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MsOpal -> RE: Edge Play? (3/23/2007 2:51:05 PM)
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HI grlneedstolern,
you will find a different explanation from every person who replies. Argent and I are considered "edge players" because we favor types of play that are not always easily controlled that many in the scene consider "especially" dangerous - fire, knives, needles. And I love whips. To us, because we do engage in these forms of play and feel comfortable with them, it is not as edgy as it is to many others. Although fire pretty much always is, I suppose.
We heard a wonderful talk at a regional event a few years ago by, I think, Joseph Bean. (geesh I hope it wasn't John W, as we have heard many of his talks also!). Anyway it was on "edge play' and it went a bit differently. Over the years my feelings of edge play have begun to agree more and more with it. Every single scene should be edge play and all play no matter whether it is open hand spanking or over the top breath play with whips and knives can be edge play. The point is that we give consent. Supposedly there are limits to that consent. We trust the top/Dom not to harm us physically or emotionally or mentally. As a top I can take you as far as we have ever gone before, even if it is only a spanking. Each time I swat you, and you cry or tremble or whimper but do not tell me to stop you are consenting to one more swat. When you think you absolutely cannot stand one more swat, but you do not tell me to stop we are pushing the edge of your tolerance. Each time I see you shudder and hear you gasp and see your body twitch and I know how far we have gone but I swat you one more time, I am pushing you up to your edge and hopefully past it. It is about constant consent. We can get into a lot of definitions and argue about consent once given, but be honest. I have given Argent my consent and supposedly that was my last decision. But the reality is that if I was really in fear for my life my basic survival instinct would kick in (that bothersome bodily instinct thing again!) and I would have to actually decide not to give in to “fight or flight” or in our case safe word. I will agree that the more someone does wiitwd, the more committed the relationship, the more trust there is the less one feels this reaction. I will further agree that with above listed conditions the less one has to think about consent in a scene. But to me that in itself answers the question – you have given consent and you have enough trust that continued consent continues. But I will contend that there is an edge and you just haven’t reached it yet. The edge can be physical or emotional or mental, but it is there. For myself – I never wonder “is he going to kill me this time?” but more along the lines of “am I going to come back from where he sends me?” CAVEAT - imho, in my experience, ymmv and etc.: You can experience the physical edge play things with a play partner and a modicum of trust; and it can feel good. But to fly over that edge you must know they will take you as far as you can go and then they will take you that one baby step past it and they will hold you and bring you home. There is one thing I have discovered as I have more experience as a top. I may not even realize at first that what I am doing almost casually is “their” edge play.
MsOpal
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