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Initiation - 4/4/2007 2:49:41 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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This morning I was doing some reading on initiation rituals, hazing, bonding rituals, etc. Its a practice that has been pervasive throughout recorded history and appears in apparently every culture. The implication being that it serves a purpose in human socialization. There has been much debate in recent years regarding the practice due to the destructive direction of some forms of hazing have taken, including some deaths. Alfred University in NY has gone so far as to conduct an extensive national study of the phenomenon in an effort to better understand it. Presently, there seems to be an emerging defined difference between "hazing" as being destructive and/or degrading in nature, vs bonding rituals which foster a sense of team work, group membership, and group identity. It seems clear that such bonding rituals can and have served a useful purpose in society, but that they can also likewise be easily abused and turned into dangerous power trips for a select few. In the course of my reading I began to wonder how any of this might apply to the lifestyle. So here are some questions for discussion.

First, has anyone experienced either hazing or bonding rituals as part of this lifestyle? Please stick to personal experiences only, no stories you heard about second or third hand. What was your impression of the experience?

Second, has anyone (especially dominants) considered using bonding rituals and if so what sort of rituals? For submissives, does the idea of some sort of bonding ritual appeal to you?

And third, how do you think collaring rituals compares with, or differs from, bonding rituals?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

Post #: 1

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 6:37:10 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
First, has anyone experienced either hazing or bonding rituals as part of this lifestyle? Please stick to personal experiences only, no stories you heard about second or third hand. What was your impression of the experience?

bonding rituals are a normal part of my relationship dynamics with alandra and kyra. I have found them to become a grounding experience in more cases than not. Grounding in the sense of it focuses on the core of our relationship dynamic. I have a Bed time is the most prevalent ritual in our dynamic. The ritual is multi-facet in that it occurs differently depending on the situation.. Ie.. I am there or not... distance etc. There is also the basic ritual of my leaving and returning home as well. I have also intiated a new ritual that is going to occur once each year with each girl. It is a foot washing ritual. I will be an occurance at the aniversary date of their orginal bonding to me that I will actual wash their feet. It is a ritual that is rather powerful and allows me as a person to both feel the gratitude and humilty of being the Dominant of two wonderful girls.

I have participated in the foot washing ritual long in my past and recently experienced it again. The rekindled experience enlightened me on the idea that Rituals not only bring a bounding experience between the participates but also if they are powerful enough, they can allow a person to become in touch with their inner selves. It is also an opportunity to demonstrated and build character of a person.

quote:

Second, has anyone (especially dominants) considered using bonding rituals and if so what sort of rituals? For submissives, does the idea of some sort of bonding ritual appeal to you?

I believe I answer this above.

quote:

And third, how do you think collaring rituals compares with, or differs from, bonding rituals?

Collaring ritual... Marriage Rituals and such are one time events. Power Events that have a focus of commitments and devotions being made. They are also a bonding rituals... but a bonding ritual of a very specific purpose. One of the reason's that I am intiating the Foot washing ritual is to recognize and celebrate that orginal ritual of commitment and devotion. I believe that bonding is often more a recognition and celebration of what has already been planted than actually plant something new.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 2

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 6:46:57 AM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

Greetings Master Padriag

In regards to the life Master and I live; I guess you could call some of what I have been put through as hazing/bonding rituals. I would imagine that orgasm denial can be in some way connected J ; as can the slow learning experiences when introduced to pain for the first time. Some of the rituals that Master has me participate in are tools for reminding me that I am a slave; property, cattle…that I have nothing but that which he affords to me.

In outside circles, this would be called abuse, and in relation to your question, it could be seen as hazing. I see it more as bonding though. What I am asked to do for him ( in regards to rituals ) brings us closer together and cements my place at his feet J I find each to be a wonderful and fulfilling experience that I continually learn from.

In regards to collaring rituals; I could not answer that. Master has a 6 year rule before he will consider collaring me ( we are married, but that does not count in my eyes ). I would imagine though that the experiences are similar.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 3

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 7:09:02 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I have also intiated a new ritual that is going to occur once each year with each girl. It is a foot washing ritual. It will be an occurance at the aniversary date of their orginal bonding to me that I will actual wash their feet. It is a ritual that is rather powerful and allows me as a person to both feel the gratitude and humilty of being the Dominant of two wonderful girls.

I have participated in the foot washing ritual long in my past and recently experienced it again. The rekindled experience enlightened me on the idea that Rituals not only bring a bounding experience between the participates but also if they are powerful enough, they can allow a person to become in touch with their inner selves. It is also an opportunity to demonstrated and build character of a person.

Knight of Mists,

i feel compelled to comment on your post :-)

What a beautiful and meaningful ritual!! Having been on both sides of cerimonial foot washing, i can attest to how powerful an experience it can be...i think your application of this ritual in your relationships is truly wonderful~
        j

Padriag,

    i have never been in a ritual based relationship, but it would be one that i prefer. It dosen't have to be "big" rituals but the kind of things that differentiate a simple task or time together into something beautiful, concentrated, and sets it apart from the ordinary...i will be watching responses to your thread with great interest...
                                j

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 7:29:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
First, has anyone experienced either hazing or bonding rituals as part of this lifestyle? Please stick to personal experiences only, no stories you heard about second or third hand. What was your impression of the experience?

I'd say my first few years in the scene were a series of small hazing rituals- being ignored, put down, and told I didn't know anything and if I thought I did I was just deluding myself and that when I grew up I'd realized how clueless I was.

As well, everytime you join a new online group- you're going to get some fallback. For a youngin like me who has some fairly strong opinions and fairly unpopular views in the scene, I certainly had to deal with a bunch of people who thought I was just an ornery upstart who wouldn't last the first few months I posted here.

It's part of the process. I didn't get anything excessive, and moderators here tend to make sure the rules are fairly set.

quote:

Second, has anyone (especially dominants) considered using bonding rituals and if so what sort of rituals? For submissives, does the idea of some sort of bonding ritual appeal to you?

Not really. Life and time together creates the bonds I want. Adversity can be a great way to make a strong bond happen quickly, but you still have to go through all those others steps- life doesn't let you skip around really. So I just go with the flow.

quote:

And third, how do you think collaring rituals compares with, or differs from, bonding rituals?

I think it's a type of one- it's a physical expression of a commitment/bonding together. It tends to be a fairly serious finalizing one. It both recognizes the bond that is there, and shows a commitment to keeping the bond.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 5

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 7:41:52 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

First, has anyone experienced either hazing or bonding rituals as part of this lifestyle?

If you just want "lifestyle" specific rituals, then perhaps someone else can describe how the leathermen did it. Beyond that, I'm not sure it is valid to compare initiation rituals one would find for a group like a fraternity to rituals in personal relationships.

If you want to look outside of kinksters, anyone who has been in the military has gone through a socialization and bonding process in boot camp. By design, much of that is based on shared experience in stressful situations. Some business schools use similar tactics to foster teamwork and cooperation amng their students, while others go a different route to reinforce cutthroat competitive behavior. From cliques at school to team sports and other group activities, I bet everyone has experienced initiation rituals of some sort or another.

Socialization is a process; a single ritual may signal the completion of the process where one graduates to becoming an official member of the group, but one ritual doesn't do much beyond that. I suppose a number of rituals can be portrayed as a process; IMO, those rituals would really be benchmarks in a process that is continuous.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 6

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 8:07:33 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

First, has anyone experienced either hazing or bonding rituals as part of this lifestyle? Please stick to personal experiences only, no stories you heard about second or third hand. What was your impression of the experience?

I'd refuse to participate in a true hazing, most likely, unless I REALLY wanted the prize. When I was younger, I internalized humiliation. Now, I have the ability to let it flow past me.

However, I've participated in bonding rituals. For me, anything that allows me to be emotionally vulnerable to someone or someone emotionally vulnerable to me is a bonding ritual. Cathartic experiences are bonding rituals: hook/energy pulls, ball dances, sex (for me), things done in ritual space, etc. Feeding (vampire) is also a very deep bonding for me, as it obviously would be. Collaring, too.

quote:

Second, has anyone (especially dominants) considered using bonding rituals and if so what sort of rituals? For submissives, does the idea of some sort of bonding ritual appeal to you?

I use them all the time. Although, they may have more meaning for me than for the slave unless I've allowed them to help create the ritual. For my girl, my acceptance of her petition was much more bonding than the signing of the contract (which happend a year later).

quote:

And third, how do you think collaring rituals compares with, or differs from, bonding rituals?

I don't. A collar bonds someone to me.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 7

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 8:10:03 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Very intriguing article, I would love to read it! Where did you find it at?

Now for your question

quote:

First, has anyone experienced either hazing or bonding rituals as part of this lifestyle?

No

quote:

For submissives, does the idea of some sort of bonding ritual appeal to you?

A collaring ceremony that involved beating me publically and marking me as his would appeal deeply to me. I would consider this a rite of passage into his complete ownership

quote:

And third, how do you think collaring rituals compares with, or differs from, bonding rituals?

I think it depends on the circumstances. I could argue that weddings are a form of bonding ritual and involve society, and those who take part in them are changing their societal role...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 8

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 10:05:53 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

I am a member of a group that uses rituals. The rituals help me move into a space where I can be fully submissive to the Dominants in the group. They aren't play and I don't take them light-heartedly. It is through the repetition of the rituals that my bonding to the group grows deeper and deeper. I find rituals to be a very important piece of my D/s interactions.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 9

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 10:30:25 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

when i came to AZ for my first in the flesh meeting of everyone and being introduced to the life style i was given a facetted red 2 carrat garnet by one of the masters at the accadamy, it was a very special thing to have a symbol of that time of my life...it made me feel like i belonged...and it was very powerful ...it made me realize that milestones are even more special when marked in some way...

i try to do that for new folks now....i hope it has the same effect

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 10

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 10:47:29 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Very intriguing article, I would love to read it! Where did you find it at?

Not everything I was reading is online, however, you can find the research article by Alfred University here.
Hazing
and some related articles
Initiation Without Abuse
Rituals of Bonding or Humiliation?
and this one regarding rites of passage and teens
Quest for the Burning Feather

So far I'm delighted with the replies to the thread, I'll add my own comments and thoughts later.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 12:29:38 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

For submissives, does the idea of some sort of bonding ritual appeal to you?

And third, how do you think collaring rituals compares with, or differs from, bonding rituals?

I'm only going to respond to these two points.
I think bonding rituals are indeed a deep way to ritualistically express your union with your mate in BDSM from all positions.
I would think I'd enjoy doing things that bonded our union in some specific fashion.
I think I'm sort of taking it out of context some possibly, but I think of blood bonds, body modification, and ownership decree ceremonies when I think of bonding rituals.
As far as collaring rituals and bonding rituals. I think many people do both at the same time initially and then more bonding ones as different stages are reached.
Sort of like marking anniversaries or obtaining goals with things as you go along.
I guess the big difference would be I'd only be collared to someone once, but could have many different ceremonies to do as our bonds grew deeper.
suzanne

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 12

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 6:53:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Thank you for listing some of the sources, I appreciate it and will read them.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 13

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 7:44:14 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I had an additional thought... or more another ritual that I will share. Like the Foot Ritual... I we have a Collar Ritual that reflects celebrates our devotion and comittment to each other. It also focus and grounds us on what our dynamic is all about.

The Collar ritual is both the putting on and taking of the locking collar to my girls. Just another ritual in our dynamic.

I would add that ritual are rather strict in that it is done the same way each and every time.. But, it more important that they are done with the emotions and thoughts behind them.. that the physical act themselves.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: Initiation - 4/4/2007 8:29:46 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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Generally I have found that even the most abussive hazing at some distant point in the past had been a bonding ritual.
The difference between them tends to be hazing is ritual that has lost it's connection to the lessons and values it was originally designed to foster and build.

The problem is usually in one of two areas One Upmanship seeking to make the ritual more demanding with
loss of control on the part of the already initiated.

The Original designed ritual was not passed on intact or was created poorly in the first place.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 15

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