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Grief - 3/25/2007 8:32:25 PM

simplisticallyme

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This is hard for me to write. I'm siting here with my heart in my throat. I'm damned near ready to burst into tears and I'm not sure what to do. My grandmother, a very strong woman has been reduced to nothing more than a shell of what she once was. She's in the hospital now. She's in a coma and they think she's suffered a masive stroke, but they're just making her comfortable. They're not going to even run tests to see what the issue is. She's having trouble breathing. I know in my heart that the best thing for her is for them to let her go. It's so hard..though. I want a few more years with her....with her reverting back to her old self and everything being okay. Am I selfish in this want? I'm not going to even be able to see her before she passes. She's too far away. How do I cope with this? Help me.

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RE: Grief - 3/25/2007 8:40:49 PM

FukinTroll

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You must do what you heart and head agree on. It is a very difficult thing to get them in agreement. So reflect on your thoughts and your feelings and see if they are in accord. I am giving you a link to explore should you feel that your loved one is being neglected.
http://www.ltcombudsman.org/ombpublic/49_468_1841.cfm

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RE: Grief - 3/25/2007 8:45:58 PM

Argentopal

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You take time to think about her as she was, how you want to remember her and how she wants to be remembered. my father has been gone for over 25 years and I think about him every single day. I do not grieve for him but I think about how good he was to me, how strong he was in body and character. He was not perfect but he was still a good and honest man and if he gave you his word you didn't need a contract. He spent a lifetime with a woman that was just plain mean to him because he loved her and he raised me to know right from wrong as well as good from bad - they can be different at times. I try to pass on the lessons he taught me to my grandchildren. I think he would be happy with my life and my husband - we were together but not married yet when my father died.

So grieve now and when she leaves. Remember this body that dies is just a shell that holds our soul while it is on earth this time. It is who we recognize but not who they really are. Your grandmother will always be with you in your heart. Salute her life and the good things she accomplished. Recognize that parts of her that are in you and nurture them. Open yourself to her and she will be there for you the rest of your life. It is so hard to let go. It can be impossible to imagine our life without someone like this in it, even when we are seperated by time and distance we want to just know they are there, we take comfort in knowing they are there. Take your comfort in her memories and make your life her legacy.

Sending you warm hugs
MsOpal

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RE: Grief - 3/25/2007 8:47:13 PM

juliaoceania

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It is always hard to part with people we love, and we never seem to have enough time with them. My Daddy and I will keep you in our thoughts.

Sinergy and julia.

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RE: Grief - 3/25/2007 8:47:22 PM

hisannabelle

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*hugs* i don't have any wonderful advice to give, but i do want to let you know that i am right there with you. i've dealt with some pretty close losses in my life fairly recently, so i can sympathize with the feelings of not knowing what to do and not wanting to let someone go.

i will be thinking of you and your family, and praying things come out okay. please let us know how you are.

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RE: Grief - 3/25/2007 9:07:40 PM

Marc2b

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As someone who lost his grandmother – a women who exerted enormous influence over her family with her simple grace and kindness – a year ago, I can relate to the feelings you are experiencing, and I give you my deepest condolences. I think it is the frustration that gets to you the most. You want to put things back the way they were (oh, what I wouldn’t give for just one more taste of Grandma’s apple cobbler) and you can’t. We just have to accept the fact that change – including the ultimate change, that from life to death – is inevitable.

I find some comfort in the knowledge that every atom in our bodies were created in the Big Bang. That they have, throughout the long history of the universe, been part of stars, plants, animals, and other people, and that after we die, they will continue to form and re-form into other things. In other words, that each and every one of us – you, me, your Grandmother – has always been a part of the universe – and we always will be. I don’t know what came before the Big Bang, I don’t know what will come after the end of the universe, I only know that ultimately there was no beginning and there will be no ending, there is only change.

I do believe there is a Creator (I don’t see how there could not be) and I do pray to Him (Her? Neither? Both? Who knows?) regularly. I will include you in my prayers.

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RE: Grief - 3/26/2007 2:39:14 AM

Rule

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This is the time to take leave of your grandmother. To be conceived and born and to die are natural phenomena, like sunrise and sunset, the weather, the turning of the Earth on its axis. Take heart. The universe is functioning properly and soon the forgiving God of the Dead will judge the different parts of the mind of your grandmother. From your comments it seems likely that his judgment will be favourable.

The paths of people come together, cross, wind around each other and separate again, and stop. Her path stops and you have your own path to walk now. In your path, though, always will be a part of her path and its direction. Take heart.

My compliments to the earlier posters.

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RE: Grief - 3/26/2007 3:20:21 AM

swtnsparkling

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quote:

How do I cope with this? Help me.

You are not selfish for wanting more time we never want anyone we love to leave us. Since you cannot be there, then go to a quiet place and speak to her now, even though you arent in the room standing beside her bed, I love to beleive they receive our message anyway. Remember her as she was, dont let how she has become now be your last vison.

Beleive me I know what your going through. My mom had a massive stroke- we had to decide to keep her on the ventlator or shut it off and let her go. We let her go. I keep this in mind- " When Never Loose Those We Give to God"

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RE: Grief - 3/26/2007 3:26:11 AM

bandit25

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She's still there with you...in your heart. It's funny about those in a coma. You go in and talk to her all you want. I truly believe that she will hear you on a subconscious level. Say what you need to say. Spend whatever time you need to spend and know that you are loved.

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RE: Grief - 3/26/2007 5:49:19 AM

StellaByStarlite

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I'm so sorry for your pain, and don't know anything I could say that would take it away.

How does one cope? Day by day. You do the best you can. You try to keep her memory in your heart, but sometimes it doesn't ease the pain, and that's okay. Allow yourself the grieving process. Let go when you're ready, and not before... no matter what people tell you. Let all the emotions, good and bad, wash over you... actually feel them.

I can relate, somewhat, to what you're going through. My grandmother developed congenital heart disease, and spent the last few months in and out of the hospital. Despite the fact that we all knew it was just a matter of time before she died.. we still weren't prepared when it came. I don't feel there is a way to be prepared when somebody you love dies. She lived to the good age of 89... I could have had 20 more years or more with her. =)

And it's perfectly alright to feel that way, remember that. It's okay to rage and to cry. You'll be a profound happiness when thinking about all the good times you had with her, then 5 minutes later bawl because you miss her. Feel what you need to feel. The only way through grief is through it.

In my thoughts and sympathies,
Stella

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RE: Grief - 3/26/2007 6:26:40 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

How do I cope with this? Help me.

Remember all of the good times you've spent with her. Meditate (or pray) that her passing is peaceful. Send good thoughts to her and let her know that it's okay for her to rest.

Thinking of you.

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RE: Grief - 3/26/2007 9:24:46 AM

adoracat

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"how do i cope?"

you just learn to. two years ago this past december, my first Master passed away. suddenly, at home, literally in my arms with the last words he heard being "I love you, dont hang on for me" and he sighed once more and was gone. rescue didnt have a chance to get there.

last august, my Lord Fallcon got sick. september we found out that it was cancer, and it had already spread. he ded four months to the day of when he was admitted to the hospital. in the wee hours of christmas morning, as it happens....i was hysterical with laughter, knowing he would have gotten SUCH a kick out of messing up his mother's christmas. *smiles wistfully*

*offers hugs* its heartwrenching, it hurts like hell, and you can get through it. i still cry over both James and Lord Fallcon, but i know they're not really gone as long as they exist in my heart. may you find peace, soon.

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RE: Grief - 3/26/2007 10:00:45 AM

passionateBBs

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i know and feel everything...my grandfather died 16 years ago and it still hurts...but not as much...be as strong as you need to be, draw from the strength that she has shown Yyou...she knows Yyou are there...it may not seem like it but she does...be with her as much as Yyou can...but don't forget to give Yyourself time to cry...i know right now even the thought of feeling better just is not possible...but please beleive me...the more you let go...the easier it becomes...if ever Yyou need a shoulder or anything...please just send me a msg...and please know that when Yyou do cry Yyou are not alone...

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