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RobertCloud -> Torment (4/7/2007 11:23:51 AM)
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I do not know if this will remain in the Off Topic Discussion or be moved but this is where it starts.
Nor am I seeking comments or discussion truly, but more or less just a statement of things that have happened and what I fear each day that passes.
Everyone of us has experienced heartbreak and I do not think it is something that any of us wishes to experience again. Most of us do our best not to inflict it upon others but there seems to be a few that either do not care or seem to be caught up in the middle of many heartbreaks over and over again.
I seem to be one of those. It is not that I do not care, but that I often seem to be caught up in many of them. Not only those that I have suffered myself, and believe me I have suffered a lot, but also I seem to have been the cause of more than my fair share.
I have not tried to do this, I just have a way of being open and friendly, flirty and caring and I do truly care, but many times some take my words or deeds deeper than I meant them or they think I have gone exclusively talking to them when we have made no such commitment and then are hurt when I find someone I do want to commit to.
However, the worst of the heartbreaks come from those that I actually have started relationships with and it is my own mistrust that steps in.
Having been lied to and misled so many times by others it is very hard for me to trust someone, and even one lie can cause me to become so distrustful of them that it is hard to recover no matter how much I care for them or how hard they are trying to make things right. This gets worse, of course, if things around them continue to appear misleading or confusing, and my trust gets strained.
Since I joined CollarMe I have attempted 19 relationships prior to my current one and of those 19 most ended because of the person lying to me repeatedly. So trust is difficult for me...
My babygirl has even told me a couple of lies but they have been minor and not something that affected our relationship yet it still has strained things a bit... I am emphasizing to her that truth is important, and working on that, so perhaps this issue will be fixed... but this is not the real reason for this post...
The real reason for this post is to apologize to all those whose hearts I have broken... for I wish I could heal every one of them. I wish I could have done something to prevent all the pain they felt and not caused the heartache. I truly regret it. I would gladly have taken their pain and suffered it myself to relieve them of that. I truly am sorry for the pain I may have caused. Yet, I will also say, though sorry, I had to be true as well. Please understand that, the only thing I could not have done was to lie to you to keep your heart from breaking, for in the long run the pain would have been greater. I still wish I could have suffered the pain for you.
Robert Cloud
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