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RE: Long Distance relationships - 3/31/2007 4:49:51 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mystique567

I wonder if anyone has had experiences with long distance relationships? Can they work? 


They suck.

But they can work.

Depends on what you want from (the relationship).

If you hope they'll turn in to some romantic representation of what you believe your kink to be....get a contract with Harlequin Publications and write 300 pages...you'll be better served.  (Get an editor...trust...your thoughts and the publics...are a smidge divergent).

If you have a rational understanding of what you believe your relationship will turn in to....run it out....take the time...and give your Dom/Domme/ (etc.) the time it takes to turn your desires into a great relationship.

And then relax.

Sometimes it turns into something spectacular.

(Sometimes it doesn't).

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Long Distance relationships - 3/31/2007 4:59:58 PM   
badwittlekarma


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		I am currently in a long distance relationship with my Dom, we are over 3000 miles apart right now but we have a plan to meet and if that all goes well then I will be moving to Oregon to be with him..It is working so far for us because we talk 3-4 times a day and sometimes we are on the phone for 4 hours at a time but thank god for unlimited long distance..lol so i get to talk to him between 6 n 8 hours a day but just because im not phycally right there with him doesnt mean it isnt working...good luck on your search if its meant to be it will work out..

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/5/2007 11:55:48 PM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline 		Yes. I have a Domme in the US, I'm in the UK, we have been together a month and have daily contact - it's worked out and I'm preparing to relocate to the US. We plan on meeting this year.

It will work, right from the first memo my Domme has never put a foot wrong, the amount of effort and commitment she puts into our relationship inspires me to do the same and sometimes moves me to tears - it is very beautiful. We have Collarme, Yahoo! Messenger, phone calls, post, and the amount of support she's giving me (I'm in my transition) is tangible. I would literally walk over hot coals for my Domme. I'm so lucky to have found her.

Many people might discount online relationships and LDRs, but it's how you approach them. We have openness, honesty, trust, confidence and we communicate, we want exactly the same thing and we are working towards this goal.

She's not only made me feel American, but also very homesick. And I've never even been to the States.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


(in reply to badwittlekarma)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 12:40:53 AM   
DocTSH


Posts: 109
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		Yes they can work!  However if there is no commitment to a goal of being together both parties are really only wasting their time as well as the others. 
 
I have been in two LDR's.  One of a gap of just over 100 miles, and the other of 2000 miles.  The first had plenty of chemistry, however she needed way more than what I could provide.  I mean that in a financial sense as she didn't want to work anymore.  As much as I wanted it, I wasn't going to spend my entire day working more than one job to support that.  I dont fault her for that, she had simply become adjusted to a certain standard of living I couldn't afford.  The second LDR worked and now it's a six inches of distance relationship.  When I first met my little girl, I wasn't looking for anyone.  She just kind of fell into my lap ( lucky me, the spanker!  lol ).  We started talking over our cells after just a few days, and we found that we kept having these long drawn out discussion until the early hours of the morning.  It reached a point where we both had to call each other so neither of us would miss work.  We talked of a million different things.  Finally I challenged her to a bet, and she lost.  We continued to talk more, spent time reading to each other over the net and on cam, and then the time came for her to visit.  The first second that we held each other, we both knew how right this is.  She spent four days with me and we decided that she would move in about three months.  The day she got home, she called me up and wanted to come now instead of later.  She did, she's here, and we make it work! 
 
Surely there have been tough times,but we always realize what we have is so special.  I have no problem telling anyone in the world how fortunate I am, and I confidently know the feeling is mutual.

_____________________________

Doc

At times like these, I think of Socrates who said, " I drank what?" -Real Genius

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 12:57:09 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to be blunt here.  I'm not very good at LD relationships starting off,  it takes me a little while to develop trust and understanding of the other person on the other side.  Long Distance can be a bit a guessing game at times, even more so if you've been burned in the past by somebody.   You tend to become more questioning and fearful of it happening all over again.  This may become or turn into a problem by itself.  So, I tend to be a little Quirky at first.   Wanting to trust, yet not wanting to trust.  I believe the biggest thing is for there to be good communication!

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 4/6/2007 1:03:57 AM >

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 1:08:27 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Hi
I hope they can work!!  I'm in a long distance relationship.  Its 6 months on 8th April.  In 2 months we wont be so far apart, at the minute he lives 5 hours away by train.  We are in a full relationship and I am really happy everythings working out alright between us we spent a year getting to know each other before we became commited. 
I have to admit that this relationship is definatly very hard work.  If we didnt communicate as well as we do and really make the effort, it wouldn't work at all.  At times I have questioned if i can handle the situation.  At times we miss each other so much its awful  and a phone call just wont cut it.   I hate that we have to cram  weeks of missed sex and scenes and catching up into snatched weeks and weekends.
Some tomes when we are together I feel like I know him inside out i'm so glad we care so much about each other that we make the effort.  Its definatly worth it to me because i'm sure (regardless of bondgae) that he is my mister right.  If i had doubts about where we were going or if it was going to be much much longer tilll we lived closer to each other then I would have to seriously reconsider it all !!!    When it is hard work it can be so depressing.



_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to DocTSH)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 1:30:25 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		For some people they don't.   They think they might at the beginning, but  find out they don't.

Personally, I don't mind them especially if the distance is early on.  I travel alot and its pretty common in my field (academics) because jobs are so scarce.  I know people who commute 5 hours to work, even between Canada and the US and only see their families on weekends.  Its very common for people to meet in grad school then to take jobs in different locations and work their personal lives around it until they can arrange to be together.  I met my ex husband in college and he went to grad school about 13 hours away so we were separated for a year while I finished my degree.  I know of one couple who met on-line, and got married and never lived together and didn't have plans to live together.  She had tenure in the mid-west and he was  established in New York state.

I guess I look at these things as just a part of life, and they don't phase me much so long as regular, predictable contact is possible.   But, others feel differently.





_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 1:48:21 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes1962
I am in one right now, with plans to move closer in July, when all necessary arrangements have been completed. I wouldn't be able to be in a LDR, if there wasn't an end in sight.


i have been in LDR relationships with a 4 hour's drive between us that didn't work.  In the end it wasn't the distance that caused the break-ups it was the compatibility.  The distance just made it easier to break up.  There has to be face-to-face time together to know if there is compatibility.

i am in a long-distance relationship now.  Luckily His job makes it possible for us to see each other every other weekend.  We spend hours on the phone and text messages throughout the day.  The compatibility between us is amazing.  But we plan to be together and like greeneyes, it wouldn't work for me if there wasn't light at the end of the tunnel.

Any relationship can work if there are common goals.  If, in the back of your mind you are seeking a 24/7 live-in relationship and your Dom is seeking an occassional escape from his daily routine, then you are at cross-purposes and i don't see how that can work even if he lived next door.  It is when people work together toward common goals that makes all the difference in the world.


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to greeneyes1962)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 1:59:39 AM   
redsky


Posts: 228
Joined: 12/28/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		i had a LD Dom/lover for just over 3 years, i totally agree with 'eyesopened' - it's not how compatible you are. Geography sucks...

_____________________________



(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 5:08:32 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Master and i began as an LDR, with 5000km distance between U/us. O/our first real meeting lasted 5 days, 3 months later i visited Him for 11 days, 3 months after that He visited me for 3 weeks ... and 3 months after that i flew over to help Him drive all His belongings 5000km back to my house to move in! W/we have now been together for over 3.5 years, He collared me last year. And now, due to a change of circumstances, W/we have driven the 5000km with all O/our belongings to return to His home state and take up new residence there. Yes W/we did the online thing, the huge phone bill thing and talked nonstop about O/our lives together. Yes there were times it was wonderful and times when it was despairing. Do i regret it? NO WAY, He is the best part of my life, and even my Mother (who was somewhat shocked at my leaving an affluent but selfish husband to be with a man 15 years my junior, she doesn't know about the D/s) says i am the happiest i have been in years and she is happy for me. Am i lucky? Well, yes and no. Both Master and i had been through several LDRs previously that didn't have happy endings. In fact, W/we got closer and moved to phone calls because both of U/us were nursing broken hearts and W/we supported each other. Now i say that my former "Master" dumping me 3 days before my birthday was the best thing that could have happened, for it brought Master and i closer together. And He would say the same about His sub who vanished overseas to be with another man! Can you guarantee an LDR will work? No. Can you guarantee it won't? No. You just have to weigh up what you know and decide whether you want to take the chance.

Just one note of caution to all those who are currently in an LDR and planning to move to be together. One poster mentioned about "cramming all the sex and play into a short time" and yes, that's what tends to happen during those wonderful meeting times. Just don't think that the level of sexual and play activity is going to be the same when Y/you are together day in and day out LOL! Well, W/we tried hard ;-) but real life just got in there and the frequency kicked back to much more manageable levels. That has the potential to set up disappointment and dissatisfaction on either or both sides of the relationship, it is something that needs to be discussed very early on. It's so easy for a new sub to start having that little doubting self-voice saying "maybe He doesn't love me/find me attractive/desire to play with me etc etc anymore" where in fact, He's just tired from work and bondage and spanking is the last thing on His mind! Don't let go of the communication just because Y/you are now face to face ... talking about these things is needed just as much then as before. With that, it's possible to make the adjustments and build very happy lives together. Good luck!

Maam Jay but it was my alter ego, violet[A] doing all the talking this time!

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to redsky)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 6:25:54 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		We were LDR for about two and a half years, have been 24/7 for a year and a half. We saw each other once a month or every six weeks on average. We chatted every night and talked on the phone at random times during the day.

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 8:02:47 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		LDRs can work...and sometimes they do not.  Just like hometown relationships.

My ex and I went to high school together and hooked up after my disastrous, short-lived marriage to my first wife...also from my hometown AND my childhood sweetheart.  My ex and I worked for 20 years...and then, did not.

I have had several LDRs that have worked well.  Though they ended for various reasons, only one of them ended because of the distance involved and a change in job status.

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 9:18:27 AM   
yenlui


Posts: 51
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes1962

I am in one right now, with plans to move closer in July, when all necessary arrangements have been completed. I wouldn't be able to be in a LDR, if there wasn't an end in sight.


I agree to this. Being in a ldr is hard, but it can work if both is willing to work on it.

(in reply to greeneyes1962)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 9:19:15 AM   
justinedoll


Posts: 50
Joined: 8/10/2006
From: uk, poland, germany
Status: offline 		I was 3 years in Long distance realtionship. My girlfirend lived 2300 km from Me in another country. We know we are very close to each other. Each time when we were together was a cellebration. Like meeting first time.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 9:47:11 AM   
bliss1


Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline 		Long distance relationships can work - they just take alot of work. In my experience they take as much work as a face-to-face, it is just a different type work.

I have met just as many people who are not who they say they are in real life as I have met online - it is just the way it is. Those who will lie and con in real life are just as likely to online.

I have seen many successful online relationships move to successful face-to-face, and an equal number that bombed (for many different reasons).

I would say if you feel you have and understanding between the two of you of what you are seeking and how to reach that - go for it.

Love is love.

bliss

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to justinedoll)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 10:13:11 AM   
neworleanslacy


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		i have been in long distance relationships in the past and have another i'd like to get involved in.  i feel they can work if Bboth are interested, remain open and honest and communicate a lot.  It's definitely a trust issue to stay together and not doubt the feelings of the Oother all the time.

lacy

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 10:15:33 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mystique567

Thank you, It just seems like time and distance can make all of it difficult. I wish there was a fail safe way to figure out if in person people can be as compatible as they are in IM and on the phone.


Well, now, that is the real heart of the issue, isn't it. Sad fact is, you can't. You have to have a face to face meeting (really several) before you will know if the two of you might be compatible. Long distance relationships that exist online are often a form of fantasy. Not saying the people involved don't have real feelings in these relationships, just that they have no real proof what they are getting is real or not.

I've heard of people who met online, decided they were a match made in heaven. One sold all their belongings and moved to be with the other in a farflung city. Sometimes it worked out fine. Just as often it ended in disaster. It really is a crap shoot.

Moral of the story, no matter how much you think you are an ideal match, and no matter how far you live apart, plans should be made to meet in person for a few days; just talk and get to know each other.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 10:26:40 AM   
Alloces


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/14/2004
Status: offline 		yup what she said about all the cramming ..been there done that and wore the T-shirt completely out..hahahaaa and YES an LDR can work but the whole key to it is exactly that "WORK" and it takes an enormous amount of work and dedication and commitment and the amount of actual communication it takes is staggering..I personally think that the actual communication IS one of the utmost important things..and in My humble opinion (for all it is worth) an LDR can be pretty fulfilling just remember that it IS a lot more actual work than being face to face..and a lot more expensive as well..

_____________________________

just remember it isn't the face you wear but the wear you face..altho that is just My opinion and I could be mistaken

for all wanting to see a bit of what I make check artisans forum Alloces Iron Works

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Long Distance relationships - 4/6/2007 10:29:42 AM   
TheHousehold


Posts: 33
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mystique567

I wonder if anyone has had experiences with long distance relationships? Can they work? 



I have a friend who used to live in Lincolnshire in the East of England.  She met a Dom from OK on ALT.  They talked, they met a few times, and they married.  She is now very happily settled in OK with Him.  So yes, it can happen.

(in reply to Mystique567)
Profile   Post #: 39
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