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Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/1/2007 12:12:07 PM   
DrPleasure


Posts: 74
Joined: 9/18/2004
Status: offline 		Do you make a distinction between these three?  If so what is your definition?

I've tried to label myself for a number of years until I finally realized that I don't fit into any of these categories.  In short, I don't like being told what to do, but nothing excites me more than a woman that knows what she wants and knows how to take control of a situation.  So what is that? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/1/2007 12:19:05 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i make a distinction between the three - i won't go into what i feel the difference is between sub and slave - that's been done ad nauseum and that's not the focus of this thread. Suffice it to say i don't think subs evolve one day into slaves - i think they are two completely different mindsets. A bottom is someone who enjoys the submissive role during a scene, they aren't submissive necessarily and may just be masochists. Bottom is a role they play.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/1/2007 12:23:32 PM   
tulinwl


Posts: 37
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline 		I have thought about this a lot recently - in trying to figure myself out. I am a switch with a preference to bottom. I consider top and bottom to be roles that a Dominant, submissive or a Switch play.  A slave in my opinion lifestyle choice - you are or you are not a slave. There is no in between.

tul

< Message edited by tulinwl -- 4/1/2007 12:25:01 PM >

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/1/2007 12:23:34 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		There are a variety of opinions on what the difference is between these three labels.  I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't much matter to me what the label is or what it means to others.  In truth all three of those labels fit me.  I am a submissive woman who is in a relationship where I am a slave and for the most part I bottom during play.

To me a submissive person is one who in general defers to the will of another.  A slave is a person in a relationship that has transferred all authority to the other person.  A bottom is the receiver of sensation in BDSM play.

I wouldn't try to fit yourself into a box or a certain label.  Just be who you are and let the labels be a springboard for more indepth conversation.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/1/2007 12:38:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_586226/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#586267
Curious, sub v slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_515303/mpage_1/key_slave/tm.htm#515333
What is the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_308296/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#309867
sub or slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_342405/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#342794
~slave vs sub~

http://www.collarchat.com/m_410567/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#410982
slave or sub

http://www.collarchat.com/m_497775/mpage_1/key_submissive%252Cslave/tm.htm#497977
I'm new to this but...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_366860/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#366893
Difference bet/submission and slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_365776/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cslave/tm.htm#366767
slub question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_281198/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#281512
difference between slave and submissive

http://www.collarchat.com/m_251014/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cslave/tm.htm#251062
definition of "slave"

What's the difference between slaves and submissives?

Submissive or slave?

Slaves versus submissive

Submissive or slave? (2)

Submissive vs slave (2)



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:08:21 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I feel a slave has no rights after giving up ownership except the right to take it back and leave. Other than that their Master controls them and has final say no matter what the slave wants or needs. More of a Stepford Wife that's kinky.
I think a sub has limits and conditions she holds back for herself and other than the parts she deems off limits her Dom controls her.
I think a bottom's submission is very conditional and she retains way more control of her own life and will.
Now once you mix it with people I think some who claim to be slave are conditional bottoms and some that claim to be a bottom are more deeply submitting than a lot of slaves.
Labels are nice as guidelines, but understanding someone else's perception of that word is something that will always be a challenge in figuring what category and name they fit under in your perspective rather than their own or others opinions.
LOL hell to complicate things I can tell you how I identify right now.
I feel I have a slave heart, but may not have the chance to ever be slave, I think I'm a good submissive under the right Dom, but right now I'm a very, very conditional bottom at best as I'm not submitting to any one except in brief bouts lately and even then really not submitting at all as I'm not dating at all now.
So IMO I'm all three slave/sub & bottom and none of the three at the same time..
Being able to open those parts of myself will depend on who I choose to or if I choose again to share those aspects with someone.
suzanne

(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:11:05 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		this is MY OPINION and mine ONLY - unless otherwise stated

[fast reply]

a bottom is a role in a scene, where they are the reciever
a submissive is a personality trait
a slave is an owned submissive

a sub can be a bottom and a slave
a slave can be a bottom and is a sub
a bottom can be a submissive, and a slave if she is owned.

it all varies depending on whom you ask!

_____________________________


"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"


(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:12:29 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I feel a slave has no rights after giving up ownership except the right to take it back and leave. Other than that their Master controls them and has final say no matter what the slave wants or needs. More of a Stepford Wife that's kinky.

a kinky stepford wife, oh what a dream. LOL. now THATS my goal, hehehe

_____________________________


"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"


(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:15:38 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
...
A bottom is someone who enjoys the submissive role during a scene, they aren't submissive necessarily and may just be masochists. Bottom is a role they play.  /quote]

Hmmmmmmmm... I'd agree with the last part of the first sentence; but I don't necessairly believe they are playing a role anymore than the rest of us are.
 
Perhaps the bottom just wants a session where they're just tied & flogged a good while?  It can be VERY cathartic; who wouldn't like that?
 
MsB

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:18:20 AM   
BeatMeDaily


Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		i think you start as a sub working your towards a slave position.
Unless you were a previous slave and sold or traded as is.
Relationships start as sub, progressing whereever the desires go.


_____________________________

It takes all kinds of critters to make Uncle Ben's fritters.

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:25:14 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Yes, I truly think there are big differences between the three and mainly between the level of control and motivations that separates the three. I also know there are as many different opinions as there are people in the life and to each their own!

Quickly, purely my own opinion and nothing else:

Bottom: Only interested and enjoy the physical acts.

sub: Enjoy some level of power exchange within the relationship and many of the physical acts for their specific physical pleasure which often determines their limits but the power exchange is not the driving force in the day to day life.

slave: Significant power exchange that flows through most if not all things in the relationship on a day to day basis. Physical acts are not always or even ever about physical pleasure. For a slave the pleasure is derived from seeing their dominant enjoying themselves and if the slave gets pleasure from them specifically an added bonus. Limits on if they can do something or not.




_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:34:39 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous


quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I feel a slave has no rights after giving up ownership except the right to take it back and leave. Other than that their Master controls them and has final say no matter what the slave wants or needs. More of a Stepford Wife that's kinky.

a kinky stepford wife, oh what a dream. LOL. now THATS my goal, hehehe

LOL it's my long term goal too.
suzanne

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:41:09 AM   
sensiia


Posts: 103
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I can only speak for myself. I am a bottom because I have not met the one who made me feel comfortable yet to submit. Though I felt it once before we went different paths in life.


(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 8:50:01 AM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

a bottom is a role in a scene, where they are the reciever
a submissive is a personality trait
a slave is an owned submissive

a sub can be a bottom and a slave
a slave can be a bottom and is a sub
a bottom can be a submissive, and a slave if she is owned.



Very nicely put. I completely agree

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 11:23:29 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I see a difference.
I am currently simply a bottom.  I am submissive ONLY when I am in a relationship, and even then only to men for whom I cannot deny the need to be submissive.  I avoid the slave label like a vampire shuns the sunshine.  That role would kill me.
Kyst


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 12:58:59 PM   
serillabound


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline 		I don't understand why so often on these sites people insist on compartmentilizing themselves in some neat little box...why not just be yourself, with many facets, growing, evolving, molting...
I, personally, can on any given day, be one or the other, or all three rolled into one...
Who wants to be labelled?


_____________________________

submission is not a gift but the result of a mind raping partnership

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 5:03:42 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DrPleasure

Do you make a distinction between these three?  If so what is your definition?

I've tried to label myself for a number of years until I finally realized that I don't fit into any of these categories.  In short, I don't like being told what to do, but nothing excites me more than a woman that knows what she wants and knows how to take control of a situation.  So what is that? 


I see a distinction between the three...for me, the major differential factor between a submissive and a slave is the mindset.  There are a lot of other factors that come into play but rather than get into another sub vs. slave threads, I will keep them to myself for now.

Bottoming to me simply describes the role one is taking in play.  In simple terms, the one having pain or sensation inflicted on them.
They may be a submissive who is not submitting during the play but instead has directed what sensations will be inflicted on him/her and to what degree.  It may well be a dominant who is taking the "passive" role in a scene and is having pain/sensation inflicted on him/her by their submissive or by a top or by another dominant who is acting as a top and not as a dominant. 

(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 5:08:30 PM   
czarlipet


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		Slaves verusus Submissives versus Bottoms...

Bottom... the one recieving the action. The bottom can be submissive or can be dominant or could just be someone who likes the feel of a flogger. If a dominant has his submissive give him a massage, the dominant in that scene is the bottom and the submissive is the top. It is the choice of the bottom as to wether they are just recieving the action or wether they are submitting.

Submissive... one who submitts is the easiest definition of a submissive. A submissive can be a bottom or a slave. Most submissives will tell you if they are or are not a slave. Most submissives I know define the difference between submission and slavery as a distinction of what amount of control they will give up. I am a submissive, I always have been and always will be. Someday, when I meet that special someone/s I will work towards a relationship where I give them total power and when I reach that point in time, I will then be a slave.

My definition of slave is one who submitts/exchanges total power to his/her owner/master/husband/wife/etc. etc. etc.

There is no specific definition of a slave versus a submissive in the BDSM community. What I have stated as definitions are my opinions. But I also believe them to be generally excepted definitions in my community.

Czarli

(in reply to DrPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 5:10:13 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		For me, it is because I have been doing this since I was .. well not of legal age.  If after 30 yrs, I don't know myself well, then I shouldnt be doing this. 
I know Slavery is damaging to me.  I know I am not inclined to submit randomly.  I know I am a masochist and therefore a bottom.
Nuff said?
Some people are comfy in who they are, and labels, though limiting, can help OTHERS see you they way they should.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: serillabound

I don't understand why so often on these sites people insist on compartmentilizing themselves in some neat little box...why not just be yourself, with many facets, growing, evolving, molting...
I, personally, can on any given day, be one or the other, or all three rolled into one...
Who wants to be labelled?



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to serillabound)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Slaves vs. Subs vs. Bottoms - 4/2/2007 6:00:41 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Bottoming to me simply describes the role one is taking in play.  In simple terms, the one having pain or sensation inflicted on them.
They may be a submissive who is not submitting during the play but instead has directed what sensations will be inflicted on him/her and to what degree. 

I think I'd like to also note sometimes bottoming isn't about sensation.
It's also about being in service to someone on a limited basis.
I have often served someone without them ever touching me personally.
For example if I served under a Master/Mistress as a waitress at one of their events in their home.
It was their protocol I followed as far as my personal attire and the way I conducted myself at their event as staff.
I think even in vanilla things I bottom to my boss. It's his house, his rules so to speak.
I think choosing to let someone else's choices be the ones you chose to commit yourself to in general is bottoming.
It's way more broad a spectrum than to say it's just about sensation and scening.
suzanne

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 20
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