quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


Interesting twist on the baggage threads, Troll... ...to come at it from the angle of projecting ghosts onto others rather than from the trust angle.

What I said there holds true here too.  Yes, we all have our ghosts...those people that sometimes come to us unbidden and throw up their spectral image because of the actions or words of the present one.  Since I've spent the last 8 years going through my past, even while becoming involved with others and sometimes, deliberately invoking the past at least in my mind, I've looked at quite a few of my ghosts.  Some are friendly spirits...they taught me good things and were a good part of my life who moved on, sometimes sadly for them and sometimes for me and sometimes for both of us, when it was time.  Some are not so friendly...they did things that hurt me deeply when they were a physical and mental presence in my life and not just a spectre.  Things that made me very angry and bitter and cynical and yeah, sometimes there is still a bit of the cynicism and anger and bitterness still there.  But I learned through researching various written materials and friends and even a counselor how to let go of what they had done, what my part had been, and to be aware and be fair.  Not always perfect at it...who is?  But, I keep trying. 

Ironically enough, one of those "Oh shit, so this is how it feels" moments that helped me along my way happened when someone judged me based on what others had done before and left.  When I heard myself saying "I am not those assholes...never was, never will be", I thought "Gee, this sounds familiar...sounds like something someone said to me once when they were walking out the door".

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ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Often we are burdened with specters of our past, banshee’s of psychotic relationships, ghouls of gambits gone awry, and demonic visages of nut jobs.
 
"From ghoulies and ghosties and things that go
 bump in the night, Lord deliver us!"
                                                
 
We spoke of phantom flags and sabotaging our chances before and we received some very enlightening replies to that thread. Nevertheless I think this little thought may be yet another dark facet of our id that merits introspection. I know I am guilty of seeing habits or mannerism that gets my ghosts to moaning and I stop and look at that very carefully, sometimes very forcefully, and wrestle with the idea of “is it her or someone else”. I have grown accustom to doling out rope until they hang themselves to avoid blaming, or pigeon holing, her for someone else’s mistakes.
 
Yes, but what is the rope attached to?
 


I know that all of us do not want to be bitter,

You have not met some of the people I know!  lol




I can’t imagine someone actually relishing that,

Some people will positively wallow in bitterness and
anger and never let go of the past!  
 



but are/do we let the bad experiences of our past bleed through into our current endeavors?

Well, unless your goal is self-sabotage, best to learn from
past mistakes and remember the lessons.  That will not,
however; keep you from making new and more interesting
mistakes.  All endeavors can end in either success or failure.




Are we blaming our new interests for the mistakes of others?

If someone is doing that, then they are not ready
to start a new relationship.  They need to take
time off and work on themselves for a few months
or even a few years.
                                                     

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Often we are burdened with specters of our past, banshee’s of psychotic relationships, ghouls of gambits gone awry, and demonic visages of nut jobs.
 
We spoke of phantom flags and sabotaging our chances before and we received some very enlightening replies to that thread. Nevertheless I think this little thought may be yet another dark facet of our id that merits introspection. I know I am guilty of seeing habits or mannerism that gets my ghosts to moaning and I stop and look at that very carefully, sometimes very forcefully, and wrestle with the idea of “is it her or someone else”. I have grown accustom to doling out rope until they hang themselves to avoid blaming, or pigeon holing, her for someone else’s mistakes.
  I know that all of us do not want to be bitter, I can’t imagine someone actually relishing that, but are/do we let the bad experiences of our past bleed through into our current endeavors? Are we blaming our new interests for the mistakes of others?