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something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 12:04:35 AM

emeline

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline

and please...i do not want any mean posts over this
this is an honest question

why do so many men....only wish "slaves" not submissives
it's like...we(meaning i)....are some how lacking because i am not a slave
i just don't get it

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Post #: 1

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 12:10:29 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

i think it's for the same reason submissives often want dominants, not masters. personally i think these labels are pretty silly, and i use submissive and slave interchangeably when referring to myself. as a matter of course, we all have our own definitions of what a submissive is and what a slave is anyway...so...i don't think someone who is seeking a slave would necessarily be incompatible with someone who self-identifies as submissive, if there's overlap. in our case, i personally would identify as slave, and have come to see myself as such, but He calls me His submissive.

i've also slowly come to realize that just because i am not everyone's ideal partner doesn't mean i can't find people who would want to be my partner. there are many men out there NOT searching for slaves, too - being a submissive doesn't make you any less of a decent partner. it's just a matter of who you're compatible with...i mean, by some people's definitions, i know submissives who would make terrible slaves and slaves who would make terrible submissives, so i don't think it's that anybody's lacking, it's just that some people work better in some roles and others work better in other roles. if you get my meaning.

and hey, if somebody's telling you you're lacking because you're a submissive, well...they're not worth your time anyway.

(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 2

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 12:17:54 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

If it makes you feel any better, many men who say they want a slave do not really know what to do with one when they get one.

Some of the most creative, sensual, open minded, fun, generous people i have ever known identified as a submissive. To the Doms who do not give them the time of day... it's their loss!

a slave~*
Master's dorei

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 3

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 12:25:23 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

For the record, I think most people looking on collarme are really not all that sure what they are looking for and would just be overjoyed to find anyone that meshes with numerous desires that they have.

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(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 4

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 12:40:11 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I think it is due to the male fantasy of the "sex slave." That fantasy starts in puberty for many of them and sticks around. Add to that the fact that hisannabelle mentioned.. many people use the words as interchangeable. And keep in mind that some people on this site have no clue what they're talking about. Just because they call themselves a Dominant doesn't mean they understand the definitions of our lifestyle. Many get their ideas of BDSM from tawdry magazines and bad novels. It never occurs to them that they need to actually go out and learn about the lifestyle before placing an ad. In their mind, they know who they are and what they want.

In my mind, a slave is a much deeper and more spiritual role than a submissive. For a slave, your Dominant is the main focus of your entire life. With all the people I know in the local BDSM scene, there are only two couples I actually consider to be engaging in 24/7/365 Master/slave relationship. You have to witness the difference to truly understand it, I feel. This does not mean I feel that slaves are superior to submissives. Each has a valuable place.

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(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 5

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 12:42:31 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Very true on people not sure sure what they are looking for, because they are not sure of the terms and definitions. I consider myself a Top and not a Dom. 20 years ago when I was dating a Bottom I did not know any terms until I got my first computer 4 years ago and I started BDSM reasearch. I thought I must be a Dom until I realized I was just a Top.

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(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 6

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 4:00:49 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

For what it is worth, I believe I have a clear enough sense in my mind what the difference is.

In my search, however, I think I might even have it in my profile that it does not matter how they view themselves. I would accept someone either who identifies themself as submissive or slave.

What matters most (after the obvious, which would have been covered by starting the relationship to begin with) is where the direction of the relationship heads after it has begun.

What was said above about not understanding the responsibilities of ownership is quite correct. Fortunately I take those responsibilities quite seriously, but if the nature of a partner cannot allow full surrender, I can accept that willingly if enough of what I do enjoy is being taken care of.

My style is one of nurturing, but also furthering one's depth of submission, but not everyone can see it through to become a slave.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 7

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 4:39:08 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

So some men want slaves. Why do you have a problem with that. Focus on the ones who want submissives.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 8

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 4:42:34 AM

nissa

Posts: 125
Joined: 2/28/2007
From: Carson City Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: emeline

and please...i do not want any mean posts over this
this is an honest question

why do so many men....only wish "slaves" not submissives
it's like...we(meaning i)....are some how lacking because i am not a slave
i just don't get it

some have a very clear understanding of that which they seek in a person; some leave room to adjust their thinking, and some are unsure about what they really seek.

Titles and labels themselves are fairly subjective to the people involved. Instead of worrying about whether or not you are a slave or a submissive, work instead on finding someone who compliments you and vice versa.

_____________________________

nissa

(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 9

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 5:03:20 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

If it makes you feel any better, many men who say they want a slave do not really know what to do with one when they get one.

Some of the most creative, sensual, open minded, fun, generous people i have ever known identified as a submissive. To the Doms who do not give them the time of day... it's their loss!

a slave~*
Master's dorei

All of this is very true. Be happy with who you are and live life to its fullest. Those Doms who snub subs, well its their loss. I have a sub and I am perfectly happy with him.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 10

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 5:14:03 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

They're looking for roles, not for people. Nobody in their right mind announces they will be someone's 24/7 no limits slave on the first coffee meet. You start slowly and cautiously and you learn how trustworthy you both are and how well you mesh. You try it out the first few times by bottoming only to see if they keep their word, stop when you use a safeword, don't cross your boundaries. The longer the relationship grows, the deeper the trust. And there comes a point where slavery and submission are unimportant words, there's only trust and reliance.

But those who demand an immediate slave are all too frequentlythose who are lacking social skills, who can't earn trust and want it anyway, who aren't in this for the long terms. Be glad they've outed themselves to you and move on to someone who wants you and not your label.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 11

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 5:14:10 AM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

why do so many men....only wish "slaves" not submissives
it's like...we(meaning i)....are some how lacking because i am not a slave
i just don't get it

I sincerely didn't realize their was a higher demand for a certain label..

Through my last almost nine years, I've identified as a bottom, submissive and now i hope to honor the title of slave....and truly have not experienced someone not wanting me or wanting me more because of a self-indentifying title.

< Message edited by curiouslyseeking -- 3/15/2007 5:15:36 AM >

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 12

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 5:31:35 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Oftentimes one person's slave is another person's submissive.

I say tomato, you say tomatoe...

b

(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 13

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 5:45:52 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Some subs just want male doms, some just want fem doms. It is just a preference doesn't mean one is better than the other. Everyone has their own preferences. Vanilla people have their own preferences over what they want in their partners also. It is no different.

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(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 14

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 6:34:43 AM

Plethora22

Posts: 27
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

Not to highjack the thread completely (though maybe I'm doing it anyway), but something from BeachMystress's post really resonated with me and wanted to throw it out there for a topic of discussion.

You say that men develop the "sex slave" fantasy in puberty... which may or may not be true and is probably an over-generalization, but I'm really not here to argue that anyway. What has struck me before, though, is that many of my fantasies and desires as a male submissive seem to me as though they are, for lack of a better work, "perversions" of the stereotypical male desires. I have often wondered if this is the case with other submissive men (or dominant women for that matter). It seems as though I have all the same fantasies as the stereotypical dominant male, its just that in those fantasies I play the opposite role, as the one being tortured, as the one being the sex slave, and so on.

The obvious answer to this is that obviously I'm playing the other role in my fantasies, I'm a sub after all. But I don't think this is quite it. I admit I am speaking purely in generalizations and stereotypes, but it seems my biggest fantasies are those that answer the biggest male fantasies of unlimited power, control, ultimate servitude and so on. I rarely if ever fantasize about being the "treasured pet" that I encounter so often in female submissives (again, gross generalization).

I have rambled enough, though I could go on.

-Charlie

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 15

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 7:11:16 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The issue with this is, of course, that any person can have a vastly different notion of what "slave" is. So while you may be coming across a lot of people who say they want a "slave"- what they actually want in a relationship could, and likely is, extremely different.

Secondly, despite what a lot of people say, the term "slave" IS often used to mean "deeper/more/better/intenser" relationship than a submissive. So, yes, a lot of them ARE using it exactly like that.

Thirdly, a lot of women get turned on and excited by another man trying to convince them that they 'really are a slave.' They feel recognized and honored and wooed. So a lot of men try the line out to see if they can pique someone's interest.

Finally, there's plenty of men out there who specifically want a sub, or who don't fall into all those previous traps I just mentioned and will be an excellent partner for someone.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 16

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 7:27:20 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: emeline

and please...i do not want any mean posts over this
this is an honest question

why do so many men....only wish "slaves" not submissives
it's like...we(meaning i)....are some how lacking because i am not a slave
i just don't get it

Not much to add here. People's views of what being a slave encompasses and what being a submissive encompasses vary. Someone might tell you they want a slave but when you ask them to describe what they mean by "slave", it ends up sounding in your mind like what you or someone else you know...who identify as submissives...are.

Don't let the "seeking a slave" throw you off. It does not hurt to initiate a conversation...or, if one is initiated with you...and ask them to describe what they are seeking. If they cannot, you most likely would not be interested anyway. After all, if someone states they want a slave, they should be able to describe what they mean by that...shouldn't they?

(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 17

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 7:34:14 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

In my mind, a slave is a much deeper and more spiritual role than a submissive. For a slave, your Dominant is the main focus of your entire life. With all the people I know in the local BDSM scene, there are only two couples I actually consider to be engaging in 24/7/365 Master/slave relationship. You have to witness the difference to truly understand it, I feel. This does not mean I feel that slaves are superior to submissives. Each has a valuable place.

I'm in agreement with Beach's quote and add another aspect to it.

The implication of a submissive identity to me is that they are interested in submitting to sensation which may or may not include an element of dominance. The idea of surrendering in total or outside the boundaries of limits is not a goal.

However, that would be my distinction assumed by just the self imposed label. Then again, I have the opinion that it is impossible to be a "slave" without a owner, or a "Master" without a slave; therefore all singles seeking would only be Dom or sub. Then, again, again, what's the importance of any self label beyond the simple Top/bottom until getting to the point of a relationship where the relationship defines the roles?

Most important though is the high-lighted line of Beach's quote; "Each has a valuable place." My experience was built through contact with people, with varying degrees of submission and intensity and varying focus on physical and mental aspects.

This again gets into semantics, but pragmatically a profile should give the activities of interest or experience, and give the insight of the person's goal being that of submissive, slave, dom, Master, switch. Alone, these represent personality traits. The actual and agreed interaction with another person or persons even if the relationship is casual provides and gives meaning.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 18

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 7:34:39 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

People want what they want and are disappointed and frustrated when they can't find it or obtain it. Sometimes, we get so focus on what we want that everything else seems inferior. Kinda like cars...when you really want a Shelby, a Corvette just really isn't going to do, even if it might be the better car. (Which is really better ir debatable...we won't go there).

You should realize that the fact they don't seem to see your value doesn't really have anything to do with you and everything to do with them. Their decisions and drives are wrapped up in "their stuff" and they're projecting what and who they THINK you are onto you. You may or may not be that person...but that has no bearing on your self worth.

Master Fire

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(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 19

RE: something i am curious about - 3/15/2007 7:50:46 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: emeline

and please...i do not want any mean posts over this
this is an honest question

why do so many men....only wish "slaves" not submissives
it's like...we(meaning i)....are some how lacking because i am not a slave
i just don't get it

Everyone has a different idea of sub vs slave. I am looking for someone that works on my agenda and not hers. If she is a submissive and wants to live her life on my agenda, she can't get upset when I call her slave.

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(in reply to emeline)

Post #: 20

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