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Mercnbeth -> RE: Falling in love, and in love, and in love... (3/18/2007 10:18:58 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
You hear about people falling love but I am about sick of the wam bam thank ya ma’am love stories. I think there are a few posters here, and perhaps more than a few, that can tell me a more vivid and exciting tale (points evil finger of accusation at Merc) about falling in love with their partner and falling in love with them again and again.
I am talking about reaffirming love; I am talking about falling hard in love time after time with your partner. So without fear or hesitation give me some emotional wank material!
Troll,
It’s against my nature and contrary to my beliefs to provide on-line "wank material" but a bigger part of me feels obligated to respond to "accusations" so wank away...
My starting point did not believe love existed or was possible. Life and experience, to that point, proved the factual basis of that opinion. My skepticism was deeply ingrained. You couldn't experience love because no one deserved the trust required by love. Any trust I had invested in someone I was emotionally close to proved, over time, love of self was more important than love of another. Accepting that opinion as fact, I only sought fun and experiences that I enjoyed or were new; enjoying also the people who came along the way to share them.
Meeting beth changed that opinion. she gave me an opportunity to observe a truly selfless person. My reaction to her was disbelief. I enjoyed her company but never expected her to change my opinion. she's a beautiful woman, strong, intelligent, and passionate about everything she does, and enjoys having fun doing it. I enjoyed her company, her lust for life, and frankly her lust. Love wasn't considered possible to me. At that point of my life, any definition of love I gave would have included the opinion that it didn't exist. There was the same lack of expectation on her part, with one key difference. She believed love possible, sought after it, was open to it. She had as much failure as I had, but wasn’t jaded or cynical from having gone through the experiences. California versus New York City; always trusting to never trusting; whose union confirms the one physical model of the universe; “the shortest distance between two points is a straight line…in the opposite direction.”
Over time not surrendering to love was just plain stupid. It generated anger with me, for all the reasons I gave in response to a posted thread. (really wish I saved it! - Oh great Mod-god can you send my post to that thread?) It is much easier to go through life with yourself responsible and in control of being happy and content. To now rely on beth's presence to define happiness is a feeling of great vulnerability. To want to be in her presence at all times, represents a co-dependence akin to drug addiction, and has the potential of making me just as dysfunctional.
My love for her does go deeper, daily, perhaps hourly. How and why it does is vague and arbitrary. Mostly it is a function of building confidence, and deeper trust. I believed it impossible to find a person who would and could live up to my definition and expectations for a slave. To observe beth and live with her is living an existence that I thought could only be a fantasy. My surrender to the relationship is built on the confidence of seeing beth blossom within it. beth provides me with the ability to live comfortably in my own skin. She is the match for my desires, emotionally, mentally, and physically. She’s working on my belief in a ‘higher power’ so who knows, I soon may add “spiritually” to the list. Each day that goes by with her lowers more of the barriers that I put up when I never thought the feeling of love possible. When I leave her to go to my office the feeling of regret is palpable; the pleasure and relief of being back in her company brings me joy.
There is growth between us. We have a confidence in each other that builds with each day. When you can trust the integrity of another to be as committed to a common goal as you are, love is inevitable and down right easy.
Such is love – to me.
And now a word from my slave…
For the Troll,
On the topic of “love” and the everlasting ongoing deepening connection of love with an intimate partner:
An open-minded, spiritual, optimistic, BDSM-inexperienced California Hippie Native meets a cynical jaded pessimistic confident BDSM-experienced intelligent witty New Yorker for fun and possible frolic after “knowing each other existed” for the whole of 7 days---things in common might have been few, but they were important…a sense of humor…a love of LIVING…self-awareness and acceptance. He didn’t HAVE to love this slave in order for her to love Him, either. He didn’t even have to believe in it.
And as cliché as it sounds, it was love-at-first-meet...at least for this slave. This slave was and is in awe of Him, His strength, integrity, character, sense of humor, confidence, charisma, charity, pragmatism and even willingness to amend an opinion after years of debate(hee hee hee) are just a few of the things that endear Master to this slave’s heart more and more each day. Over in the ask-a-sub/slave section, there is currently a thread about “What Master first said to you”…this slave included the excerpts of the first e-mail that Master ever sent this slave, over 4 years ago…it still gives butterflies to read His words, to look into His eyes, to hear His voice, to feel His touch—when we are apart this slave feels wrapped up in His love, like a comfortable warm quilt on a shivery-cool evening out on the balcony, watching another sunset/rise and giving thanks to the Great Architect for another day of opportunity to serve, to love, to spread joy and peace.
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