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Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 3:30:12 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		i just finished reading a thread on married submissives/slaves on how hard it is to find a domme interested in taking a attached person. My other question, kind of like an offshoot, is why do some dommes/doms who are married look for single unattached submissives/slaves? i can see it if they aren't "getting enough" with their relationship, but still. What gets you dommes/doms off on finding someone other than your significant other? Or doesn't it get you off?
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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 4:00:59 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I'm very married and already have a third and am looking for a forth to join our happy little family. I'm not sure what you mean by "I can see it if they aren't "getting enough" with their relationship" statement, if the relationship you are currently in isn't "enough", then perhaps you need to re-evaluate that relationship.
 
Somehow I feel that you are not talking about poly families, because to us we are ALL "significant others". If you are referring to married and cheating... I don't have a clue why someone feels the need to do that.
 
Jewel

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 4:06:49 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I can speak only for myself in this regard. I can not say that it "gets me off" as you put it. I can say that my wife is my friend, my partner, and my equal. It is simply not the same dynamic as a master/slave relationship. I am in the rare position of being able to pursue my desires, time and budget permitting, without breaking up my current relationship - just as she is similarly free to pursue her own extramarital interests. The reasons that others may do it are as myriad as the individuals who make the choice to do so. I suppose my motivation can be lumped together with a great many others, though - I want to, and I am able to.

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 4:18:46 PM   
MasterofNeed


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		I, too, am very married as ShiftedJewel commented. I met my wife online 6 years ago. We are happy together and are committed life partners. Now having said that the fact is we are poly, neither one of us is monogamous in the traditional sense.
The part that I wanted to comment on was the comment - "i can see it if they aren't "getting enough" with their relationship", The are many ways of understanding that statement although it implies sexually not getting enough. A person may wish to add others to the personal dynamics not because of wanting more sex, but rather because no one person can be all things to another. My wife loves age play and while I enjoy it as well there is another that meets that need in her life. The same could be said for me in that there are others I play with because I can allow a greater freedom in certain areas because I am not worrying about how long term this will affect our relationship. I am in the moment and concentrating of the person I am with and their safety and enjoyment.

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 4:20:19 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Some of us, as you've already read, are poly. Our significant others know what we do and agree to it. In my mind, to do it without those two things is cheating, but that's neither hear nor there for this thread.

Some might be looking for single, unattached submissives because they want someone who will focus totally on them, or to raise the likelyhood that they would be interested in joining a household and come to live with them.

Master Fire


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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 4:23:32 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I'm very married and already have a third and am looking for a forth to join our happy little family. I'm not sure what you mean by "I can see it if they aren't "getting enough" with their relationship" statement, if the relationship you are currently in isn't "enough", then perhaps you need to re-evaluate that relationship.
 
Somehow I feel that you are not talking about poly families, because to us we are ALL "significant others". If you are referring to married and cheating... I don't have a clue why someone feels the need to do that.
 
Jewel


Ditto - although none of us are legally married in this household, we are in the same situation.  There are three of us in a committed relationship and we are looking for a fourth member for our family.

We are open and upfront about all of this.  We don't want someone already in a relationship because we aren't looking to add 2 people to our relationship, and we want someone who is going to move in with us eventually (which won't happen if the person in question is married to someone else).

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 5:58:49 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		My wife and I are committed as equal partners, and together support our relationship, family, and each other as individuals.She is a switch, with a dominant personality and is submissive to me only on occasion.and currently does not desire to live D/s as our dynamic . We are non monogamous and do have interest in the possibility of a poly relationship in the future, though we are not seeking that now. She does have a profile here on CM., (and you'll have to find out for yourself.) Everything that I, she, and we do, is discussed and based on everyone's mutual consent, and support.What "get's me off" about finding a submissive other than my wife?Well, that depends on what's on the menu.


< Message edited by szobras -- 3/16/2007 6:42:25 PM >

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 6:09:00 PM   
SoftTop


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Alot of people are going to say..."my partner and I are open" blahblahblah...and you know what, thats fine. IF thats the case. I would need to speak with any said partner, before entering into a relationship with one who claimed to be Open or poly though...because I've seen this happen time and time again. "Open" relationships tend to mean that one person isnt getting what they want, and is going to find it elsewhere...chances are, the partner will NOT be "ok" with it, and it might be time to find another. I happen to be poly myself, and I would absolutely expect a potential partner to meet my other partner, and discuss minor details...
That being said, I agree that many might simply be seeking one who can devote more to the relationship than they could if they were otherwise attatched.
Some, might just be like myself, who have seen so called open or poly relationships that were really not so much poly or open as they were secretly cheating ones. LOL

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/16/2007 7:23:36 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The great majority of them are just cheating.  They have their ordinary lives and they want the girl/guy on the side.  A very few percentage of them actually DO have an arrangement with their spouse to be able to be in relationships with others without talking about the specifics with the spouse.  But that's a very small percentage.

The other chunk are legitimately wanting to experience another person in the relationship for whatever reason- there's the "side of fries" for fun and entertainment, there's the "pet" to show off and parade around and act sweet over, and there's a few who seriously want to build a relationship over the long term with someone else involved.  For them, it's just what will fulfill them, as monogamy fulfills others.

(in reply to SoftTop)
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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/17/2007 5:41:51 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think I mentioned this on the other thread.  Yes, married, and yes, seek only singles.  There is a two part answer as to why.  The first half of which is that My husband and I chose to have this lifestyle together.  We do not go out seperately or have seperate play partners.  (This is why I do not define Us as poly.)  We have our own agreement that our marriage is first.  We have Our own set of house rules under which We engage in the lifestyle.  There is no cheating.  In no way can anyone assure Me of the same aspects within their own marriage.  We don't play with couples, so the other half isn't involved in what is happening.  We want no innocent bystanders (i.e., the spouse, live-in g/f, etc.) to be harmed.
 
The second half comes down purely to availability factors.  I want someone to be available when I want them to be available.  This can be difficult enough with three different schedules for work, but add a wife in the mix and we're talking downright impossible.  There were many times with My last pet that he was commanded to come to Me with very short notice.  I highly doubt the little woman at home is going to be very tolerant of that.  It also goes hand in hand with My sub being commanded to do something and having to ask someone else's permission.  I don't think so.  I'll take the single. 

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/17/2007 6:07:33 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		For me personally, it is quite simple.  My boyfriend and I share a vanilla relationship.  He isn't interested in BDSM at all.  I am ok with that.  He is okay with the fact that I am interested.  We have both discussed it thoroughly and accept each other's choices.  We love each other.  He would prefer me to share my BDSM interests with someone other than him so he doesn't have to participate, and doesn't have to feel guilty about not participating.  I respect him even more for being so honest with me, and accepting me for all that I am.

I only seek out people who are single because, I want them focused on ME.  I do not want to compete with a wife or a girlfriend, or a sheep for that matter.  Additionally, I do not want to 'break-up' a relationship, if the person is in fact cheating on their spouse. It is my opinion that Safe, Sane, and Consensual means ALL PARTIES are consenting.

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RE: Married Doms/Dommes? - 3/17/2007 7:03:40 AM   
sugarcoatedscamp


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Some might be looking for single, unattached submissives because they want someone who will focus totally on them, or to raise the likelyhood that they would be interested in joining a household and come to live with them.

Master Fire



Everyone has their own reasons for choosing to limit their searches in the ways they do, but Master Fire hit on a couple of mine. 

I'm happily married and have been for 11+ years now.  I also lean significantly toward the lesbian end of the bisexual scale.  My ('nilla) husband loves me for the person I am, and that person happens to be dominant and in search of a female counterpart.  She is welcome in our home and our family, but it won't be a triad.  I like to keep my apples in one bowl and my oranges in another, even though they look so nice on the same table. 

The right girl for me will be so busy with me that I can't see her having time for a whole other relationship.  I don't mind if she has friends, but really, the dynamic I'm looking for will have me firmly occuping her 'Priority #1' category.

Since I'm looking for a live-in, it's not logical for me to seek within the married populace.  I also have an 'unmentionable' of my own, and honestly don't have room in my life (or home) for someone else's, so I stipulate that she not have those, either.

< Message edited by sugarcoatedscamp -- 3/17/2007 7:10:24 AM >

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If beating you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
I got an A+ in online bdsm.
You can call me Master now!

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