or give myself to someone who is not consistent in both word and deed. I understand that there are times that things happen, I am not talking about that, I am talking about being consistently inconsistent.
Perhaps I am being a bit of a nit pick here but I would like to hear what others think and feel about consistency and the role it plays in relationships.
Sorry if this has been posted before, but when I did a search I did not come up with anything, though I am sure LA will post what I may have missed, she is good and a wonderful resource too!!
For me it's monumentally important that someone's actions match their words at least most of the time.
I think to be able to be open, vulnerable, and trust someone they have to be trust worthy.
I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine.
I was saying if a guy I date tells me he's going to do X or call me at X and then does not it's a red flag.
Now I realize it does happen that people do have things that get in the way from time to time.
What happens is when it becomes a constant pattern or more often than not it affects my ability to believe that I really count to this person, this person respects me, and that this person respects themselves.
I think a man who wants to be the Dom in my life needs to try to keep their commitments they make with their own lips, by their own choice (not my prompting) or go back to where they come from and leave me the hell alone.
My girlfriend tried to say if they are the Dom I'm supposed to be pleasing to them shouldn't point out the infractions. She stated this was a control feature in D/s a Dom uses.
I argued a Dom in control wouldn't say I'll call you in the AM and not, but would just say I'll talk to you later and leave you waiting.
A big difference in control in my mind.
I told her just because I choose to be a sub does not give anyone permission to lie to me or to not be bound to their word to me.
I think to have the type of trust you need in a healthy D/s relationship you have to believe the Dom will do what he says and follow the laws we are both governed in by their choice.
I think if people use the excuse because it's a D/s relationship they don't have to have honor, integrity, and consistency is ludicrous.
I think it's a part of the foundation in a D/s relationship to be able to take someone at their word in these matters for sure.
suzanne
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