Disinterest vs fakeness

Disinterest vs fakeness (Full Version)

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litleone8620 -> Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 1:48:22 AM)
Amongst all the threads floating around about fake submissives/dominants, one specific thought keeps coming into my mind. And i'm not sure how to broach the subject. But i'll try my best. I'm wondering if people mistake disinterest for being fake. Meaning: someone is called fake because they don't answer e-mail, or disappear a few weeks into the relationship. Could that not be disinterest? Is it not possible for a person to simply not be interested in another, but not want to deal with the drama that could come with rejecting another person? Why is being fake always the automatic response? Is it because it's easier to say 'you're fake' rather than admiting to yourself that someone might not be interested in you? Thoughts and opinions welcome

cloudboy -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 2:00:26 AM)
This sounds like one of the things, "you'll never know."

eyesopened -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 2:06:04 AM)
i have seen most often people being called "fake" whenever relationship goals are not matched. There is a lid for every pot i believe and just because a person wants a no-strings slap-n-fuck doesn't make them "fake" just makes them ill suited to someone who seeks the spiritual or mental side of BDSM or D/s. While i'm positive there are HNGs who pretend to be interested in wiitwd just to engage in cybersex, those would be the only ones who could be called "fake" or posers. Yet on these and other boards anyone who does not share one's opinions, goals or methods is often flamed. And of course, the sour-grapes attitude comes with the anonymity of the internet. Anger is always the easiest emotion to deal with.

SusanofO -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 2:13:48 AM)
Calling someone a fake is incredibly egotistical, IMO - unless of course, you really know. In which case - why stop there? Why not call them other endearing terms, too - that will indeed insure they turn around and write back, that will in fact be surely bound to make them say: "My God! How could I have missed it! No one has ever called me a: "Selfish-wannabe-slut-with her-head-up-her-ass-who-doesn't deserve-to-kiss-mine" like that, before. Take me - I'm yours! [:)][;)] - Susan

MstrssPassion -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 3:51:36 AM)
I think it could be close to the story of "The Fox & the Grapes" The fox eventually convinced himself that he really he really didn't want them & they were most likely sour.

missturbation -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 5:17:34 AM)
I'm wondering if people mistake disinterest for being fake. Meaning: someone is called fake because they don't answer e-mail, or disappear a few weeks into the relationship. Could that not be disinterest? Is it not possible for a person to simply not be interested in another, but not want to deal with the drama that could come with rejecting another person? Yes. Why is being fake always the automatic response? I think that depends entirely on who is calling you a fake. Some here seem to truly believe in old fashioned manners of that if someone takes the time to send you a mail you should have the courtesy to respond and teamed with the fact you are a sub / slave then its even more reasonable to assume you will reply. Its old school thinking i guess. Is it because it's easier to say 'you're fake' rather than admiting to yourself that someone might not be interested in you? Then you have these people of course that cant imagine anyone wouldnt be interested in them so yes they call 'fake'. Like anything involving human actions, thoughts, opinions, emotions etc it all varies depending on the person.

bellanotte -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 5:41:47 AM)
I spoke recently with one Dominant who kept saying he hoped I was "the real thing." I pointed out several times that it wasn't a question of my being "real," but of us being " compatible." He would agree, but next time we talked, he would repeat the phrase "the real thing" or some variation on "real." I eventually told him I was not interested in going further with the relationship..... the feedback I got was... "ahhh, it's not the real thing then.... ".... would've made me feel like chopped liver 'cept I know better [:D]

WilliamWizer -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 6:32:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Why is being fake always the automatic response? I think that depends entirely on who is calling you a fake. Some here seem to truly believe in old fashioned manners of that if someone takes the time to send you a mail you should have the courtesy to respond and teamed with the fact you are a sub / slave then its even more reasonable to assume you will reply. Its old school thinking i guess. sorry for the small off topic but answering a message or a mail is common courtesy. even if it's only to say "I'm not interested" but the other person knows you read his/her message and toke the time to answer it. I don't think is asking a lot and has nothing to do with being sub or Master.

sub4hire -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 6:35:21 AM)
There is no such thing as a fake person. Whether it be dominant/submissive...or what. Those who brand people fake are generally hurt by the person. I may have a fetish that doesn't match yours. Does it mean I am fake? Or does it mean I merely like something different than you do? We've recently moved from California to the midwest. Met a lot of people here. Many who claim to be totally wild in the things they do. When getting to know us...they have found out how boring their lives actually are. Few do the things we do. To us, we are boring...always looking for new and exciting things to do. So in my opinion it is mere words and judging people. Really if people stopped doing that we could all get along better.

Devilslilsister -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 6:49:42 AM)
sub4hire - there ARE fake people (they're monkits in disguise!) William - sure its common curtsey........ but who is anyone to owe it to anyone else? Same goes for respect....

myobedience -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 6:53:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WilliamWizer quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Why is being fake always the automatic response? I think that depends entirely on who is calling you a fake. Some here seem to truly believe in old fashioned manners of that if someone takes the time to send you a mail you should have the courtesy to respond and teamed with the fact you are a sub / slave then its even more reasonable to assume you will reply. Its old school thinking i guess. sorry for the small off topic but answering a message or a mail is common courtesy. even if it's only to say "I'm not interested" but the other person knows you read his/her message and toke the time to answer it. I don't think is asking a lot and has nothing to do with being sub or Master. I totally agree.

SirDominic -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 6:56:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WilliamWizer sorry for the small off topic but answering a message or a mail is common courtesy. even if it's only to say "I'm not interested" but the other person knows you read his/her message and toke the time to answer it. I don't think is asking a lot and has nothing to do with being sub or Master. William, in a perfect world this makes perfect sense. The reality is that there are many more dominant men looking for submissive women. As such, a lot of women get overwhelmed with emails, 100 or more a DAY is not uncommon for some. There is no realistic way the woman can take the time to answer that much email to say thank you, not interested. She would never have time to do anything else! sub4hire, calling someone a fake is not out of line, but then I don't consider someone with different fetishes fake. What do we mean by fake? Here's what the dictionary has to say: 1. prepare or make something specious, deceptive, or fraudulent. 2. to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc., usually in order to deceive. 3. to pretend; simulate. noun 1. something that is a counterfeit; not what it seems to be 2. a person who makes deceitful pretenses This is the definition that I use for fake. By this definition, I consider anyone on this site a fake if they are not really interested in meeting up and experiencing a BDSM lifestyle. That includes everyone from the guys just looking for some fast sex, to the old men just getting their rocks off, to women who pretend interest but have no intention of following through (aka bored housewife syndrom). They are not fake people, they are faking an interest in BDSM, and mostly don't have a single clue what it is really about. And no interest in learning. Namaste, Sir Dominic

SirKinkster -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 6:58:34 AM)
alot of ppl are just inconsierdate and don't repond to mail you send ..that doesn't make them fake... but I have seen several ppl on here I feel are less than committed to this way of life... or think online play is all there is personally it does nothing for me... there is someone for everyone.... but finding that person can take a lifetime

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 7:00:26 AM)
I would have to say look at the "context" of how the word fake is being used. From what I've seen it's somewhat like the word "fuck". fake = Liar fake = not the One fake = an illusion that was believed in fake = was not real fake = something I thought was real, but did not turn out that way fake = not a real person fake = wanna be BDSMer fake = poser playing things up fake = 50 year old man pretending to be a 22 hot babe. fake = 60 year women pretending to be 26 fake = game player fake = time waster The list goes on and on. It's hard for somebody to really know what happens when you simply cut off communication without explaination. Generally many people value having a "real explaination". How can I see, if you were more of a "Real person" you would have taken the time to let them know, regardless of the drama risks. If anything say "Bye Bye" and "why" will somehow magically make you more real. However, you are right about the Drama potential. At least this is what I've come to understand about being on this site if you are a sub/slave type. I had somebody within this last week, that I was getting along and was really into very much. They went Poof on me, the actually put me on block. No Dear Dom letter or nothing. It actually hurt and confused me evern more not having a Dear Dom letter. To me being put on block is something one does when they are offended. At least this is how I use block. I came online here and started up a thread about this. Yes, I suppose there can be drama in telling somebody no, but in telling somebody no and why. To me, I can only speak for myself, if I'm into somebody and they tell me that it's not mutal for them, I can respect and accept that. I might ask a couple more questions, just to make certain there was no misunderstandings that led to this event. Sometimes, people will walk away from another because of misunderstandings, so if I ask questions it's to probe a little, and double check for this. Not for the sake of giving one a hard time. Some people will and have Walked away because of some stupid misunderstanding. Online it's even easier to have mistunderstandings too. There's no tone of voice or body language. If there's no misunderstandings, what can I do? nothing! If there is a misunderstanding, I'll try to clear things up as best I can. If they don't wanna talk about it, well that is their problem and not mine. But Not all Doms on this site are like me, they will attempt to become Uber Doms. Kind of like a Massive show of how Dom they can be. Personally it's just an impressive show of BS and in part not dealing with rejection and hurt very well. The word FAKE mindlessly comes out of their mouth. While I don't call others fake, to me I value explainations, actually it makes me value the other person as being more "Real", because they treated me as a REAL person by taking time to explain it to me. So you always have to look at this from two sides of a coin. What if you started to fall for somebody, and you started to feel little heart pangs, and they simply blew you off without explaination? You you have respected and felt they treated you like a real person with real emotions, if they simply took the time and consideration to let you know Sorry and give you an explaination. I think too many people have become burned out by Drama from others, that's it made them a little less human. Perhaps even a less real human. Not every Dom/me is the same. Not every Submissive is the same. Not every switch is the same. I don't think it right for people to pay the price for everybody's else bad or poor behaviors. This is about all I have to say on this subject.... I'm trying to keep it REAL.

SirKinkster -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 7:08:02 AM)
whiplash, that was a extremely well put reponse.

SirDominic -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 7:19:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile I would have to say look at the "context" of how the word fake is being used. fake = Liar fake = not the One fake = an illusion that was believed in fake = was not real fake = something I thought was real, but did not turn out that way fake = not a real person fake = wanna be BDSMer fake = poser playing things up fake = 50 year old man pretending to be a 22 hot babe. fake = 60 year women pretending to be 26 fake = game player fake = time waster Ummmm, yeah those are all definitions of being fake. How is this being derogatory? What's your point? Confused. Namaste, Sir Dominic

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 7:46:43 AM)
It's easier to put someone else down and make them invisible rather than admitting you might not be that interesting or have your own problems. Now, there's a host of reasons someone can end contact- there's a difference between whether someone doesn't answer a first email from a random stranger and when someone never comes home after living togethe for 5 years. But generally, when someone calls another a fake after having a negative experience with them, it's usually just the easiest term to grab onto to push the pain of rejection on the other person.

SirDominic -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 8:07:22 AM)
LA, you are assuming pain of rejection is involved. For some, probably many, you are probably right. No so for me. My philosophy is if they don't want to be with me, there are plenty of others who will. No harm, no foul. But then you are talking about individual events, I am talking about the community as a whole. Certainly you wouldn't deny that the list Whip identified as fakes are not on here, would you? I don't personally waste my time calling any one individual a fake. As you say, there can be a host of reasons why we are not clicking. The only issue for me is the bottom line, we are not clicking. I don't call them names, or flame them, I just drop it and move onto someone else. I have my own problems, who amongst us does not. But I own my problems and don't push them onto others for perceived offenses. Namaste, Sir Dominic

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 8:09:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile I would have to say look at the "context" of how the word fake is being used. fake = Liar fake = not the One fake = an illusion that was believed in fake = was not real fake = something I thought was real, but did not turn out that way fake = not a real person fake = wanna be BDSMer fake = poser playing things up fake = 50 year old man pretending to be a 22 hot babe. fake = 60 year women pretending to be 26 fake = game player fake = time waster Ummmm, yeah those are all definitions of being fake. How is this being derogatory? What's your point? Confused. Namaste, Sir Dominic It's not really derogatory, have you ever listened to George Carlin go off about the many uses of the word fuck. I'm just saying that the word fake is rather versatile as well. It can mean so many different things depending upon it's context.

AquaticSub -> RE: Disinterest vs fakeness (3/21/2007 8:19:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: litleone8620 Amongst all the threads floating around about fake submissives/dominants, one specific thought keeps coming into my mind. And i'm not sure how to broach the subject. But i'll try my best. I'm wondering if people mistake disinterest for being fake. Meaning: someone is called fake because they don't answer e-mail, or disappear a few weeks into the relationship. Could that not be disinterest? Is it not possible for a person to simply not be interested in another, but not want to deal with the drama that could come with rejecting another person? Why is being fake always the automatic response? Is it because it's easier to say 'you're fake' rather than admiting to yourself that someone might not be interested in you? Thoughts and opinions welcome Personally, I feel it's the BDSM verison of the "slut phenomenon". The slut phenomenon, by the way, is person A walks up to person B and asks "Will you sleep with me?". Person B says "No." So person A spends the rest of the night telling everyone what a slut person B is. "Oh you rejected me! Obviously you are fake!" As for the whole disappearing thing... I can understand the desire to call someone fake when they have gone poof on you. However, I still don't think it makes you a fake to go poof. It definately doesn't make you the most mature person in the world, but it doesn't make you a fake.

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