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opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/16/2007 6:12:39 PM

Mistressnfantasy

Posts: 20
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

I have been involved in setting up a huge bondage place with a few other lifestylers.
I haved had the problem of my submissive making team work decisions and then changing her mind. She also then makes other decisions without consulting me.
she is new and has not even had the time as yet to bond with me as there have been lots of ex partner problems also .
She has caused lots of damage within the group by mucking people about and almost broken the team up and caused me undue stress.
She tops from the bottom and is very opinionated and has been punished in the past .
She is wearing me down and comparing me with other dominants in the group and telling me I should do this and that.
Im tired of punishing her and working with her and am no longer interested in working with her in the team nor playing or bonding with her.
Am I right to feel like this?
and what would your reaction be?

Post #: 1

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/16/2007 8:47:58 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

Hi. You might want to bring this to Ask a Mistress, or even the General BDSM discussion forums.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to Mistressnfantasy)

Post #: 2

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/16/2007 9:52:00 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You don't have the patience or time to train her where you want to be and she doesn't have enough raw material to get through this crunch time. It's a bad match on all sides.

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 3

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/16/2007 10:21:33 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

first of all, i'd make sure that you're putting the time into the relationship and encouraging her to put the time in also, and research ways to make things work. if that's couples counseling, talking about the issues she has, etc....whatever.

second of all, i'd talk to her to make sure she really wants to be a submissive. maybe she has a fantasy in her head of how she wants things, and isn't able to reconcile the reality of that with submission (something i've seen a bit common in people who top from the bottom or are rebellious). she needs to make sure this is what she really wants, and then she needs to do her part of the work to make it happen...which means not taking the childish way out when she has a problem. (i know i am saying this from only one side of the story - the ops - so in all fairness, i may be giving the wrong advice. still based on what we've been told, this is my humble opinion.)

or, alternatively, i think luckyalbatross has made some pretty astute observations...it might be best to part ways if the match is just not a healthy one.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 4

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/16/2007 10:34:36 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

If you are convinced that you do not want this submissive around, kick her to the curb, explain explicitly why you feel it is a bad fit for you, and do what you can to ease any hard feelings, the time you expend in my opinion should be based on the level of commitment that you have already attained. I would try to keep the split as positive as possible, because even though she is not the submissve for you perhaps, she may be just perfect for someone that wants a sam or bedroom submissve, or someone that encourages a lot of autonomy and self reliance from their submissive.

If you desire to try more with this one, it sounds as though she has lost respect for your direction and leadership in the relationship and that needs to be addressed before publically displaying this to the rest of the world. I would disallow her to have any input in the project to start with.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mistressnfantasy)

Post #: 5

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/16/2007 10:49:03 PM

lonlyrossInNeed

Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

ok i am not a Mistress or dom i am submissive but i agree with Emerald Slave on this one .

ross.g

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

You don't have the patience or time to train her where you want to be and she doesn't have enough raw material to get through this crunch time. It's a bad match on all sides.

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 6

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 4:23:23 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm agreeing with EmeraldSlave on this one. I might be so quick to say this because I, personally, don't find much attraction in rebellious types. I'm certainly not big on those who intentionally misbehave or are disrespectful for the sole pupose of being punished (the routine gets old). The worst of all of this is the fact that the submissive is acting this way in PUBLIC. Huge, horrendous mistake with Me.

If you are going to keep this submissive, it might be time to go back a few steps in training and re-establish how things work according to you. Allow your submissive to remain involved in the project if, and only if, the behavior can improve. Being away from the project, and therefore less time with you, might be a more effective incentive than whatever punishment you've been using to date.

Hope things work out for you, whichever path you choose.

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)

Post #: 7

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 4:55:56 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

First of all, emotions are never right or wrong, they just are, so of course You have the right to feel whatever You feel.

i don't understand how it works that a person can say they are submissive when they never yeild or surrender their will to that of another (my dictionary's definition of submit). We go out of our way to applaud the strength and ability of a submissive to make decisions and even see time after time where Dom/mes stress that it is really the submissive who has all the power. i think this is to the detriment of many who misunderstand what that really means. But what i find even more distressing is the rebellious bottom who will turn around and call a Dom/me NOT a Dominant because they do not bend to the will of the submissive. It seems everything is upside down and one thing i really dislike is inverted suspension

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Mistressnfantasy)

Post #: 8

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 4:58:02 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

If you're in charge of this, then presumably you have the right to throw her off the team. Just like if this were a business and you were the boss, you could fire a disruptive worker.

If you want her personally, just not on the team, give her things to do for you that don't involve this job. If you don't want her at all, tell her so. Next time she compares you to someone else, just tell her she's now free to go after him.

Doesn't sound like she's that into you, but she isn't able for whatever reason to tell you it isn't working and she wants out. So release her since she isn't happy and neither are you.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 5:04:18 AM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

I agree with the others on it is not a good fit. But you saw something there in the first place to ask her, or allow her, into you life.

Dismiss her from the project. Tell her to stay home, do things there maybe for the project, but stay away from the team and group. No e-mails to them, no calls,, she is off the team..

Then after things are normal again (did i just say normal?).... Talk it over, lay out your feelings, expectations, needs and requirements. Let her discuss what she thinks happen and why.
THEN make a decision to keep and train or release.

i would not advice to make a release decision during a heated or stressful moment.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 10

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 5:58:16 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

If she is doing these things in front of the team she is openly disrespecting you in front of others. i would be concerned about my reputation as well. Seems at the very least she needs an ultimatum to wake her up.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to goodpet)

Post #: 11

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 2:24:44 PM

daddyspankz

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline

Hello Mistress of disobedient sub, As a Master and Dom might I suggest that you tie her up, gag her and put her in a closet for the day. I would put her by herself, to give her time to think about her naughtiness. She should be blindfolded and gagged while in the closet. I would also suggest that she be buttplugged too. Leave her in the closet for most of the day, then bring her out towards the evening. I would then punish her with a severe spanking, paddling , and caning. Then send her to bed. If she doesn't show improvement in the morning then start over again with the punishment and closeting. A couple of days of this and she will change her attitude. Please let me know if you try this form of punishment. I have done this to a sub of mine and her behavior improved. You have to break her of her stubborness. Just a suggestion mind you. Love your Pics. Daddyspankz

(in reply to Mistressnfantasy)

Post #: 12

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 2:40:32 PM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyspankz

.... tie her up, gag her and put her in a closet for the day..... be blindfolded and gagged while in the closet..... I would also suggest that she be buttplugged too..... Leave her in the closet for most of the day...., a severe spanking, paddling , and caning..... Then send her to bed..... in the morning then start over again with the punishment and closeting.... A couple of days of this .... You have to break her of her stubborness....

is this for a person or a dog. no wait, i would not do this to my dog..

i would hope any sub anyone is in a relationship has intelligence and could be dealt with on that level. A few minutes, a few hours even but DAYS....? Sounds like from the Sleeping Beauty books.. Good fantasy and wanking material.

(in reply to daddyspankz)

Post #: 13

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 3:27:54 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I would release this sub.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Mistressnfantasy)

Post #: 14

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 3:31:04 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyspankz

.... tie her up, gag her and put her in a closet for the day..... be blindfolded and gagged while in the closet..... I would also suggest that she be buttplugged too..... Leave her in the closet for most of the day...., a severe spanking, paddling , and caning..... Then send her to bed..... in the morning then start over again with the punishment and closeting.... A couple of days of this .... You have to break her of her stubborness....

is this for a person or a dog. no wait, i would not do this to my dog..

i would hope any sub anyone is in a relationship has intelligence and could be dealt with on that level. A few minutes, a few hours even but DAYS....? Sounds like from the Sleeping Beauty books.. Good fantasy and wanking material.

I strongly agree with goodpet on this one.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to goodpet)

Post #: 15

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 3:48:08 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Now that I've told you what I'd do with this sub at this point, I'll tell you what I'd have done all along. First off, I'd not have had a submissive that was too new to have bonded with you doing unsupervised work for you. Bonding with the sub is the first order of business and without this, there isn't a basis for the power exchange. As a Dominant, you have the responsibility to train the submissive in how you want things done. When you take on a new sub, they have nothing to fall back on and need extra guidance. I'd have done work with the sub in protocol, focus, overall control, ego control and manners. From your post, it sounds like you only punished, rather than doing training to correct the problems. There is more to being a Dominant than giving commands and expecting them to be obeyed.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Mistressnfantasy)

Post #: 16

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 3:57:14 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyspankz

Hello Mistress of disobedient sub, As a Master and Dom might I suggest that you tie her up, gag her and put her in a closet for the day. I would put her by herself, to give her time to think about her naughtiness. She should be blindfolded and gagged while in the closet. I would also suggest that she be buttplugged too. Leave her in the closet for most of the day, then bring her out towards the evening. I would then punish her with a severe spanking, paddling , and caning. Then send her to bed. If she doesn't show improvement in the morning then start over again with the punishment and closeting. A couple of days of this and she will change her attitude. Please let me know if you try this form of punishment. I have done this to a sub of mine and her behavior improved. You have to break her of her stubborness. Just a suggestion mind you. Love your Pics. Daddyspankz

i hope your joking, but in this world who knows....

And in response to the OP -

i would think you should take the time to bond with someone before you start calling them your submissive. Maybe then things will work better for you.

(in reply to daddyspankz)

Post #: 17

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 4:03:50 PM

Kendra

Posts: 92
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen ,
      respectfully,
       Mistress,
is there no way You could stand the young lady down for a time, explaining the issues and ask her to consider her path and her behaviour,essentially ' stand her in the corner'   give her time to think about the ' what and the who, and the how , that she wants'' and how close she is to losing it through her acting out .
as a youngster kendra misbehaved and was sent home in disgrace while under training and never has anything had such a profound impact on her, shame still flushes her face and this is now nearly ten years later.

hoping this could be helpful to You
                             respectfully
k.....

_____________________________

kendra... freedom through submission......

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 18

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 4:04:45 PM

RPutnamJr

Posts: 176
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like you have lost your Dominance over this sub of yours. I think you personally need to put her back in her place or else cut her loose.

How you go about putting her back in her place is your business but here are a couple of suggestions. Not in any particular order.

1) Spank, whip, flog, whatever.
2) Cage her thus leaving her only with her own thoughts.
3) Isolate her from the group...would take her along and then not allow her to participate.
4) Talk to her...try and find out the cause of her behavior.
5) Retrain her on how to act appropriately...what protocols you expect her to follow.
6) Reward her for good behavior...day at a spa, a manicure, a peticure, etc.
7) Take away something she likes for bad behavior...such as make-up, clothing, food, etc.

Find out what she responds to and what she doesn't. After all if she loves spankings and you spank her for punishment, is that punishment? Thus you might be encouraging the behavior you are trying to do away with.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 19

RE: opinions concerning a disobedient submissive - 3/17/2007 4:09:14 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyspankz

.... tie her up, gag her and put her in a closet for the day..... be blindfolded and gagged while in the closet..... I would also suggest that she be buttplugged too..... Leave her in the closet for most of the day...., a severe spanking, paddling , and caning..... Then send her to bed..... in the morning then start over again with the punishment and closeting.... A couple of days of this .... You have to break her of her stubborness....

is this for a person or a dog. no wait, i would not do this to my dog..

i would hope any sub anyone is in a relationship has intelligence and could be dealt with on that level. A few minutes, a few hours even but DAYS....? Sounds like from the Sleeping Beauty books.. Good fantasy and wanking material.

He didn't mean he left her there for days, just that he employed this method each day she did not improve. If that's his way, who are we to judge - if his sub is happy and she accepts this kind of training or treatment then it works for them.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to goodpet)

Post #: 20

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