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for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 9:34:17 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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if you originated as a nilla couple, is it within your contract [written, oral or otherwise] that an uncollaring = break up?

in mine, being uncollared will not result in a break up. well unless He were to dump me while i was collared.

just curious! [what else is new?]

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RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 9:44:52 AM

darkinshadows

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From: UK
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Why do you need any form of contract? Some do - some don't. Personal and subjective hey.

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RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 9:53:08 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
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From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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IMO if you agree to be someones slave, thats a oral contract.

you need one to know where the limits are, whose in it for what, and what happens if....etc... are only some examples to why contracts are beneficial

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RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:01:29 AM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

if you originated as a nilla couple, is it within your contract [written, oral or otherwise] that an uncollaring = break up?

in mine, being uncollared will not result in a break up. well unless He were to dump me while i was collared.

just curious! [what else is new?]

Greetings

the ony contract Master and I have, written, oral or otherwise, is our marriage certificate and I will be totally honest; that is only as good as the paper it is printed on.

As for my being his slave, that was nothing more than a natural progression of our relationship. It was not something that we sat down and discussed. It was not something that we both worked towards from the beginning. It just flowed by itself without any encouragement from either of us.

As for defining limits; I have already stated, in another thread, that this is something that I do not think about. I refuse to limit myself in what I may be capable of one day.

I wish you well,

melissa

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 4

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:02:13 AM

darkinshadows

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From: UK
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But - if you are in a BDSM relationshionship - doesn't mean you are a slave and consenting to such. Doesn't mean you are collared either. Does not mean that the verbal consent which you call the 'contract' and I do not, exists without alteration from day to day - but could be constantly evolving. If you were directing the question only to Ds/ Ms relationships - then it helps to clarify. However I read it as asking those out as a 'nilla couple'.

Personally, I would believe it unwise and even dangerous to have any type of 'contract' or verbal agreement that you stick to rigidly, including what you have suggested here at the beginning of this thread.

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.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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Post #: 5

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:06:53 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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don't have a verbal and/or written contract with Daddy and there won't any issue of uncollaring by Him and/or me. we are committed together until death do we part (probably will have some of my ashes buried with my collar).

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RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:15:50 AM

PONYSEEKER

Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
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Definatly started out van. We dont have a contract and ending the DS dynamic would not create a "Break-up" however I think I would drop the relationship soon afterwards. In other wards I dont think I could be involved in another vanilla relationship and I basically treat vanilla woman like shit usually where I use to be vary flirtatious. I try to not to treat them badly its just that they annoy me with there little worlds...LOL

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:24:18 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
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From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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dark, sorry for the confusion, but i thought the word "uncollaring" would have implied M/s or D/s.

i see contracts as a good idea, at least in the beginning. true you may stray from what it originally states in the long run but it gives you both a starting point and common ground.

ponyseeker- yes i too do not know if i were uncollared how long the relationship would last after that.

but i dont see uncollaring in my future.

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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Post #: 8

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:28:51 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

As for my being his slave, that was nothing more than a natural progression of our relationship. It was not something that we sat down and discussed. It was not something that we both worked towards from the beginning. It just flowed by itself without any encouragement from either of us.

As for defining limits; I have already stated, in another thread, that this is something that I do not think about. I refuse to limit myself in what I may be capable of one day.

I wish you well,

melissa

i dont understand in what context you apply the word 'limits' here, may you elaborate?

and if it is something you did not discuss, besides the mentality you hold, how do you call yourself His slave? has He called you this? i am not trying to be mean spirited, it is pure curiosity.... how do you know you have reached this point without evaluating the situation?

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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Post #: 9

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:36:58 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
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If you have a foundation for a good relationship but the D/s does not work out, there can still be a successful relationship. However, whether or not D/s is still a part of your lives would likely depend on how strongly both needed it and what concessions both are willing to make to continue it.

In my experience, once two people are very into D/s but their own relationship does not work out as a D/s couple, the choices are either to go poly/open or to break up. Even those who try to go back to vanilla are often not successful as they are missing a fundamental part of their personality.

I have no real personal experience to your question as the relationships I have been in as an adult have started and ended as D/s ones. I did, however, start off in a D/s relationship that turned into a D/D relationship as we grew. We both have submissives now while keeping our core relationship intact. It seems to work for us.

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~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 10

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:40:27 AM

darkinshadows

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From: UK
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ok... I can see the issue of uncollaring meaning Ms or Ds... however there are BDSM relationships where both parties are collared or have the intention to collar... or as a wedding ring some see that as their collar.

I see discussion as a good basis of a relationship - not contracts. Communication always. Maybe we just disagree on the definition and its all down to semantics - but I do not believe words a contract make. Actions speak far more that what is said. Understanding on a deeper level is far more revealing than promises.

We have no use for a contract. We have no use for safewords. Whether BDSM or 'nilla'.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 11

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:43:09 AM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
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quote:

i dont understand in what context you apply the word 'limits' here, may you elaborate?

greetings

When I think of limits, I think of things that I will NOT do. I am young, I still have along way to go in life. Placing limits on myself, especially out of nothing more than fear of the unknown, does not seem like a very happy and healthful way of living. Of course, this is just my way of looking at things; but it also happens to be something that is shared by both of us. One day, if we reach an area that neither of us are willing to try again, then of course, we will then restrict ourselves.

quote:

and if it is something you did not discuss, besides the mentality you hold, how do you call yourself His slave? has He called you this? i am not trying to be mean spirited, it is pure curiosity.... how do you know you have reached this point without evaluating the situation?

For myself, slavery is a mindset. It was not something that was a conscious decision; it naturally progressed to this point after 4 years with Master. Never have we sat down and discussed 'where' our relationship would head. Reality often interferes with even the best laid plans. I see nothing to evaluate, if the truth be known. Both of us are comfortable with the way our relationship is progressing; what is there to evaluate?

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 12

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:51:50 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

For myself, slavery is a mindset. It was not something that was a conscious decision; it naturally progressed to this point after 4 years with Master. Never have we sat down and discussed 'where' our relationship would head. Reality often interferes with even the best laid plans. I see nothing to evaluate, if the truth be known. Both of us are comfortable with the way our relationship is progressing; what is there to evaluate?

I wish you well

melissa

ok, now knowing that the relationship from the beginning was with a Master, i can see how that evolved. i was under the impression you were replying to the "if you started out nilla" statement

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 3/21/2007 10:52:54 AM >

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 10:53:00 AM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

dark, sorry for the confusion, but i thought the word "uncollaring" would have implied M/s or D/s.

i see contracts as a good idea, at least in the beginning. true you may stray from what it originally states in the long run but it gives you both a starting point and common ground.

ponyseeker- yes i too do not know if i were uncollared how long the relationship would last after that.

but i dont see uncollaring in my future.

Just like a woman to ask if "her vanilla roots are showing."....lol.

I personally see no need for any type of a written document nor do I see the need for a "collaring ceremony"...These are all someone elses notions of defining commitment....There have been similiar threads...And mixie you are scrumptious...But nonetheless. when it comes to wiitwd...Everything is solely between the ears and that is the only place where any of this has any meaning or relevance. Since there is no legal way to define these things...Who really cares but you and yours?

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Post #: 14

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 11:01:14 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Just like a woman to ask if "her vanilla roots are showing."....lol.

I personally see no need for any type of a written document nor do I see the need for a "collaring ceremony"...These are all someone elses notions of defining commitment....There have been similiar threads...And mixie you are scrumptious...But nonetheless. when it comes to wiitwd...Everything is solely between the ears and that is the only place where any of this has any meaning or relevance. Since there is no legal way to define these things...Who really cares but you and yours?

thanks for the compliment DG, i assume you mean that as a compliment and not a comment on my posting? LOL

yes, i understand WIITWD is different for every one, but that doesnt change the fact that i love to compare and contrast.

i am just bored and trying to learn my counterparts on CM on a more personal level

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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Post #: 15

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 1:55:54 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

We didnt start out nilla. Nor have we ever used a contract. I think that if an uncollaring were to happen, it would end the relationship.

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Post #: 16

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 2:47:02 PM

BeautifulRacket

Posts: 70
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Seattle Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

If you have a foundation for a good relationship but the D/s does not work out, there can still be a successful relationship. However, whether or not D/s is still a part of your lives would likely depend on how strongly both needed it and what concessions both are willing to make to continue it.

In my experience, once two people are very into D/s but their own relationship does not work out as a D/s couple, the choices are either to go poly/open or to break up. Even those who try to go back to vanilla are often not successful as they are missing a fundamental part of their personality.

I have no real personal experience to your question as the relationships I have been in as an adult have started and ended as D/s ones. I did, however, start off in a D/s relationship that turned into a D/D relationship as we grew. We both have submissives now while keeping our core relationship intact. It seems to work for us.

Well said, Kat.

We were vanilla-ish for 8 years before we became D/s. At the heart of our dynamic is that same, solid, satisfying relationship. We've talked about what would happen if the D/s didn't work for us at some point, and are confident we'd simply return to that core relationship. Because we were poly/open before we became D/s, I think it would be fairly easy for either or both of us to have our BDSM needs met with others, should we decide we're not a match in this area.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 17

RE: for those with nilla roots - 3/21/2007 2:49:26 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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we don't really have anything about breaking up, period, in our "contract." honestly, it's (the contract is) something we started out with but something we have not necessarily kept to, and don't consider ourselves entirely bound to. in our case, i can only imagine Him uncollaring me in the case of a breakup. even if we eventually get old and can't wield/take a flogger anymore, i can't imagine that dynamic not being present in some way in our relationship. (we did start out as vanilla.)

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 3/21/2007 2:50:23 PM >

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Post #: 18

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